my gift to you is a handful of glitter and a sword

love the trope where an authoritative side character pointedly pretends not to help the hero they’re not supposed to be helping by saying shit like “well I can’t just let you wander around up to the THIRD FLOOR where you could just FIND THE THING YOU NEED in the FIRST ROOM ON THE LEFT. And under no circumstances should you USE THE KEY FROM UNDER THE MAT. I wish I could help you, but I CAN’T. Now excuse me, I need to take this phone call for the next 37 minutes EXACTLY.”

My doctor did that for me once. I had to get an expensive brain scan and she was like ‘do you smoke?’ and I was like ‘no’ and she was like “well that’s a pity because the government will pay for this expensive brain scan if you had been a smoker so - do you smoke?” 🤣🤣🤣 I was like ‘yes’ and she’s like ‘oh wow then this scan will be free’

you are not immune to inventing an arbitrary set of rules that only you have to adhere to

my safe clothing items that I wear day in day out for years and years should never break or rip or wear down. the power of friendship should stop that kind of thing

I love you amputees with prosthetics covered in stickers. I love you cane and crutch users with colorful and stylized walking aids. I love you wheelchair users with decorative spokes and lights on your wheels. I love you people who wear joint supports or braces with designs on them, whether you bought or commissioned them that way or customized them yourself. I love you people who wear helmets covered in sharpie doodles. I love you mobility aid and adaptive device users who make your equipment your own to truly reflect that it's an extension of yourself. I love disabled joy and whimsy.

didn't realize this post got any notes because you know what i'm also not checking? my activity feed.

hideo kojima originally wanted The End's boss fight in mgs3 to only be completable if you mailed him a picture of a cat eating dog food and a dog eating cat food

you have GOT to get over god abandoning you when you were 2 like its not even uncommon

Thats crazy dude mind if i join you

yesterday? blorbo stuff. today? blorbo stuff. tomorrow? you'll never guess

unleashing the skeleton army on an unsuspecting populace?

yes god finally one of you gets it

I worked in a supermarket for 7 years and I don't think I can understate just how much cleaning you had to do for it to look clean (it very often where not in the places you aren't supposed to see)

True for food service, retail establishments, gyms, outdoor areas, schools, religious buildings, office buildings, etc. People usually only notice when a space is NOT clean, meanwhile every time a space is clean it’s only because of the diligent work of janitors, maintenance staff, custodians, parks workers, or volunteers.

just received the best text message I’ve ever had. from my mom