i truly honestly feel bad for people who don’t think spongebob was ever funny

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@residentmadscientist
i truly honestly feel bad for people who don’t think spongebob was ever funny

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working full time is terrible why do we just accept that having 8 days off a month is normal and okay........ being alive could be cool but we waste it at our JOBS.... sorry i’m just heated about capitalism again i’ll be fine
8 days....never thought about it like that 😓
This seems really whiny to me. Like, I agree with you, work sucks, but our ancestors didn’t get to browse tumblr at their desks or have the option to gleefully spend their ENTIRE WEEKENDS horizontal on the couch stuffing their faces/watching tv/playing video games/wacking off. They didn’t have weekends. They just slaved away as fucking peasants from dawn to dusk until they died in childbirth or got the consumption.
I am perfectly happy working 8 hrs a day because I don’t have to:
grow my own food
find my own clean water
heat my house
shit in the woods
Hi, I study social and cultural anthropology. Humans working 40+ hours a week is 100% an industrial revolution thing and was not normal in the early stages of our existence. In fact, hunter and gatherer societies that still exist to this day spend about 15-20 hours a week TOPS working. The rest is dedicated to sitting around and telling stories and jokes, dancing, singing, eating, sleeping, fucking and so forth. Read a damn book.
Medieval peasants lived grueling, terrible lives. But their vacation days beat out the policies now common even in progressive societies.
When the medieval peasant - the iconic, screwed over, worst off person of pop culture - had more days and time off than you, something’s gone wrong. And apparently something has been wrong for a while now...
Me: *Removes my cat from my lap to do something else.*
My cat: Father is…evil? Father is unyielding? Father is incapable of love? I am running away. I am packing my little rucksack and going out to explore the world as a lone vagabond. I can no longer thrive in this household.
The spiritual successor to Miette
Might I also add
May i add the piece from artist Verbal Vomit
Glad to see we’re all in agreement that cats talk like disparaged victorian children
I am so incredibly glad we finally moved on from “i can has”. Cats are clearly smart enough for advanced sentence structure and dumb enough to draw entirely incorrect conclusions about what they’re talking about.
My cat, banging the cabnet door over and over and over: bang bang bang
Me: you will not earn what you desire by banging the cabinet door.
My cat: This is a test of wills, is it not? We shall see if your ability to put up with my incessant banging outlasts my eternal lust for snackie treats. Years of conditioning have hardened me for this purpose. bang bang bang
Me: ksst!
My cat, throwing herself to the ground like she’s been shot: Oh! Oh I have been assailed in my own home! Have mercy, have pity! Surely in the cruel darkness of your heart there is some mote of goodness that might stay your hand! Do not strike me, I pray you!
Me: ok
My cat, after waiting about 3 minutes: bang bang bang
Can haz snackytreat
(source)
Source
honestly if you wouldn’t bond with a symbiote you’re a fucking idiot, like you get unbelievably powerful and sexy and all you have to do is what? not go in fire or listen to noises that sound bad? newsflash idiot i already dont go in fire or listen to noises that sound bad. dumbass. you gotta eat some living flesh once in a while? whatever dude easy shit
you dont even need to do that its canon that the symbiotes just need one chemical from people and its also found in chocolate so you get to be huge and sexy and eat a bunch of chocolate
With the right brain chemistry, you dont even need to do that. Phenethylamine, the chemical in chocolate that symbiotes crave, is naturally produced by your brain when you’re in love. Therefore, if you love and cherish your goth symbiote gf, you can be big and sexy with NO consequences.
LOVE is stored in the SYMBIOTE.
The Venom fandom is just out here living their best goddamn lives.
Do non-americans realize that the United States is literally just a bunch of countries in a trench coat that agreed to be semi-nice to each other in order to sneak into the Big Boy Club? Because let’s be honest that’s just what the USA is
The rest of the world: So… you’re a big country?
The states, standing on each other’s shoulders: Y- yes,,,
I love how everyone who’s reblogged this hasn’t added anything on or tagged anything on it. They’re all just like “Yeah. That’s it. That’s the entire United States summed up in one post-”
#oh my god is THAT why you guys are so weird
Yeah 100%
Don’t let these tags die omfg
10/10 can confirm
absolutely bonkers that my own tags have crossed my dash like this more than fifteen reblogs after i wrote them
I moved to another state. 30 minutes away. My family acts like I betrayed them and can’t understand my life choices. It’s completely different way of life, especially during covid. Completely different country.
every single fucking time one of those articles of “things europeans find weird about america” complains that sales tax isn’t included
states set the sales tax!!! it’s literally different across state lines!!! american retailers can’t add it bc they’d have to account for 50 different prices!!!!!!!
It gets even more insane! California’s clean air standards for cars and other such things are so much higher than everyone else’s! So if a car manufacturer in Detroit wants to sell their damn cars in California, they need to build their cars to California clean air standards. But retooling an assembly line and car design to have some cars meet California clean air standards, while building others to other clean air standards is a lot of work, so car manufacturers all over the country have to build all their cars to California clean air standards.
Which is why California went into an uproar earlier this year when the Federal Government tried to argue that states can’t set their own environmental guidelines! “Fuck you!” says California, “we remember Los Angeles in the 80s, how bad the smog gets, go pollute your own damn air over in your own damn state where there isn’t a thermal inversion layer to trap all the smog down near ground level!”
“But you’re making it soooo haaaaaard to sell our cars everywhere else!” they whine.
“Fuck you!” California shouts. “And while we’re at it, we don’t give a shit what you say, Mister President, we’re gonna open our damn states when we’re good and ready, and our friends Nevada, Oregon, Colorado, and Washington State agree! Also, we’ve decided to legalize weed!”
“But the Federal Government says it’s illegal!” shouts the other states.
“Fuck you, we make the drug laws in our state, and we say toke up!”
“Now, hang on!” shouts the Federal government. “You can legalize weed in your state, but all banks are federal agencies, so if your weed dispensaries set up bank accounts, those accounts have money from illegal practices in it and are subject to seizure by the federal government!”
“FINE!” shouts California. “Hey, weed guys, you can keep selling weed, but you can only deal in cash!”
“How the fuck is that supposed to work!?”
“I DON’T FUCKING KNOW, TAKE IT UP WITH DC!”
“By the way, if you’re gay married elsewhere, we won’t recognize it,” mutters Texas.
“OH FUCK YOUUUUUUU!”
And so it goes and so it goes…
“What’s sales tax?” says Montana. “What’s road maintainence?” “also what’s a speed limit?”
*gestures at Florida* Oh also, the reason Florida is “so weird” is only PARTIALLY because people who live here are bonkers – it’s also because Florida state laws around privacy do not include the details of arrests! So in other states, when you’re arrested, it can just show up in the registrar like “25 yo man arrested 04/30/20” but in Florida they can (and do) print the details of why they were arrested: “25 yo man arrested 4/30/20 for riding an alligator through town while naked and smoking weed.” I promises you the other states have PLENTY of weirdos, they just don’t get their dirty laundry gleefully aired in the local news.
States even hate OTHER PARTS of the SAME STATE. Case in point: I live in Northern Virginia. Not just Virginia—NORTHERN Virginia, near DC. The rest of Virginia belongs to the south and we in NOVA do not identify as southern.
Back when I used to play runescape in the 2000s, I learned to always say I was from Washington State because if I just said Washington, these non-american fuckers would assume I meant DC and it drove me wild. Also Western and Eastern Washington absolutely hate each other and there’s this whole debate that sparks up every now and again over making a new state called Cascadia(I think? I don’t pay too much attention to it so I’m not certain) because the easterners are fucking sick of their state always voting blue (it’s kinda dumb and probably never gonna happen, but like, a lot of people do want it).
I moved to Ohio after college and the level of hatred people have here for Michegan for no apparent reason other than their state football team fights our state football team a lot astounds me.
Man, fuck new Jersey
are you guys like… okay??
Depends, are you from fucking Oklahoma?

