Robin the Witch

Neve wouldn't normally take a case like this, she worked for the people of Dock Town, not the Minrathous elite. But Dorian, now Archon Pavus, called in a personal favour. This particular unfortunate official was, in Dorian's words, "one of the good ones".

Neve examined the body for the fourth time in the past hour, scribbled in her notebook, lit a cigarette and paced the courtyard, brow furrowed in consternation.

"Still nothing?" Alana asked, idly leaning against one of the carved columns, enjoying the shade offered by the collonade on this hot summer's day. How Neve could wear her trademark coat in such weather, they never knew.

"I can't crack this one, Rook", Neve replied in exasperation. "I should be able to. I have the body. I have the cause of death — blunt force trauma to the back of the head. What I don't have is a half-decent suspect".

Neve stopped pacing to look Alana in the eyes. "What if this is it? What if this is the one that breaks me? I may as well close the Dock Town Detective Agency. Even the Threads won't take me seriously if I can't solve a simple murder".

Alana's eyes narrowed thoughtfully. They hated seeing Neve like this, but it was true that this case was proving more challenging than most for her. What could they do to help, though? Dammit, I'm an assassin, not a detective, Alana thought.

"Well", Alana began hasitatingly, "when I kissed you at the docks that time, it helped you solve the case". Alana tilted their head in a way they hoped read as flirty rather than confused. "Just saying".

Neve's mouth creased into a half-smile, but she wasn't about to let Alana have it easy. "There's a dead body right there, Rook. You do see that, right?"

Alana glanced at the murder victim's corpse and shrugged. "Doesn't bother me, I'm a Crow, my first kiss was right after a contract. Still had the target's blood on my face...is it weird that that made it hotter?"

Neve raised an eyebrow. "We'll...unpack that later, but I'm out of ideas, so, fine, it's worth a try at least".

Their lips touched, softly at first, uncertainly, then the familiarity of sensation, memory and love took over and they kissed more passionately, Alana's hands around Neve's waist, Neve's on Alana's cheek.

Neve let out a soft, low moan, then a gasp, then stepped back, hands now at her head.

"It was the butler, with the candlestick!" Neve exclaimed triumphantly. "He was a former mercenary, remember him slipping, when spoke about being in Par Vollen once? He's probably on the Venatori payroll and carried out the murder as a hit-job".

"I knew you had it in you, Detective", Alana said with a smirk.

"Couldn't have done it without you, Trouble", Neve winked.

Alana "Rook" de Riva grimaced in pain. "Healing potion", they said through gritted teeth.

"I haven't any left, we used them all in the battle", Harding replied. "I'm gonna have to reset this bone the old-fashioned way, then get you to the Lighthouse for Emmrich to look at".

Alana gestured vaguely to their hip. "My bag, healing potions and…ow mierda…Painkillers!"

The small leather pouch Alana kept strapped to their hip contained various potions and poisons, a small field-medic kit and of course a couple of extra knives, the usual everyday-carry of an Antivan Crow on the job. But it was nowhere to be found, just a torn leather strap coming loose at Rook's thigh.

"No bag, you'll just have to grit your teeth", Taash said plainly.

"You know I'm not one to complain", Alana began, trying to regain some of their usual humour, "but someone get me something for this fucking pain!"

Harding looked thoughtful for a moment, the blue of her eyes shining with an idea.

"Taash?" she began, "You know the thing, with my stone magic, the lyrium effect?"

"What? Oh, you mean the thing where you kiss me and it's all tingly?"

"Yeah, that". Harding thought aloud. "Rook's a mage, so they should react to lyrium differently to you, it's a long shot but it just might work".

"You two wanna stop talking about kissing and focus on my broken leg?" Alana snarked.

"Okay, here goes". Harding knelt down beside Rook and took their face in her small hands. She lowered her head, and touched her lips against Alana's. Harding slowed her breathing and pressed their lips together more firmly.

Blue veins shifted and glowed across Alana's face, emanating outwards from the kiss. Crackling lyrium-infused magic spread like electricity. Alana looked surprised, then confused, then…drunk, as their vision began to blur and sway.

"Taash, now!" Harding called out. A white-hot sensation burst in Alana's leg, but it felt distant somehow, they were aware of the pain but not feeling it, as Taash forced their tibia back into position, and Harding bound it tight with a splint of spent arrow-shafts and tightly wound cloth.

"Saved…by a kiss…You're like a dashing prince from a fairytale, Lace", Alana mumbled semi-coherently.

"Yeah, well, don't get used to it, Rook", Harding chuckled. "I'm saving my kisses for Taash".

