hope is the only thing stronger than fear

There is so much “positivity” surrounding the idea that you can do anything. No matter what. Regardless of chronic illness, mental illness or whatever else. You just have to put your mind to it.

And you know what? That’s bullshit. There are things we can’t do and we will often feel ashamed or harm ourselves trying.

Even if someone else with a similar experience can do something, it doesn’t mean you should automatically be able to. Even if you could do the same thing yesterday, it doesn’t mean you always have to be able to.

Sometimes you can’t do something.

I stopped seeing an allergist who said “Get rid of the cats and put that dog outside” as response to a description of my allergies, without ever giving me an allergy test.

(My next allergist actually did his due diligence and discovered that half the reason I couldn’t breathe was because I had allergic scar tissue in my sinuses).

I stopped seeing a gastroenterologist when he didn’t make an effort to learn my name, familiarize himself with the treatments I had tried that did not work, or read the list of known medicine allergies attached to my chart.

(He asked me when my last colonoscopy was LESS THAN 48HRS AFTER HE PERFORMED IT and re-prescribed me a medication that had hospitalized me)

I stopped seeing a certain psychologist because, despite my complaints about the damage that it was doing to my stomach lining, he wasn’t willing to switch my meds in favor of something less destructive.

(My next psychiatrist agreed to see me WEEKLY while she weaned me off the meds he had put me on, and spent months checking in with me and tweaking my medications until we found a medication that helped my depression sufficiently without killing my stomach.)

Don’t pay to see doctors who refuse to run tests!

Don’t pay to see doctors whose bedside manner makes you uncomfortable.

Don’t pay to see doctors who ignore your complaints about medications.

Fuck Pigeons by Felicia Chiao