Alice

ADHD can have a serious impact on your life and mental health. These are some of the things that were and still are the hardest for me.

Putting all of the current HRT collab in one spot! Fixed some mistakes and did just a tiny bit of reformatting. I did this last summer, and I hipe to get more comic stuff done this year. Thank you to all my friends for helping me in this. Can't wait to work with more of y'all.

Thanks to @imstillalexcomic, @biblicallyaccuratemoth, @alienbycomics, @kaylasartwork, @bubbleverseart, @assumptionprime, @maxine302, @pennymations, @cr1zz0, @haarlow, @alice-arty, and @nooodlesartstyle

You know, I know what it's like. I know what it's like to be someone like you, and, and I want to help you. Will you let me? Of course you will. Cute thing.

So what you can do is find a nice place to sit. Something comfortable. Not overly, not somewhere you could fall asleep, but somewhere you could stay for a little bit, and listen to me. Can you do that for me? Of course you can. Make sure you're able to sit, without distraction for a bit of time. No pee, no alarm, nobody bothering you. Done all that? Good. We can continue.

I want to help you, I really do. And what I'm going to do, in a few minutes, if you continue reading, if you continue listening to me, is that I will hypnotise you. I promise, it will be a nice experience, something calm, comfortable. It may feel like losing control, but, you know that I would never harm you, don't you?

I'm going to hypnotise you, to make you into a girl. To make you into the girl you want to be, or perhaps, feel you already are on some level. I will bring you into trance, and there, I will help you reveal the girlhood within you, whether you see it already or not. I will help you make it shine bright as a star, guiding you, protecting you.

Because yes, I will help you. I cannot force you into trance, force you to be hypnotised. Much less, do I have the power to force you to be a girl. I am not powerless, of course, but I know you are willing. I know you want this. I do, because you are still reading, on and on, as I describe the ways in which I will change you, the ways in which you will become a girl, more of a girl. And, because I know you do, and because I have the power to put words here, in your eyes, and into your mind, I will hypnotise you.

Maybe you have thoughts about it. Maybe you find it a little hot, a little arousing. Maybe you're just intrigued. Maybe you just want to be a girl. To feel like a girl. Maybe you just want to be good, to listen to me. No matter what, I know there's a lot of thoughts in your little head, spinning and spinning around, as you keep on listening to me. I know your heart is feeling a little bit tight, from the emotions in it. I know you want to listen to me. And what you can do, is let the thoughts quieten, and focus on me, okay? Focus on what i'm saying. It's alright, if you're afraid of doing it wrong. There's no wrong to be done, as long as you read my words, as long as you focus, on what I am saying.

And so you can continue reading, word after word. You can let yourself think of the rhythm of my words. How, despite these being just words, with no voice to speak them, it's still so easy, to get lost in their rhythm. You can wonder about the pauses, the commas and periods, and the way they break up, control, the speed of your read. And you can find it helps you, a bit. You can find that reading helps you calm yourself, and noticing these things makes it just easier to read more.

And now, what I'm going to do, is that I'm going to ask you to imagine something. You don't need to picture it, but you can if you want to. I'm going to describe things, a world, events, and I want you to listen, and to imagine what it would feel like, to be there. It's a natural process, really. Like getting lost in a book, or a show. Reading line after line, constructing these ideas in your cute, little head.

So then, cutie, I want you to imagine yourself. You as you are, in this moment, in front of stairs. These stairs lead to a basement, my basement. You know me. You know what I do. You know the meaning of basements, when they are mine. Hypnosis is about concepts, you know. About metaphors, and ideas. And so, you can think about that basement as a metaphor for my control. It makes sense, too. The basement is mine, and once in, I have power over you. You cannot be heard from outside, not seen. You're just as good as gone. Disappeared. At least, until I release a girl that looks weirdly like you onto the world.