Preface: Using Practical Magick . . . in Everyday Life

“Although there are modern Wiccans who still worship the traditional gods and goddesses, many witches... prefer a newer branch of witchcraft based on angel energy, known as Angelic Wicca”

“From the fourteenth to the eighteenth centuries, for complex reasons that scholars are still studying, waves of paranoia, hysteria, and suspicion set off witch hunts throughout the Western world, where those accused of witchcraft and trafficking with the devil were tried in both ecclesiastical and secular courts”

“Lesser mortals, and some religious faiths, blame an evil entity such as the devil for the negativity that mankind creates.... ”

“.. the foundation of our faith is much the same as it was hundreds of years ago”

Introduction: A Witch’s Tool Kit

The Pentacle:

“In pagan times the symbol was often worn as an amulet for spiritual protection and to ensure a safe, happy homecoming”

“..because most witches want to practice purely white magick and not associate themselves with anything negative”

“The sweep, or brush [of a besom], corresponds to the female genitalia, and the staff is associated with the male phallus— therefore it is a symbol of the male and the female combined”

Chapter 1: Witches Never Die, They Just Get Recycled

“We are all reincarnating at different rates. This is why some people are truly wonderful and some are, well, not”

“When you meet lovely, kind, and caring people, it is probable that they have reincarnated many times. Their endless incarnations have raised their spirits’ vibration, so they automatically show patience and strive to do everything right in their lives. People who are mean, selfish, and egotistic probably haven’t reincarnated as much. That isn’t to say that these people are wicked; they simply haven’t learned all their lessons yet. Think of them as bratty adolescents and the sympathetic ones as the grandparents of the reincarnation process—regardless of their age!”

Dealing with the Dark Side: [Paraphrased]: “Sometimes people are repeatedly evil and abusive, so they’re reincarnated as victims of these things to learn their lesson”

“You find many battered wives opening shelters for those who are going through violent relationships....”

“Guides, or “white lighters,” as they are often called today”

Chapter 2: Angels

“These beautiful beings have always had their place in the craft, but they used to play a secondary role to the more traditional Wiccan gods and goddesses... Today, you won’t find many British witches connecting with the gods and goddesses”

Chapter 4: Magickal Moon

“The moon was worshipped in many early religions as a goddess, and it has always been seen as a feminine symbol”

The Dark Moon:

“Sadly, many people who practice black magick do so at this time”

“You might think that someone working on the darker side of the occult could not influence any spells or rituals that you might be performing, but the collective power mustered by these individuals can cause cosmic havoc: our spells may become confused or simply not work at all. It is a shame, because the brilliance and power of this phase really is incredible, and without the negative manipulation I am sure we witches could do a great deal of good in it.”

Chapter 5: Spells and Candle Magick

Mostly this was a mix of ok info, and subjective info presented as objective fact, but that latter part is the theme of the book.

Chapter 6: Cell Phone Sorcery and Microwave Magick

“I can’t take all the credit for this new way of [cell phone] spell-making. My trusted friend and coauthor, Shawn, helped me”

“I’ll let you in on another little secret: we witches don’t really bother with our cauldrons much these days. We have evolved with the times and we use our microwaves and convection ovens... Any spell that entails mixing or brewing concoctions can easily be done in a microwave. It takes less time and the end results are actually enhanced, mainly because of the powerful electrical energies that the microwave transmits”

Chapter 8: Crystal

“You should wash your crystals once a week or so. Crystals can absorb energies around them, so just as we need to wash to stay clean, you need to wash your crystals. You can put them in the bath with you (to be cleansed of external energies and infused with yours) or simply soak them in a bowl of water” (Nb: A lot of crystals are damaged (or even super-unsafe) in water, which, obviously, is not mentioned at any point)

“If you are feeling on edge, go outside on a dry day with a cup of table salt to a place where you will not be disturbed. Scatter the salt in a large circle around you and place the rose quartz in the center” (Nb: DO NOT put salt on the ground outside!)

Chapter 9: A Witch's Menagerie

This is mostly a bunch of super-subjective collection of things that "witches (objectively/universally) do/believe" that I've mostly never heard of - obviously there are a lot of things I've never heard of, but in a decade, you'd think if every single witch believes/does something, I'd have stumbled across it at some point?

“Okay, so maybe you are not as animal-mad as I am, but a true witch will endeavor to have at least one critter as a companion in their lifetime”

"I may love all animals, and these insects may look very similar to bees, but I have to admit that hornets and wasps are annoying pests”

Chapter 10: Love Wisdom

“For modern witches, effigies have always been considered to be a little primitive, a little on the dark side”

“Every relationship that we enter into is spiritually planned (even the bad ones). It’s decided before we reincarnate who we are meant to share part, or all, of our lives with. This is because every time we venture into a relationship, we learn something from it. If it wasn’t our fate to be with our partners, we would never have been at that particular place at that particular time when we had our first meeting. We wouldn’t have been attracted to them, for starters, so something must have happened to ignite that spark. No matter how difficult some relationships are, it was fate that brought you together”

Chapter 11: Handfastings

So aside from a bunch of vague and mostly fictional/confused history, apparently every wedding/handfasting is different, but that doesn't stop them from laying out every specific 'universal' detail, including the attire, the catering, the gifts, etc, etc, etc...

