im a simple woman, i see two girls in a rivialry and im like oh god i hope this is the start of a romance
Cosmic Funnies
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let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
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#extradirty
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art blog(derogatory)

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if i look back, i am lost

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@roundedloaf
im a simple woman, i see two girls in a rivialry and im like oh god i hope this is the start of a romance

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“Cook at home to save money” sounds all well and good until you get a little too into it and suddenly you’re bookmarking recipes that call for The Preserved Grace of God and that shit is $13 at the specialty store
#in my experience the tipping point isn't the preserved grace of god but - well. when you start branching out into other food cultures. #suddenly you've got to source the grace of god and also the mercy of allah and also a jewish conception of repentance #that's really only sold at small local grocers. and then you're trying to translate websites written in bengali or cantonese #and attempting to figure out whether you can use butter instead of ghee to achieve dharma. #don't even get me into woks vs. censers. (via @notbecauseofvictories)
I feel like I need to share this because idk if Europeans are familiar with the presence of Aldi in the US, but at least especially in my area they’ve been growing a lot recently. Like Aldi bought out some local failing grocery chains where I live (Louisiana) and have opened Aldis in all these somewhat rural communities and small towns, which for the record I’m fine with
But as a result of this they are advertising a lot more in my area and also in many cases, the people in these areas have never been confronted with Aldi or any European grocery store. So the ads that Aldi is pushing out to its new US customer base feature a cowboy shopping at Aldi who is explaining to new Aldi customers how Aldi works. Like this cowboy is explaining you gotta put a quarter in the shopping cart and why there are very little name brands. A cowboy is how they want to reach their American customer base. They gave us a cowboy
Here he is, the Aldi Cowboy
It is NOT escaping the third mom allegations 🚫
Thank you to @securityunit-ese for the excellent prompt and to @emily-e-draws for making me want to immediately draw mb at the rainforest cafe when I saw your art 💖
Just vaccinated three kids and got kicked thank GOD I am selling them today
Edit:
THIS IS A POST ABOUT GOATS!!

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was supposed to have been in bed an hour ago but i CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT KIRU ATHMAZA
specifically like. dazhis. did she know him? she must have - he knew cala seemingly well, and cala knew kiru well enough to vouch for her to the emperor. dachenmaza is a rank held by very few people so she must have been familiar with him. familiar enough to smile at him in the hall, maybe? familiar enough to sit with him at dinner, to pass the salt?
she wanted the role of nohecharis but was passed over because she was a woman. they bring in a new emperor - a skinny ragged boy of 18 - and she is passed over again. instead they pick cala and dazhis, who are a solid 15 years younger than her. does she resent that? or does she rededicate herself to her service in the hospital? the service for which she swore herself to celibacy?
and then the news: treachery. a coup. an attempted assassination by the boy she used to smile at in the halls. shock and horror and a kind of mass shame that seeps into the very fabric of the athmaz'are
but beside the shock and horror... hope? some sick seedling of hope, of the kind of ambition she has not allowed herself to nurse for years?
with dazhis gone, the emperor will need a replacement nohecharis. and there are no more dachenmaza to volunteer.
there is just kiru.