If the basement is my control then, if it is a state of suggestibility, of being open to my words, to my power, it only makes sense, then, to think of those stairs as a metaphor for falling into trance. The stairs go down, into a place of my control, after all. Down, into my control. It make only sense. Then, it can be easy to imagine what might happen, going down these stairs. How each step down might feel, the calm and quietness heightening, as focus becomes more and more a natural task. Your body naturally finding a restful state, as your mind focuses down on one task, and one only, listening to me.

Then, what you can do, is imagine yourself, looking at the stairs, again. At how inviting they look, flooded by a quiet, warm light, coming from the basement. How easy the steps seem to be to take, one after the other. You can notice how you want to walk down these stairs, want to feel each step against your feet, until the very last. You might notice a bit of apprehension, too, and know that it's a natural feeling to have.

You can imagine an inviting hand, my hand, extended to you. And, when you take it, if you take it, I will help you go down these steps, one after the other, into trance. And you can know that, if it gets too frightening, you can always stop holding my hand, and walk out, and know that I will never be upset. And, when you're ready, you can take my hand in yours.

And as you do, you can feel your breath slowing down, as you feel the safety of knowing I am here. Then a light tug, pulling you downwards. And so, you can listen to me count down the steps, as you take them, from ten to zero.

Ten,

Taking the first step down, able to notice how the thoughts in your mind have quietened down.

Nine,

Your body settling into a more comfortable position, making small adjustments.

Eight,

My hand pulling a bit harder on yours now, making you take the steps two by two, as your mind listens to only my words.

Six,

Going down, and feeling the floor against your feet.

Four,

Feeling the air in your lungs, going out

And in again.

Two,

So close, the basement inviting you in already, wanting to go further, wanting to drop further.

And,

Zero.

Feeling your feet landing down on the floor.

Your hand in mine, your mind mine. You, in my basement. Good job.

You can, then, sit down, on the floor. I want you to feel your skin, then. Noticing first the light warmth of the floor. You can see the light on the ceiling, the walls of concrete, with no window to speak off. There is a desk on the other side of the room, with various things on it. The floor is tiled, and feels clean to your feet, almost surgically so.

I know you, I said. I know how you feel. So I want you to imagine something for me. I want you to think about masculinity, of being a man. You know it all too well, poor thing. Think about how it feels. How it's maybe more something that you perform, than one you are. Some thing that is put on you, or that you put on yourself. Or, maybe, that it feels like a force tainting your soul.

It's easy to see masculinity as something outside of you, that isn't you. Perhaps, though, you feel, on some level, that this masculinity covers you, taints you. That its presence in you, on you, makes you worse of a being, dampening your true self and any femininity. Perhaps, it's easy to feel that, the weight of masculinity covering you, it is something that cannot be escaped. That will be with you, tainting, rotting, until the end.

Then, what you can do, is think of that masculinity as a layer of oil on your skin. It makes sense, really. Testosterone is tied to increased skin oiliness, and you know, you feel, in you, that it's something that covers you, in a way. That you cannot escape. It's an oil that reeks, that makes your entire self shrivel up as a rotten fruit. It's one that taints all that you can be, that lives and moves with you, always with you. That taints all that you touch.

Maybe, then, you would want that masculinity gone. Maybe, you find it hard to believe it ever can go away. It's okay. I'm here, and I can help you. You can imagine your body, then, covered with this thin layer of oil. And you can look back at me, and see me, sponge in one hand, bucket in another. I have a bit of a special soap for you, something a bit magical. When applied to skin, you see, skin that is covered in that nasty oil, it, as all soaps do, removes it, of course. But I also put a little bit of magical dust in that soap. And so, when it's used, it prevents that oil from coming back. Removes it from you, forever. In a sense, it's a sort of feminizing soap.

You can imagine what it might be like, then, to live free of it. Unburdened, able to feel yourself as you are, and a renewed girlhood. A weight removed, and, for the first time, naked in a brand new way. Free. It's inviting, isn't it? How your mind might feel like, removed from the prison of masculinity. It's inviting, a freeing thought.

Now, in a few moments, I will start brushing your skin clean. Water and soap will fall over skin, bit by bit, and scrub that oil that feels so horrible to you. And what you can do then, is be good, and sit still, while I take care of you, cutie.