“In pagan times, rice throwing was believed to transfer the spirit of the fertile grain to the bride and groom, ensuring that they would have a prosperous harvest and a fertile union”

Chapter 13: Gaze into the Future

Just... full of the G-slur, fetishisation and demonisation of Romani stereotypes, make-up history, and 'people in the past were unevolved and unintelligent and luckily we're now so much better in every way' (also a repeated theme)

[Psychic skills and divination aren't my area, so I skipped the rest of the chapters on those topics]

19 Dos and Don’ts about Witchcraft

“These words the Wiccan Rede fulfill: “An ye harm none, do what ye will.” —from “The Wiccan Rede,” anonymous” (ie 'We're Wicca experts but either don't know Doreen Valiente wrote this, or don't want to credit her')

“Most religions follow rules and guidelines, and although Wicca is considered to be a relaxed faith, we also have strict laws that we follow to the letter”

“Just because we can make magickal things appear out of thin air, it doesn’t mean that it’s always the right thing to do”

“There are people the world over who perform black magick because they have been treated badly or are seeking revenge for a wrong. Some are warped with jealousy and wish a bad fate on those more fortunate than themselves, and although it does sound bizarre that in the twenty-first century people are still putting curses on others, it’s really not that uncommon”

“On the other hand, people who use these skills to do harm are just self-interested souls who use magick as a way of gaining control and power over others, using it purely for their own gratification”

“The craft is all about sending out positive intentions”

“On the other hand, your spells could be failing because you are tired or sick. Your aura has to be in tip-top condition if your spell is to succeed” (Sorry, if you're chronically-ill you can't do magic)

The Ten Commandments of Witchcraft:

ALWAYS ENSURE THAT NO OTHER PERSON WILL BE HARMED AS A RESULT OF YOUR MAGICK. To call yourself a witch means that you will always endeavor to do the right thing and send out only love and kindness to others.

KEEP YOUR THOUGHTS FREE OF NEGATIVITY— REMEMBER THE REBOUND EFFECT. Keep in mind that every thought you send out can just as easily bounce off the receiver and be hurled back at you at the speed of light. You created the negative fog, so it belongs to you!

NEVER CAST A SPELL WHEN YOU ARE UPSET OR UNHEALTHY. Funny as it may seem, our thought projections can go haywire if we are cross, unhappy, or sick. Spells may fail to work, or the results may be confusing. Therefore it’s imperative that we be in the right frame of mind and physically healthy before we begin any magick

THINK POSITIVELY. If you smile, then you are more likely to be happy. Every time a miserable thought pops into your head, shake it away and try to think about something nice. Your aura is a magnetic energy field, and if it’s drab or gloomy, you will attract disruptive and depressing situations

CREATE A PEACEFUL, CALM ENVIRONMENT FOR YOUR SPELL CASTING

CALL UPON YOUR ANGELS TO ASSIST YOU

RESPECT EVERYTHING... try as hard as you can to eat all the right foods... Eat badly and you'll feel bad.

WISH FOR MONEY BUT BE CAREFUL OF GREED. If you need to cast spells for material gain…

NEVER INFLUENCE A PERSON’S MIND WITH MAGICK... You could indirectly take that person off the path they are destined to travel and deprive them of lessons they need to learn.... If you’ve reeled them back in, you have interfered with their karma, and you could get your karmic wrist slapped when you eventually pass over into spirit

BELIEVE IN YOURSELF. No amount of magick will work unless you have faith in yourself

Chapter 20: Destiny Is Calling You

“Make a talisman, which is a stronger protector than an amulet”

“Smudge your space and your aura every now and then”

Neve and Alana, both night owls, sat on a stump by the fire, nursing mugs of cioccolata calda that Alana made with a little sachet of rich-smelling brown powder they picked up at the Treviso Market. The two shared a blanket, draped over their legs, and huddled together against the chill.

"The Hossberg wetlands", Alana glanced around. "Don't ever say I don't take you to the nicest places".

Neve chuckled low in her throat. "It's not exactly a luxury holiday destination, but something about it is a little romantic". She looked up at the stars peeking through the lead-grey clouds, tiny points of light and beauty far above, where the Blight and the war against the gods could never reach.

Alana breathed in deeply, then wrinkled their nose. "Ah, the romantic scent of Blight on the breeze. Though, to be fair, it's still better than the Treviso canals in a heatwave".

