Av, she/they, 18+ Blog. Bonafide reblogger of many things, and reader of just so much fanfiction. I'm horrendous at tagging in general, proceed at your own risk. Currently obsessed with: Hades 2. Art Blog: @IsleOfAvalonArt
Tags: Angst with a Happy Ending, Domestic Violence, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Physical Abuse, Past Suicidal Ideation, Player has PTSD, Mental Health Issues, Grief/Mourning, Dysfunctional Family, Found Family, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Slow Burn, Trauma Recovery, Demetrius Critical, Robin Critical
Summary: Satsuma fled from ZuZu City with one goal: staying alive. Once she got to Pelican Town, her plan was to stay out of sight and out of mind of the people that lived there. In some ways that plan would've worked, most people were hellbent on involving her in the ways they saw fit and when she was incapable of meeting those expectations they often lost interest.
But Sebastian is unlike most of the others in ZuZu City. He is much too observant for his own good and more than willing to deconstruct Satsuma's carefully maintained walls with the seemingly endless patience he has for her and her alone. Maybe that's because Sebastian has been stuck in place for so long that he yearns for a change that his mind won't allow him to reach for on his own. Maybe it's just that Satsuma meets him halfway. Regardless, his heart has other plans and he won't remain isolated for much longer.
Satsuma brings with her the possibility of change for many in Pelican Town. The question is, how willing is she to bring that change for herself despite the risks?
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I make this point about modesty culture in general, not just during Pride, so ...
"I didn't consent to see that!" I don't consent to seeing billboards or lifted pickup trucks. I don't get a veto over people existing in public and neither do you.
got a crick in my neck and a frog in my throat and a chip on my shoulder and a stick up my ass and now you're gonna stand there puttin words in my mouth? haven't I been through enough?
#public libraries are good because they let people access books they might never otherwise read#private book ownership is good because it's Yours#physical books are good because they last a long time and again it's Yours#ebooks are good because you can fit a whole library into the physical space of a single book and they're cheaper to produce#audiobooks are good because they're accessible to people with eyesight or visual reading issues and leave your hands free#in conclusion: all books are good and people should enjoy them however and whenever they can#(lest it be misunderstood I agree with you completely OP I just also really like books in general and it got away from me)
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The porky pig bit has to be one of my favorite mbmbam moments. Griffin's reluctance at his own joke. The brother's silent horror. The animation captures this trainwreck/homerun of a joke so well
The thing about radical kindness (or any kindness, for that matter) is that there are going to be times when someone or something makes you regret it. There are going to be times when you show someone empathy and grace that they don't "deserve". There are going to be times when someone takes that kindness and uses it against you. The world doesn't magically transform into a perfect place when you decide to choose kindness and people will take advantage of it. People will continue to be shitty.
But the thing is...that's not a flaw of kindness. That's not a you problem. That's a them problem. People who are happy with themselves and their lives don't go out of their way to misuse someone's kindness or grace. The "normal" response to kindness or empathy is not to find a way to exploit it. People who are happy with themselves don't look for ways to hurt people for no reason. Kindness will never be the problem. No matter what some shitty person decides to do with it. It should go without saying not to be a doormat, yes. Don't allow people to treat you badly just for the sake of being kind. But also don't let shitty people make you bitter because of how they treated you when you were kind.
There are certain privileges that come with say being in prison like you get a roof over your head and food every day. And if you are homeless you can easily die of starvation on the street roasted under the summer sun or chased and beaten to death by officers similar to the prison guards that shackle the prisoner. But would you call the prisoner privileged or tell them they’re being hyperbolic for what they’re experiencing bc it’s not homelessness? That’s what some of the conversations around privilege sound like on here sometimes it just gets really weird and misguided but whatever
If you're writing anything involving cons, scams, heists, or morally questionable characters who are very good at lying, here are some free resources I've been using for research. Saving you the "why is this in my search history" anxiety.
