terabytes of dreamless solitude ○○○○○○

I HAVE A PATREON ..... . . .it's just.. if you wanted to support me somehow for the price of 2/5 of McFlurry ice cream /or 2 ice creams if you are generous enough// [i am posting drawings there days earlier]

https://poshitopi.straw.page

babbling

> [ DRAWINGS ] <

3d things //i`ll add stuff later. i pinky swear. [sorry for being a filthy liar]

> chronic depression with some sort of mission that supposedly gives your life meaning

> pushing people away, being rude to them, being sarcastic towards them

> ending up completely alone as a result of that

> avoiding people without being particularly socially anxious

> being and outsider of some sort in any possible group for different reasons

> hiding your mug behind the curtains of hair. hiding your body under the wide shapeless clothes..

or rather, Ben, Garfield the Spider-Man, Aaron [don't remember his surname], that red-haired girl, and all the other randos.

and/or when that black white-haired boy and girl with white dreadlocks somehow start getting associated in my head with the Marauders fd for no reason whatsoever. or that blonde with a wolf cut.

i just want to look at them and always think they’re just some OCs [which is exactly what they are]

he doesn’t die, but he becomes a werewolf, and there is a trial involving Sirius.

he would basically, by default, immediately be thrown into Azkaban, BUT the point is that at the trial Walburga shows up and simply drags him out by the scruff of his neck, because nobody wants to argue with the Blacks. especially if they have generously thrown galleons for that underage little shit.

in the end Sirius ends up in a kind of trap, because his association with his family guarantees him a life outside the company of the Dementors.

Snape is slightly freaked out by life when that bastard comes back again, though not exactly surprised by it.

that one moment which might seem rather strange and, let's say, clearly does not work in Sirius's favour.

but was it really that strange? i mean, let's look at what he actually says specifically about those twelve years that he spent, let's say, not in the best company.

/he is scared af of the dementors btw. a stupid shayla /

we also know that this does not quite work as a complete absence of guilt, because Sirius definitely did feel guilty about James's death. but he knew that he ended up in Azkaban unjustly. that's the first thing.

and secondly, he knew that someone else was guilty. and that the other person was more guilty than he was.

and this is very important in this context, because it's speculation, of course, but i think that when their whole group was being told off over the situation with the Shrieking Shack and Sirius, i think they probably managed to mention to him that it could very easily have ended with him in Azkaban.

and in that case, if he ends up in Azkaban and has a memory of what he should have ended up in Azkaban for, and what he was actually guilty of, under the conditions of Azkaban it would have killed him.

so the same strategy applies.

>> firstly, he is not guilty of this;

>> secondly, someone else is guilty.

but i am not saying that this happened specifically as a result of Azkaban. no, most likely this pattern of thinking helped him survive. it was there before, it was always there.

wrote, “omggg, i don’t know how to describe Marlene McKinnon.”

....sunshine.. that happens when your character doesn’t exist.

...though, to be honest, you just lack imagination, because i can describe Marlene using emojis.

THERE IS THE COLLECTION of all sorts of little moments that i either DIDN'T REMEMBER or find INTERESTING < the criterion for finding something interesting is very subjective, the bar is low, but yeah >

> Sirius Black was mentioned in the first chapter.

> i don’t know how logical it is to reason along these lines, but the first chapter isn’t written from Harry’s point of view -- it’s written from the point of view of an outside observer, and isn’t distorted by the narrator’s youth. and… Hagrid is described as almost the height of two grown men. average height is somewhere around 170 centimetres. so he really would be somewhere around three metres.

and, anyway, from this, the wiki says it’s very likely that this bike was enlarged. but if you look at it, [if we don’t go by the film, where we know Hagrid definitely a bit smaller, at the very least, and the bigness was purely down to perspective, then] the smallest bike, or one of the smallest, is the pocketbike ultra motocross db05 49cc. and those are 55 cm high [105x35x55 cm]. if you look at the height of a bsa gold star [which i headcanon as Sirius’s bike], its height is 109.3 cm — that’s almost twice as much as 55 cm. in fact, considering that Hagrid is twice the size of an ordinary person, and these micro bikes are designed so that an ordinary person of average height can ride them, [yes, it looks very funny, but they can ride them,] then in principle it’s entirely plausible that it was a normal-sized bike.