They finished their hot chocolate, and gently squeezed Neve's arm. "Come on, hopeless romantic, we should turn in. Got a hot date with some Darkspawn tomorrow".

~~~

Neve removed her prosthetic leg with a sigh of relief as Alana shrugged out of their Crow leathers, and the pair clambered into their shared sleeping bag, shivering slightly at the cold of the tent floor. Alana leaned in to Neve, feeling her breath, warm and scented of chocolate, against their face. Neve brushed Alana's lips with her own, Alana opened to deepen the kiss and Neve's tongue danced with theirs.

Alana pulled away to kiss down Neve's neck, nipping at her shoulder, not hard enough to break the skin but hard enough to make Neve gasp. One hand gilded up from Neve's waist, along the curves of her side, to cup her breast in their palm.

"Trouble, we shouldn't", Neve whispered with a sigh. "What if we wake Davrin, or Assan? I don't fancy a curious Griffon poking his beak into our tent to see what all the noises are about".

"Then you'll just have to be quiet", Alana purred. "I know you can do that for me". Alana kissed Neve again, more fiercely this time, heat and passion rising in both of their flushed faces.

"I suppose Davrin's heard worse things, camping with the Wardens…" Neve ventured.

Alana smirked. "Besides, you've nothing to worry about. You know that cioccolata calda I made us all? Well, I might have slipped a sleeping draught into Davrin's mug — and into one of Assan's treats too".

Neve pretended to look shocked, then broke into a grin. "Learn that one in the Crows? They'll be alright though?"

"Viago's endless poison lessons have their uses. And they'll be fine, they'll have the best sleep they've had all week and only a tiny headache in the morning".

Alana's hands went back to exploring the curves of Neve's body, as Neve shivered, this time not because of the cold.

"And you know what they say about sex under canvas?" Alana asked with a wink.

"Is this going to be a pun? It is, isn't it?"

Alana grinned. "It's pretty…in-tents!"

Neve actually laughed despite herself. "What will I do with you, Trouble?"

Neve and Alana, both night owls, sat on a stump by the fire, nursing mugs of cioccolata calda that Alana made with a little sachet of rich-smelling brown powder they picked up at the Treviso Market. The two shared a blanket, draped over their legs, and huddled together against the chill.

"The Hossberg wetlands", Alana glanced around. "Don't ever say I don't take you to the nicest places".

Neve chuckled low in her throat. "It's not exactly a luxury holiday destination, but something about it is a little romantic". She looked up at the stars peeking through the lead-grey clouds, tiny points of light and beauty far above, where the Blight and the war against the gods could never reach.

Alana breathed in deeply, then wrinkled their nose. "Ah, the romantic scent of Blight on the breeze. Though, to be fair, it's still better than the Treviso canals in a heatwave".

They finished their hot chocolate, and gently squeezed Neve's arm. "Come on, hopeless romantic, we should turn in. Got a hot date with some Darkspawn tomorrow".

~~~

Neve removed her prosthetic leg with a sigh of relief as Alana shrugged out of their Crow leathers, and the pair clambered into their shared sleeping bag, shivering slightly at the cold of the tent floor. Alana leaned in to Neve, feeling her breath, warm and scented of chocolate, against their face. Neve brushed Alana's lips with her own, Alana opened to deepen the kiss and Neve's tongue danced with theirs.

Alana pulled away to kiss down Neve's neck, nipping at her shoulder, not hard enough to break the skin but hard enough to make Neve gasp. One hand gilded up from Neve's waist, along the curves of her side, to cup her breast in their palm.

"Trouble, we shouldn't", Neve whispered with a sigh. "What if we wake Davrin, or Assan? I don't fancy a curious Griffon poking his beak into our tent to see what all the noises are about".

"Then you'll just have to be quiet", Alana purred. "I know you can do that for me". Alana kissed Neve again, more fiercely this time, heat and passion rising in both of their flushed faces.

"I suppose Davrin's heard worse things, camping with the Wardens…" Neve ventured.

Alana smirked. "Besides, you've nothing to worry about. You know that cioccolata calda I made us all? Well, I might have slipped a sleeping draught into Davrin's mug — and into one of Assan's treats too".

Neve pretended to look shocked, then broke into a grin. "Learn that one in the Crows? They'll be alright though?"

"Viago's endless poison lessons have their uses. And they'll be fine, they'll have the best sleep they've had all week and only a tiny headache in the morning".

Alana's hands went back to exploring the curves of Neve's body, as Neve shivered, this time not because of the cold.

"And you know what they say about sex under canvas?" Alana asked with a wink.

"Is this going to be a pun? It is, isn't it?"

Alana grinned. "It's pretty…in-tents!"

Neve actually laughed despite herself. "What will I do with you, Trouble?"