Takes the dick meat right off the bone

brought nothing to the gun fight. whatever man

i feel like there is a sleep in me that needs to be slept but each time i sleep i don't sleep that sleep

this lifetime is very bizarre and then youre not even supposed to also be bizarre. Ok

It's nice that loud noises don't stick to clothes like smells do. That would be really bad if they did.

After 13 years of this, it's still funny to me that detailing a full mental breakdown on tumblr is standard fare, but posting a nice selfie is a fraught decision.

this is the correct way around and every other social media site is wrong

you are not immune to inventing an arbitrary set of rules that only you have to adhere to

Stop warning me about mature content I'm literally an adult

gonna be honest i don’t know how many more ‘enter the 6 digit code we sent to your phone’s i got left in me