QuotingMachine

the lion does not concern herself with papa

psyduck is probably like. the most achievable pokemon probably. like i don’t think i could teach a cabbage to grow legs and be a bulbasaur but there’s probably a certain threshold of mental torment i could subject a duck to that would make a psyduck

sexual thrill at the mere prospect of cataloging things in a database

The princess does not have "depression," it's called an Air of Melancholy and it makes me very beautiful in a dignified and subtly tragic way

this sucks im going to kill (remembers suicide jokes are bad for my mental health) the president of the United States. (end statement)

POV Frank Iero

if i were in charge of star wars i would end the last movie witth yoda reading the story out of a big book and he gives a little chuckle and says "happened, none of that did." and then he gets out of his truck and waddles into walmart

tu LANCES félicette ? tu lances son corps comme la fusée ? oh ! oh ! prison pour les scientifiques ! prison pour les scientifiques pendant Un Mille Ans !

i need to age regress to 18 and do a bachelors degree correctly this time and get a million dollar job the moment i graduate and make 2000 friends who all love and worship me and find the artifact and defeat the evil mastermind and slay the ape

Once I said "My gender is whatever's funniest at the time" and my coworker stops dead in his tracks, turns slowly and says "So are your pronouns honk/honk?" killing me instantly

Update on that friend: a bunch of people sent me "he's a little confused, but he's got the spirit" gifs in response to that story. I can tell you now with certainty that she definitely has the spirit, and she's not confused anymore