And so, I start, cleaning your left hand first. Soapy water dripping from your fingers, as they carry with them the oil, and as the dust settles on you. Going on to your arm, now, and maybe you can already feel a certain softness to your hand, freed finally. The soapy water drips down and along, and so goes the oil. Maybe you can feel a cloudiness leaving your mind, slowly.

Going on to your right arm, up and down, and down and up, scrubbing from nail to shoulder. You can notice how easy it is to clean you up, how easily the soap carries it. You can feel the water along your arms, the light cold of droplets on your skin. And your legs. You might notice, as I move, that your arms look more distinctly feminine. Something has changed, and already, it's simple to feel how much easier it is, for these to feel Yours.

As I brush your leg, and as water rolls and falls on the ground, you can begin to notice, already, how your mind adapts to the changes, to freedom. How thoughts of dresses, feminine clothing, makeup, make themselves more at ease within your mind. It becomes simpler to think of yourself doing girly things. Freed of masculinity, of the oil that poisons you, it feels easy, to see yourself as girly. As I finish washing your legs, you can feel within your heart that it could be easy to act like a girl would.

Because you're one, aren't you? Inside, beneath the layers of oil that keep you sad and broken, you're a girl. A girl. It feels easy to say, as I pass my sponge on your back. You're a girl. A girl! It feels so nice to say, too, as you feel water dripping. So nice to affirm yourself, to call yourself a girl.

Good girl.

And that feels so nice to hear too! An acknowledgment of the truth, of what sits within you, of what defines you, what you are, below the oil. It feels like a warm fuzzy hug, a little bundle of joy. And you can store that feeling, that feeling of being called a good girl, in a part of your head, so you can remember it the next times you're called that. Called what you are.

A good girl.

And such a good girl, too! Giggling happily as I clean her chest and head now, and such a pretty girl. You can feel that in your heart, how nice it feels, to be a girl. You can also feel a distinct weight freed, maybe once you had a difficulty noticing before. And from now on, you can know that it will feel so much easier, to be a girl. To call yourself one, to act as one, to be one in every single part.

What a good girl.

I grab a towel, and let you dry yourself with it. As you do so, you can notice that your skin feels a new electricity on it, like you were truly touching it for the first time. It's easy to feel happiness as that, it's easy to feel happiness, every time something reminds you you're a girl. You can feel that nice warm feeling, from being a girl. And you can store it too, so that it will always be here, inside your heart, easy to reach. So that every time you do something that reminds you you are a girl, or that someone else reminds you you are a girl, you can feel that flame of joy in your heart, growing with each time.

Because it just keeps being easier, and nicer. As you get used to it, it keeps being easier and nicer, to be a girl. The more you are a girl, the more you act as one, live as one, the easier it gets to be one, of course, and the nicer it feels to be one, of course. And so that flame of joy grows each time a little bit more.

It's easy to be a girl. That's true. It never was easy to be a boy, a man. But a girl? It feels nice, and warm, and happy. It feels like if you just kept doing it you could just keep being happy forever. It feels like you, too.

Good girl <3.

And now, now that you are dry, and clean, and a pretty little happy girl, what you can do, is let yourself bask in this feeling, in this joy, for a little bit. And you can feel your mind getting used to that joy, saving it, encoding it within you, to be a part of you. And it feels so nice, so safe, to know you can be a girl, and you can be happy.

And once you've done that, you can take my hand again, as you head back up the stairs. Not forever, of course. I'm sure we'll have plenty fun another time, but for now, about to leave my basement. And as you do, you can feel certain that these feelings, that the magic of the soap and of my words, will stay with you for as long as you want them, and will keep bringing you joy in the way they do right now, the joy of being a girl. Because you're a girl now, and there's no changing that <3

And so, you can begin walking up, at your own speed, taking each step after the other, feeling your feet on them,

Noticing your body reminding itself it exists,

And the thoughts in your little mind returning,

As you awaken back into the real world.

