POPE CODY

A FENCE AWAY ~ ongoing

intro 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

SUMMARY ➩ living next to the cody family was already a difficult task to manage and it only gets more complicated when the eldest boy gets back from prison

SAFE HAVEN 2

SUMMARY ➩ Pope only feels like himself when he’s alone with you in your apartment

CLEAN SLATE

JACK ABBOT

PRAISE PERFECTION 2

SUMMARY ➩ striving for perfection and running off nothing but study books and bitter coffee, you’re struck by your new night shift attending and his gentle praise that gets under your skin

PAPER THIN WALLS

SUMMARY ➩ Jack Abbot is the perfect neighbor who is always willing to offer you a helping hand. Until you ask him to take your virginity.

TILL DEATH DO US PART

SUMMARY ➩ Before Jack was a widower, he was a husband. (your love story from his eyes.)

SAMMY BRYANT

A GOOD MAN

SUMMARY ➩ moving in with your older sister tammi, you develop an odd fixation on her husband

BONDED IN GRIEF

SUMMARY ➩ after losing your husband nate, you find comfort in his partner

RESISTING TEMPTATION

SUMMARY ➩ sammy is beyond tested when nate’s new babysitter gains interest in him

PRIVATE SHOW

SUMMARY ➩ Sammy is insecure, lost in his marriage and lacking excitement in his life until he meets you, a stripper who misses the thrill of dancing simply because she wants to

STAN ROSADO

PRINCESS PROTECTION

SUMMARY ➩ You’re convinced the boy next door is your soulmate and the feeling hasn’t faded even after ten years apart

MISC

IN THE SHADOWS elvis schmidt

DARYL DIXON

The Silence of It > One Two Three Four Five Six Seven Eight Nine Ten Eleven Twelve Thirteen Fourteen

Walking Tension

You were never shocked by the knock on your door, no matter how late or how randomly placed in the middle of a boring week.

The sun would be set, dishes washed and put away in their respective places, and your feet still lingering near the doorway as you waited for the inevitable sound of knuckles against wood.

It had been a few days since the last time you heard it so you knew it was becoming overdue, skin slightly prickling as you waited and waited in your front hallway far too patiently. You felt a bit foolish for standing there for so long, in a slight trance whenever you thought about who was coming.

Thirty minutes of you hovering passed before you were sighing and retreating to your room.

Your feet froze in place when the noise echoed from behind you, making your chest tighten and a surge of adrenaline hit you so hard you felt a bit dizzy when you hurriedly spun back around and made your way to the entry again.

Sammy looked melancholy when you pulled the door open, hand raised in a fist like he was about to knock again. His shoulders deflated when he saw you and you figured it must be in relief considering the way he was surging forward and pulling you in.

You sighed when he tucked his forehead down against your shoulder, instinctively wrapping your arms around him. You rubbed up and down his back softly, your other forearm securely pressed to his side reassuringly as you both swayed from the force of the embrace.

It took awhile for him to let you go, you had to coax him back just enough for you to be able to walk.

He followed you fully into the living room with a distant look on his face, sitting down on the cushion and getting a panicked expression when you made a move to walk away.

“Relax.” You say as softly as you can, pressing your hands against his shoulders to keep him sitting. “Just going to get some water for you.”

He didn’t look too pleased by it but he let out a breath and settled back against the cushions long enough for you to go to the fridge and fill him up a glass.

It was pointless considering he ignored it once you came back, barely getting his fingers around it before he was setting it down on the coffee table in favor of wrapping his hands around your middle and bringing you down to sit in his lap sideways.

You sighed but leaned against his chest and let him tuck against your neck again, breathing you in deeply and holding you so tight you felt a little dizzy.

“Bad day?” You kept your voice quiet but it was enough for him to hear you and pick up his head, eyes full of hurt that was reflecting off the dim lighting in the room.

“Couldn’t have been worse.” He answered honestly and you gave him an empathetic look, running your hand over his jaw and feeling the way he rest against it and shuts his eyes. “I needed to see you.”

“Did you even go home?” Your eyebrows furrow and he looks at you again, the guilt on his face making the answer obvious. “Sammy we talked about that. She goes crazy if you don’t at least stop by.”

You never would shy away from talking about Tammi because there was no point. She was the main thing you thought about when you were with him, his wedding ring currently pressing against your waist and the knowledge of his wife hanging over your head like a weight.

You admittedly had very little empathy for the woman.

You’d gone to high school with both of them but you’d known Sammy a few years before. You were always drawn to him, even before you could even really understand what that meant.

You just wanted to be around him, a young and sweet boy with an adult like patience that you didn’t get to see at home. He was always extra kind to you when you came to school tired or bruised, sharing his lunches and then pressing soft kisses to the side of your mouth once you got a bit older.

He’d been stricken with Tammi the moment he had seen her as you entered high school, fixated on her loud voice and extreme personality.

There was no other option than to watch him fall in love with her and then watch him lose that lightness he always carried trying to keep her happy.

What started as soft complaints on the phone after a shift turned into meeting up on his breaks to have lunch and absorb all his worries silently. Then he started to come over late into the night, something Tammi had forbid a few years ago.

She had tried to pretend to be civil with you when you were teenagers although grimacing at your kindness whenever you greeted her or made an attempt to bond. It was clear she didn’t like that Sammy had a girl best friend and she drew the line firmly once you were all adults.

There was no longer a need to try and seem friendly because Sammy was wrapped around her finger both metaphorically and legally in the form of the metal band she rarely wore.

He had called you a few years back to tell you that he couldn’t be around you anymore unless it was a group setting, absolutely no alcohol could ever be involved and he was definitely not allowed at your house.

It had sent you in a bit of a spiral, wondering if Tammi was just being as insane as she always was or if she had somehow seen deep down into the hidden part of you that had loved Sammy since you were practically children. And if Tammi knew, did that mean he did too?

“I dealt with her all day on the phone.” He was complaining softly and bringing your attention back to the present, still sneaking around and crossing boundaries just enough to make your head spin.

You never talked about it but his big hands would run over your waist, pulling you far too close to be friendly and taking deep breaths of your hair and skin like he was addicted to it.

Sometimes you caught him looking at your lips when you spoke, eyes a little distracted and then embarrassed when you’d clear your throat to try and get his attention.

You tried not to think about how Tammi would react to you being in his lap right now, holding his jaw and leaning down to kiss his cheek softly in comfort as he complained about her for the hundredth time.

“What’s she upset about now?” You know you’re playing into it, feeding the flame that never seems to burn hot enough to actually make him recoil.

He’ll talk about it endlessly and you can tell he really wants to leave her but he always goes back home at the end of the night with his tail between his legs.

“I mentioned your birthday.” He sighed and then gave you a look when he saw the automatic frown. You’d had plans with him for your birthday, beyond excited when he invited you out to dinner but you figured you should have known it was too good to be true. “She didn’t want to come but then she found out she wasn’t even invited and she lost her mind.”

“I don’t want to go at all if she has to be there.” You say immediately and you feel a little guilty for being so selfish with his time but you decide you deserve it considering the way she acts around you.

Admittedly you also just want him all to yourself and you know he won’t give you the same amount of attention if she’s around because it’ll without a doubt piss her off.

“I know sweetheart.” He breathes out and you hate the tone of his voice, the premature disappointment like he knows there’s no solution to the problem already.

And the petnames always break you, another old habit he had abandoned years ago that seems to be making an appearance more and more often lately.

“It’s fine.” You run a hand through his hair and he blinks tiredly up at you. You don’t want to add to his ever growing stress even if your throat feels tight at the let down. “I’ll see if Alex can come instead.”

You felt Sammy tense underneath you and his hands tighten around your middle. You stopped rubbing his hair in favor of sighing and resting harder against his chest, knowing exactly what was on his mind.

Sammy had always been the same way, patient and gentle to a fault. The only thing that really seemed to set him off was sharing you with other people.

He could tolerate your girl friends, he’d easily encourage you to go out and have fun and listen to your recaps the next morning while he drove to work. Guys, however, were a completely different battle.

You remember one of your first ever fights, only starting after you told him and your other friends that you finally had your first boyfriend. It had taken you until your junior year of high school to be over Sammy enough to move on, accepting by then that him and Tammi were more solid than you realized initially.

He’d been quiet the rest of the day and then pulled you to the side before you could walk home, lightly pressing you back against a tree and slightly interrogating you about the boy you were seeing.

It felt like a fresh memory, the butterflies in your stomach when you saw how serious he was and how wanted you felt as he told you that you deserved better. Sammy was jealous, there was no point in denying it and you knew you weren’t being delusional just because you had feelings for him.

He spent the next fifteen years getting the same expression whenever you talked about a guy or brought one to group cookouts, his glare fixated on a hand around your waist or the way you’d softly kiss the guy in thanks when he brought you a drink.

You knew Sammy found the same comfort in you that you got from him but that was the first real time you considered that Sammy might feel something more for you too.

Alex had started at your office a few years ago and just like always, Sammy had gotten that serious expression as soon as you started mentioning him casually. One of your mutuals friends had joked over drinks a month or two ago that you should make a move and Sammy immediately excused himself to stomp his way up to the bar.

Now his big hands were softly kneading into your side like you were a stress ball, staring past you to instead burn holes into your coffee table.

“Don’t do that.” You attempt to scold him but it comes out overly fond, a soft teasing whisper that makes him slightly scoff in amusement.

“I’ll figure it out.” He says a bit sternly and you give him a long disbelieving look. “I mean it. Don’t go out with him.”

“That’s not fair Sammy.” You try to be more serious so he can really understand but you can almost see the way your words fall on deaf ears.

He’s turning his head so he can press soft kisses on your skin, one laid against your cheek and then moving further until his lips are against the side of your mouth. It’s torture for you but you’re a willing participant, letting your eyes close and your body relax so he has no reason to stop.

And he doesn’t, peppering you in affection like he’s trying to erase the memory of Alex himself.

You feel his hands rubbing from your sides to your back, sliding under the hem of your tank top to rest on your shoulder blades like it’s a completely normal way for two friends to be touching.

You’d never deny Sammy anything but especially when it involved him fawning over you like this. You almost wanted to push it further, talk more about Alex and really exaggerate the nature of your relationship just to see how much it took for Sammy to decide he needed to lay a real claim on you.

He wasn’t yours so by default you couldn’t be his, that ring pressing against your hot skin an endless reminder of your situation.

“I know and I’m sorry.” His voice was soft and quiet like he truly meant it and part of you thought that he might.

You didn’t think his selfishness came with any malicious intent but it was still there, still pulling him towards your door after a fight with his wife and making him touch you in that confusing intimate way.

You didn’t go out to dinner with Alex for your birthday, you couldn’t stomach the thought even if Sammy hadn’t been so upset by it.

Instead you ended up sitting across from Tammi, trying to ignore her glare as you did your best to make small talk. You’d invited a few other friends so it felt less like third wheeling but you still had to make a point to not look at Sammy for too long.

She had a perfect view of your face from this angle and you knew exactly what she would see. The way your eyes softened when they met his and the obvious longing in your gaze when it was directed at her husband.

Sammy was staring holes in the side of your face anyways, maybe thinking he was being more subtle about it than he actually was. His ankle was crossing yours under the table every few minutes and you had to routinely send him a small glare to get him to stop.

You took the opportunity for a smoke break as dinner transitioned to drinks, placing your order and making your way outside before anybody could object. You figured you were leaving them to awkward small talk, your other friends barely knowing Sammy and unable to tolerate his wife, but you needed to breathe.

It wasn’t really possible considering the door was pushing open almost as soon as it shut behind you.

You sighed softly when you saw Sammy coming out into the small dark alley but you didn’t object when his hands were sliding over your sides, back and forth for a few seconds before resting on your lower back and pulling you closer.

“You’re not having a good time.” He said softly, not a question but a statement.

“How could I?” Your eyebrows furrow in frustration as your palms wrap around his biceps. “Your wife is glaring at me everytime I speak at my own birthday dinner and you’re trying to play footsie under the table.”

He frowns and you feel bad for how harsh you’re being, especially when he’s brushing your hair behind your ear and softly kissing your jaw a few times. He knows exactly how to unravel you, lower those walls and keep you melting against him.

“I’m sorry.” His voice is slightly muffled against your skin so he picks his head up and his nose brushes yours. “I just wanted to see you and she wouldn’t let me go without her.”

“It’s fine, she’s actually not being that terrible.” You sigh and it’s the truth. Tammi hadn’t said much of anything which was almost scarier than her making snappy or inappropriate comments. You felt like she was observing you closely, noting your every micro expression. “You’ve got to stop looking at me like that though.”

