honestly? mood.

There was a delivery mixup with my chicken pellets which means I have had to feed them corn and oats and rice and things from my pantry for the past few days. (This is not a nutritionally balanced chicken meal, it's like living on big macs.) The chickens, of course, are loving this, and are gonna be so fucking pissed when their real food gets here on Monday. I anticipate being yelled at a lot for daring to give them healthy pellets instead of delicious corn.

My chickens being like "if we were meat chickens on a farm you'd let us live on corn" and me being like "if you were meat chickens on a farm you would've been slaughtered and cooked already"

why does everything cost money

I hear you can pour river water into your socks for free

they should invent a job that doesn't affect your schedule or energy level that you don't have to go to if you don't want but you still get paid

#they did it's called ceo apparently (via @characterlimit)

the author’s thinly veiled nothing #notwriting #straightupnotwritingit

am i allowed to say kill all trillionaires or is that too specific of a threat

[no beers in] do you think im ever going to belong somewhere

Hey guys the star of Let It Snake is graduating high school today lmao

no time for mansplaining, this place is gonna blow

actually, it’s going to collapse. the bombs are only there to break the supports and compromise the structural integrity of the building so much that it collapses on itself. you would need a much more powerful bomb to literally blow up the building from the inside out since most of the energy would just be absorbed by th

I love the death grip after the toy was fixed up. Lessons were learned. Try to steal it this time you fucking bird. I dare you.

“not every character is bisexual” well obviously. some of them are lesbian

Lucy from Peanuts vs Goku. On one hand, Goku could obliterate any child. On the other, he would absolutely fall for the football thing

when you’re mean to me this is literally who you’re being mean to *image of me perched atop a throne of human skulls on a cliff above the ocean, howling wind and shrieking seagulls, and the dream goes on forever, one single static frame*

i get so scared off that anything

If you were really my friend you’d do this highly unethical experimental surgery on me

being online is so scary aren't you guys worried about the world wide spider

It took 36 years for someone to make this joke and by god it was worth the wait

dude honestly shout out to my guards i told them to seize this guy and before i could even finish my sentence they soze him. My goats