i'm normal i swear

worst part of being online is that new episodes of tvl come out on sunday mornings for me and apparently for everybody else they release at 3 am on friday projected onto the wall of an abandoned church in australia that changes location every week

my greatest fear for the (alleged) s3 loustat episode is what if they make louis say monsieur le rockstar. they might genuinely make him call lestat monsieur le rockstar. there’s a very real possibility that jacob anderson was paid actual real american dollars to say the words monsieur le rockstar with a straight face on camera

i don't understand all these posts like "why did lestat shower in blood lol that's literally food for him that's not sexy" because if human lestat showered in marinara sauce in front of human armand, armand would still cum in his pants in seconds who are we kidding here

since we know louis is following the tour i wanna know his thoughts on big boss. like was he walking out of the diner after paying someone 500k to impersonate his dead daughter and he opens his phone to see lestat in that fucking outfit on stage singing a diss track to their daughter’s murderer where the lyrics are “you’re a sociopathic french gay theatre kid and the sex was mid as hell” even tho he got mad at louis for merely hiring a dj who helped murder their daughter

honestly i felt so bad for armand in episode 4 because everyone he was trying to apologize to just started turning him on. like daniel calls him a friendless bottom twink sociopath and lestat tells him to kill himself while strip-teasing him and then goes onstage to call him a smokeshow and "big boss" before his diss track like you guys KNOW he has a degradation kink can you stop. how is he supposed to not-apologize for all the atrocities if he has a boner

so what exactly did armand tell that support group he was addicted to??? like did he just walk into Alcoholics Anonymous like “hi. my name is arun and i’m addicted to… uh… opium..? opiates. i’m addicted to opiates. anyway i too would like to talk about my relationship with the vampire lestat and also some 70yo man" and alex sat there thinking "omg this guy is like a god"

i wonder how s3’s gonna handle lestat’s whole vandalizing-historical-monuments-begging-marius-to-adopt-him era now. like is lestat gonna be narrating on the stand like “listen, i know it sounded really bad in louis’ book, but when armand told me he was really chill about it and i hadn’t been to italy yet so i just kinda assumed it was a roman thing. maybe that was why the empire fell how would i know i couldn’t fucking read”

in retrospect lestat's parenting skills are so funny bc louis took the fun dad role and then lestat did a seance to summon the spirit of every bitchy tough-love 'i turned out fine' mom from tv. like claudia had ONE very common vampire problem and he went "yknow when that happened to me, The Gremlin burnt him alive and made me watch, uphill both ways in the snow. it builds character. you have it sooooo easy these days"

actually the real risk with being companionless/covenless as a vampire isn't soul-crushing loneliness it's the fact that isolated vampires just start doing anything. four grown ass men got divorced last season and the second they live alone lestat starts a middling soundcloud career, louis starts stalking some poor waitress, daniel becomes a bowling fanatic, and armand is in fucking ohio

i was putting off watching episode 3 cuz i wanted to be able to focus on work and lestat did canadian 9/11. like i turn on my tv and lestat blows up the cn tower because he's in a bad mood? i agree its not the prettiest building in the world but??? the aquarium is right next door??? it for sure got destroyed by debris??? does lestat know he killed a ton of fish and urchins and crabs and octopi??? will he say sorry???

actually wait i have an important question. why and how does gabriella have a phone? did lestat send it to them? they don’t have an address so how did that work? does lestat have to send them an updated model every time they break it? do they have a data plan? is he paying the roaming fees for their nomad shit? who gave them the mom-wallet-phone-case? do they have games on their phone? what level are they in candy crush?

one thing i’m yet to see brought up in discussions about gabi’s gender being erased from the show is that it’s stated multiple times in tvl alone that they present more femininely when around lestat, ESPECIALLY when lestat is more mentally unwell, because it “makes him happy.” there’s that, the way lestat regularly expresses dysphoria when forced into being hypermasculine, and how one of their first full conversations this season has lines like “we wore the same costume” and “i saw myself in [your face]”. this is because transgenderism is based on radius to another trans person, i guess

okay so if season one had a jelly roll morton cameo and season two had a jean-paul sartre cameo who do we think is getting a season 3 random-famous-historical-figure-who-is-apparently-cool-with-vampires cameo. personally my money is on trisha paytas