You didn’t need to clarify because you both knew what you were talking about, the same look he was giving now as his head tilted slowly in amusement.

More than longing, something deeper and heavier. You would have thought you imagined it a few years ago but you knew better now and you were more than aware of the fact Sammy wanted you in some capacity.

“Can’t help it. You look so beautiful tonight.” His voice had dropped and he leaned back down to kiss your skin again, this time a lot closer to your mouth than before.

You sighed and leaned further against him, trying to ignore the heated sensation in your stomach when he lightly guided you backwards so you were against the wall. His hands stayed on your lower back for the most part but he occasionally moved them to rub against your waist and hips, leaving you a little dizzy as he kissed down your neck.

“Sammy.” Your voice was breathy and he hummed against your skin in question. “This is so unfair.”

Normally that was enough to pull him out of it, sober him to the fact that you were getting hurt by his actions. He either didn’t register your complaint or maybe didn’t care, thinking he could make it up to you if he kept going.

You couldn’t deny him this, not when his big hand was rubbing up your back and his mouth was moving softly across your neck towards yours.

You were holding onto him tightly and trying to keep the breathy noises to a minimum, getting harder when he was shuffling even closer and fully pressing you against the brick behind you.

It was brief when his mouth finally pressed against yours, only a fleeting second before he was moving past it to kiss the other side of your face.

He tensed suddenly like he had only just now realized what he was doing so you prepared for the coldness that would hit you when he backed away. Instead, there was suddenly a lot more warmth as he pecked your lips again softly.

He pulled back for a few seconds, chest slightly heaving as he looked down at you in question. You thought he was an idiot for that because you’d never dream of objecting to this, even if it was so risky and stupid to be doing something so damning right outside the building his wife was inside.

“Unfair.” He mumbled, repeating your words as he kissed you lightly again. “Unfair is you wearing this outfit when I can’t touch you.”

His hands tightened against the fabric like he was emphasizing and this time you were less surprised when he kissed you. It lasted a little longer than a brief peck, just enough time for you to move your mouth against his before he was pulling back again.

“You can touch me.” You insisted softly, wondering if you told him what he wanted to hear he’d maybe keep kissing you. “You can always touch me.”

It worked, enough for him to really press against you and let you kiss him back. You’d gone nearly two decades without kissing eachother despite the tension floating over your heads and it was obvious in how filthy it got so quickly.

You were both eager and desperate, gripping anywhere you could reach and refusing to come up for air as you kissed him deeper and deeper.

You made no objections to his tongue smoothing into your mouth, tangling it with your own and savoring the sound he made at the taste of you. You’d never crossed this line despite the little things you did potentially being worse, the intimacy of the way you moved around each other almost comparable to the heat you felt now.

Sammy was insatiable now that you’ve broken the illusion that you were able to be just friends, tugging you closer and closer and licking into your mouth like he was starving.

It took a long few minutes for either of you to pull back and even then, he was still surging forward to kiss you softly like he was afraid to let it end. You understood the fear, stomach twisting at the thought of him gaining some clarity and regretting what you did.

Sammy was a good man despite how it may seem in his desperation and he wasn’t the type to cheat on his wife, no matter how cruel and detached she was.

“We fucked up.” You breathed it out in anticipation, assuming if you got to it before he could then the upcoming rejection would land better on your already damaged heart.

“What?” His eyebrows furrowing surprised you, fully expecting him to agree with you and let you chalk it up as a stupid mistake you could forget. Instead he was shifting closer again so you weren’t able to look away from him even if you wanted to. “No we didn’t. It was my fuck up all those years ago when I married Tammi.”

You had to get some space from him then or you wouldn’t be able to breathe, softly pushing at his chest and being beyond thankful that he easily moved backwards and let you shift away from the brick wall.

“That is so shitty of you to say.” You wanted it to come out more frustrated so he would really let it process but you just sounded tired.

He looked like he wanted to object, maybe apologizing judging by the way his face softened with guilt. Luckily the door was opening then, one of your closest friends stepping out into the alley and giving you a scolding look when she saw the way his fingertips were grazing your waist and the swollenness of your lips.

“You should come in.” She said it softly but you knew she’d be scolding you once you left the restaurant, subject to your Sammy fueled rants for years now. “I’ve got your drink ordered.”

You gave her a thankful smile that didn’t reach your eyes and she turned her stare towards Sammy, hardening as she scanned over his guilty stance, a hand rubbing over his mouth.

“And your wife is looking for you.”

You both tensed up at the obvious call out and you followed quickly behind her when she went back inside so you didn’t have to deal with his reaction to that targeted comment.

It was instinct to avoid Sammy after that even though it tore your heart out of your chest. You figured you might as well get it over with because he clearly had no plans to leave Tammi any time soon and you weren’t going to magically get over him after you spent the majority of your life following him around like a helpless fawn.

His calls went unanswered on your own phone and some others, your friends reaching out to let you know he’d been getting ahold of them too so he could ask where you’ve been.

You ignored the knocks on your door, putting a pillow over your ears and trying to keep your crying quiet enough that he wouldn’t be able to hear you.

There was the obvious defect in your plan, the fact that Sammy knew you better than anybody possibly could.

He stayed away for a few days and you thought it had worked, he’d finally given up and manage to read your silent message that you couldn’t do this with him anymore.

Instead he was sitting on your porch when you got home from work two weeks later.

You were coming home late, you’d stopped at your nearest library and then the liquor store to give you two distractions to get through the night with, so you figured he must have been sitting for a while.

You let out a sigh at the end of your walkway and he was shooting up off the cement, eyes full of that annoyingly sweet hope and hesitation as he stepped aside to let you pass him by.

He was standing behind you as you unlocked the door and you spent the time it took to get your key in the doorknob trying to build up the courage to tell him to go fuck himself, but all you could manage was to lightly hold the door open for him behind you.

You could hear it shutting and locking as you set your bag down in the kitchen, the obvious sound of the glass bottle clicking against the counter making him raise an eyebrow.

“You’re avoiding me.” He spoke softly as you kicked off your shoes, lingering near your doorway and watching your every move as you followed your usual routine after getting home and made yourself comfortable like he wasn’t even there.

“Wow amazing conclusion. Congratulations detective Bryant, you figured it out.” You felt slightly bad for how cold your voice was, so out of character for you that you knew it must be throwing him off.

He proved that when he was moving closer and lightly touching your hips to get you to stop wandering around, your breath hitching as you looked up at him and the pure desperation on his face.

“Please don’t do that, let’s talk about this. I get enough of the passive aggressive shit from-“ He cut himself off with a deep sigh, lips pursing so he didn’t say it even though you typically didn’t avoid the topic.

“From your wife.” You finished it for him, eyes cold as you glared at him. “You can say it Sammy.”

“I just don’t understand. It’s never been an issue before.”

You pushed him away from you at that but he was persistent, following you as you walked closer to the couch and grabbing you again. You felt his fingers digging slightly into your hips as he tugged you backwards against him, your back hitting the softness of his stomach as he crowded your space.

His chin hooked over your shoulder, large fingers splayed across your belly button to keep you in place against him.

You naturally settled backwards, sucking in a deep breath as his familiar scent instinctively calmed your nerves. You were suddenly very aware of how hard the two weeks without him were, the longest you’d gone in a long time being apart from each other.

“You’re an idiot if you think it wasn’t an issue for me.” You’re whispering now, afraid if you speak too long he’s going to be able to pick up on the undeniably heartbreak in your voice.

“Let me fix this.” You can feel him moving his mouth closer and you mentally brace for the impact, still feeling unprepared for how good it feels to have him softly kissing up your neck as he starts to rub your stomach and waistband. “I hate when you’re mad at me. It’s eating me up.”

You let him continue for a few seconds before you’re spinning around, seeing the disappointment and light panic on his face before he realizes you just want to face him, his entire body relaxes as he holds your lower back.

Your hands go to his cheeks, pressing on the soft skin and feeling the light stubble he’d built up in your absence.

“There really isn’t a way you can fix it Sammy.” You say honestly and his face falls, lips parting like he wants to object. “Other than the obvious.”

There’s no need for him to say it, you can tell by the look in his eyes when you add that on that he can’t give you the answer that you want. It feels so far out of the realm of possibility that you don’t even feel disappointment, much less resistance when he’s ignoring your suggestion completely in favor of leaning in to kiss you.

It’s different than the kiss you shared at your birthday dinner, lacking the heat and desperation as you soaked up the small amount of time you had before you got caught.

Now it’s slow and deep, much more like the first kiss you’d always imagined with him.

His hands are so gentle as he rubs up your sides, keeping you tight against him as your mouths move together like you’ve done this a thousand times. You can’t help but mentally compare this kiss to the way you’ve seen him be with Tammi, feeling a bit smug at how obvious the difference is.

There’s no awkwardness between you, no stiff and routine hard press of lips like you’re checking it off a to do list.

He’s clearly wanting, craving almost as he pulls you impossibly closer and tilts his head to make sure the kiss doesn’t stop or lose its rhythm.

You’ve missed him so much and you’re such a fool in love that you don’t even think about stopping him and asking him for real answers.

Instead you’re softly licking into his mouth like the needy teenage version of you that used to fantasy about this, soaking up the soft hum he lets out at the feeling before he’s matching the action. You’re playing with the hairs on the back of his neck as your tongues tangle together and you go with him easily as he backs you up towards the couch.

It takes landing in his lap for you to sober back up, pulling back from the kiss just enough to catch your breath.

His eyebrows pull together when he sees the hesitation on your face so you hide in his neck so he can’t keep looking at you, wanting to spare his feelings even though you can quite literally feel your heart suffocating in your chest.

He’s warm underneath you and smells so overly familiar that you could cry, staying with your chin resting on his shoulder and closing your eyes for a brief moment so you can pretend you’re in a different timeline with him.

Maybe you’re still fifteen and laying in his bed together, holding hands on rides home from the beach when your moms aren’t looking. Or you’re twenty four and it’s the first time him and Tammi break up, his sullen frame taking up space on your couch until you quietly pad out there and insist he come to bed with you instead.

You think about being in your fifties, a reality where he never met Tammi and instead spent the rest of his life with you. It felt like the world you were supposed to be living in, just you and him like it always used to be until the love eventually built up into something real, something that came with growing grey hairs together and building a family.

He seems to know what you’re thinking, possibly going down the same list of all the missed chances. His hand runs through your hair on repeat like he’s trying to soothe you and you don’t understand why until you realize that you’re crying.

You try to go back to avoiding Sammy after that but it’s impossible.

You can’t bring yourself to stay away from him and each late night conversation ends up the same now that you’ve crossed that line, your mouth pressed against his and his hands all over you.

He’s nearly insatiable even though you can tell that he still feels terribly guilty over the entire thing. It’s like he’s just as powerless as you are, unable to keep your distance for each other despite how awful you’re both being.

Currently he’s with you in your kitchen, two months after your birthday and two months of sneaking away to get to have him for a brief moment. He’s completely lost in the taste of you, mouths moving together slowly with his hands under your shirt and tracing patterns on your spine.

His fingers feel calloused but you remember when they were smooth and youthful, remember loving him before the lines on his face appeared or the light ash colored strands of hair you occasionally saw when he was under the sun.

You were growing old with Sammy despite it not being in the way you wanted.

You’re kissing him back because of course you are, holding tight to his biceps and letting yourself get swept up in the way he feels pressed against you. It’s deep and almost filthy if it wasn’t for how romantic it all seems, the lights in the kitchen dim and some slow jazzy song playing from your radio in the living room.

“You have to know by now.” He’s whispering as he kisses down your neck and you sigh at the feeling, closing your eyes and tilting your head to the side to give him full access. “Tell me you know how I feel about you.”

“Sammy.” You’re meant to sound like you’re warning him, not wanting to hear him talk about feelings in these circumstances, but it comes across breathy and wanting.

Clearly he thinks so too because he lets out a low groan, letting his hands leave your shirt until he’s got them pressed against your back pockets. He tugs you closer and you gasp softly at the sudden feeling of him touching you like that, immediately soothed by the way he’s still kissing your skin carefully.

He’s not leaving any marks even though you’re not the one who needs to worry about that.

“You’ve got to go.” You say back and he lets out a frustrated breath even though he clearly knows you’re right judging by the way he stops kissing your neck in favor of resting his forehead against your shoulder.

You’ve been half distracted by his phone vibrating on the counter behind you for the last thirty minutes, no question in your mind about who is relentlessly trying to reach him.

“Did you not go home today after work?” You ask him softly, touching his jaw until he’s picking his head back up to look at you. “You know you have to stop doing that.”

