decay

Songs don't bring people back-

Sometimes the only grey you see is the overcast sky on a mid - september morning. You don't want to talk, because talking will lead to more questions. If you try to speak, no one will listen. You are desperate for a sign, some sort of permission to go back home. All their words go past your head backwards so you quietly shut the door.

"I see these dreams that are recurring montages of haphazard images,

I see you in my dreams where you are kept safe.

I see ten dreams at once or none at all,

I can't sleep through the constant hum playing in repetitive currents, almost as if it is real but not enough for me to grasp it. I try to block away the unremitting sounds in the background- of people chattering, glasses clinking together, footsteps through empty corridors, mellow whispers into nothingness, but most of all, this despicable white noise. The white noise that clutters in my ears and travels through my spine sending jolts down my entire body making me feel as if I am not real and everything will stop making sense with another heartbeat. I fail to construct coherent sentences to assure myself that I am still here, safe from all the chaos that is out there, so I try to close my eyes again and concentrate hard. How long has it been since I've let my mind wonder and felt peace in it enough to make me fall asleep? It's just a ceaseless effort now, of trying to shut out the outside world, only for it to come back and ravage my insides. It's a feeling of unfamiliarity that I've learned to grow familiar with.

Oh well, guess I've bored myself enough writing this meaningless atrocity of words so I'll go and try to sleep again."

"I've always loved the cold; the crisp against my skin makes me feel something."

I wonder if you can grow so addicted to this sense of remoteness towards everything considered "normal", that you just want to close your eyes and fall into an eternal dreamless sleep.

"Look, sun’s setting. Sunrise and sunset are about the only times this junkyard of a city looks good."

Anime: Banana Fish

A story about the dark corners and alleys of New York City, where survival depends on pulling the trigger in 0.03 seconds. A story painted against the canvas of city lights and dawn peaking its way through the veil of solid, sky-reaching concrete. The wild lynx rises from the ashes, forever haunted by a traumatic past and the curse of indefinable beauty, intelligence, physical strength, combat skills and an unbroken will. He wants to break free, from those who have broken him down in every sense of the word and from the shadows lurking in his own nightmares. Betrayal knows no bounds and bullets and dominance pave the way for making it till the end. Yet somewhere in that darkness is a ray of light, a warmth that can tame even the Devil. The story of cold brutality turns into one of love, and the only blood that is shed is of the ones that want to tear that love apart. It is a fight for the sake of justice for the ones that are lost and desperately trying to protect the others from getting lost.

Set in a milieu of street gangs, mafia, mind-controlling drugs, guns, political corruption, underground pedophilic sex rings and a system that tries to prey on the vulnerable, Banana Fish takes you on an electrifying, action packed journey of love, loss, friendship, heartbreak, revenge and the unremitting search for salvation and freedom.

(manga poster taken from pinterest)