finally, after two decades of service, the adremaza comes to her to ask her to consider the position that she has wanted all along. but he asks her to conceal her gender, to which she says "you're stupid" but agrees anyway
the emperor sees through her in literally 30 seconds, which— well, it's unprofessional to say "i told thee so" but whatever, she's never really concerned herself with that stuff
the adremaza stammers and stumbles over his words but tells the emperor essentially "kiru is your last option"
and kiru cuts in and says "serenity you are my last hope"
she says "we have been in service to csaivo for as long as you have been alive but we have been passed over again and again. you are rumoured to be the kind of emperor who lifts up those who have been passed over. we would serve you if you would have us"
the emperor accepts. is she happy? is she triumphant? does this feel like the end of a chapter or the beginning of a new one? we're not told
she's paired with a shaken 20-something year old guy who is visibly traumatized from his last encounter with a dachenmaza - the same dachenmaza she used to rub shoulders with, the same one who is slated to die for his crimes, the same one to whom she owes this one perfect shining chance that she has been angling for her whole life
and then the emperor goes to the mazan'theileian
en route kiru tells him - this nervous teenaged boy to whom she's pledged her life - all about the maza. is he listening? maybe a little. maybe it's in one ear and out the other. she tells it to him with no expectation of response. probably just to save them both from the loaded silence that dogs their footsteps. telimezh certainly isn't about to make conversation
the emperor sees dazhis. dazhis apologizes in tears and snot and begs the emperor to come and watch his revethvoran. kiru stands behind the emperor and watches the boy she used to know and says nothing
and then the emperor agrees to watch him die, which means kiru has to watch him die as well
the emperor meditates. maybe kiru does too
and then they both stand, watching silently as dazhis kills himself
does it feel like the culmination of everything she's worked her entire life for? is it stained by dazhis's treachery, by the knowledge that if he had been loyal she would never have had this chance? can she celebrate, knowing that a boy had to die for this? a boy she knew? does she feel guilty for feeling glad? kiru athmaza WHAT IS GOING ON IN YOUR HEAD
The great part about Breq and her gun is how vitally central the gun was in her plan. When you think about how she spent 19 years on a plan that apparently started with “join a religious order and work my way up until I get an opportunity to get filthy rich risking my life in Space Political Deathball” and ended with “find gun that may or may not even exist and use it to shoot one clone of the immortal thousand bodied emperor” it really highlights how she truly was insane in a spaceship way. Like, there HAD to have been easier ways of taking out a single Anaander, if she was determined to spend the rest of her life on that. Going after the lost magic mythical gun was not the most logical approach.
I think part of the issue was that for most of its existence, Justice of Toren really only ever had to be afraid of one (1) weapon and so when it tried to think of the best weapon to kill Anaander Mianaai it naturally went for the one it had been afraid of.
I agree! but fascinating that this doesn’t come through in the narrative, part of how Breq generally elides any and all of her feelings around events at Garsedd
and also either character-defining or indicative of the “AI type of insanity” mentioned in canon that she comes up with that goal and then so single-mindedly dedicates herself to it despite the impracticality
i always felt like having an epic goal that would take as long as possible was kind of the point. drawing the thing out, you know?
All of this is true, but at the same time, I think you’re overstating things a bit.
For one thing, yes, it takes her twenty years to get the money and then the gun. But I don’t know that Breq is used to considering things on a human timescale. Twenty years is nothing to an AI, that’s an eyeblink. Ships and stations are effectively immortal, unless they are killed in a battle or something. How many thousands of years old is Justice of Toren by that point? And it may be reduced to one ancillary, but that ancillary isn’t old; it’s got time. What else is JoT/Breq going to do with the ancillary’s life? She’s not expecting to survive, after all. She might as well put in the time to make it really epic.
She’s got the time. A few years here, a few years there, it’ll add up, but she’ll still be capable of carrying things out. There’s no rush. She can be patient, implacable. It’s a very AI/ship perspective, but I wouldn’t call it crazy or insane.
The other thing is, you have to consider her goals. Breq doesn't just want to kill an Anaander, she wants to kill her while all of Anaander is watching, so the divide between the two Anaanders can’t be concealed. (And thus, what Anaander--both of them--did to her can’t be concealed.)
There are many easy ways to kill an Anaander. There are a lot of Anaanders walking around, and if you pick an older one there won’t even be any bodyguards, we saw that on Shis’urna. Walk up, snap its neck, boom, done. Probably happens all the time.
Except that won’t get the attention Breq wants. It will be absolutely useless. She’ll just be “random person snaps, gets re-educated.” It won’t get her Anaander’s attention.
If she wants to get the attention of multiple Anaanders, so that they’re both paying attention and it can’t be hushed up, it pretty much has to be on a palace station in a temple in a formal audience. And if you want to kill an Anaander there, that is much harder. The station will see everything, it will see any weapon you bring on station, so you can’t use a weapon. And there are guards at the beck and call. Even an ancillary might not be able to kill an Anaander in the middle of a Palace temple without a weapon, and you can’t get a weapon.
Unless you get a weapon that station can’t see.
Also, while Breq is affected by Garsedd, we know there is someone who is far more affected by Garsedd, and that is Anaander Mianaai. All the trouble, all the conflict, all the internal fighting that is becoming a civil war, it all starts there. Anaander became a house divided against herself because of what she did at Garsedd. If you want to absolutely rivet the attention of all Anaander segments out there, pull out the missing Garseddai gun.