“I can’t take it.” He says back and your shoulders deflate with light frustration. “It’s endless arguing with her.”

“You know I get what she’s like but I’d be pretty pissed too if my husband wasn’t coming home on top of your already long hours.” You’re trying your best to talk some sense into him but it’s easy to he distracted when he’s back to touching you.

He’s rubbing up and down your back, dipping under your shirt again and smiling softly when you shudder at the feeling of his skin on yours. You smack at his forearm when you catch sight of the near smirk and he does his best to school it although the efforts don’t do much.

“It would be different if it was you.” He says quietly and you tense up before he can elaborate, already knowing exactly what he’s trying to say. “If you were my wife.”

“But I’m not your wife.” You snap as soon as the word leaves his mouth and he lets out a frustrated breath.

He’s kissing you again like he thinks that will make you forget the truth of your situation and it nearly does, kissing him back eagerly because you’re never sure when it’s going to be the last time you get to.

You’re interrupted by the phone buzzing again and you pull back to lean against his chest, hiding your face in his neck and trying to ignore how good it feels when he rubs your sides in comfort.

“Go home Sammy.” You whisper and you look up in time to see his face fall, eyebrows furrowing in hurt when you lightly push against his chest to get him to back away from you.

You use the small space between your bodies to leave the kitchen, his footsteps following you into the living room. You let him pull you back, hands on your hips and then your stomach when your backs against his chest.

He kisses the back of your neck and then the side of your head, soft and parting before he’s letting out a deep breath and backing away from you.

You lean against the front window as you watch his headlights pull out of your driveway, blinking a few times before he turns to fully leave your street and head back to his house, back to reality.

The thought plagues you when you get into bed by yourself, daydreaming of the version of your life where he wouldn’t have to leave each night. You let yourself think about having your own ring on your finger, his things on the empty bed side table and his hands on you as you fall asleep.

You know it’s not healthy and, quite frankly, you know it makes you a terrible person.

Your friends tell just as much when you finally break down and tell them everything, crying about the night he kissed you and confessing that you’d spent almost every night with him pressed against you and making promises he can’t keep.

“He’s an asshole.” Cathy is stern with her tone, stirring her coffee in pointless circles and fixing her glare on you and your upset face. “I can’t believe you’re putting up with him still.”

“I think it’s sweet.” Victoria is quicker to be sympathetic although pouting in your direction. “He clearly loves you and just doesn’t know what to do about it.”

The topic of love makes your stomach turn a little and you try not to think about it after you leave your brunch, ignoring his calls for a few hours even though you’re well aware it will end with him knocking on your door.

There’s no surprise when it happens but you try to hold your ground with him, turning your head to the side when he tries to greet you with a kiss. His lips press against your cheek instead and then downturn into a frown.

“Are you mad at me?” He asks softly as you walk to your bedroom, sitting down on the foot of the bed and blinking at him when he stops in your doorway.

“No Sammy.” You breathe out even though you’re not sure that’s true, not really able to put a label on how you feel about him right now. The love that sits heavy on your chest muddies everything else around it. “I’m just tired.”

He’s coming closer and then going down to his knees in front of you, hands on your thighs as he stares up at you almost pleadingly. It’s such a vulnerable position that it makes you a little sick and you grab at his arm to try and tug him back to his feet.

He takes your hand and holds it instead so you can’t pull at him, kissing your knuckles briefly.

“I want to fix this.” He whispers and you feel teary almost immediately. “I can’t lose you because I’m being selfish. I’ll do whatever you want me to do but I can’t leave.”

“I don’t want you to leave.” You say back, voice small and defeated. You wish the statement wasn’t as true as it feels, the thought of not having him at all being so much worse than the twisted relationship you’re stuck in. “But I want that all the time, I want you to just be here. I want to have a home with you Sammy.”

“I love you.” He says it quietly and he’s said it before, in passing or casually when he hangs up the phone, but it lands a lot different now.

Realistically, you’re not at all surprised by the confession. You know Sammy, regardless if you can have him the way you want or not, you know him better than anybody and you knew he wouldn’t be doing something like this if it wasn’t because of something genuine like the same love you have for him.

The kind of love that makes you awful and selfish, devoted in a twisted way and blind to the consequences if it means you can have a few more hours together.

He’s standing up finally but only to gently push you backwards until you’re laying on the bed, climbing over you so he can kiss you softly as you melt against the comforter.

“I love you so much. It should have been you.” He’s murmuring the confessions between kisses that are getting deeper and deeper with each minute that passes. “I’m so sorry that it wasn’t you.”

“I love you Sammy.” You say back and it shocks you how easily it rolls off the tongue, the weight of it feeling a little lighter in your chest now that it’s out there.

He’s kissing you more feverishly after you say it, tongue pressing against yours as you make a soft pleased sound.

He’s holding himself up above you but you wish he wouldn’t, wish he would just press the full extent of his weight down on you until all you could feel was the softness of his stomach and his chest rising and falling. You want to feel his heartbeat racing like yours is and what it’s like to be completely his for a moment.

Sammy’s kisses are feverish and he finally does press against you, pulling your leg to the side so he can slot between them and lower himself down right where you need him.

You’re softly breathing, a bit shy when he starts to take off your clothes and then fully flushed when he’s kissing your chest and whispering how beautiful you are. You’d spent a lot of years imagining what being touched by Sammy would feel like but you hadn’t even came close to the euphoria, the undeniable thought that you were finally complete after being so empty.

He made love to you the first time, it was slow and gentle and nearly bringing you to tears when he told you how beautiful you were and how much he’d wanted this.

You felt good with him, like something had settled in your chest after rattling around for a long time. Everytime he said that he loved you seemed like it was the first, sending a warm rush through your blood that made you shiver.

It was more desperate in the weeks after, kisses turning rough and almost angry when he’d come over smelling like Tammi’s perfume or leave early because she wouldn’t stop calling him.

You felt like it became an outlet between you but you didn’t necessarily mind, a large part of you having fantasized about this version of him too. You liked when he got rougher with you, hands moving you around to his liking and fucking you harder whenever you purposefully brought up his wife to try and get under his skin.

Sammy and you didn’t fight with each other, you would get into tense conversations because you were both hurt, but you’d never fight. This was the closest thing you had to it, bruises on your hips and his back so scratched up he had to avoid taking off his shirt the next week when he went to the beach with Tammi.

He was good to you, always double checking after if it was something you enjoyed. He made you swear over and over again that you actually liked it and weren’t just doing it because he did, only stopping when you got embarrassed and had to bluntly admit that you were really into it.

You were into him, obsessively and all things about him. Tammi had gotten on him to eat more healthy and it nearly made you sick, the thought of him changing in any way outside of his own wants making you dizzy.

And you didn’t feel insecure about how much he loved you back because despite the obvious issue, you knew that he truly did.

His hands were never off you, rubbing your thigh while you watched a movie or kneading your stomach while he kissed the back of your neck at the kitchen counter. He liked to run you warm baths, sitting in the room with you while you soaked just so he could hear about your day at work.

You sometimes wondered how much of this he was doing for Tammi. A part of you accepted that it was probably just as much as he did for you because that was just the type of man he was, but you selfishly let yourself enjoy being spoiled by his affection.

You didn’t go a day without flowers even if he wasn’t able to come and see you, he sent coffee to your work before you even got there, and he’d travel across town on his lunch break just to come and eat with you.

There wasn’t a night that you didn’t cry in bed and wish things were different. You’d stopped talking to your friends about because you were getting paranoid about the possible judgement in their eyes, unable to explain what it felt like to love somebody so much that you’d disregard your character for them.

But you did love Sammy that much.

So much so, that when he was coming over on Christmas Eve with an arm-full of gifts for you, you didn’t hesitate to pull him inside and kiss him until he lost the chill in his cheeks.

He disregarded the boxes in the entryway, lifting you up and bringing you to your bedroom before you could even greet him properly.

“Stay the night.” You breathed against his mouth and he tensed up a little ontop of you, brushing your hair out of your face so he could get a perfect view of your eyes and expression. “Wake up with me on Christmas morning. I’ll make us breakfast and we can open our presents by the tree together.”

You both knew what you were describing, a clear cookie cutter image of a husband and wife in your heads as you spoke.

He was hesitating, looking like he was unable to deny you despite how difficult the circumstances were. You weren’t just asking him to stay with you for the holiday, you were giving him a clear choice between the two of you.

Tammi wouldn’t be able to forgive him not coming home on the night before Christmas and you’d never forgive him for leaving. You were sure of that now, even though you felt so happy just to look at his conflicted face that you weren’t sure where you’d put all that love if he did leave.

You were happy to even be an option to choose from and that understanding almost made you crawl out from under him just to get some space.

Maybe he saw the pain in your eyes at the idea or maybe he came to the conclusion all in his own, but either way, he was leaning in and pressing a soft kiss to your lips before letting one linger on your temple.

You liked being a rule follower, it seemed to run through your veins since the moment you decided to become something bigger than your hometown had to offer.

You were the one in the back of the library until it closed, outside the classroom twenty minutes before an exam and always, always studying on the weekends.

It was hard to get you out to a party and nearly impossible to offer up a distraction that sounded more appealing than a future with a career you worked hard for and an income to back it up.

So you had absolutely no idea how you managed to break one of the biggest systemic rules only a few months into your residency at the PTMC.

You’d done an intern rotation there a bit ago, exploring other options but ultimately deciding it was the hospital for you after you trial and errored the others. Admittedly, you liked the teaching styles of each of the attending doctors at the Pitt and found yourself trying to fill the void they left when you were elsewhere.

They seemed ecstatic to have you back, familiar faces beaming at your arrival and sending praises your way over your new badge that held the official title of doctor.

You knew you had earned it, blood sweat and tears paired with a complete lack of social life and experience, so you took the compliments with your shoulders held high and your chin lifted.

There were a few staff members that seemed to be a bit more excited than you had realized to be seeing you daily again. You didn’t really blink an eye when you were invited out to drinks by Robby. He was as nice as a boss could be and you knew some of the nurses and doctors went out together occasionally or met up in the park after a hard shift.

You felt honored to finally be invited so although nervous, you went home after work and eagerly got yourself ready to socialize and really solidify yourself as a member of the team.

You didn’t need to be bent over a text book and missing out on your youth anymore because you’d done it, you’d achieved the impossible goal and then some.

There was a wave of confusion that hit you when you entered the bar Robby had named, first noting how empty the small building seemed and then realizing who exactly was your company for the night when you scanned around the booths and landed on him and Jack Abbot.

Spending time outside of work with one of your bosses was already nerve wracking but you figured you’d have the blanket of the other interns and new residents to help you through the transition.

You hadn’t planned for the fact it was seemingly only you and, not just one, but two of your attending’s.

Jack was watching you closely as you approached and slid into the booth, taking a long sip of his whiskey and eyeing you over the top of the glass. You’d had your fair share of interaction with him between patient hand offs and picking up a night shift here or there but he, quite honestly, intimidated you.

Robby had a certain dad like warmness to him that loosened you up, even on one of his more snippy days. His counterpart always seemed one rude patient away from snapping and you didn’t plan to bear witness to it when it happened.

“Did the others cancel?” You said it softly, still using your almost customer service level voice with them on instinct.

Your eyes tracked Jack’s glass as he set it down and let out an amused scoff, running a hand over his light stubble like he found your question amusing.

“I… didn’t invite anyone else.” Robby was the one to answer, dragging out the first word awkwardly like he had tried to find a less blunt way to say that and failed.

“Oh.” You couldn’t stop your eyes from widening, lips parting in understanding and then snapping closed when Robby’s gaze dropped down to them.

The awkwardness settled between you all for the first few drinks, especially since Jack seemed more keen to sit and stare at you than actually participate in the conversation.

Eventually you were getting comfortable, alcohol flowing through your system as your posture relaxed and you giggled softly at every little stupid comment Robby was making. At one point he got up to use the bathroom and you shifted over to fill the gap, not realizing until he returned that you’d planted yourself right inbetween them.

They didn’t seem to mind and if anything, they were only getting closer and closer as the night went on. You almost didn’t notice considering you were bordering on drunk now but their colognes mixing was making your head spin and you felt the continuous bump of Jack’s knee against yours.

You weren’t sure how it escalated as fast as it did, how small talk turned into hushed conversations with your faces leaning in instinctively to try and hear each other better.

The gazes were lingering from all three of you, much more heated coming from the quieter one to your left. He clearly wasn’t a man of many words outside of work but he was making his intentions very clear with the way he was looking at you.

You felt more than flustered and then a little stupid for your bold assumption that they were flirting with you, both of them. The stupidity melted away as soon as Robby, not so subtly, slid a hand over your thigh as he laughed at something you’d said and then kept it there.

