"Un-uhlaive? UN-UHLAIVE? Ma'am, that man has been killed. He has been MUHDUHED. To DEATH."

i love how delusional some articles of clothing are, like you read the tag and its like “hand wash only/tumble dry on low” son you are a cotton tshirt. youre going in the warsh and whatever happens in there is in gods hands

Applying for jobs is a hell designed specifically to torment autistic people. Here is a well-paying task which you know in your heart and soul if they just gave you a desk and left you alone and allowed you to do it you would sit there and be more focused and enthusiastic and excellent at it than anyone else in the building. However, before they allow you to perform the task, you must pass through 3-4 opaque social crucibles where you must wear uncomfortable clothes and make eye contact while everyone expects you to lie, but not too much (no one is ever clear exactly how much lying is expected, “over” honesty is however penalized). You are being judged almost entirely on how well you understand these very specific and unclear rules that no one has explained. None of this has anything to do with your ability to perform the desired task.

ba groba naby dooni tudem

ugh this is so fucking sexy look at it there helpless

????

Maybe this is why the Onion stopped posting here.

we slidin

At that point he’s a passenger too

Happy we slidin season to all who observe

Halloween is the closest to communism America gets, there's a level of communal care for children, cars are discouraged, slightly better stuff on tv, sexy vampires witches and ghouls everywhere...

approaching the 1 year anniversary of this joke post which made someone so mad that they wrote multiple essays in response all about the inherent evils of communism and communists

I feel bad for people who’ve never experienced a corn maze bc it’s not even fun but you just have to do it

when u wake up a little and are like “i know what would take this from a 10 to a 100” and u roll over and experience mind melting euphoria before u fall back asleep… best part of being alive. humans were made for beddy bye