Tlön, Uqbar, Orbis Tertius

Indulge me for a moment. I think I can make a case for this.

Galad is a guy whose lived most of his life being a good son to his step mother and following all the rules, so he’s primed for rebellion against that life and just needs a change of circumstances and a little freedom to facilitate that rebellion.

He gets to go to the White Tower with his half brother and sister, two kids who sound like they’ve been muck ups their whole lives, and finally, he’s off Morgase’s apron strings, and doing the right thing doesn't seem like so much fun anymore.

At the White Tower, Galad isn’t there to fuck spiders. No, he’s there to try fucking Egwene. He hits on Egwene as soon as he meets her. Like, literally on their first meeting. She’s just hanging out with Elayne, and Galad thinks it’s cool to hit on his little sister’s friends while mogging his bro Gawyn. Wtf dude.

Later, and arguably, he shows interest in Nynaeve too, since later Elayne has a thought wondering if Galad was still interested in everyone’s favourite walking Braid Tugger™. Did something happen off camera? I think we see a bit of attempted flirtation from him when Nynaeve turfs G&G out of her room in the Accepted’s quarters, because he’s trying to turn the charm on her after he hits on Egwene again, right in front of Nynaeve. Also infront of his little sister again. Fkn shameless.

I bet if Tinder existed in Tar Valon, Galad would be the guy swiping right on all the girls to see who he matches with, and then copy/pasting “sup” to every one of them to find out who has low enough self esteem to reply to his lazy text. A looksmaxxing is fuckboi is still a fuckboi, Galad.

Then, after the girls are gone from the Tower in The Shadow Rising, we hear from Gawyn that Galad is heartsick Egwene is gone (she left him on read when he texted her “wyd” actually), and that he’s not coming to Warder training as often.

“...the last time he bothered to come to the yard.” (TSR, Chapter 17, Deceptions) Gawyn tells Min, so we know Galad is slacking off which is not doing the right thing at all.

THEN Galad goes and hits on Min, offering to take her to a dance and smiling at her, and we all know that when Galad smiles, it has this CHA +100 effect. Min’s impression is that he’s unaware of what he’s doing, but I disagree with her. He’s tried that smile on Nynaeve, who withstood it because she is Nynaeve™, and I bet he’s been trying that smile on plenty of girls at the White Tower because it gets him further than “sup”.

And THEN we learn the reason Galad is slacking off training and allegedly ‘heartsick’.

He’s not. He’s drunk. Gawyn thinks that Galad doesn't even get smashed on his birthday, but I think Gawyn doesn't know shit about what Galad's really been getting up to.

Sure, Gawyn knows his brother has been going out into Tar Valon and drinking in taverns with Whitecloaks. WHITECLOAKS! But I’m going to assume our friend Dain Bornhald is there, and we all know he drinks like a high school English teacher on the weekends. So I bet he’s there just frat boying it up with Galad, and being a bad influence while Galad is ditching Warder school.

Valda, that predator epic level asshole, is there too and he’s busy grooming Galad to join his cult by giving him personally autographed propaganda and making him feel like a Special Boy, all while under the influence of alcohol, which Valda probably bought for him and got the bartender to serve doubles, but told Galad they were singles, so Galad gets white girl wasted.

And that’s how this all ends, like many average university experiences, with Galad joining a cult and running away from home.

So some fanartist drew a “sexy” (read: booby) version of a (cartoon) character who is traditionally very non-sexualised. Fans of the character got mad about it because it’s kind of groundbreaking how that character is written and portrayed and this art totally ignores the entire point of the character. They demanded the art be deleted. In response to that other people said, well what the fanartist did may be distateful but they have every right to draw what they’re into. The two sides fight for days and each starts a harassment campaign and even report their “opponents’” accounts.

So far so typical. But things eventually come to a head and they decide that this will be settled by votes - not through a poll. Through donations to a children’s education charity via each side’s portal. Whoever can get the highest amount of donation wins.

I was driving through Vermont with a friend, and we pulled over at a tiny shop offering Maple Items. We were on the state highway, not the interstate, so "pulling over" meant "squeezing my tiny car into a parking bay the size of a broad highway shoulder."

As we got out of the car, an older woman emerged from behind the building where she had been pruning her roses. She introduced herself as Tammy.

Her shop offered the promised variety of Maple, but also a number of small antiques and a plethora of dog figurines, plaques, and clearly-hand-stitched garden flags.

A huge purple ribbon hung on the wall behind the register, along with many pictures of small dogs. This was no county fair ribbon. It was the size of my torso. The material had the soft sheen of actual silk.

As I placed my purchases on the counter, I asked, "Do you... Breed dogs?"

Yes. She does. She has bred Yorkies for the last 40 years. Her mother bred Yorkies before her. The purple ribbon was from her national championship winning Yorkie.

You may be expecting that the infodump was going to be about Yorkies.

It was not.

It was about 40 years of drama in the Yorkie breeding community. Where – you must understand – the judging at shows is often about who you're in with, not about the dogs. This is especially true when Tammy's opponents win anything.

And Tammy's mother! Well. Phyllis has been on the Yorkie scene since Yorkies were invented. Because of this, many women of equally venerable age hold deep grudges against Phyllis. The sort of grudges that result in episodes of Midsommar Murders.

This led to deep injustices against Phyllis on the part of judges and prevented her dogs from winning so often she retired from the scene. Judging is all about who you're friends with, after all.

After 20 years in hiding, Phyllis – the One True Queen of Yorkie Breeding – hatched a plot. She may have been out of the show circuit, but she was still breeding dogs. She entered an absolutely perfect bitch in the national competition, but sent her with a handler rather than go in person.

None of the usurpers knew who this dog belonged to, and in dog-breeding circles this Does Not Happen. This could have resulted in further injustices, but Phyllis was crafty. She knew this tournament was being judged by a man from the UK, who knew naught of the drama in the US Yorkie Empire.

With these advantages – and being the best dog there – Phyllis's bitch won the highest honor at the show.

Incensed by this insult to their ill-gotten supremacy, the other owners descended on the handler after the show, demanding to know for whom he was working.

"Phyllis," said he.

The name of the overthrown queen evoked horror in the usurpers.

"PHYLLIS!? She's still ALIVE!???"

Yes, Phyllis yet lived, and this bitch – the dog, not the woman – went on to mother Tammy's current dogs. One of whom, Lucy-Fur, is the reincarnation of Tammy's sister (also Lucy). This is certain for two reasons.

Firstly, Sister Lucy absolutely went straight to Hell upon her death, and Lucy-Fur the dog is positively as evil as Sister Lucy was.

Can just imagine all the girlies on tiktok going "I know this is a bit controversial but I honestly love using limestone as a gastrolith. Not only can you readily forage it but they are just so pretty when smoothed out after regurgitating them"