The weight of his large palm shut you up immediately, ripping the words out of your throat as you looked between them both in confusion.

Jack was the one to kiss you first that night, pressing in when you caught his eye with no warning. He was rough and filthy instantly, whiskey coated tongue pushing into your mouth as you felt Robby brushing your hair back out of your face so you had no interruptions.

You had no time to breathe or process when he pulled back, your chin being tilted so you could be kissed again by the other man.

Robby was much more gentle, nearly sweet as he kissed you softly with patience you found similar to his teaching styles in the ER. Your hand cupped his beard and ran through it with fascination, never kissing someone of his age before and finding yourself needing more from both of them when he also pulled back.

There wasn’t much conversation to be had about the arrangement, you all clearly wanted to do this and you were giddy when they helped you out of the booth and led you out to Jack’s truck.

You were leaning against him as he drove and softly kissing at his jaw and neck, drunk enough to fall into that familiar student habit of wanting him to approve of you. He was obviously interested but he was less outspoken about it than Robby and it was driving you crazy, frowning softly when he mumbled for you to be patient at a red light.

The other man didn’t let you feel dejected for long, tugging you back towards the passenger seat to kiss you deeply as Jack drove. You felt his rough hand slide onto your bare thigh during, squeezing a little too tightly like he was reminding you of his presence even if he couldn’t participate.

You’re clueless to how you ended up like this, bent over Robby’s mattress with Jack on the bed in front of you, stroking himself as he watches the other prep you gently. It’s a harsh mixture of personalities, the larger man behind you as he pumps his fingers in and out of your cunt with soft praises, while the other has an expressionless look on his face.

His cock gives him away though, clearly achingly hard and leaking endlessly as he tugs on it casually and watches you, leaning back on his elbow so he doesn’t miss an inch of your body that’s been on display for half an hour now.

You feel vulnerable, fully stripped down as soon as you got through the door while the both of them are practically fully dressed.

It’s a never ending night of exploration between the three of you, your mouth continuously full whether it’s Robby’s thick length in your throat while Jack licks his way through your folds or vice versa with the older man prepping you for something more while Jack roughly fucks up into your sore mouth.

He’s much more brutal and it brings a wave of anticipation over you whenever he decides to participate, going back and forth between getting himself off while he watches and then seemingly getting impatient as he barks orders at Robby or abruptly sits up and does it himself.

Robby seems more than used to the dynamic, so much that he completely freezes after he’d finished stretching you and was starting to push his way inside, a single low cough from Jack as he cleared his throat making you both tense.

Your cloudy eyes shifted upwards to try and gauge his expression, face pushed into the blankets by Robby’s big hand in between your shoulder blades.

Jack wasn’t looking at you at all but he gave a firm shake of his head, refusal for something you didn’t really understand. You heard Robby sigh from behind you, rubbing your back in apology before you felt his thumb pressing against your unused entrance.

You gasped and stiffened, trying to sit yourself up and finding you weren’t able to. At first you thought it was Robby holding you down and you felt a wave of surprise before realizing Jack had gotten closer and had a hand in your hair, keeping you pinned to the bed and watching you sternly.

“I-I’ve never done that.” You whimper out but you can’t deny your bodies reaction to the pressure on your hole, pressing lightly and then withdrawing when you make small noises of discomfort. “I’m serious, not even by myself.”

Jacks surprisingly gentle when he brushes your hair out of your sweaty face and lightly kisses your head.

“Robby doesn’t get to fuck you anywhere but there so it’s up to you.” His voice is as cold as you expected it to be despite the soft actions, giving you a clear ultimatum.

Their dynamic is fascinating to you, unable to figure it out typically but especially not now when you’re reduced to this state. Robby hadn’t even attempted to argue when he was denied access to actually fucking you despite the fact he’d been the one to initiate this all and he spent the last ten minutes stretching your cunt specifically to take him.

Jack was easily in charge, directing him to your other hole like this was something they did often.

You got a feeling of dread over you at the thought that they might have, your name just being added to a list of women they shared between them. It would make sense considering how smoothly they moved around eachother to please you without really interacting amongst themselves.

You were ripped from your thoughts by Robby fully pressing his thumb inside you, also starting to move his hips against you as he did so like he was stimulating the action and trying to give you an idea of what it was like to get fucked there.

They didn’t need verbal permission from you considering how quick you were to cry out in pleasure, pressing your face back into the blankets and whining softly when he added another finger. It was a painful and uncomfortable stretch but that only made it feel better for you, so degrading and embarrassing to be prepped in both holes while two older men watched you with fascination.

“That’s good sweetheart.” Robby’s voice was soft from behind you and you whimpered at the sound of it, his third finger running through your soaked folds to gather some wetness and make the stretch burn less when he pushed further into you. “I know it hurts baby but you can take it.”

And you wanted to take it.

You wanted to fuck Robby so bad it made you feel stupid and even more, you wanted Jack to approve of you. He clearly wanted it like this judging by his sharp directions and the way he was still watching you, keeping your head pushed down but going back to touching himself as he looked at you whimpering in discomfort.

You were beyond willing to explore this new aspect of your body if it meant pleasing them both in their individual ways.

Your mouth was hanging open in silent cries when Robby really started to fuck you from behind, filling you up with such a foreign feeling that you couldn’t even catch your breath. You’d never felt so full in your life and you were still longing for more, eyeing Jack and his length hungrily as you pictured him being inside you at the same time.

He was nearly smirking as he looked at you and you knew he must be thinking the same thing, still routinely rubbing your hair out of your face as you gasp and cry.

Robby is still somehow gentle despite how roughly he’s fucking you, big hands running all over your body and soft words leaving his mouth in hushed whispers against your neck.

“You’re such a good girl, you’re so sweet to me. Feels so good fucking you like this.” He’s a nonstop spew of gentleness but you can’t stop staring at Jack and that dark look in his eyes.

“Don’t lie to her Rob. She’s letting you fuck her ass like a whore.” His voice was raspy and you felt like you hadn’t heard him speak in a while, whimpering automatically at the sound of it and pathetically reaching out a hand towards his bare thigh. He shifted out of your range and you let out a near sob as you dropped your arm against the bed.

There was a disapproving hiss from behind you but Robby didn’t argue, just kissing the back of your neck softly as he fucked you.

You didn’t get to cum until you were flipped over into your back and roughly moved into place by Jack, dismissing Robby with a small shove to the chest after he finished inside you. The larger man didn’t hesitate, falling into the bed beside you as his chest heaved from the exertion.

Jack fucking you was an out of of body experience and you were suddenly very glad that you had saved that feeling for him and not Robby, selfish in the way you were crying out his name and clinging to him as he pushed in with one rough movement. He didn’t take it easy, didn’t give your body any time to recover after Robby had just spilled himself inside you.

You hoped the favoritism wasn’t as obvious as it felt but you couldn’t help yourself, addicted to Jack and the rough way he handled you.

The addiction didn’t stop after that night, not even remotely.

They’d invited you to spend the night but Jack was gone by the time you’d woken up.

Robby found you looking confused and hurt in the kitchen, kissing you softly and telling you not to take it personally. He reassured you that Jack wouldn’t treat you any differently at work and told you that he just didn’t like to sleep at other people’s apartments.

You tried your best to take his advice but you felt sick having to go into work the next week so you made a point to avoid him. Robby was impossible considering you worked the same shift but he was easy to interact with, still soft smiles and gentle praising at work like he hadn’t seen you naked and covered with cum just a few days ago.

There was a handful of stolen kisses, always taking you by surprise when he crowded you in the break room or when he managed to run into you in an empty hallway. He would get this boyish look on his face after you broke apart, flushing a little around his neck before speed walking off and telling you to keep up the good work like he was just being a friendly boss.

Jack wasn’t stupid and he clearly knew you were avoiding him, finally catching you during a shift change and fixing his glare on you when he saw you laughing softly with Robby.

It led to a small confrontation, your heart beating out of your chest in an empty exam room as he questioned you for being okay with the other man but not him. You had stuttered your way through excuses before awkwardly telling him that it had hurt your feelings when he left in the middle of the night.

Jack had you down on your knees and your throat stuffed full of his cock before you could even finish your pathetic rambling, clearly establishing the difference between him and Robby’s soft stolen kisses.

You felt sick for preferring the way he treated you but you couldn’t stop once you started. It quickly left the hospital, late night calls where he gruffly told you an uber was on its way to you, never asking but simply expecting you to get in the car and come to his place no matter what time it was.

And you did, swallowing the small amount of pride you had and letting him plow you into his mattress without any remorse. Occasionally he’d kiss you softly after, rub your bruised hips and tell you how good you were for him while he ate you out, but more often than not he was rolling over and ordering you another car back home.

You stopped the stolen moments with Robby, first avoiding being alone with him in general and then softly rejecting him when he tried to ask you out to dinner. His face had fallen and then hardened with realization.

“You’re with Jack.” It wasn’t a question but answering it still made you feel sick, the soft disappointment coming from him making your throat burn. “I get it okay? I really do, trust me, but you deserve better than that.”

Your eyebrows furrowed for a number of reasons, both the soft judgement and the light reveal that this might have been something that happened to them before. It wasn’t too far off to assume considering you were more than positive they’d shared other women together, the look on Robby’s face vaguely familiar like he’d been through this more than once.

You were thankful that Robby easily slipped back into the role of your mentor despite the way his gaze would linger on you, occasionally hungry but mostly just longing and pained.

You’d tried to talk to Jack about it but he wasn’t interested in small talk on the nights he called you over, reassuring you that he liked you but standing firm that he didn’t want to discuss Robby at all.

“Unless you’re fucking him.” He said it casually one night as you were getting dressed to leave, laying flat on his back and eyeing you.

You’d been complaining again about how bad you felt for the other man, not even meaning to bring it up as much as you apparently had been. You froze before pulling your shirt over your head, raising your eyebrows at him.

“What do you mean?” You needed the clarification before you assumed, finishing getting dressed while shifting closer to the bed. “I’m allowed to fuck him?”

Jack’s confused face left a pit in your stomach and you suddenly became aware of the fact that you never agreed to be exclusive.

“Why wouldn’t you be?” He asked back, only confirming what you had been fearing.

You wanted to tell him all the reasons you had came to that conclusion, the occasional soft talks you had after sex and the fact he took up almost all your free time. You never actually spent the night but you’d stay with him until the sun was rising, share a coffee mug in his kitchen before he got you a ride home.

Jack cared about you in his own ways and you were stupid enough to think this was just his low commitment way of beginning a relationship.

Instead, you took a deep breath and flattened your expression.

“Yeah you’re right. Maybe I’ll do that.” You said it as causally as you could, pulling your purse strap onto your shoulder and lingering at the end of his bed.

He watched you closely, expression completely unreadable but you could see how tight his jaw had gotten at your response.

There was no argument from him as you left and you didn’t expect one, not even when you softly asked him to cancel your uber because you weren’t going home. You mostly just wanted to say it to be petty, to really get in his head and make him rethink the casualness of your relationship, but you’d decided on your way downstairs that you actually were going to follow through on your lie.

The loneliness hit you hard by the bottom step, that sense of rejection making you sick enough that you were hurriedly opening the app and punching in Robby’s address before you could think too hard about it.

You gave zero warning that you were coming, yet he still offered you a soft look as soon as the surprise left his face.

You figured Jack would’ve been a lot harsher if you randomly showed up at his door in the middle of the night, maybe even sent you away. Then you decided to stop comparing them for the time being, both because it wasn’t fair to Robby and because it was making your stomach turn even more.

“Hey.” You hated how awkward you sounded but he suddenly seemed a lot more like your boss than the guy you fucked in a threesome that one time. “Sorry to just drop by.”

“I don’t mind.” He said back easily and he stepped aside to let you in, his apartment familiar despite how distracted you’d been the last time you were inside of it.

This time you actually took a second to appreciate it, the intentional decoration making it feel a lot homier than Jacks bachelor pad that sometimes felt more like a magazine spread than somewhere he actually lived. You shook yourself out of yet another comparison by turning to appreciate Robby himself.

It was hard to connect this version of him to the one that had done such deviant things to you that night, moving so naturally through the filth of the intense sex. He was standing there awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck, already in sweats and a hoodie with his glasses on and his hair slightly messy like he had been sleeping before you came.

Yet he still opened the door, welcomed you in like this was an average occurrence or an appropriate time to be there.

“I can go.” You said softly, gesturing to the door and you couldn’t stop the feeling of satisfaction when his face fell.