And with that gun, you might even be able to kill multiple Anaanders before they take you down, even in the middle of a palace temple.
Believing she’ll be able to find the weapon that all the Radch agents couldn’t ... that was hubris. But she was right that it would be the most effective way to achieve her goals, if she could manage it. And she had the twenty years to spare. And if it didn’t work out, she could always go for a simpler way of killing an Anaander. So why not?
From Veronica Tucker via Pinterest
484.
and if you saw that meteor tonight then no the fuck you didn't
we observe no fucking omens we heed no fucking signs
there is no fucking destiny at play
we are going to have A NORMAL FUCKING WEEK so help me physics
or I'm climbing Olympus with a bat and a pocketknife and believe me there will be some words that will be FUCKING had

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Hey if you have chronic pain, you gotta remember that the cognitive load of dealing with that is exhausting. Just that alone. Never mind what else you've got going on.
You're not lazy or being dramatic; you're overloaded.
things in fic I'm used to people kind of faking their way through writing about:
the city of los angeles
the city of new york
sex
how drinking alcohol works
how getting high works
how a child of any age speaks
how nuclear physics work
how [my job] works
how debilitating being shot in the shoulder is
how hypothermia works
things I have never before seen someone fake their way through writing about, until today:
what french toast is
read through the notes on this one trust me
Here's some of the notes, starting with the things multiple people brought up:
SHRIMP COCKTAIL:
banahbanah: #flashback to that one fic where Peter Parker frets about drinking shrimp cocktail because of the alcohol
generaldeliciousness: adding: what a prawn/shrimp cocktail is
#why is your character turning it down because they're under 21 #do you think prawn cocktail is a cocktail #this lives in my brain rent-free constantly #the rest of the fic was so normal #and good enough that i'll still re-read it #but bro
And then many, MANY, people wondering if this was actually authour mistake, since Peter really would do this!
POMEGRANATES:
zhajhassa: #haha where's that post that was like someone describing someone eating a pomegranate but they ate it like an apple
thornhands: #once someone wrote persephone biting into a whole Pomegranate #had to stop and stare at a wall for a minute
sungsingsanguine: I once saw someone very confidently write about a character eating slices of pomegranate.
FRUIT TREES:
zagreuses-toast: #given a very endearing glimpse into a writers blindspots by seeing them describe someone sitting under a ''pineapple tree''
salatrash: I remember something about picking watermelons... OF A FUCKING TREE
baander: #cranberry trees
DOUGH/BATTER:
maycelium: #I'm a chef so I'm really used to people not accurately describing how to cook food #But I was surprisingly flabbergasted when someone was writing making a cake and was kneading it. Which uh #Not necessary for cake. It was interesting for sure but just bizarre
livebloggingmydescentintomadness: #the one that drove me nuts was when a character set aside a batch of PASTA DOUGH 'to rise' #pasta doesn't have yeast!! #it does need to REST but it will never RISE #you do not want an airy crumb on your noodles
lovesodeepandwideandwell: #THE ONE WHERE THEY MADE COOKIES BY LADLING BATTER INTO A TRAY
Some other topics:
this tweet has been fucking killing me
mcmodernslopcore
Howdy, howdy, folks.
For many years (ten now, about which, more soon) McMansion Hell has featured many prominent and diverse atrocities from all over these great United States and sometimes beyond them. However, most of these posts have consisted of houses built during the McMansion Era proper -- from the 80s up through around the early 2010s.
This is for a number of reasons. First of all: I like these houses because they are insane. Second of all, they are indeed quite different from one another -- they represent the owner's idiosyncratic if poorly rendered desires and fantasies. They are heavily psychologically loaded buildings. One family dreams endlessly of Tuscany, another wants to recreate the mall. All interiorize previously exterior forms of consumption.
These houses were also very expensive to build compared to their contemporary iterations: all real, solid wood cabinetry and trim, wrought iron railings, marble floors, elaborate murals - none of this is cheap. This is not to say that I'm nostalgic for the classical McMansion (though many are) only that it, like, most other facets of architectural and everyday life, have become progressively cheaper and more bland.
