Unacceptable!

i am a biological machine that turns cold cans of Campbell’s soup into shareholder value and nude selfies

wait this is the wrong ask 

No you got it

you can honestly be having the worst day of your life, open tumblr and there's your long time mutual who has recently gotten really into toy story yaoi just posting away

(loudly so women will hear) I would hang out with princess peach even if she didn't lure me in with cake. (Looks over my shoulder to see if anyone is watching)

(Scuttling noises) (a distant steel beam groans)

Girlfriend won't stop point-and-clickmaxxing. Saying shit like "keys! I can use these!" And walking up to doors and announcing "it's locked." without touching the knob

you and me are going to outlive this website. you and me are going to outlive everything. one day it will just be you and me

some people have tagged this with their various favourite fictional characters or even worse, their friends and lovers. let me be crystal fucking clear. it’s going to be you. and me.

you are doing ghost of christmas past torment to me