not everything is getting worse. at least you don't hear high hopes by panic at the disco every day anymore

you have to be careful reading too many things that are good/smart/well-written bc then you encounter something that isnt and you get confused like ? why didnt they just make this good ? were they stupid

How am I supposed to stop smoking when all these things keep happening???

im going to fix my entire life

When?

Like Um. later

*guy who doesn't know anything about sports and has never cared about sports in his life* hey did you know womens professional baseball is returning after 70 years and the games are going to be streamed for free on youtube and the season starts august 1st

I love how all the notes are like "one of these is Just A Guy and the other one is a monster-fighting superhero with alien magic powers"

I think Steven would kill him but like. on accident. He’s not very used to fighting enemies that can’t recover from almost any wound. After, he would be left with the moral dilemma of whether he should bring him back to life though.

They should invent a tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow that doesn’t creep in this petty pace from day to day

“Do dishes” and “take out trash” both require the use of a spell slot, vs “use phone” is a cantrip, and brother, I am a level one wizard

Hey kids, you need to start worrying a little less about getting “#mogged” and a little more about getting “#smogged”. This is an Air Quality Index public service announcement.

living under a rock is so fun i love watching a movie that’s been famous for decades and being like wow this is so good.. did you guys know about this

has anyone figured out how to turn off the thing where you love your pet so much it slides inexorably into grief-borrowing

“For me this glass is already broken. I enjoy it; I drink out of it. It holds my water admirably, sometimes even reflecting the sun in beautiful patterns. If I should tap it, it has a lovely ring to it. But when I put this glass on the shelf and the wind knocks it over or my elbow brushes it off the table and it falls to the ground and shatters, I say, ‘Of course.’ When I understand that the glass is already broken, every moment with it is precious.”