Real Numbers Official Account

Hi my name is Shane Dirr’ty Fuckin Dangles Boys Hollander and I have silky fucking mitts (that’s how I got my name) and short spiky black hair that I bleached once for juniors and a lot of people tell me I play like Sidney Crosby (AN: if u don’t know who he is get da hell out of here!). I’m not related to Scott Hunter but I wish I was because he’s a major fucking hottie. I’m a hockey player but my teeth are still real. I have freckles on my face. I’m also in the NHL and I play for a team called the Voyageurs in Montreal where I’m the captain (I’m 24). I’m a forward (in case you couldn’t tell) and I wear mostly hockey gear. I love CCM and I buy all my gear from there. For example today I was wearing my Voyageurs jersey with the blue and white stripes and the matching hockey pants, black pads, blue socks and black skates. Underneath I was wearing black compression gear, a jockstrap and a helmet with a visor on top. I was skating in the arena. The Zamboni had just gone through so the ice was fresh, which I was very happy about. A lot of Raiders stared at me. I pulled a sick fucking deke on them.

people foolishly dismiss desserts and treats as having no nutritional value when they actually are necessary for refilling your sanity stat. to prove my point please observe the emotional stability of the next person you meet who doesnt let themselves ever eat any form of dessert

i appreciate that beatlemania happened and all those men were medium ugly at best. they don’t let medium ugly people even exist in the public eye anymore

beatlemania is a wonderous thing because it happened to me after i made this post and i now see the sexual appeal of each individual beatle

"i look forward to hearing back" implies a beautiful world that runs on sense-direction combinations. i smell sideways to tasting up. i palpate inwards to listening diagonal, so that i can hunger clockwise

so ive been meaning to do this poll for a while because my hypothesis is that seattle is the most Tumblr city, likely in the entire world. tumblr has a huge american majority userbase obviously, but just for comparison going forward, only 0.22% of the american population lives in seattle. as of this reblog, this poll is showing 4% of respondents are seattleites. given, this isnt scientific at all, because my blog just has a lot of seattle connections and seattle followers, but it's still an impressive bias

jeff goldblum is the type of guy who gets mistaken for gay because he’s jewish. nathan lane is the type of guy who gets mistaken for jewish because he’s gay. stanley tucci is the type of guy who gets mistaken for gay because he’s a mild-mannered italian, which is jewish. seth meyers gets mistaken for jewish because of everything about him. zachary levi gets mistaken for jewish because everyone wants him dead. tom cruise gets mistaken for gay because he is.

THEIR REACTIONS ARE SO GREAT THIS IS THE BEST PRANK

"what did you think you were here for?"

fast car by tracy chapman isnt even a song thats God

did a bit of driving through the state of georgia today and wound up driving through a small town that i later discovered was called newborn, which is an odd name but doesn’t technically have anything wrong with it, except for the fact that i nearly gave myself whiplash doing a double-take at a building sign advertising NEWBORN TAXIDERMY