1. The FBI's Famous Cases & Criminals archive (fbi.gov/history/famous-cases) has detailed breakdowns of real fraud cases, Ponzi schemes, and confidence operations. The language they use is clinical and precise, which is perfect for getting the procedural details right.
2. The FTC Consumer Sentinel Network publishes annual reports on the most common fraud tactics in the US. Great for understanding how modern scams actually work and what makes people fall for them.
3. The Smithsonian's American Art Museum has a free digital collection of forgery case studies. If your character forges documents or art, this is gold.
4. Court Listener (courtlistener.com) is a free legal database where you can read actual court transcripts from fraud trials. Want to know how a real con artist talks under oath? This is where you find out.
5. The Internet Archive's collection of old newspaper crime sections. Search for "confidence man" or "swindle" in papers from the 1920s through 1960s and you'll find incredible real stories that would feel too dramatic for fiction.
Bonus: The Psychology of Fraud section on the Association for Psychological Science website has accessible articles about why people trust, how deception works cognitively, and what makes someone a convincing liar. Essential reading if you want your con artist characters to feel psychologically real.
Reblog to save for later. Your WIP will thank you.
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first post for context / see the tag 'open relationship au' for more snippets.
2014
The panic sets in the day after Vegas.
Shane is honestly surprised it took so long. It feels like Rozanov managed to fuck all of the anxiety and second-guessing out of his body, and it's only now with a little distance that they can come back.
And they do come back, with a vengeance, because oh my god what the fuck was that?
Shane didn't know sex could be like that. So intense that his brain would shut off, that he'd loose control of his own reactions. He didn't know it was possible to have that kind of chemistry with someone you'd never slept with before. Rozanov touched him like he knew exactly how he liked to be touched, did things even Shane didn't know he wanted.
It's never been like this with Brian.
Shane feels so guilty thinking it, he could throw up.
He also feels guilty about sleeping with Rozanov in the first place, even though it's exactly what Brian asked him to do. Maybe he should have told Brian about it before it happened. Maybe he should have picked someone he didn't already want to fuck - even though that would have brought his list of prospects down to zero.
This open relationship thing is stressful. Shane thinks he may not be built for it.
He goes to Brian's place after Vegas and even with the guilt eating Shane up from the inside, it's nice. Brian is more attentive than he's been in a while, showering Shane with praise and affection. The sex is better than it's been in a while, too.
(It's not as good as with Rozanov, a thought Shane mercilessly banishes as soon as it pops up.)
So their new relationship status is definitely working for Brian. Shane probably just needs time to adjust.
He thinks about telling Brian about Rozanov, but he's not sure what the rules are. Brian hasn't told him about anyone he's fucked or is thinking about fucking. Maybe Shane should wait for him to bring it up. Brian hates it when he pesters him for constant clarification, and Shane doesn't want to ruin his good mood. Better to just follow his lead and work through the rest of it on his own.
Besides, if Brian doesn't know about Rozanov, he can't tell Shane not to sleep with him again. Shane can't pretend that's not a little bit of a factor.
+
Months pass and Shane somehow settles into the new status quo.
Montreal plays Boston three times and he meets up with Rozanov after each game and has the best sex of his life. Rozanov texts him in between games, too, and more often than not it leads to sexting.
Shane doesn't like thinking about how even over text, Rozanov is still an amazing lay. He's got stability with Brian, he reminds himself. Love, commitment. That's not something Rozanov is ever gonna offer.
Not that Shane would want it even if he did. Because he loves his boyfriend.
Jesus Christ, dude, pull yourself together.
Brian doesn't tell him about any of his hook ups and Shane doesn't ask. Whoever he's fucking, it doesn't affect their sex life.
Shane can't say the same for himself. After his third time with Rozanov a need starts to set underneath his skin, an itch that sex with Brian just can't seem to scratch.
Shane feels awful about it, especially when Brian notices.