The McMansion never truly goes away. It merely changes shape over time. One of the shapes it currently takes is a particularly loathsome imitation of contemporary high architecture (specifically the kind of houses architects love to build for celebrities in California) executed in the most wretchedly parsimonious manner possible. It feels cheap to use the word 'slop' but their indiscriminate nature - the way they have no regard for why or how the things they imitate even work - allows it. Of all the building forms that could be generated with AI, this is the most likely. At any rate, behold:
Yes this is a real house. Yes you can buy it for $6 million in, yet again, Barrington, IL. It has 5 bedrooms and 5.5 bathrooms totaling 11,600 square feet. But most importantly, it looks like dogshit. Ten layers of Photoshop have been used to gussy it up which makes it appear entirely ersatz. Were it not for the interiors, I myself would have trouble trusting my own eyes. Part of the reason it looks so unreal is because the design itself is absurd, as though someone created four equally ugly vessels and threw them up one by one.
In 2017, in a now-deleted essay for Curbed (RIP - they destroyed the archive) I called these types of houses McModerns, simply because they were McMansions dressed up in modernist garb, which they wore no differently than they would Neo-Tudor or Mediterranean (broadly construed.) These houses don't warrant a new neologism, but they do feel like a degraded or perhaps even gonzo version of even that old concept. Slop works fine too, especially because half of what's in these images isn't real.
Much fascinates me about these houses, however one of the most unique elements vis a vis the last 30 years of building is how overtly and almost hostilely masculine they are. Anything that can be construed as feminized - color, softness, ornament - has been ruthlessly purged. They also rip off tech industry minimalism which only ads to their bro-ey nature. While previous iterations of McModernism (think new builds in Colorado with fake wood exteriors) scream dads with IPAs, these houses scream Reddit to me. They are Elon Musk-adjacent in sentiment.
By the way, this is what that room looks like without the fake furniture. It's basically a sunroom.
Whole Foods would like to call in a robbery.
Because these houses are designed by men, for men, no one involved has learned how a kitchen works. Many are calling this setup the "grindset tiktok video kitchen." This is the kitchen you see in those day in the life of an AI startup founder videos your algorithm forces you to watch against your will.
Virtual staging is actual literal slop. In fact, one can say that they were one of the first iterations of the ontological crisis we now face, one of the first instances where one is forced against one's will to question reality, what one sees with one's own eyes. Beyond that, I think virtual staging is literally a form of lying. You can use it to make a space look bigger or smaller than it is. In this it also has a lot in common with AI. This dining room has nothing to do with the world I'm living in. These chairs are not my problem.
It's actually AMAZING how much of what's in this house, beyond the furniture, is fake. Every single material is fake. The stone is aluminum paneling. The plants are plastic. The concrete is printed on some kind of surface (as evidenced through its repetitive pattern), though it's hard to say from just pictures. I don't even trust the floors!!
Ok if you haven't read Kelly Pendegrast's amazing essay "Merchandizing the Void" about how houses are all like stores now, HERE IS THE LINK. Some ideas never die, they just evolve, king. Like you.
Please, I'm very cold.
Unfortunately there are no pictures of the rear exterior of this house, so this is where we will have to conclude for today. That being said, these houses and their antecedents are developing a design language all their own that will, in time, be as culturally rich to us as the houses of yore. The problem is they are less visually interesting. They are houses made to scroll in and scroll right by. Expect to see more of them here, but only if they have something, anything to say.
If you like this post and want more like it, support McMansion Hell on Patreon for as little as $1/month for access to great bonus content including a discord server, extra posts, and livestreams. (Don’t worry! This doesn’t adjust for inflation! Now’s the perfect time to join!) By the way: new subscribers can buy a year of McMansion Hell for just $12!
Not into recurring payments? Try the tip jar! (I would seriously appreciate any and all tips because I am in the process of moving house!)
This house is a cybertruck
I know it isn’t comparable in any way, but for $12 million USD, or £9 million, you could get…. A beautiful 18-bedroom castle with a beach, an operational farm, houses, shops, and businesses on a delightful island in Scotland.
Property details for Glengorm. One of many properties for sale in Tobermory, Isle of Mull, Argyll and Bute, PA75 6QE from Savills, world lea
Like. For the price. For the price!!!!! For that price,,
this is what i mean when i say "sniles so sneetly" btw
i appear to have infected 14k people with the phrase "sniling so sneetly". it makes me grin. snile, even. perhaps sneetly

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Why don’t we let the guy whose every plan could be reasonably construed as an abstract suicide attempt take a crack at it
Grace makes a shocking discovery