It was admittedly nice to be on the other side of the dynamic you were used to. Robby was clearly interested in you and willing to go the extra mile to prove it, inconveniencing himself for a shot with you and not vice versa.

“You don’t have to.” He rasped instantly and took a few steps closer like he was going to touch you before deciding against it. “Just… why are you here?”

“I missed you.” You decided on a safe answer, not necessarily a lie.

Your eyes went to his lips and it was so obvious that he flushed, awkwardly chuckling like he wasn’t sure how he was allowed to react to that.

“Jack busy?”

“No.” You shook your head and pursed your lips, scanning over his frame with the same slow deliberant look that made it very clear what you were there for.

Jack technically wasn’t busy, he was probably fast asleep and not thinking twice about you after he just fucked your brains out and called you every filthy name on the planet.

The slight lie seemed to add some confidence to Robby, his shoulders broadening just enough for you to notice it like he thought he was your first choice for the night. You didn’t want to break his heart all over again by telling him that he was just the rebound even though you had a feeling he wouldn’t mind anyways.

You still would’ve ended up exactly where you did, bent over his couch and drooling as he fucked you as roughly as he could allow himself.

Robby was a different type of lover than Jack despite their intensities being similar, his big rough hands rubbing up and down your back as he praised you for how deep you could take him and encouraged you to keep being good just a little longer.

It was passion that led to him getting more aggressive, desperation to have you and make you feel good. Jack was all about claiming, owning your body and reminding you that you were his to use in whatever way he wanted.

You had no issue with either of their styles, beyond greedy in the way you became quickly addicted to having both.

Robby told you he loved you after a handful of months of you fucking him, kissing you softly after he took you in the kitchen and telling you how beautiful you were. He looked mildly humiliated when you didn’t return the confession but a gentle kiss from you seemed to make him forget all about it.

He never stopped saying it after the first time, nearly welling up in tears half the time you had sex as he repeated it over and over until he finished inside of you despite the fact you never said it back.

It was nice to go to him second because you liked to hear it after seeing Jack.

You knew you were in love with Jack, you’d be stupid to try and deny it and even more to say it to him. The thought of confessing didn’t even cross your mind, not even on the rare occasions he would take it slow with you.

Sometimes he asked about Robby and you’d try your best to read his expression but you could never tell what he was feeling.

“He just seems happier lately.” He was saying to you as you laid in his bed, resting on your side and watching him as he stared up at the ceiling.

You’d been staying after sex longer every so often but still never sleeping over. Robby was more than willingly to open his bed for you on those nights, not even touching you if you didn’t want it and instead just letting you rest in the company of somebody else.

You felt like he knew deep down that he wasn’t the one you wanted sleeping next to you but he was too content to have you there to complain or question it, even under those circumstances.

“I don’t know.” You frowned softly at the topic even though you knew better than anybody why Robby was lighter on his feet at work.

Jack turned his face to look at you, disbelief painting his handsome features. Even in the dim lighting, he was still the most beautiful man you’d ever seen in your life and you felt that familiar ache in your heart that this would end before it even actually went anywhere.

You’d be on your way home with sore legs and the image of him looking at you when he was half asleep and lit up by the moonlight outside his window.

“You fuck him often?” He questioned and you sighed softly, considering rolling over so you didn’t have to face him for this but deciding it wasn’t worth losing the view.

“Sex with me isn’t magically curing Robby.” You replied, the first real confirmation that you’d been sleeping with the other man. Jack rolled his eyes like he didn’t believe that statement. “It’s not like he wasn’t fucking other people before, he’s not a total loner.”

“Fucking you is a lot different than fucking somebody else.” He said gruffly like the fact rang true for him too, registered personally.

You’d never really asked if Jack was sleeping with anybody else because you couldn’t bare the answer but you assumed he was too busy for you half the time so it didn’t make much sense that he would have an open rotation of people in his clearly exclusive sheets.

“He’s in love with me”.

It took you a while to say and then even longer for him to show any type of response outside of his muscles stiffening against the bed.

His eyes turned back towards the ceiling and you wanted to cry, figured he must be so disgusted with you for playing with his friends feelings that he couldn’t even look at you, despite the fact he was essentially doing the same thing exact to you.

The heavy lengthy silence was just starting to really pain you when he was finally looking at you again.

“And?” He whispered, voice rough, and you raised your eyebrows in confusion. “Do you love him too?”

“No.” Your answer was instant and you had to press your lips shut to stop yourself from saying anything more.

It was on the tip of your tongue and he stared at you like he could sense it, like he was just waiting for you to slip up and be unable to stop yourself from confessing that you didn’t love Robby because you loved him. You felt like he was searching for a reason to end this, to let you down gently by making it seem like it was your fault for getting too attached to him when it was clearly supposed to be casual.

“He thinks I’m cheating on you.” You continue in a whisper, both to slightly change the topic before you made the grave mistake and to try and lighten the mood.

It clearly worked considering the low chuckle he let out, running a hand through his ash colored curls and looking at you with amusement.

You weren’t lying to him, sitting through half a dozen nights of Robby anxiously pacing his bedroom floor while he was riddled with guilt for sleeping with what he assumed was his friend’s girlfriend.

You definitely could have corrected him, eased his mind and made the entire situation simpler for him, but you honestly liked knowing he wanted you so bad he would betray Jack’s trust.

That selfish side of you made you sometimes question if you deserved this back and forth relationship with Jack, your karma for the darker parts of you that typically stayed hidden until you started your thing with Robby.

“And he’s still fucking you?” Jack’s eyebrows were raised in question but he was smiling now, tired and manly in that way that lit your stomach up with butterflies and heat. You bit your lip to stop yourself from grinning and gave him a nod slow. “Wow. He must really be into you.”

“Don’t sound so surprised.” You said softly, touching his bare chest and feeling the pattern of his calm breathing for a second. “Some people can’t get enough of me actually.”

It was an obvious jab and he tensed for half a second before glancing at where your phone had been abandoned on the nightstand.

“He expecting you tonight?” His voice was lower now and it felt like it sucked all the air out of the room.

“Probably.” You whisper, watching him closely to try and gauge where his line of questioning was leading. “He knows I’m with you, so….”

You didn’t need to finish the sentence for him to understand the implications. A night with him meant you would end up with Robby, seeking out all of the things he refused to offer you.

He watched you for a long few seconds that made you feel like you’d said far too much before he was humming and shifting in place to get more comfortable.

“Turn your lamp off.” He said gruffly and your eyebrows furrowed, sparing a look towards the only light in the room outside of the moon coming from his window. You didn’t miss the use of the possessive word either, labeling the lamp on your typical side of the bed as your own.

You sent another glance to the bedside table it was on, your phone sitting next to your lipgloss and a half finished book that you sometimes read when he was showering before sex since he didn’t like you in there once his leg came off.

Your belongings in his room suddenly felt very obvious and you swallowed the heavy lump in your throat.

“On my way out?” You asked softly despite thinking you knew what he actually meant.

You needed to hear him say it, you couldn’t just assume that he was suddenly asking you to spend the night after months of avoiding it so intentionally. You had to risk the humiliation of asking for clarification.

He gave you a long slightly scolding look like he was playfully irritated at how obviously leading your question was. Instead of giving you a clear answer, he cleared his throat and nodded in the lamps direction before outstretching his arm across your pillow for you to rest your head on.

You’re both quiet as he drives, not so surprising for him but definitely uncharacteristic on your part.

Your body is turned enough that you can stare at the side of his face, slightly illuminated by the street lights and the moon beaming through his trucks windows. He’s tenser than normal but it’s subtle enough you’d only be able to tell he’s upset if you paid close attention to him.

Luckily you probably focus on him more than anybody else so you know immediately that he’s got something on his mind.

You want to press him for answers that you know he won’t give you, try and get an explanation for that look Baz had on his face that’s slightly haunting you now. He looked like he was genuinely angry at you for not listening to his warning, a little desperate in his annoyance despite the harsh way he went about it.

Baz didn’t seem scared of Pope in the way other people did, just accepting of the reality.

A reality you were clearly being kept from.

He was glancing at you now, maybe a little nervously considering you’d been silently staring at him the entire drive. It felt a bit ironic for him to be so squeamish under your gaze considering how much he watched you, even outside your bedroom window.

It was hypocritical for him to be so unnerved but you didn’t bother calling it out, let him sit in the same silence you were forced into all the time.

You weren’t actually upset with Pope and you liked to think you understood him more than most people. His lack of verbalization didn’t make you less trusting of him and you were learning to read his silent communication but it was sometimes exhausting.

Especially after a harder night like this one had been, comforting him for a long time in his room just to be confronted by his brother in such a weirdly vague and threatening way. Baz would have make you uncomfortable regardless but it was worse to have no idea what he was even trying to warn you away from, which direction you were meant to be running.

Your instincts told you to run towards Pope despite all the signs telling you the opposite but you felt safer with him around you, even if that was because he was always the most dangerous thing in the room.

Pope pulled into the restaurants parking lot, sighing softly when he turned the truck off and neither one of you made any move to get out of it.

He was finally looking at you, sitting stiffly behind the wheel and letting his fingers fidget with the pockets of his jeans as he turned his head to face you.

You were still watching him closely, almost fully turned with your back against the door now.

“What’s his problem?” You asked softly and he tensed immediately, knowing you were talking about Baz without needing to hear you specify. “Why is he like that with you?”

It took a long time for Pope to answer but you were patient, resting back with your seatbelt slightly cutting into your collarbone. You watched his stiff face go through a range of conflicted emotions and you wished so badly you could understand what he was thinking about.

“I don’t know.” Pope was quiet when he spoke and you wanted to sigh in frustration because you knew he had a better answer than that but he met your eyes again and you faltered in your annoyance, seeing how dejected he looked.

“He told me you’re dangerous.” You say slowly, not wanting to upset him but needing to push a little further to see if he’ll explain himself at all.

Now his expression doesn’t change at all, not seeming in any way surprised by that statement.

You’re well aware that Pope knows what people think of him, it’s obvious from the second he’s walking down the street and somebody crosses the road. Even if they don’t know his family or history, something about the energy he gives off and the look in his eyes can be enough for somebody to shrink back with some level of wariness.

You knew you were a rare case, addicted to him and his many mysteries. You were drawn in by how closed off he was, that fierce loyalty and protectiveness that caused him to sit in place for hours on end just to make sure you had a good shift and hover outside your bedroom window like he was your personal guard dog.

“I am.”

It was those things combined that didn’t make any fear rise in you at his confirmation, not necessarily an unexpected answer on his end. He was watching you blankly, maybe a little curious, but still not saying much.

Your eyes went to his hand as it left his lap and shifted over to the door handle, hitting the button that unlocked the truck. Then you met his searing gaze again and furrowed your eyebrows in confusion.

“You can go.” He said it softly, or as soft as Pope was capable of. He wasn’t telling you to leave but just reminding you that you had the option.

It brought back the same thought you’d had before when he first started following you around, curious if he would stop when you asked if you ever wanted him to. You had decided that he would have respected your decision, not wanting to make you uncomfortable, and now you were getting some confirmation behind that thought.

He was letting you get out of his truck and end this completely before going to dinner and you were positive that he’d bring you back to your house and never speak to you again if that was what you had asked for.

“Do you want me to go?” You whispered back and then it was silent again, notably less tense this time as his head slightly tilted to the side.

“No.” He rasped and you were surprised that he had actually answered you, short and tight but it was his own way of telling you he wanted you to stay around.

You wondered for a second how many others would have jumped out of the car at the opportunity, distanced themselves from the shady family and the dangerous eldest boy who was openly admitting to being bad for you.

There must be something wrong with you that causes you to feel the opposite desire, sighing softly in relief when he confirms he doesn’t want you to be one of those people that leaves.

You nod your head in acceptance and unbuckle your seat belt.

-

Dinner with Pope isn’t awkward despite the tense conversation beforehand and you let yourself almost forget about it.

Instead you get stuck thinking about the half an hour before that interaction ruined your mood, the way he’d let you hold him and the lack of denial when you asked him if he liked you.

You especially thought about the shift of his eyes as they fell on your lips, gaze a little embarrassed like he figured he shouldn’t be so obvious in his wants.

You’d slid into his side of the booth when you got into the diner, legs pressed together and your smaller frame slightly rocking against his as you spoke softly about boring topics just like nothing had happened. You wanted him to forget about it all for the rest of the night and let his mind go to the same place yours had now.

That’s why you were a little bolder than usual with your flirtatious attempts despite the fact he knew how much you liked him now, if it wasn’t already obvious enough before you actually said it.

It felt a little juvenile but you figured that might actually be the level Pope needed you to start things at, a hand on his knee for a brief moment of laughter and your eyelashes fluttering whenever he looked in your direction.