"You good, babe?"
They're naked in bed (the bed Rozanov fucked him in last month) and Shane is on his back, Brian nestled between his legs, hard cock brushing against his thighs. Shane's mind should not be wandering right now, and yet it has been.
"Yeah," Shane says, flushing guiltily when Brian shoots him a disbelieving look. "It's just. Um. Could you be... rougher, maybe? Hold me down?"
Shane rarely asks for things in bed. The things they normally do have always worked well enough for him that he hasn't felt the need to. He's certainly never had to make himself pay attention when his boyfriend's about to fuck him.
This is all Rozanov's fault. That fucker broke Shane's dick.
"Hold you down?" Brian repeats, a little incredulous. "You know you're way stronger than me, right?"
"I wouldn't be trying to really escape. Just... pretending."
Brian sits back on, a sour expression on his face. "Sure. That doesn't sound emasculating at all."
"How would that be emasculating?" Shane asks incredulously.
"You don't think I'm strong enough," Brian accuses. "Why else would you need to pretend different so you could get off?"
Frustration flares hotly in Shane's chest. Rozanov isn't stronger than him, either. When he holds Shane down, it's with the knowledge that it's a game, that Shane could throw him off if he really wanted to. That doesn't make it any less hot, or make Shane wish Rozanov was stronger.
"You're being ridiculous."
Brian blinks. "Fuck this," he mutters, and then he's climbing off the bed.
"You're leaving?" Shane asks, stunned.
"Obviously I'm not good enough to fuck you, so I won't pretend to be."
Shane sits up, his frustration now crushed under a rush of guilt. What the fuck his wrong with him? He's started comparing Brian to Rozanov in his head and now he's got his boyfriend thinking he's not good enough for him.
"I'm sorry," he says, reaching for Brian's arm, relieved when he doesn't pull away at his touch. "It was just an idea, I didn't mean - I'm happy with what we do. It's just been a stressful day."
Brian looks down at him, lips twisted in an unhappy frown. "Where did you get that idea?"
Shane should tell him. He doesn't know why he doesn't want to.
"Porn," he says finally, hoping the redness on his face can be mistaken for embarrassment.
"Hm." Brian turns to face him again, wrapping his arms around Shane's shoulders. His cock pokes Shane's chest in this position, thankfully still hard. "Well, if we're borrowing from porn, I've got a couple of things we could try instead."
Shane nods, relieved beyond measure that his slip-up didn't fuck up their whole night. "Whatever you want."
Brian smiles, petting his hair sweetly. "You're so good to me, babe."
The praise warms Shane, making his heart flutter. It doesn't matter if it isn't the same with Brian as it is with Rozanov, he decides. Brian is the one who loves him, the one who will stick around.
Besides, Rozanov is new and exciting. Surely he won't stay that way for long. Shane will get him out of his system in a few months and then, Brian will hopefully be ready to close the relationship again. They'll go back to the way things were, only better, because both of them will have sown their wild oats.
+
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i can't express how absolutely important it is that when you make an edgy, brooding, badass character who's tough as nails and good at fighting and whatever, you HAVE to give them at least one reason to become completely helpless and pathetic. you have a panic attack quota to fulfill.
it’s funny bc I think I have a lot to learn, with blindspots that I’m still trying to fill in by reading more and talking to people etc, but when I’m hanging around certain family members I suddenly become The Wokest Person Alive just by merit of having made some attempt to not be shitty. and this isn’t level 3 discourse like “conflating submissiveness with a preference for bottoming is misogynistic”, it’s basic shit like “no, health is not a state of mind, and sick people are sick for reasons beyond bad attitude,” and “no, you should not loudly talk about how shocked you were that a Nigerian man was at grandma’s funeral,” and “please don’t say that about Jewish people,” and so on.
and usually they are willing to listen when I talk about this stuff, so there is a benefit to me being there, but holy crap is it a tonal shift going from online to real life.
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