Meh, Close Enough

Blob Ghost Batman.

Just. Imagine.

The funeral was a month ago & no one Hero Adjacent can still quite believe that Batman (First of his Name) is dead.

Yes, he was a standard, non-meta human. Yes, he was Old. But he had always seemed so much larger than life. It just feels so Wrong.

Terry McGinnis restlessly scrolls through social media, keeping up on the latest Bat News. And he sees it.

An ad for a BatBlob plushie.

Terry snickers. Bruce would've HATED that. And clicks through to the website.

Wait... There's VIDEO. Of an actual BatBlob assisting this other hero in... Amity Park, Illinois?

Danny is being drilled in fighting, both in and out of his human form. It's so tirong. But also fantastic.

He's really not used to so much physical affection >///<

And any member of his family who is liminal (or more) hears him… which… is most of his family -x-'

But if at least it stops there, but no certain pho finds himself sent to group discussions of heroes / exheroes

Suffice to say that some will see it like dianawonderwoman and others only pass quickly to check the situation like constantine

…

waits

The heroes having a sleepover and Danny, with all the glory of a ghost baby with strong ghostly instincts, cuddling Batblob into sleep.

So you know those fics/ideas where the batfam pretends to be winged cryptids (“loading and aspect ratio” by JUBE514 is beautiful, as is the series “f’ing demon bats” by KingJai) completly inhuman, entirely different, unknown species?

People start trying to like, study/classify them, along with other metas and species that are emerging. At first, they think the bats and the birds are different species, deciding to co-habitate, because- duh. Bats are mammals. Birds are birds. But then, why do they all have the same whistle chitter language? The same claws, fangs, cape-like base to thier wings? All the babies call Batman dad, what if its really a bloodline family? But if thats the case, then why are they so different?

The answer lies in the batgirls.

The bat… GIRLS.

Black bat, batgirl (all 3 of them), batwoman, all are female. The robins, nightwing, red hood, are all male.

The feathered members of the family are SHOWIER. They’re stealthy, sure, but they’re dramatic, using their brighter colors and their words to draw attention to themselves. Even red robin, the drabbest and most silent of the bunch, will get into loud debates with riddler and such. Clearly, these are displays to attract a mate. Just look at nightwing.

The leather-winged members, in the other hand, are quieter, talking less often, sticking more to the shadows and silent+violent takedowns. Black Bat almost never speaks. Oracle is never even seen. Spoiler is louder and more brightly colored, but who is Gotham to enforce gender roles onto their cryptid? They’re noticing trends.

But then… where does batman fit into this? His coloration is the closest to black bat. His fighting style fits in the shadows, not as flashy as other males of his species, so what gives? Is this theory just a theory?

No, of course not. The answer is obvious. Batman is trans.

Trans Cryptid Batman.

Idk how Duke fits into this give him a bird theme or smth.

BONUS POINTS if Alfred (grandpa gotham cryptid) is “revealed” to have lovely white feathered wings. Its meant to be a play on how he’s an angel looking out for them (an angel for putting up with them) but it kickstarts the whole thing.

He could actually be compelling proof to the sexual dimorphism theorists- the batfam all have the same “cape” base to their wings, and the males grow feathers over it. Pheonix’s are just mostly burnt off. (Also if you think Jason Peter “theater kid” Todd doesn’t flare his torn-up wings and make sure villains know who’s beating them up in a distinctly Feathered Gotham-Cryptid patterned showy display, idk what to tell you)

This of course has some people online sad bc Phoenix lost his pretty feathers so how will he find a mate! (T^T) Thousands of monsterlovers and horny idiots IMMEDIATELY make sure he knows they’re still game.