Pope was visibly affected which only made you want to make it worse for him, his neck reddening and his jaw tensing up each time you not so subtly rubbed his forearm.

“I like going to dinner with you.” Your voice was soft and the way it had dropped made him shiver a little bit, your lips curling up into a smile at the sight of it. “These are dates right?”

He took a few seconds to reply, pushing around the food on his plate with the fork before setting it down completely and sighing a little.

“Yeah.” He said it back just as quietly as you had spoken and your eyes brightened at the easy confirmation, expecting a bit more avoidance from him.

His head turned in your direction a little more, still almost curled against his on the booth seat and far too close for somebody just eating some late night dinner. You decided he liked your closeness just as much as you liked offering it so you had no plans to move away from him, especially now that he was looking at you like that.

You figured it was fondness that you were seeing on his face, the muscles that were usually so tense much more relaxed as you sat there together in the nearly empty diner.

He was trailing his eyes all around your face like he was committing your features to memory and it intimate enough that your smile slid off your face, a bit stunned by how openly he was admiring you.

Maybe it was the way you had comforted him, held him despite what his brothers had said and reassured him that you were still interested, or maybe it was simply because you hadn’t run away when given the opportunity. You weren’t scared of him and Baz trying his best to get you to leave him sitting in that dark parking lot alone didn’t shake you even slightly.

Pope leaning in was enough to make your breath catch in your throat, mind going to the most extreme ideas before you realized he was just trying to gently rub his nose against yours like you’d been doing back in his room while trying to calm him down.

It made you smile again, eagerly returning it and letting your hand shift forward so you could grab his wrist and smooth your thumb back and forth over the pulse point.

His heart was racing, which wasn’t much of a surprise to you.

You were quiet again the entire ride back to the houses but it was a lot warmer this time around, comfort replacing anxiety and distrust.

You wanted to be around him and you’d already known that for a long time now but this night cemented it in you harshly. Nobody was going to be able to convince you that he was this monster to be afraid of, not your dads terrified gaze when you announced you were heading over there or his own brother trying to warn you against it.

There was a second where you lingered when he pulled up to your house, leaning over the middle console to press a warm kiss to his cheek before getting out.

He was still sitting out there when you got to your room, peering out your window and seeing the headlights of his truck unmoving for a long few minutes before he was slowly rolling into the driveway next door.

-

Baz looked irritated to see you a few days later like he had somehow figured his words sent you running.

His eyebrows furrowed as soon as you entered the kitchen, dressed ready to swim with a bright grin on your face like nothing had happened the other day.

Pope was quiet when you walked in and expressionless like he might have been thinking the same thing, maybe even a little surprised that you had shown back up so easily despite how good the night had ended up being. You surprised him further when you slid up next to his side, a lot closer than you’d normally be in front of his family.

You were sure most of them could tell something was going on between you by now, probably just as lost in what it actually was as you felt sometimes. You’d been with him at the bar with no explanation and you weren’t stupid enough to think Smurf hadn’t voiced her dissatisfaction to one of them at some point or another.

There was still a moment of shock that passed over the other twos face when you rested a hand on Popes stomach, his own hesitating before eventually sliding around your side once he realized you weren’t going to go anywhere.

Craig shot Deran a look that you didn’t miss and you gave them a glare of warning in return when they finally glanced in your direction again.

You waited until they finally filed out of the kitchen, heading out towards the garage, to let out a big breath and release Pope.

He still kept his arm around you despite the fact yours had left his stomach and went back down to your side.

“You okay?” Your voice was soft and he was quick to grunt in agreement, semi avoiding looking at you as he stared forward at the uneven tiles on the island. “Sorry about that.”

“Why?” His head picked up to turn towards you and he narrowed his eyes in confusion, clearly not seeing anything you had to apologize for.

“I didn’t know if you wanted me touching you like that.” You shrugged softly and let your hand return just to test out his reaction, rubbing it over his stomach and turning your body so you were fully facing his chest. You tilted your head up at him, trying to read his expression and failing to see anything other than the light blankness. “Especially in front of your brothers.”

It’s quiet for a few seconds and you think you might have hit it right on the head, correctly voiced his anxieties.

Then he’s shifting so both hands are resting on your bare lower back, your skin heated up under his rough palms. It’s the most he’s ever touched you willingly, seeming casual but you can feel the tight tremors against your body and he’s having a hard time looking you in the eye.

“You can touch me.” He says it lowly and it manages to take the breath out of you, roles switching even more. You wonder if this is how he feels everytime you make a not so subtle move to get his attention or just greedily touch him. “Whenever you want.”

“I’m going to hold you to that.” You’re smiling up at him, especially when he manages to keep eye contact for a few seconds. “Dangerous promise.”

You think you see the corners of his mouth turning up, just enough for you to know he thinks your comment is amusing. You’re overly fond of him right now, a near polar opposite to the way he interacted with you a few weeks ago.

“That’s fine.” He’s whispering now like it really is a secret between you both and you don’t know if you should celebrate the moment or mourn it when he’s pulling away from you.

It’s just in time for the slider to open and you know who it is before you look, feeling the way his entire body tenses.

You’re not sure if he had already seen Smurf coming or if the timing was just perfect but either way you’re glad she didn’t see the way he was holding you. You wished you didn’t care what she thought but her warnings run through your mind more than the one Baz had insisted upon.

Smurf gives you a weird feeling deep in your chest and you were almost positive her warnings were not about looking out for you. Leaning far closer to a threat than anything else.

“Andrew.” Her voice is a low rasp and he stiffens but shifts, almost like he’s standing at attention and waiting for her order.

It sends a pang through your chest, watching how instinctively he hangs onto her every syllable. You feel a sudden coldness from him like he’s a separate person than the one who was just holding you and maybe that’s for the better, you’re not so certain he likes this person.

“Need you to pick up some sides for dinner baby.” She walks as she speaks, opening the freezer and pulling out a bottle that’s nearly empty.

He doesn’t say anything in response but he moves automatically towards the door, stopping when she makes a noise of objection. He pauses and looks at her as she beckons him closer, body tense when she pulls him in and presses a soft kiss on his cheek.

You think of the other night in his truck and the way you’d done the exact same thing, how different the look on his face was then.

The city had been just about everything you dreamed off.

You’d been a real touristy cliche, stumbling out of a taxi with a box of your belongings and your heart set on conquering the big apple. College had always been a part of your plan and you would sit in your childhood home, surrounded by the woes of suburbia, and tell yourself that if it wasn’t far away then you didn’t want to go.

You were happy to be a stereotypical freshman girl from a small town, navigating the streets of New York with a smile and too big of a heart.

Your time between classes got spent reading down in the park or trying out local coffee shops, taking the train across town just to find your way back to campus without a map. You wanted to know the city like the back of your hand, even if it took getting lost and missing lectures a few dozen times.

Everything was going exactly as it should be.

Eddie wasn’t necessarily a part of your planned out future, in fact he was pretty close to the opposite of something you would have prepared for.

He had stuck out to you from the moment you saw him, getting far too rowdy in the back corner of a bar your new friends had dragged you along to.

It already wasn’t your scene, you hadn’t been to a place with people like this back home, and the added volume from the drunk boys definitely didn’t help.

One of Eddies friends had noticed one of yours and made his way over like a snake through the tall grass, shoulders bumping carelessly with the other tipsy patrons that didn’t even spare him a glance.

She seemed to like him enough, especially when he bought you all your first round of drinks like he wasn’t on a college kids budget, and fate was practically sealed from then on out.

You didn’t really talk to Eddie much that first night and you figured he wouldn’t have remembered it even if you had, already slurring his words and laughing loudly at his friends jokes before he even made it over to get introduced to you all.

He had scanned over each new face as your names were rattled off by your friend that was now pressed against the side of his own, eyes a little glazed like he wasn’t really registering the difference between them all.

And then he reached you.

You watched his gaze pass you by and then immediately falter and bounce back in your direction, sticking on your features even after the other names began to follow yours.

You’d flushed and looked away, eventually making your way outside and bumming a cigarette off of some older woman outside who looked about as haggard as you felt. It made you cough, chest itchy and sore from the unfamiliar feeling, but you were halfway determined to be the type of girl who smoked under the rush of the city.

You hadn’t thought much about the boy and the backwards cap, even though his friend started to make an appearance weekly.

It became clear pretty quickly that things were getting serious between him and your friend, halfway roommate considering how often you escaped the dorms in favor of sleeping on her couch.

The merging of the friend groups was slow but then permanent as soon as it became a reality. Suddenly Eddie Hicks was at every social event you attended, as big as a party in somebody’s parentless townhouse and as intimate as a movie night with just the four of you.

There were plenty of words people used to describe Eddie and you weren’t necessarily a fan of any of them. He wasn’t exactly stupid he just didn’t care about his studies as much as your average peer and he certainly wasn’t as immature as others might think he was based off of a drunken night or a brief public interaction.

You thought he could be really sweet when he wanted to. His voice would get soft when it was just the two of you and he’d talk a lot more with a much lower level of volume, rambling about small subjects you didn’t really understand and showing you he had more depth than getting wasted and jumping into the fountain on campus.

He’d lose that softness when others were around and you felt a little thrown off the first few times he did it before understanding it was just how he presented himself.

It was easier for him to be the party boy that didn’t get embarrassed or nervous in a crowd.

You liked to be around Eddie and he wasn’t shy about showing you that he felt the same way. He was almost constantly at your dorm, knocking lightly at the door and encouraging you to come outside with him as soon as you would answer.

That was your favorite part about him, other than the general comfortability you had started to feel after the first few months. He loved the city more than you, more than anybody else you’d met since you’d first stepped out onto the busy streets.

Not many people around you had actually been born in New York but Eddie was a city boy down to his core. He still went to eat dinner with his mom at his childhood apartment twice a week, taking the train thirty minutes across town without hesitation, and he had barely left the zip code area he was born in before college.

He thought it was sweet that you liked to get a little lost so he wouldn’t correct you when you went on your adventures together, letting you find your way back home despite the fact he knew it was the wrong way almost every single time. You’d take a glance at his face when you would board a train car, groaning and hiding in his shoulder when you realized you had messed up again and feeling the way his frame vibrated as he laughed.

The touchiness was a whole different ballgame you weren’t sure how to navigate with him.

Honestly, you hadn’t even noticed it. It just felt natural for you to gravitate towards each other in a crowd, his hand on your lower back or yours wrapped around his arm to make sure neither of you strayed too far from the other.

You’d press up against him during movie nights and he’d let your ankles lock together, playing with your fingers absentmindedly as he watched. You fell asleep together often on long study nights or at more lowkey house parties, his head in your lap or you resting against his chest and dozing off on his shoulder.

Eddie was your friend and you liked to be around him. You weren’t exactly an expert on boys so you didn’t think much of it until everybody else started to point it out.

At first it was curious glances between the two of you and then it was full out teasing confrontation, openly commenting on it in front of both of you despite how awkward you’d get.

“She’d never go for a guy like me.” Eddie would reply with a goofy grin like it was the easiest answer in the world, his arm going around your shoulder and shaking you softly for emphasis.

You would laugh and smile fondly but it made your chest feel a little weird and tight. You figured he was just being nice, playing it safe and rejecting you but making it sound like it was for your sake.

It could be blamed on your inexperience, the lack of willing suitors back in your hometown who didn’t get to see you in your college prime, or just plain denial. You assumed that if Eddie happened to like you then he would be just as eager to let you know as his friend Alex had been that first night at the bar with yours, immediately coming over to her and not leaving her side since.

But you weren’t too upset about it because you liked to be Eddies friend more than anything, even if it got a little confusing occasionally.

Now you were right back at the same bar almost nine months since the first time, pushing your way through the crowd with only a mildly disgusted look this go around. You’d started to get used to it along with the rest of the city and its liveliness.

You still felt a rush of relief when you got through the mass of bodies and saw your friends at the back table, your favorite drink already in the empty space besides Eddie.

You easily slid into the spot next to him, barely getting out a soft greeting before he was turning to look at you and wrapping his arm around your side.

“We thought you weren’t going to make it.” Sarah was frowning slightly like the idea was a lot sadder than it was in reality due to her already tipsy state.

You liked Sarah quite a bit despite how different the two of you were, her large apartment paid for by her parents and closet full of designer clothes painting a much different picture than your own humble upbringing. She let you crash on her fancy couch when your dorm mate was being obnoxious and occasionally gave you any tops she grew out of so you figured she liked you quite a bit back.

“I missed the train.” You replied softly even though she wasn’t even really listening to your reply, going to say something you couldn’t pick up to Alex.

