n/a

mutuals do this: cum

one of my favorite story elements is "character way past their prime can still absolutely wreck you, leaving you to wonder just how powerful they used to be"

Anyways no weapon forged against me shall prosper and any evil wished upon me shall be reflected back to you tenfold, so jot that down.

Really the main problem is politicians have forgotten they can be killed

you know who would serve absolute cunt at the met gala? megamind.

im always thinkjng about that one time i was on register for like 4 hours straight and said over mic "someone blease take over register i am about to become the joker." and they came to relieve me faster thab ive ever seen anyone relieve me before

I dont think we even have hot topic in my country

It's very easy to say that magic doesn't exist, but ultimately computers work by channeling lightning through a series of crystals, so who's really to say.

I love jaywalking with strangers. They can’t kill all of us!!!

girl orange cats are girls that say bruh and boy black cats are boys that say kyaaaa

The lady choking me slowly unconscious so she can rob my home is like, "It's really awkward when you say 'harder daddy.' Could you stop it?"

Got her digits though.

Printed around my neck.

This could be you, Lady Dimitrescu.

shout out to the guy helping me at the sports equipment store who was like "yeah these come in pink or blue or black but they're all transgender- I mean they're all unisex."

when programs fucking autocorrect <3 to ❤️ and :) to 😃,,,, do you have any idea what you’ve just done?? what you just fucking destroyed ?

You keep sending assassins after me but I kiss every one of them on the lips so sweetly

nice try assassin! *kisses you so tenderly*