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@roseredflowers

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Imagine being a reverse Superman where you're really weak and struggle to keep up with your peers for your whole life until you learn that you're actually just from a race of aliens with comparatively shit body strength. This is the premise of Tarzan
now that i think about it, jonathan harker would’ve been a great character in frankenstein. he’s so completely oblivious to dracula’s red flag parade that he’d probably completely avert the creature’s murderous rampage by accidentally befriending him after spending a page and a half writing about some weirdly tall homeless guy with daddy issues he ran into
“I’ve met the most peculiar man today. He was far taller in height than I have ever witnessed before. His face gave off a general sense of ugliness, though I cant quite place why considering he seems to be quite handsome when not in animation. A multitude of scars seemed to cover his body, perhaps from a terrible accident and the subsistent surgeries. I’ve noticed that he always looks close to crying. When i asked his name, he replied, in length, that he had none. How queer! As he seemed fairly harmless, and rather in need, I invited him to accompany me on my passage to Count Dracula. He looked bewildered, but accepted. I know not whether he shall continue to accompany me when I return to Mina, but I’m quite certain she would never reject hospitality to so miserable a man!”
Also consider:
My dearest Margaret, so odd a stranger has joined my ship! I know nothing of him other than he seems to be some sort of European, like Victor, though not the same. He introduced himself as Count Dracula, and spoke with utmost clarity and mastery of the english language. Victor looked upon him in a rather fragile state and cried out.
“Is one demon not enough for my so miserable life? Must another specter haunt my every waking hour, even now as I am so wretched? Oh, save me Walton, save me! The devil comes near, and he dost wish to smother all hope of respite and tranquility!”
Saying such, he leaped from where he was seated on the deck, and promptly fainted. I apologized for my friend’s behavior and brought Victor back to my cabin.
Sincerely, your confused brother, Robert. W
You know, considering Victor’s extensive experience with dismembering dead bodies and reanimating and the fact that his problem for his entire book was that he didn’t think anyone would believe him, I do sincerely think that Frankenstein would catch onto Dracula’s deal at once and immediately make it everyone else’s problem.
victor accidentally fucking up dracula while jonathan accidentally un-fucks up the creature? sign me the hell up!
All these posts declaring that Victor would only be able to cry and faint at Dracula seem to forget that his first meeting with his creature started with him hurling insults and trying to fistfight the 8 ft tall supernatural brick shithouse of muscle while having the constitution of a consumptive heroine so like while this absolutely wouldn’t bode well for his long term survival in Dracula’s castle you’ve gotta admit it would be way funnier.
Essentially the creature would find the one guy who’s too polite to say anything about his appearance while Dracula to his horror would have met the one man in the world who’s even more of a fucking nightmare to deal with than him.
Frankenstein, eyes bloodshot and probably on totally normal Victorian amounts of cocaine: “Hey buddy count I found all these fresh cadavers in your basement —“
Dracula: “Vait how did you find my cadavers”
Frankenstein: “Look, I need them for reasons and you just had them laying around and were obviously not using them and they’re peasants right? So —“
Dracula: “Vhat do you possibly need cadavers for?”
Frankenstein: “I already told you, REASONS! Anyway I can’t help but notice all of them are totally drained of blood and I need the blood.”
Dracula: “how are you getting them out of the ground so quickly, you’re like a hundred pounds soaking vet —“
Frankenstein: “THE BLOOD, Dracula. I need the BLOOD. WHERE THE FUCK IS THE BLOOD. TELL ME, DRAC.”
Later:
Frankenstein: *long winded flowery speech about how Count Dracula is a fiendish devil and vile abomination etc for what he’s done to the corpses*
Dracula: My brother in Christ YOU’RE the one robbing MY graveyard!!!
Frankenstein: *suckerpunches him*
you’re the only person on this post i trust. please never stop i love you
I’m sad this isn’t just the Abbott and Costello movie
I know we all joked that Jonathan is the only character who doesn’t realize he’s in Dracula but I’m starting to get the impression that Count “I too can love” Dracula thinks he’s in Beauty and the Beast

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my cat is meowing thru the window at the middle aged men working on the roof rn and they're meowing back at her
she's obsessed w these guys i should have put her through trade school
The dress he’s referring to. 😍
"But won't children be confused by all the LGBT-"
Yesterday I saw a mother with a baby carriage, being followed by a girl of about 4-6 years old on a bicycle. The kid started ringing her bike bell like RING RING RING RING RING RING RING, and the mother turned to look behind them to see whether they were being followed by a cyclist who desperately needs to pass them for the sake of everyone's safety.
And the little girl - who just rang the goddamn bell herself 5 seconds ago - also turned to look.
Kids are confused by everything at all times. They don't know jack shit. About anything.
i remember being like 8 or 9 and being told that my dad’s ex-wife was no longer diane and we were to address her as daniel now. my reaction: “ok.”
me and my brother later had a small discussion about whether that could happen randomly (conclusion: no, he probably had to file papers or something) and whether daniel should now be referred to as dad’s ex-husband (conclusion: yes but only to see the face he’ll make) but at no point did we find it like... alarming? the world is big and weird. we were used to it.
finding out a sorta-relative could just change genders off camera, as it were, was a whole lot less head-splodey than finding out there were no squirrels in australia!
There’s no what
Whatever the person behind SparkNotes' twitter is being paid it's not enough pt. you can't pay me to dig up which part this is
something about the lighting of this danny gonzalez video is unnerving…idk it might also be his just-left-of-prettyboy face but this looks like a sad gay polish short film. like this is seconds before he finds out his best friend/lover died in the grain silo
Op ur experiences arent universal as they seem
just say it looks like a czechunter video. you know you want to
whats that
My uncle blew up in a grain silo and he was shredded and i bed the grains that werent burning acted like shrapnel and it was so spontaneous and so so funny. He lived but he is a ruined man LOL
(He was in the kkk lol)
Love this comment thanks