You turned to Eddie instead who already seemed to be waiting for your attention, hand resting lightly on your side as he pushed your drink in your direction and watched you take a slow sip.

“Again? I thought we got that down by now.” He didn’t miss the opportunity to tease you for your lack of direction and you rolled your eyes.

“It was busy okay? I got a little bit distracted and it just flew past.” You explained over the noise, faltering between sentences to slightly grimace at his cigarette smoke that was floating in the space between your faces.

He didn’t hesitate to put it out when he saw your expression, waving the air to clear the rest of it and easily catching your weight when you leaned against him in thanks.

“You totally missed it.” Sarah was suddenly speaking up again and smacking a perfectly manicured hand down on the sticky table in front of you. “Eddies been trying to get the bartenders number all night.”

Your eyes went across the crowded bar to find the woman in question, definitely a few years your senior and intimidating enough that you quickly looked away before she caught you staring. You glanced at Eddie next to find him glaring at Sarah, eyebrows furrowed and his free hand turned up like he was questioning her

“Not going well?” You attempted to ask it as causally as you could, like you were just a friend equally as invested in your buddies attempt to pick up a pretty girl as everybody else.

You could feel his hand twitching against your side and you were suddenly hyper aware of the touch that normally came so natural to the two of you, stepping to the side just enough that he would have to awkwardly stretch to keep touching you.

He dropped his hand and gave you an almost guilty look before shaking his head.

“She’s just messing around.” He tried to smooth it over and that almost made you feel more upset.

You felt like this was the worst case scenario, Eddie somehow realizing you might feel something towards him and pitying you so much he felt like he needed to lie to keep your feelings from getting hurt.

“He’s been sitting here sulking all night waiting for you.” Alex was chiming in with an attempt to make things less tense but neither of the dismissals were helping especially now that your mind had gone to less than kind places.

“I’m going to get a fresh drink.” You managed to get out, sending them a tight smile before pushing your way back into the crowd. You vaguely heard Eddie saying something sharply, most likely directly at Sarah, but you were suddenly grateful for the loud music and voices to keep you from overhearing something you wouldn’t like.

You were leaning against the bar after requesting a drink, waiting patiently with your hands tapping on the wood, when you felt him behind you.

You didn’t need to look to know who it was and you had expected him to follow you regardless, sighing softly when you felt his arms go around you from behind. You let yourself get tugged back gently until your back was against his chest, your own hands reaching near your stomach to hold his wrist.

“Want me to get her number for you?” Your eyebrows raised as you looked at the bartender who was moving from section to section smoothly, feeling him tense behind you.

Now it was his turn to sigh and his forehead rested against your shoulder for a brief moment.

“Stop it, you know I wasn’t flirting with her. I don’t think I even talked to her.” He started to defend himself and you were once again wondering why he felt the need to, if it really just stemmed from pity and a friendly attempt to save you some dignity.

“It’s fine if you were Eddie.” You shrugged and you heard him let out another huffy breath at the words. “I mean it. You can have fun on a night out.”

“I have fun when you’re here.” He said back quickly and it was slightly muffled considering his face was now pressed against your shoulder like he was planning to hide in your neck.

Your drink got placed in front of you but you ignored it for a moment, turning to face him and rubbing your hand over his ribs and chest as he let out a deep breath of possible relief.

He’d told you before how much your touch made him feel better, whispered it in a quiet room when he was positive nobody was listening.

Your nose rubbed against his and his eyes fluttered shut when your lips brushed together, never fully touching but ghosting along just enough for the thought to cross your mind. His hands had moved to your lower back to keep you tight against him but you weren’t planning on going anywhere regardless.

You pulled back just enough so you didn’t accidentally kiss him, his eyes opening and looking a bit more dejected than beforehand.

“Let’s go back.” You said softly and he hesitated but nodded eventually, grabbing your drink for you and guiding you back to the table with a hand on your waist.

You and Eddie were always like that but you were suddenly unable to get used to it.

You were hyper aware of everything, including the looks Sarah and Alex would give each other whenever they saw the two of you standing closely or touching casually. His hands felt hot on your skin and you could barely stomach rubbing over his arms softly without feeling those nearly painful butterflies.

It was starting to feel that awful right now, sat on the couch together like you’d done dozens of times before.

Your legs were sideways over his lap, sides pressed together with one of his arms behind your back to support your weight and keep you from falling against the couch. His other palm was between your thighs right above your knees, just resting there in the warm skin of your closed legs.

You had one hand in his curls and the other on his arms. It was probably your most default position for watching a movie but you felt like it was beyond intimate right now, trying your best to try ignore the way it made you think and react so you could stay close to him.

The door was opening and you barely glanced up at Alex and Sarah coming in, grocery bags in hands and mid laugh like they always seemed to be.

She sent a look your way but didn’t say anything just yet although you tensed with the anticipation. It was a few more minutes before they got the food put away and came to join you in the dimly lit living room, plopping down on a loveseat and eyeing you curiously for a moment.

“Okay seriously, what’s going on with you two?” She asked abruptly and you sighed softly, already assuming she was going to pry as soon as she saw the way you were curled around each other.

“We’re friends.” You offer her the same line you always do even though you’re aware of how ridiculous it comes across when you’re holding each other like this.

Eddie doesn’t help much at all, pressing a soft kiss to the side of your head that you’re half convinced he did just to drive her a little more crazy.

“This is hard to watch.” She sighs and sinks lower in her seat just in time to miss the handful of popcorn you throw in her direction.

Thankfully she doesn’t say anything else after the light teasing although Alex gives Eddie a wiggle of his eyebrows before getting his own spot for the movie, your eyes rolling once you catch it.

It’s almost constant lately but you really can’t blame them for their confusion considering you barely understand your relationship yourself.

The next week, you’re studying in his room, lying on your stomach in his bed and flipping through pages while you try to pretend you don’t feel him staring at you. He doesn’t even shy away when you glance up and raise an eyebrow, just giving you a soft smile and continuing watching you even when you go back to your textbook.

Eventually it starts to drive you so crazy that you have to set the book down to really stare at him.

“Hi Ed.” You keep your voice light and he finally leaves his place on the floor to come and join you on the small twin sized mattress, sitting up beside where you’re still flat on your stomach.

“Hey.” He sounds softer than normal, definitely distracted and maybe a little lost in thought.

His hand comes up to brush some of your behind your ear gently before he’s moving it lower, letting it rest on your lower back. He swipes his thumb right where the fabric of your tank top had ridden up, warming up your skin with his own.

You sigh blissfully and fold your arms in front of you so you can rest your head on them.

“You okay?” You nearly whisper and his eyes leave your back for a quick second to check your face before he’s back to staring at the area he’s touching.

“I’m… really really okay.” He says back and it’s still a bit far away sounding which makes you laugh lightly.

The air felt heavy and charged in a way you weren’t really used to and when he went back to watching your face, you almost thought he might lean down and kiss you.

You both jumped when the door swung open, intimate bubble popped immediately as Sarah and Alex burst in and barely acknowledged the fact they hadn’t even attempted to announce themselves before coming in.

Alex was sending you both a curious look and you focused back in enough after your shock to register that Eddie had taken his hand off of you rather quickly, still looking a bit suspicious with the off guard look he had on his face.

“Great news.” Sarah’s smile was bright and it was almost hard to be annoyed at her for interrupting when she seemed so excited, bouncing a little in her kitten heels and clasping her hands together in front of her. “I’ve got you both double dates for the poetry show tonight.”

“Sarah set it up.” Alex added on, she beamed like he was praising her but you figured he just wanted to shift the blame away from himself as soon as possible.

Neither of you said anything but you glanced at Eddie after a few long seconds to find him already watching you.

“No.” His voice was firm but calm, decisive despite not really having a reason to decline.

Sarah’s face fell immediately and she dropped her hands to her sides.

“But why not?” She asked desperately and shifted so she could kneel on the carpet beside the bed and really give you both a good view of her puppy eyes. “Please you know how much I love playing match maker and they’re both looking forward to it.”

“Alex.” Eddie spoke again in slight warning and your eyes went back and forth between each of your friends, trying to get a read on the silent conversation that seemed to be happy.

“I think it’s a good idea.” Alex shrugged and that made Sarah start to smile again. “And it makes her happy so.”

You didn’t realize you were frowning until you felt the familiar hand back on your skin, rubbing softly and drawing your attention right back to him. Eddie was staring at you in a way you really didn’t understand but you figured you could file it alongside the other mysteries you had surrounding him.

Sarah’s soft voice saying your name sent you spinning again, eyes meeting hers and slumping your shoulders in light defeat.

“You’ll do it?” She nearly gasped, hands reaching out to squeeze your arm.

“I mean I guess.” You sighed out, feeling terrible about disappointing her and also not being able to think of a legitimate reason you didn’t want to do it that wouldn’t immediately expose your weird feelings for the boy next to you.

Speaking of, he was getting up almost as soon as you voiced your confirmation. You tried to tune out Sarah’s excited squeals and the way she was squeezing your arm, watching as he left his own bedroom with a deep set frown.

Despite his initial refusal, the triple date ended up happening a few hours later.

You weren’t sure what Alex had said to get Eddie out of the apartment because you were too busy being dragged back to Sarah’s so she could give you a makeover.

Clearly it hadn’t been enough to get a smile on his face because he had been uncharacteristically stoic the entire night.

The bar had a much calmer crowd, soft spoken poetry replacing the usual loud music and sports television. Eddie still had never been this quiet during a night out and you felt overly guilty for agreeing to this arrangement and dragging him out in the process.

Your date was nice enough. He was supportive of the poets and asking you questions about yourself, putting your drinks on his tab and trying his best to get any type of positive response from you.

You’d given him your best attempt at a polite smile for the past two hours and your cheeks were starting to ache. You figured Eddie didn’t have the same issue because he hasn’t so much as grinned even once, instead awkwardly staring at you from across the table in an overly noticeable way.

His date was chatting his ear off enough that she didn’t even seem to notice his intense glare in your direction but yours surely did, shuffling in place nervously as he failed to understand the situation.

She was grabbing his arm and giggling obnoxiously every time she managed to get a small response from him even though they were few and far between.

“You’re liking the city so far?” Your date, maybe Zach something, was tilting his head to try and get your attention back on him and not the way her nails were curling around Eddies forearm.

“Yeah I…” You trailed off and cleared your throat, glancing at him and giving an apologetic smile. “I actually need to use the restroom. I’ll be right back.”

You were pushing away from the table before he could manage out a reply, taking fast steps to the dimly lit hallway and pressing your back against the wall as you took a few slow breaths.

It wasn’t too surprising to hear the footsteps following right behind yours, the soft touch wrapping around your wrist as his frame moved in front of yours.

Eddie didn’t look at all like his usual goofy self, face far too serious for somebody as completely the opposite. You sighed in light relief when you felt him touching you and that only made him do it more, arm going around the small of your back and his forehead pressing against yours.

It was quiet for nearly a minute as you just stood there, your palms on his chest and the muffled sounds of a poem about grief coming from down the hallway.

“I can’t do this.” His voice was so quiet that you barely caught it but it still made you frown.

“Why not Eddie? She’s nice and she seems to like you.” It was hard to get out but you were trying your best to be supportive of him.

“Are you kidding me?” His eyebrows furrowed and he took a step back just enough so he could really see your face as you spoke. “I don’t care if she’s nice. I don’t want her.”

The word he chose to emphasize wasn’t lost on you and for the first real time, you let yourself think this might be about you. It was always in the back of your mind but that insecurity and fear of losing him kept it quiet, not wanting to let yourself feel any hope incase the disappointment that followed was too crushing.

“Ed.” You sigh softly and rub your hand from his chest to his shoulder.

He leaned down to bury his face in your neck and you fully wrapped your arms around the back of his so you could hug him tightly.

“I can’t watch this anymore.” He said eventually and that nearly confirmed it for you but you were stuck with that fear.

You couldn’t bear losing him, not while you were still surrounded by the city around you that he stemmed from. It would be a constant painful reminder of the good thing you had lost and you were in desperate need of this good thing.

Eddie was one of the best friends you’d ever had and you would happily, although torturously, never be anything more if it meant he stayed with you.

That fear was even more obvious to you when he was picking his head back up to really look at you, your noses rubbing together in a familiar way but with an unfamiliar tension hanging over your heads.

You could see the moment he decided to risk it all and your entire body locked up.

“Don’t Eddie.” You stopped him just as he was staring to shift his face closer to yours and his expression dropped.

He didn’t move away right away but you could see the way it stung him. You frowned with guilt and brought your hand up to cup his jaw, grateful when he nuzzled into it without any hesitation.

