Gather round kids while I explain this manipulation tactic that men perpetually try to use and why itās bullshit.
If someone is openly showing interest in you by making disparaging or disappointed comments about your age, theyāre trying to put you on the defensive. This guy wants me to try to quell his discomfort, to bring up that Iām only a month shy of 20, etc. - he wants me to try to prove myself to him, that Iām mature and adult enough for a man like him.
His goal is to establish a power imbalance right off the bat. If we were to date, I would constantly be on the defensive, constantly striving to be an equal, constantly trying to prove my āadultā credentials. Anything he says or does or wants from this point on that I object to would just be seen as a strike against my age, proof that he was right and that Iām not mature enough for him.Ā This is how SO MANY men pressure younger individuals (primarily women and girls) into situations and relationships they arenāt comfortable with. If he truly thought I was too young for him, he wouldnāt have messaged me. This is a very calculated move, and itās fucking gross.
Adult relationships with age gaps are completely fine, but only if all parties view each other as equals. If someone is trying to set you up in a way that ensures thatās never a possibility, run far away.