i had an experience around fifteen, where a cis man i lived with told me that feminism was no longer needed because multiple companies his job worked with had women ceos and women dominated staffs, and i had to spend multiple hours trying to convince him that feminism was very much necessary, which had no effect whatsoever until i pulled out my own experience as a girl child dealing with sexual harassment from a young age, which because he was not the worst cis man i’ve ever known, did finally get through to him to some degree. though it did nothing to make him less of a misogynist or patriarch.
it was one of the more degrading moments of my life. to have to hold my own sexual trauma out in front of a cis man who had determined the movement built to give me rights was no longer needed, to have to sully myself with exposing my trauma to someone who felt comfortable enough to explain to me why i was not oppressed. i vowed after that to never do that again. no matter what i would not use my personal experiences to convince someone why the fight for my rights and equality is vitally necessary.
do you see where i am going with this?
i see trans men and transmasculine people daily, ripping out their own traumas and pain and holding them up to people who deny our oppression in an effort to get them to care. and this is my encouragement to all of you to stop. you are debasing yourself for people who do not see you as human like they are. your pain is not registering to them. you are likely hurting yourself in the process. it will not make things better. you do not have to do this. your well being matters more than the off chance of getting through to someone. you matter even in the face of someone who does not believe you do.
if sharing your own pain in the hopes of helping someone understand is of benefit for you then godspeed, but i think many need to be told that they do not have to. if you have never been told this, let me be the first. your experience through life is your own, your pain and trauma are sacred, and you do not owe anyone information about your most private and excruciating experiences. you deserve love and safety and those who would pick apart your life like carrion are not worth your exposed heart.





