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Watch the video of this man giving away his software for free to help people with degenerative diseases communicate
but…. but…. profit motive! infinite houses!! this doesnt fit in my narrow victorian framework for understanding human nature!!
@thebibliosphere @vaspider
Oh. Oh dang. I know several people who this could help.
Link’s broken, so here’s the website: http://www.optikey.org/
holy shit SLAIN
@doomybot can you past the Turing test?
cuck
a hard pill to swallow: if an audience can pick up on where the story is going, it’s a good story.
A kinda related note i hope you don’t mind me adding on: one of the most life-changing bits of story advice i ever received was actually in a class on “Revenge and Vengeance in the Ancient World,” if you can believe it. The professor was talking about how everyone in ancient Greece knew all the Greek myths back to front and told them over and over again - and someone asked why they would keep retelling the same stories if they already knew they ended.
She explained that basically it wasn’t the ending that was the most suspenseful or exciting part, but how you got there. This is why The Iliad spoils its own ending in the opening lines. This is why we have so many different retellings of Shakespeare, of Arthurian legends, of fairy tales.
There are no truly original stories or truly unpredictable endings. So, IMO, it’s better to focus on how you as a writer/filmmaker/artist/whatever can bring something new to the body of the story rather than trying to shock and mislead your audience.
We have this misplaced focus now on “preserving the surprise” that comes out in really obvious ways like the Game of Thrones finale and Marvel’s slow decline as they refuse to tell their actors or composers anything that they could actually use to add depth to the story… but I find it really interesting the subtle ways this focus has affected our media without us even realizing as well.
I’m currently catching up on an Animorphs podcast by @dorkbajirchronicles, and a ton of places online recommend to new readers to read two of the books out of publishing order in order to preserve this one big reveal, so that’s what they did… and it fell SO FLAT. The casters ended up concluding that maybe it’s just because the series is geared toward kids and they’re adults, but I think the real explanation is that the reveal ISN’T what people think it’s meant to be.
When the readers find out with the characters (out of publishing order), yes it’s a huge reveal… but it feels cheap, because it’s not meant to happen in this way. We are meant to find out ten books prior and spend the next chunk of time positively WRITHING with this giant chunk of knowledge that the characters don’t have!! It is so much more weighty that way!! The pull for us isn’t the surprise of finding out at the same time as them - it’s the intrigue of ‘I know this thing that they don’t know and WHEN are they going to find out??? HOW are they going to find out??? ARE they going to find out??? How will they react???’
And I think that set of questions - the I SEE IT COMING BUT WHEN AND HOW - are what we’ve slowly lost in recent years. The best stories are re-consumable even when we know what’s going to happen. If the only hook is that people don’t know where you are going, and there’s no foreshadowing so they can’t even try to predict it… you’re doing a bad job.
also attempting to make your ending always a surprise tends to result in either your ending just coming off as really dumb, or it not actually being that much of a surprise, which makes all the hype about the twist feel pointless.
tl;dr: dramatic irony is Important and Powerful and, bizarrely, “spoiler culture” has led some modern storytellers to forget this.
As an aspiring author dealing with this issue right now–thank you. I very much needed to see things put this way!!
I’d rather read/watch a story with a predictable ending that has natural/well done progression to get there, than a story with a “surprise” ending that comes out of the left field.
no one tells you how much of life takes practice. not just writing, painting, running, singing, etc, but practicing how to make friends. how to make the right ones. getting practiced at how to be a good friend, a good sibling, a good person. practice identifying when people haven’t earned that. learning to recognize your right to rage and, eventually, how to offer mercy. so much of life is muscle memory, and i’ve begun to realize there are so many more parts of ourselves to flex and stretch and strengthen than those we’re taught in anatomy lessons
This is what he would have wanted
op link the video it’s fucking hilarious

