You can catch me in cyberspace!

Name: Shepard

Date of origin: 1997

More about my LGBTQ identity: Annoyingly bisexual, genderqueer trans werewolf in a secondhand skirt. TME. Neither man nor woman. Probably best to consider me agender or neuter, but gendered colloquial/slang terms like guy and bro and girl and sis are all fine and dandy. In serious contexts I just prefer being called a person or an individual. I use they/them or he/him. You don’t have to alternate, in fact, please don’t, that’s wicked confusing for me!! I’m just open to either.

Other: White USAmerican. Nontraditional college student, largely pursuant of physical geography / biogeography as well as museum studies. Absolutely obsessed with birds. Neurodivergent and proud. Leftist.

Socials: Ehhh broadly I try to use social media as little as possible. I’m most reachable on Discord or Bluesky, both as shepfax.

Things to know:

Thanks to my careful notification filters and my unparalleled ability to forget legitimately important things, let’s just say my inbox isn’t exactly open or closed. If you reach out via ask or tumblr messenger there’s a substantial chance I’ll miss it. Try Discord if you need me fast or just wanna chat about something which is always welcome :)

I’d generally prefer not having minors follow me here because I reblog very adult humor and mature content regularly. That said I’m always open to answer educational questions and field curiosity from people of all ages. I’ve been out as trans since I was a wee teenager in 2012 and I’ve acted as a mentor to people younger and older than me exploring gender identity before, so I want to empower people at all stages of their journey!

If I reblog from someone known to be shitty please let me know. I’m not active enough in Tumblr spaces to know all the latest dickheads in circulation, sorry. 

Above all else, this blog is just for me to post about whatever I’m passionate about. It’s all over the place thematically, I’ve been on Tumblr for 15 fucking years and it’s still not curated at all lmao. My ass has been on this site since 2011 and I have changed a lot so if you’ve been following me since I was 13… you’re a tough cookie and I hope you’re doing well.

As for a “DNI” (list of people you don’t want interacting with your blog) I think they’re essentially pointless since people love to just ignore them. But if you’re a zionist, a terf/febfem/transmisogynist, a radical inclusionist/radqueer, pro-paraphilia, or consider the terms transabled or transautistic acceptable, then you need to stay the fuck away from me. 

Anyway. Enough of that. Check out my fursona.

This is Mira. They're a cat + monster + demon + reptile thing. Below are some awesome pics of them courtesy of my friends!

(art by furbyfries)

(art by sturner)

(art by crunkerton)

(art by ccasino)

(art by missrockyqo)

I am a certifiably sexual being. I so desperately want to do more both for myself and my partner. I do have a sex drive, my mind and heart swim with desires and fantasies and needs, but there's so much discomfort with the act of genital contact that it feels impossible to satisfy that part of me. Not even run-of-the-mill dysphoria and anxiety, there genuinely is some kind of physical dysfunction with touching my junk (feeling at best overstimulating and at worst painful) that I legitimately want to address and mitigate.

This has been a problem since puberty. I'm transmasc, almost 29 years old, have been on T almost 10 years, and have had a total hysterectomy with cervix, both ovaries, and tubes all being removed as well. I have significant bottom growth that makes me feel incredibly euphoric but it feels like it doesn't fucking matter if no one can touch it for too long. Not my doctor, not my partner, not even me. Usually I can't even wash the area thoroughly. I didn't have my first orgasm until I was 20 years old and bottom growth had started, and even then it wasn't through direct contact. I was using a toy. Most of the time I have to use toys or there has to be some kind of barrier between my t-dick and whatever is touching it, usually manifesting as through-the-clothes contact only. I can get off this way but that just isn't what I want to be doing forever. That caveat is what makes me think it probably isn't just a physical problem, this has to be at least partially a mental block.

Who do I even go to about this? Gynecology? Sex therapist? Pelvic floor therapy? Wait til bottom surgery? What is even wrong with me? Is this literally just a severe form of dysphoria and I'm overreacting trying to make it something else? I'm not a sexual assault survivor. No specific trauma around my vagina that I can think of other than in medical settings, and in those cases I can't tell if the discomfort came before I started needing pelvic exams or after they tried and failed to do my first one. Because I make doctors put me to sleep with propofol for any procedures involving the vagina, I've never been penetrated while conscious and likely never will be, especially if my tenuous plans for metoidioplasty go through someday. The tissue of my t-dick doesn't even look visibly irritated or unhealthy. I feel like I'm malfunctioning.