Asthra Polaris

Oh so when Clifford the Big Red Dog grows to enormous size you love and accept him, but when I, Fenrir

what if Ilya has to go through the mortifying ordeal of realising that his husband is actually funnier than him. like of course he knows his Shane is funny, don't let the flat voice and dry humour fool you. but he was completely unprepared for seeing Shane being actually that funny in the lockerroom. in a familiar environment where he is completely confident and relaxed, surrounded by people who genuinely like him and who he likes just as much, together with the love of his life at his side, finally completely himself. no no no no that is not sweet! not at all! it's not good! it's actually a dire situation! how is Ilya supposed to get anything done when he can't stop cackling at Shane's jokes that have no right to be that funny? how is he supposed to skate when his lungs collapsed because he laughed so hard at Shane's silly bit where he does all these different voices?? what about his authority as very very serious hockey captain when his entire team his hanging on Shane's lips, smiling and giggling, when Shane tells that story of how they got stuck in a snowbank, with that deadpan tone and mischievous sparkle in his eyes? and no!!! Ilya is NOT lovingly staring at Shane, his heart is NOT overflowing with love and warmth seeing Shane so happy, goddamnit.

the horrors persist but so do books, art, hot chocolate, winter nights, the moon, the sea, the stars, sunsets, literature, libraries, cats, flowers, stories, love and the wistful feeling you get when you finally return home