there is no conclusive evidence that the feminizing effects of injectable E are preferable to those of oral E, but injectable is safer long-term (years-long), so eventually switch to injectable. its cheaper also.

use a good anti-androgen. spiro will make you piss and pissed, because it sucks. take bica 50mg or cypro 12.5mg. misc notes on anti-androgens:

if you've already been on E for over a year and your E is above 250pg/mL and your T is below 50ng/dL, you won't really benefit from an anti-androgen. If you're earlier in your transition than that, or if your levels aren't looking like that, you can either increase your estrogen intake (try not too exceed a blood estrogen level of 700pg/mL, or take an anti-androgen. there is no conclusive clinical evidence to say that monotherapy is better or worse than E + AA, it's kinda just personal preference.

there are two things to be wary of with bicalutamide; first, it's hell for your liver. if you like to drink, don't take it. if you take it, get liver enzymes taken when you get blood labs pulled. second, bica does not stop T production, only reception, so it should only really be taken if you plan on getting an orchiectomy (thus removing the testes). If you plan on keeping your testes, use cypro.

if you take cypro, get a vitamin b12 (or general b) supplement. cypro eats away at b12 reserves which can sometimes cause depression and other mental health symptoms.

take your prog. take 200mg. if youre putting it in your mouth, take more until youre emotional but stable. if youre putting it in your butt - PUTT IT IN YOUR BUTT - take more, but less than you would if it were in your mouth.

work out. work your ass, your thighs, your abs. get sweaty. the more growth hormones you can get through your body, the more effectively your estrogen will feminize you (this includes your tits).

eat more. eat at least 25% more than your maintenance. eat lots of protein, but also lots of fat. your ass and tits will thank you very jiggly.

i will say that all the cooking instructions for veggies are pretty much the same (season with salt + pepper and roast on the top oven rack at 425F), but if it ain’t broke don’t fix it.

that being said, it also introduced me to methods i wasn’t at all expecting. i would have never thought to use cream cheese in my meat sauce, and now all my friends are constantly asking me to make my special rigatoni.

"Cream sauce base" = make a roux, add milk according to how much cream sauce base you're supposed to have (ex: 4 oz cream sauce base = 4 oz milk)

"1 packet stock concentrate" = either one tablespoon Better than Bullion or, if you want to be really accurate, Savory Choice Broth Concentrate packets are available on Amazon and allegedly that's what they use

"Italian Heat Spice"/"Blackening Spice"/"Fry Seasoning"/etc.: I promise you someone on Reddit has figured out what spices they use and in what proportions for each mix, if it's not just a straight up branded mix (like McCormick Grill Mates Brown Sugar Bourbon spice mix)

"Roasted Garlic Herb Butter" (and other compound butters, like truffle butter) = they're literally Epicurean branded butters, they do not hide this, you can buy them online

"Sweet Soy Glaze"/"Ponzu sauce"/"Hoisin sauce" = literally Kikkoman brand condiments: they don't hide that, either

It's also how we know that most dinosaurs had round pupils. It's pretty common for people to depict dinosaurs with slit pupils, probably because of Jurassic Park, mostly because it looks really cool, but nope, they were round. There are very few, if any, birds with slit pupils, which is further evidence for round pupils. And most extant animals with slit pupils are on the small side. Many people think of cats having slit pupils, and they do, but it's the little ones. Lions and tigers have round pupils, because slit pupils are most useful closest to the ground and they actually sacrifice some of their visually acuity for the sake of being better at judging distances in low-light conditions, and most animals with them are ambush predators that jump out at their prey. You ever seen a video where someone throws or bounces a ball towards a cat and it bops them on the head and they seem surprised? That's why; they struggle to track where the ball is going, especially horizontally. So for anything over a certain size, slit pupils are a detriment, especially if they chase down prey.

Trevor Noah has a great tip, that when he craves ice cream at night he breaks it down into parts: I want something cold, I want something sweet. He drinks a glass of cold water then waits to see if he still has the ice cream craving. Usually he doesn’t.