CEO Tim, with equal gravitas: No, I’m afraid they just won’t budge. It technically meets legal requirements on paper, and we can’t prove that the chemicals affecting the local ecosystem are from the out-of-date drainage system… they’re saying it would cost too much to fix the place up too, which is ridiculous, because we’re us, but our hands are tied…

Bruce, full Brucie himbo mode: Oh I just feel so SAD for all the sweet fluffy animals and the pretty flowers and especially our hard workers dealing with such unsafe conditions… I think I’ll give them all a nice short vacation this weekend, so the ENTIRE PLACE will be EMPTY and SHUT DOWN from FRIDAY TO TUESDAY, the SECURITY SYSTEM will be down because it’s just so GLITCHY, I’m sure no one will do anything about the ENVIRONMENTAL STAIN ON OUR COMPANIES NAME THAT WILL BE COMPLETELY ABANDONED FRIDAY TO TUESDAY— Timmy do you think I’m being too subtle?

Tim: no no you’re doing great Bruce I’m sure they’ve got it

Poison Ivy, on a date the next table over: ( ‘-‘)-☕️

Bruce Wayne Delivers Touching Speech About New Wayne Ent Factory On Site Of Rogue Attack

Poison Ivy Hired As Environmental Consultant On New Factory

autistic! bruce wayne being very normal about dinosaurs :) | super friends #2 (2008)

Neurodivergent Bats headcanons:

Someone's tractor gets stuck and nothing can get it out? "Be a dear and run down to the Kents, would you? Ask for Clark?"

"Why Clark, we need a machine--"

"Run along now."

Smallville citizen:

The Kent's found an abandoned baby in a cornfield? Well good for them they've been longing for a child for years

I swear that Kent boy was running faster than that train...welp none of my business

Jonathan! Your witch child busted my tractor!

Can confirm. Bruce is definitely a biter.

Also, these tags are great too:

Like when they’re on their own team/out of Gotham? Most respected, calm and serious person there. They have a plan and it will work. “Oh yeah I memorized all the exits and people here the second I entered, you didn’t?” That’s them.

But in Gotham w/ Batman? Pranks galore and singing on patrol, they forget to sleep and forget to eat. When Batman tells them their gonna have a longer patrol they all sigh and complain while trying to give other siblings their work in exchange for doing that sibling’s chore.

But nobody knows that they act like that!! Batman would say something like

“Gosh my kids blew something up I have to go,”

AND EVERYONE WHOSE EVER MET THEM IS ALL CONFUSED LIKE “BUT THEIR A BAT?!?! HUH??!”

and Batman would respond

“Oh yeah you know them, always doing something their not supposed to”

Things I love about this:

1. The fastest man alive didn't think there was a man crime fighting in a bat suit.

2. Barry thought rumors of a man in a bat suit were too good to be true to the point where the news that he exists makes him physically react.

3. Green Lantern is over it all after the first sentence.

4. Hal is so apathetic.

5. Bruce does not even attempt to look over when hearing Barry. He just tinkers more.

6. Wait wha-

And of course:

Clark finds out about Robin's existence when a ten year old Dick Grayson in full Robin gear breaks into his apartment at two in the morning and shakes him awake because Batman's missing and Alfred's away and Bruce taught him that, in the case of emergency, Superman was one of the only people he could trust. Bruce just didn't think to tell Clark that he was, by all means, his son's emergency contact.

Clark: -wakes up to a small boy that he's never seen or heard of before in a cape and a mask with lenses that reflect light like a cat's perched on the edge of his bed in a pitch black room-

It's... pretty much what it says on the tin. Some car manufacturers are phasing out AM Radio from their cars so they can replace them with their own streaming services - this bill seeks to make them a mandatory feature.

As somebody whose day job is in radio, I totally agree that the amount of ads and the quality of the ads is ridiculous. Personally, I don't find radio to be an amazing source of political news broadcasting.

But do you know what it is really good at? Providing emergency broadcasts during extreme weather events.

When power and internet is down, radio can be one of the only sources of information, and it's helped provide lifesaving information during these times.

(Plus, at least in my area of the country, emergency weather alerts override and interrupt programming when broadcast - even during pesky ads!)

So if you want to toss your signature in support, you can head on over here.