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someone needs to check up on the author of diary of a wimpy kid bc what if his publishing company is holding him hostage
911 i have a question
sorry to add to a post but this is my favorite reply
Me, googling this information frantically: Okay now you guys have GOT to be fucking with me, there’s NO way he could’ve actually–
ADVAGDHSGFHHJGHHJ THIS MAN IS INSAAAAAANE
Ben Barnes circa 2019, scrolling through his own tag on tumblr.com and seeing thousands of fan edits with him as the Darkling:
@follyfortune @bishirleys Hey. Hey sorry. The what
ASKDJSJFJJGJKFKGKH @Narnia fandom IS THIS YOUR PRINCE???? Is this your Prince Caspian??????
Um...
It's *King* Caspian actually
Current Mood: Crying While Watching Blue’s Clues Pride Song
It’s sung to the tune of The Ants Go Marching One By One song!!!
Another reason why Blues Clues and You is like the best reboot ever
some highlights from the notes 💖
Stop.
Oh, my god. I'm already crying with asexuality included.
Now you're telling me other groups feel the same way?
There's legit tears down my face.
-fae
The more you look at it the more you love it.
The drag queen is holding a BLM sign.
There's a Hijabi on the all races float (and if you look closely at the flag, I think the owl is indigenous).
One of the babas is disabled.
They could have just stopped at including all the flags.
But no. They said "I don't care if they're animals. I'm going to make it very clear we're including all races and disabled people."
And it's such small details, but they're there.
-fae
Found 2 more hidden BLM flags.
And I consider myself pretty versed in queer identities, but even I don't know what some of these flags are.
Which really shows that you've never had the opportunity to feel validated like this, and that makes me love it even more.
-fae
I already made my own post about this as well, but it seems like a good idea to add the info on this post too, since it’s really taken off. There are (at least) 30 different flags plus assorted other representation. They include:
Pride, Progress Pride, BLM Progress Pride, Lesbian, Gay Man
Trans, Nonbinary — Dolphin wheelchair user, Top surgery beaver
Gender Queer, Genderfluid, Intersex Demigender, Demiboy, Demigirl, Bisexual, Pansexual, Asexual, Demisexual, Gray Asexual, Aromantic — Blind bird
Bigender, Genderflux, Omnisexual, Neutrois, Maverique, Pangender, Drag — llama(?) with prosthetic leg
Trigender, Ally, Two-Spirit, and Gender Questioning — Hijabi owl and Native American owl
I'm so fucking happy for the LGBTQ+ kids that have things like this to let them know they're valid
Wow.... so you’re telling me you took an action that resulted in the death of one person...... to save the lives of many people.... who would have died if you did nothing??? that sounds so familiar
i really could write an essay on how shit is that we’ve completely abandoned the monster-of-the-week episode format even when rebooting shows that relied on it to replace them with grimdark edgy plotlines where nothing feels good or accomplished at the end of the day
#EXACTLY #WHY DO PEOPLE HATE MONSTER OF THE WEEK?#IT’S MY FAVORITE STORYTELLING FORMAT#IT’S THE MOST CHARACTER DRIVEN FORMAT WHEN DONE PROPERLY IMO#the best monster of the week episodes show us something new about the characters
Murder mysteries endure as a show style because they are a very specific application of the monster-of-the-week format.

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Nothing is funnier to me than Mr Darcy telling his best friend not to propose to the girl he loves bc 1. Her family are unsuitable and 2. She doesn't truly like him enough to marry... only to then himself propose to a woman who is 1. From the exact same family and 2. Has done nothing but roast him since they met
@vtrocheck
There’s this ask reddit post about your weirdest childhood and the story is about this guy who was playing in the woods by a creek with his friend when a guy in full late 1800s formal clothing including a top hat just walked out of the forest, said “Hello boys!” and kept walking. This is why I want historical clothing so badly. The ultimate prank.
give someone something to think about for the rest of their life
be the ghost encounter YOU want to see in this world
This reminds me of my great uncle who used to hunt with a musket because he enjoyed the feel of it, and he also had an assortment of deer hide clothes he’d made or bought from local first nations, and he went out hunting when he was like 14 and got lost and came across this man in the woods and was like,,,,, can you help, i’m lost. and the guy looks him up and down and my uncle realizes he’d unintentionally dressed in all his deerskin clothes and a coonskin cap when the guy asks him, “how long have you been lost for?”