Hermes: Well, if Athena is gonna tap out on helping Ody, I guess it's up to me. I mean, I am supposed to protect travelers. Wait, isn't Odysseus one of mine? Let me check the family tree real quick. *pulls out massive scroll* Yep. He's one of Autolycus' grandkids. No wonder he's such a delightfully tricksy bastard.
Odysseus: *sitting alone in the woods and trying to formulate a plan to rescue his men from Circe*
Hermes: *pops in* Hey there.
Odysseus: Oh, hey, Hermes.
Hermes: ...you're not surprised I'm here?
Odysseus: Well, no. See, I'm pretty genre-savvy when I'm not doing semi-hubristic stuff like telling a cyclops my real name. And you and/or Athena usually turn up when a hero is faced with an impossible task.
Hermes: Ugh, you help ONE half-brother defeat Medusa because you think he's hot, and now every hero expects you to bail them out, too.
Odysseus: Wait, what's that about you and Perseus?
Hermes: Nothing. Shut up! Anyway, I'm only helping you out of obligation.
Odysseus: Is this to make up for not paying child support to my great-grandmother?
Hermes: Hold on. You know we're related?
Odysseus: My granddad could literally shapeshift and was an infamous liar, cheat, trickster, thief, conman, and all-around asshole. The guy straight-up let Herakles take the fall for one of his heists and got him three extra years of community service on top of his twelve labors. If you're not his dad, I don't know who else could be.
Hermes: You know what, I'm actually going to take that as a compliment. After all, you're kind of a chip off the old block, yourself.
Odysseus: Uh, no, I'm a hero.
Hermes: Heroes are all assholes, too. They just have good PR. Now, do you want my help or not?
Odysseus: I don't have much of a choice. Circe turned my men into pigs and she's probably going to do the same to me if I go in there.
Hermes: I know just what you need. *whips out moly* DRUGS!
Odysseus: I've already had to drag my men back to the ship after they got high on lotus. I don't need any more mind-altering substances in my life.
Hermes: How did my descendant become such a fucking narc?
Hermes: That's not what 'narc' means! Ugh, kids these days. Anyway. This plant will keep you from getting transmogrified by Circe's magic. Also, it's vitally important that you don't sleep with her.
Odysseus: I wasn't planning on it.
Hermes: And, I know, that is a horrifically difficult thing to ask a man.
Odysseus: It's not. I have a wife.
Hermes: But I cannot stress enough that you can't have sex with her.
Odysseus: I really, really have no interest in--
Hermes: Because if you sleep with her and don't get her magical pinky-promise not to cause you any harm whatsoever, she is going to...um..."unman" you.
Odysseus: The fuck does that even mean?
Hermes: Anyway. Dire warnings and Holy Moly delivered. My work here is finished. Toodles! *disappears*
Odysseus: ...I really hope Telemachus takes after Penelope's side of the family.