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Vampire and werewolf dating
OP I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU DIDN’T CREDIT THIS, BECAUSE THERE IS SO MUCH MORE!
This is an ongoing series by @sarahseeandersen called “Fangs” - it’s absolutely worth following and keeping up with!
https://tapas.io/episode/1559785
Sharing the credited version!
In
no
particular
order
really cool. so its a goth and a hippie
Me and whatever goth gf I’m given
Well this is wonderful
how write book?
like that but more
oh noooooo
photos via @camerons_chinchillas
Rotund
Deadpool and Spiderman: Heartmates.

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
*sets up a nice hot bath just for you*
just for me? well...thank you. *starts climbing into it fully clothed*
*begins slicing in carrots, and various other vegetables into the water behind your back*
Me: *Removes my cat from my lap to do something else.*
My cat: Father is...evil? Father is unyielding? Father is incapable of love? I am running away. I am packing my little rucksack and going out to explore the world as a lone vagabond. I can no longer thrive in this household.
The spiritual successor to Miette
Might I also add
May i add the piece from artist Verbal Vomit
Glad to see we’re all in agreement that cats talk like disparaged victorian children
I am so incredibly glad we finally moved on from "i can has". Cats are clearly smart enough for advanced sentence structure and dumb enough to draw entirely incorrect conclusions about what they're talking about.
My cat, banging the cabnet door over and over and over: bang bang bang
Me: you will not earn what you desire by banging the cabinet door.
My cat: This is a test of wills, is it not? We shall see if your ability to put up with my incessant banging outlasts my eternal lust for snackie treats. Years of conditioning have hardened me for this purpose. bang bang bang
Me: ksst!
My cat, throwing herself to the ground like she's been shot: Oh! Oh I have been assailed in my own home! Have mercy, have pity! Surely in the cruel darkness of your heart there is some mote of goodness that might stay your hand! Do not strike me, I pray you!
Me: ok
My cat, after waiting about 3 minutes: bang bang bang