So listening to your body isn’t “follow every urge” but “decompose the urge to discover the underlying need.”

If you always feel like getting cozy in bed you may be: cold, dehydrated, and/or malnourished (maybe a need for high calories that are bioaccessible…not processed).

If you do not feel tired at bedtime you may: need to eat dinner earlier because your body is still digesting, need to exercise or go outside more during the day, get the fuck off your screen for an hour so your brain can enter sleep mode.

Hope this helps someone.

Before I say anything, this post is for those of you who defend other trans women to your very last, women like kinky-robot-girl, Patricia Taxxon, isuggestforcefem, sailatina (sailor-crusader), all the ageplaying transfems on this site who get nuked multiple times a day, etc.. Despite all this support and rhetoric, which I love to see, I do not think many of you are really willing to fully acknowledge that thought-crimes are not real in the case of people attracted to children. For us all to be free, we can leave no one behind, and that includes pedophiles whether you like it or not. The word 'pedophile' does not imply action of any kind, it is merely a descriptor. People will say 'pedophile' and mean 'child abuser'. This is stupid and wrong, those terms are entirely separate. If you conflate those two terms to mean the same thing, you might as well say that 'trans woman' is synonymous with 'misogynystic rapist', which I don't think I have to explain to you the wrongness of.

I ought to make something clear, I am a trans woman, an ageplayer, a victim of *real* CSA, and I am attracted to adults. With this being told, I want it understood that I, happily, am friends with several pedophiles, and I know for certain they would never hurt an actual child. Now, sure, I imagine many of you would be willing to acknowledge such a thing in your own lives when pressed. However, just this acknowledgment is not the important part here. The important part is to not treat the pedophiles you love, and the pedophiles in this community, as disposable the moment they, or you, are accused of something heinous; be proud to be friends with a pedophile. Defend them. Be proud such a person trusts you with that knowledge. Something you need to be able to do is to say a sentence like "no one is free until we all are, and that includes people who are attracted to children" without immediately quantifying it with "and that does not condone fucking literal children" that second part should be understood implicitly. When a trans woman says she has a rape/noncon kink, do you think she actually wants to rape someone, or is inciting literal rape towards herself? No, I don't think you do. Why, then, do you not apply the same rational logic to pedophiles?

Access to HRT, increasingly, to any kind of gender affirming care is being age gated. More and more, society prevents transgender children from having control over their lives.

I assume I don't have to convince you of how horrible this is. How many girls have felt the pain of unbearable wait, of being deemed too young to have control over your own body, your own puberty? How many girls have cried over the fear of being "too late"?

It's evident, to me, and I hope to you too, reader, that we must fight this movement, that would put our younger siblings in cages.

I believe that the ideology that creates this has to be fought not on the single issue of HRT. We know how easy it is to move things around, in a way that keeps structures of power enabled.

I think that if we are to fight, we must fight for the whole liberation of children. The society we live in treats them not as people, deserving of rights, of agency, but instead as property. This is the root of the evil that seeks to keep children trapped, helpless.

This evil is why the concept of parent's rights exists, why there is this belief that parents have rights over their children. Of course, society says, parents own their children.

We must not accept that. It is why children cannot choose for themselves. from the silly and small things, to the crucial, life saving ones. Children are deemed too young to know, at every turn, to make their own decisions. Forbidden to transition, of course, but also to choose their clothes, the information they can learn, or their interests. A parent controls everything about a child, and the issue of what a child can do or not is too often framed as what their parent will allow.

We must devote ourselves to destroying this system, that seeks to define children as lesser.

But this means, too, dear reader, that you must dismantle it within yourself, too. You must understand children as people first. Not as something Less. You must destroy the impulse that would have you talk down to a child, and assume they cannot understand whatever it is they ask about. You must not accept that anything a child does be chosen for them. You should not hand wave things away, act with the belief that there are certain things a child must not know until they get older. Neither should you push children away from you, keep them isolated.

You must, reader, internalize this. A child is a person, no less nor more than you. A small and young person, of course, but if anything, this must be cause to give them greater care.