When I first read ASoIaF, I viewed Jonâs outburst at Benjen as a frustrated teenager venting and taking out his emotions on his concerned and caring uncle.
On rereads however, I end up side-eyeing Benjen and understanding where Jon was coming from in his response.
The starting sentence of Jon I is genius in how as we keep reading the chapter, thereâs a realization that what he is actually feeling is the very opposite of what is stated:
There were timesânot many, but a fewâwhen Jon Snow was glad he was a bastard  - Jon I, AGoT
This is similar to Arya saying that she didnât care about not being pretty. She did care, thatâs why she has such low self-esteem and is hurt when mocked as being horse-faced and ugly. The truth is that itâs times like the feast when Jon Snow is reminded that he is a bastard - and those times are not happy times.
Jon I, AGoT starts with Jon seated among the squires at a bench, starkly reminded of the difference between him and his half siblings. He sees Robb escort the princess and Theon ignore him on his way to the dais. His commentary bubbles with envy and bitterness. He describes Myrcella as âinsipidâ because Robb gets to accompany a princess. He tries to make himself feel better by getting drunk and counting that as an advantage over his siblings. Life is unfair and, at that moment, Jon feels strongly how unfair it is.
So this a low point for Jon Snow and he is getting drunk to numb the pain of being a bastard, and here comes Benjen telling him to sire some bastards!
Benjen Stark stood up. âMoreâs the pity.â He put a hand on Jonâs shoulder.
âCome back to me after youâve fathered a few bastards of your own, and weâll see how you feel.â
Jon trembled. âI will never father a bastard,â he said carefully. âNever!â He spat it out like venom. - Jon, AGoT
Thereâs so much emotion here. The words used - âtrembledâ, âNeverâ, âSpatâ, âVenomâ - encapsulates the absolute disgust Jon has for Benjenâs suggestion. And at that moment, with Jon looking at his siblings seated across him on the dais, I can totally understand his reaction to Benjen.
And itâs an ongoing theme in Jonâs relationship with Ygritte. Robb and Theon, who grew up with Jon, donât have the same hang ups that Jon does in regards to their sexual partners. Well, Robb did to a certain extend in terms of marrying Jeyne Westerling so that he wouldnât be responsible for a bastard who would have to grow up as Jon did or worse.
But since we have Jonâs POV, we get to read how he feels ashamed and almost disgusted by sex in AGoT and ACoK. And itâs not just because of his vows of celibacy either. He cheapens the act as being between âa pair of rutting dogsâ
âYou are a free man now, and Ygritte is a free woman. What dishonor if you lay together?â
âI might get her with child.â
âAye, Iâd hope so. A strong son or a lively laughing girl kissed by fire, and whereâs the harm in that?â
Words failed him for a moment. âThe boy ⌠the child would be a bastard.â
âAre bastards weaker than other children? More sickly, more like to fail?â
âYouâre bastard-born yourself. And if Ygritte does not want a child, she will go to some woods witch and drink a cup oâ moon tea. You do not come into it, once the seed is planted.â
âI will not father a bastard.â - Jon, ASoS
The proving had been so sweet, though, and Ygritte had gone to sleep beside him with her head against his chest, and that was sweet as well, dangerously sweet. He thought of the weirwoods again, and the words heâd said before them. It was only once, and it had to be. Even my father stumbled once, when he forgot his marriage vows and sired a bastard. Jon vowed to himself that it would be the same with him. It will never happen again. - Jon, ASoS
Remember in AGoT when Jon repeats Maesterâs Luwinâs ignorant bigotry about bastards growing up faster?
Uncle Benjen studied his face carefully. âThe Wall is a hard place for a boy, Jon.â
âI am almost a man grown,â Jon protested. âI will turn fifteen on my next name day, and Maester Luwin says bastards grow up faster than other children.â - Jon, AGoT
As bastards they are brought up hearing how they are treacherous (Once a man had said the words his blood was black. Black as a bastardâs heart ) or lusty.
Everyone knew that bastards were wanton and treacherous by nature, having been born of lust and deceit. - Jon, ASoS
Thatâs why Jonâs thoughts on marrying Val and having children are different to what he had with Ygritte. What Stannis offers him is the choice to have legitimate children.
I would need to steal her if I wanted her love, but she might give me children. I might someday hold a son of my own blood in my arms. A son was something Jon Snow had never dared dream of, since he decided to live his life on the Wall. I could name him Robb. - Jon, ASoS
The Jon at the end of ADwD is also more grown up and mature, someone who takes his bastardy in stride. And yet still understands the weight of societal prejudice - he sees it in how the brothers treat Satin and the Freefolk and the spearwives. It will be interesting to see if his emotional trauma with respect to his bastardy will continue to be a part of resurrected Jonâs story arc and whether it will be explored and dealt with before he knows the truth about his parentage.