The Woods Are Burning

Adso of Melk you will always be famous. Monk writing his murder mystery memoirs but he takes a quick aside to say "anyway, who hasn't had gay thoughts"

unfortunately claude giroux is just the guy of all time. enemy of the state and by state I mean the western half of pennsylvania. these days he is known primarily for a) never winning anything and b) being eerily good at making pigeon noises. as a teenager he had to pick between going pro at hockey and going pro at bowling. when he was 21 he moved in w a recently divorced father of three a decade his senior and regularly picked up the man's kids from elementary school. once got arrested for grabbing a male cops ass on canada day. met his current wife while playing beer pong w both his wrists in casts. the only reason his dick is not on the internet is a conveniently placed beer can. gets constantly bullied by his infant teammates who love to wear shirts w his face printed on them and zero context. his hometowns junior hockey team love him so much they switched their logo to a picture of him as a lumberjack. he used to (?) own two dogs who look exactly like him. he once sent out joint family christmas cards w the guy he lived with where they used a portmanteau of their last names. his wife's name is pronounced ryan. he is obsessed w grilled cheese sandwiches. the most goody two shoes golden boy poster child of hockey hates his ass w a vengeance. he is franco-canadian but he is Not from québec. he is ginger. he is lying about his height. during the 2024-25 nhl season his car got stolen twice within 3 months. he loves shania twain and likes wearing pink. he used to go into the eagles dressing room and ask to arm wrestle random football players. he is one of less than 60 out of 700+ active NHL players to wear a neck guard and it makes him look like a slutty dilf in a turtleneck.

it's the era of the asexual pervert

Kind of obsessed with how Danny Briere has reinserted himself into the Flyers narrative and who he’s become to us. Like he’s simultaneously our god and our general and our gay bestie. He’s our mysterious uncle who went to prison on serious charges but rescues stray dogs for a living now. He’s our beleaguered mom we want to devise Parent Trap style schemes to get back together with her ex. He’s our overindulgent dad who we’re constantly begging for a shiny new toy. Also some of us want to fuck him.

your generational talent just fucking bit me

daniel brière is the first fujoshi general manager of an nhl team