Valentine's day card dealer

f/o kidnaps you but they suck at it and you verbally attack them and criticize their methods of torture until they get self concious and cry

Ohhh the earthly delights

My dating gameplan is to kidnap some cute guy and turn him into my dream husband by chopping off bits of his fingers with a hot knife until he's good

are you open to critiques?

careful dude, you need those fingers to poast

Nah, I said cute guys, he's safe 🤭

*wingman voice* No way, this guy's as cute as they come: great mustache, fun taste in literature, and he's got the softest most choppable fingers you've ever seen

I'll double it and give it to the next person

monster that doesn’t know that it’s a monster because it’s never seen its own reflection, doesn’t understand why it’s feared. lonely creature only trying to love and be loved but it’s clumsy and doesn’t realize its power, doesn’t know it’s different. why don’t you love me. why are you scared of me. i’m just like you

Oh, NOW I understand why gays love monsters so much

wound dressings and bandages are lingerie for the enlightened pervert

I am the surgeon & I am the patient & I am the technician handing over the scalpel & I am the scalpel & I am the pervert touching themselves in the corner

no I dont want a daddy I want an ethically grey scientist who's developing an unprofessionally and inappropriately close bond with the subject (me) despite their better judgement and the warnings of their colleagues

big fan of when cute boys are harmed physically and/or psychologically

coming up with aus for your own ocs is so funny like yeah these are my guys i made up but in a different circumstance. yeah no i also made that circumstance up

blonde men are not of this earth and i don’t mean that in an angelic/positive sort of sense. i mean it as in they are demons. From hell

never feel like i can reblog any posts about how i love seeing men beat up and crying and being miserable bc i feel like a lot of them originate from a place of not liking men. you want to see men having a miserable time because you hate men. i want to see men having a miserable time because im a sadomasochist faggot who loves them. we are not the same.