yanwang dijun simp

This is the funniest scam I’ve ever seen

@paradoxspaceheater

*getting too in the weeds of the worldbuilding of a horny tumblr post* Okay I get that you're saying princess, but honestly the dynamic you're describing here seems more like you want to be a duchess or even a lower noble

You wanna be the villainess in an otome anime

Every time I see someone casually refer to someone else (often a complete fucking stranger they just read a story about) as a 'narcissist' I get this much closer to just biting people. I'm not interested in ultraconservative evangelical demon-possession cults. Stop doing their work for them.

one thing abt me is that I can't recognize veneers and I can't tell when someone's hair is a wig and I can't clock fake accents even when they're done pretty badly and I'm also bad with faces. all that to say I would be insanely vulnerable to hijinks/capers

once I was at a rave and a friend of a friend who we'd been dancing with all night put on a fake beard and I didn't recognize her. Literal cartoon situation

drives me up the wall how there is literally no consequences for someone being a shitty parent. "well maybe in 20 years their now-adult children won't talk to them anymore" that's not good enough they need to be forced to apologize to the kid and change their behavior on pain of permanent ostracization from society

if i ever become a supervillain it'll be one of those "has a point but takes it comically too far" types and what i do is i kidnap parents and force them to live in my evil lair under the exact treatment they give their kids

i went to a store once that had this (i think a cvs in boston) and i spent way too long trying to figure out why some boxes of tylenol were locked up and others weren't (it didn't seem to have anything to do with either price or ingredients...)

impressive! it's ugly, impractical, gets water everywhere, makes too much noise, and the quote with shit kerning and a worse typeface says you don't think music is even real

Has anyone else noticed recently that when you press the 🅐 Button while in the air you can hardly find the strength to do a Double Jump anymore? Go ahead and try if you want, but it won't work.

Nothing's been the same since she... fuck... I'm sorry... since she... since she left this world. If only I'd remembered that holding and releasing the 🅑 Button would've allowed me perform a powerful Spin Attack. If I hadn't forgotten, she might still be here today. Shit... fuck... I can't handle this anymore, I'm sorry.

There's a Save Point over there. They say if you stand on it and press 🅧 you can save your game. But can any of us really be saved? I don't think so. Not after everything we've done.

Press the 🅜 Button to undo the damage from this War. Oh? There's no 🅜 Button on your Controller? Funny that.

[Seducing You] I made pasta.

Yesterday, I was at dinner with some friends and briefly forgot Harrison Ford’s name, but I was like, “His name is a president and a car,” which is how we got such acceptable alternatives as McKinley Camry, Van Buren Gremlin, Clinton Infinity, and Range Rover Cleveland.

Lincoln Lincoln