1) The focus here as always should not be the women (and other victims) of domestic violence. It should be the perpetrators. As a culture we need to stop asking victims why they stay and persist in asking perpetrators why they are violent.
2) So my snappy ass response to a question like this would be “teach your son not to hit”
3) More seriously, though, the situation is more complex; my parents didn’t control with anger and that made me more susceptible to it when it happened to me because I didn’t have the emotional vocabulary for what was being done to me
4) My next less snappy response would be: teach her what it looks like when her partner makes her responsible for the emotional tenor of the relationship. When her partner rocks the boat and blames her for the waves.
5) And tell her the secret that the only thing abusive men look for is kindness. Kind people are willing to take responsibility for the comfort of others. Kind people will make themselves smaller for someone else’s comfort. That’s where it starts.
6) Child abuse is the root of all of society’s problems, I am increasingly convinced