> Dudley, in his little gang of nearly 11-year-old hooligans, had a friend with a face that was described as rat-like. and he was, like, exactly the instigator type. doesn’t it remind you of anyone? updt: his name was Piers Polkiss [Piers is a variant of Peter actually]. and it was also he who was, like, the ‘snitch’ who reported that Harry had talked to a snake. actually, this whole dynamic here -- Dudley and his gang > Harry and the Marauders > Snape -- it, in principle, mostly differs in that

the Marauders, unlike DD and his gang, were handsome and clever.

that’s all.

> Harry had a fringe that covered his scar.

> his hair was described as jet-black. which... let’s say, unlike the colour of a raven’s wing, is precisely pure black, with no blue, violet or warm undertones.

[in my associative row of primitive visualisation, the way they stick up at the back most reminds me, by description, of Viktor’s hair. lul]

> Dudley’s favourite activity was described as Harry Hunting, which quite amusingly echoes the analogy of a dog and a rabbit.

> the first place the Dursleys went to from Little Whinging was a hotel on the edge of town, and this hotel was in the town of Cokeworth, [where Snape is]. considering that, based on what we know, Severus was staying precisely in his old house in the summer, then, probably, they were very close. ///

> well, like, funny things that Hagrid says. i mean, first of all, namely, he tells Harry that Slytherin is an evil house for evil people, which, like, then greatly influences his mental attitude towards Snape too.

and secondly, like, no matter how kind and great Hagrid is, he calls, say, those same Hufflepuffs ‘a lot of duffers’. he also says that, say, toads have ‘gone out of fashion’ and they’ll laugh at you for them.

so, well, this forms, like, the initial knowledge that, like, he has.

> Molly has a second cousin, and he's an accountant, and they sort of don't talk about him. like, you probably can't say the Weasleys aren't prejudiced against Muggles or, more likely, against Squibs. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

> McGonagall's hair is described as black. [i thought she's grey]

> «Brown, Lavender» became the first new Gryffindor, and the table on the far left exploded with cheers; Harry could see Ron’s twin brothers catcalling»

> «Perhaps it was Harry’s imagination, after all he’d heard about Slytherin, but he thought they looked like an unpleasant lot»

> both The Head and the Ghost of Slytherin are 1. black eyed 2. thin/gaunt 3. severe men 4. who caused the death of the woman they loved and THIS

~~ > same chapter: «There was a lot more to magic, as Harry quickly found out, than waving your wand and saying a few funny words.»

«As there is little foolish wand-waving here, many of you will hardly believe this is magic.» //and the incantations bit was only in the movies

> Draco set Filch on Harry and Ron, not Snape. interpret that how you like.

> Harry said that Ron was pale like a Bloody Baron. and, like, well, he had all the ghosts to choose from. well, or at least Sir Nicholas. so, like, even by a ghost's standards, the BB was pale.

> i think, by the way, Quirrell is either at most 4 years younger than the Marauders. or, possibly, a couple of years older.

that can be put down to many factors, of course, but like, he very deliberately calls him 'Severus' in conversation with Harry. that could, of course, also be the effect of Voldemort, who probably called him that. but it could also be down to the fact that Quirrell just knew him at school, given that he seems quite young, and if you go by the calculations on the Wiki, he was born in '67 or earlier. but the thing is, if he was born in '67, then he literally barely caught that generation at school, and then for him, Snape was a professor for 4 years or so >> i'd say if he was ever his teacher, he would be more likely to call him 'Snape'

but that's all speculation.

> i also completely forgot that, when Harry ended up in the hospital wing after his confrontation with Quirrell, the twins, along with the other visitors, tried to send him a toilet seat that had been confiscated by Madam Pomfrey.

> from the first book, we know that Dumbledore knows why Voldemort wantED to kill him and why he wantS to kill him. But he does not tell him about it.

> Then he says that James mostly used the invisibility cloak to sneak food from the kitchens. But we know that, in order to get to the kitchens, you simply need to tickle the pear on the painting, get inside, and the house-elves will give you whatever you want. He did not need the invisibility cloak for that. And for some reason, it seems to me that he was covering up a lot of other unpleasant things that he did with its help. But again, that is speculation.

i have a couple of friends from there, so >> fine i mean, like/// we don't choose where to be born

¯\_(ツ)_/¯