He may be hurt by your premature rejection but he still craved your touch and that made you feel much better.

“It’s okay.” You shift forward to kiss his cheek as you hold his face. His eyes are closed blissfully and his hands tighten around you at the contact. “Let’s go tell them bye.”

It was awkward to go back out there together and tell them bye as a pair, your dates sending you and each other confused looks while Sarah gave you a long disappointed stare.

You knew she didn’t mind the idea of you and Eddie together, in fact she encouraged it actively in the beginning, but she also was aware of your hesitance and she knew you well enough to know nothing had happened in that hallway. You were still choosing to waste the chance to spend a night getting to know a nice guy, just to go home with Eddie and stay in the same limbo.

You gave Zach a light hug goodbye but Eddie didn’t even bother with a parting wave to his date.

You waited until you got on the train back towards his apartment to bring it up, both of you standing on opposite sides of a pole.

“She was sweet.” You said softly and his eyebrows furrowed again for what felt like the dozenth time that night. “You could have been nicer.”

He winced and his shoulders slumped at your gentle scolding, looking a little guilty. Eddie wasn’t at all a rude guy, even when he got a little too rowdy to remember his manners. He was notably friendly and a good time so it was out of character for him to treat somebody so coldly.

“She was nice.” He agreed casually and now you took a long pause.

“She wanted to bang you.”

His face scrunched up at the idea of it as you both swayed with the sudden lurching of the train car departing.

“Yeah, no way.” He was shaking his head in disagreement and you eyed the way his curls had gotten a little bouncier after a long night. “She was flirting, yeah but.. I don’t know.”

“Why not?” You asked it with a tilt of your head like you were genuinely curious despite the fact you figured you knew his answer by now. He leaned back against the wall of the train car and crossed his arms, giving you a slightly disbelieving look. “How long’s it been since you hooked up with somebody?”

It wasn’t something you talked about even though you seemed to talk about everything else. You knew Eddie had a past of casual flings with a lot of girls, you’d heard it from Sarah after her first few times around Alex.

But you never actually saw the playboy antics yourself. He was at the college for a whole year before you even got there and either he had given up on the life style coincidentally as he became a sophomore or there was a secondary reason.

He looked just as thrown off by your question as you felt asking it although a little amused by the boldness.

“A while.” He admitted easily but he rubbed the back of his neck like he was nervous, face just pink enough for you to tell he’s affected. “I don’t know exactly but maybe a year?”

Your eyes must widen because he lets out an embarrassed laugh that sounds nothing like himself, like he’d rather be the first to laugh than to wait for you to inevitably do it.

“Yeah I just… haven’t been into it lately.” His eyes land hard on yours and you can’t really find it in yourself to say anything in response, especially since you’re more than certain he’s lying with the weak explanation.

You lean against the pole and watch him carefully, suddenly very glad you had left the bar when you did.

“What about you?”

Your mouth parts a little in surprise, not at all expecting him to turn the question around on you. You haven’t to really think about it which he doesn’t seem to enjoy, frowning just enough for it to be noticeable as he shifts in place.

“A few months I guess.” You say softly with a light shrug, just a little bit shy with the answer.

You hope he doesn’t ask you to specify because you really don’t know how to explain to him that you’d been so pent up one night from the way he touched you that you had no choice but to go and seek other forms of release. It was somebody you didn’t even remember the name of which was evidence enough towards how good it had been, not at all satisfying that craving he’d built up and actually just making it much worse.

You’d heard stories about Eddie from random girls around campus, their faces flushing with embarrassment when they noticed you listening or passing by like you had some sort of claim over him.

You were curious about it both because you liked him so much and because you were his friend and wanted to know what exactly he did that made girls get so hung up on their time together in the bedroom.

He hadn’t replied since you spoke, staring a bit blankly.

“What’s on your mind?” Your head cocked.

He shifted at the sound of your voice and moved back towards you, hand wrapping around the pole you’d been leaning on. It was just above your head so you were slightly caged in by his arm, eyes turning upwards to blink at him.

“Have you… wanted anyone since?” His voice had gotten a little lower and you took a second to glance around the train car and ensure nobody was paying too much attention to two college kids flirting awkwardly.

You stared at him through your lashes for a few seconds before your hand was rubbing over his ribs, smiling a little. “Maybe.”

He sucked in a breath at the touch despite how often he felt it and you watched as his eyes very obviously dropped down to your lips.

The train car picked the perfect moment to rock violently and you made a small surprised sound as it nearly threw you sideways, too distracted by him to remember to brace yourself.

Eddie barely faltered, more than used to the abrupt stops. He easily slid his hands around your waist to steady you and you gave him a quick thankful smile before you were realizing you’d reached your stop and grabbing into his wrist to pull him out onto the platform before you managed to get the both of you lost again.

“Didn’t think you’d catch it this time.” He smiled softly at you as you walked and you rolled your eyes despite being overly fond of his habit to never give you directions.

“You’re not that distracting.” You teased back but you’re more than aware of how obvious that lie is.

He certainly is distracting you in the following weeks as you get closer to summer and the heat begins to rise and rise.

To only make matters worse, the AC goes out in the boys apartment and Sarah’s dad sets out a strict ‘no boy’ rule when he catches Alex sneaking out one morning.

You heavily consider just ditching all three of them in favor of your college funded air conditioned dorm that you’d barely used since moving to the city but you feel a little too guilty and you figured you’d miss Eddie far too much while sulking away next to your dorm mate writing her boyfriend obsessive love letters.

So you join them in their suffering, all lounging around the furniture in various states of undress as you try your best to catch anything that resembles a breeze.

It’s bad enough to be literally hot, sweat coating your forehead and making your hair stick uncomfortably wet to the back of your neck, but to also be a little warm under your skin from Eddie and his lack of a shirt was a new type of torture.

Alex was on the smaller side, body lean and just muscular enough to show some definition and you imagined he was the more stereotypical choice for the college girls surrounding you.

You however, felt naturally drawn to the way Eddie was built. He was so noticeably strong, defined arms and a round chest with enough hair on it to really make you start to sweat, and that was without taking in for account the slight softness of his stomach.

You’d been spending the entire day trying not to look at the trail of hair leading down into his gym shorts, staring up at the ceiling fan as it did its best to cool you off.

Sarah was practically stripped down to her birthday suit, using a bikini top to keep some modesty despite the boy short underwear she had below it doing the opposite. Alex wasn’t much better, giving up on real clothes completely in favor of some oddly tight boxers.

You weren’t exactly shy about your body but you were overly aware of Eddie being in the room so you stuck with a small tank top and some sleep shorts, trying your best not to abandon another layer like the others.

Eddie hadn’t moved in nearly half an hour, eyes closed and lying flat on his back like he was picturing himself floating down a lazy river. You glanced around the room at the other two who were also lounging out with soft heated groans, only the sound of Sarah’s magazine waving back and forth breaking up the silence.

Your hand lightly touched Eddies chest, still close enough to you that your knee was pressed against his arm as you sat with your legs crossed next to him despite the heat screaming at you to separate. It was a little damp under your palm but you figured you weren’t much better.

“Maybe we could go to the beach.”

The words had barely left your lips before Eddie was shooting up off the bed, looking a little dizzy from the sudden movement. “God yes.”

“Careful bubba.” You said softly as you lightly pressed on his skin to get him to lay back down for a second until the wooziness passed.

Sarah had perked up too at the mention of a trip to the beach, most likely already mentally picking out a matching bottom to go with her top. Eddie had taken your hand that was on his chest and pressed a light kiss to each of your knuckles, smiling crookedly at you when you sent him an amused look.

“I’m totally in. Beach day.” He nodded in approval and sat up again at a much slower pace, now face to face with you and rubbing your noses together until you let out a small laugh. “We can use my mom’s van.”

“Your mom’s van is a piece of shit.” Alex supplied from across the room, still refusing to move in the heat even when Sarah sent a sharp swat to his sweaty chest.

It was in fact a piece of shit so it was hard to argue, especially as you stood in front of it.

You weren’t sure how she had managed to keep her lot for as long as she had especially considering the van clearly hadn’t moved in the last few years, coated in dust and making an odd rattling noise when Eddie hopped in and started it up.

He looked too excited for you to rain on his parade and you were still internally trying to impress his mom, talking to her quietly in the kitchen while the boys dug around in Eddies old room for an extra pair of swim trunks that might still fit him after making sure the van started.

“He talks about you a lot. I figured he must be making you up.” She was clearly teasing and she immediately reminded you a lot of her son, down to the shape of the smile she gave you as she poured you all a glass of lemonade.

“All good things?” You mused and you relished in the way she chuckled lightly.

“Don’t be ridiculous.” Sarah scoffed from the kitchen table, you’d nearly forgotten she was there at all but the heat and unfamiliar sight of a rundown apartment had made her uncharacteristically quiet. “Eddie couldn’t even think a bad thought about you let alone voice one.”

Her teasing was already bad enough in general but worse in front of his mother, your cheeks turning red just as the boys came stumbling out in clear excitement for the road trip.

It was a bit of a chaotic start, all holding onto the prayer that the van would even make it to the first gas station stop. You felt a bit of relief as it rattled its way out of the city, especially since Eddie had confessed he didn’t have a license and let Alex drive, giving Sarah shotgun after she sent him a sharp glare.

He was pressed against your side in the second row, a little uncomfortably considering the AC was barely sending out a light breeze in your direction but the windows being down on the open road helped cool off your skin just enough for you to relax.

You turned to look at him just to find he was already watching you, your nose brushing his as you both mirrored the other’s bright smile.

“You excited?” You whispered, trying to keep your voice under the song playing from the CD Sarah had dug out from the middle console.

“Yeah.” He said it back just as quietly and you appreciated the imaginary privacy the volume offered. His hand came up to brush your hair behind your ear and then lingered near your jaw.

“I’ve never seen the ocean.” You admitted and you watched his eyes widen in surprise, multiple emotions passing over his face like he had suddenly decided this meant something different than just cooling off in the water. “Not from here, remember?”

Eddie nodded slowly but you could tell he was sinking into thought now, his hand reaching over to squeeze yours with something close to determination.

If his goal was to give you the perfect beach day then he more than succeeded. You couldn’t have had a better time with the three of them, barely getting the van parked before you were running into the water and falling into a pile of waves and splash puddles.

The chill of the ocean and the relief you felt had nothing on how magical it was to be with your favorite people, one in particular who couldn’t stop smiling and laughing as he watched you play around with Sarah and narrowly dodge water attacks from Alex.

Eddie didn’t last long before wrapping his arms around your middle and dragging you under the water with him, completely beaming when you resurfaced and pushed him lightly by his shoulders in mock upset.

It took hours for any of you to get bored and you stayed out there with him even when the other two had their fill and went to shore, opting for getting a tan and catching up on a book.

He didn’t seem to mind when you wanted to calm down, naturally gravitating towards each other as you let the water move your bodies together. You held onto his shoulders with your legs wrapped around his waist, his big hands rubbing over your lower back and keeping you from drifting off.

The sun was setting as you talked in soft voices and let yourselves float in unison.

It was perfect and getting even better as the sun fully set and you retired back to the van, laying some blankets on top of it and feeling the cooling metal under your back as you laid down. You’d almost forgotten how the stars looked outside of the city and away from the light pollution, lost in the sight of them and barely registering Eddie climbing the ladder on the side of the van until he laying down beside you.

You could distantly hear Sarah laughing softly at something Alex had said, growing more and more faint as you realized they were walking back down to the water.

“Think they’ll get married?” You whispered once you felt him settle next to you, his hand reaching between your bodies to grasp yours and let it rest on his chest so he could play with your fingers.

“Without a doubt.” He answered easily, not needing any clarification.

“Maybe we can be their maid of honor and best man.” You mused. “Walk down the aisle together.”

You looked at him after the comment just to see his reaction, to double check if the image of you together in a wedding scenario had any effect on him even if it wasn’t your own. He was always watching you with soft eyes, moonlight highlighting his freckles and the slight redness he’d gotten from the sun.

“You’re always staring at me.” You whisper.

“Can you blame me?” He sounded so sincere that you felt a little embarrassed and it took a lot to not look away from his strong gaze.

“What’s that mean?” You shifted so you were lying more on your side and facing him better, the ocean crashing in the distance offering a welcome break between the silences.

“Means…” He laughed a little at your curiosity and shrugged his shoulders, searching for the right words to use. “You’re so fucking pretty.”

You know you’re flushed now and you have to stare at the stars for a breath just to gather yourself, looking back and wishing you hadn’t considering he has the same expression he did the last time he tried to kiss you.

He’s closer than you realized, noses brushing again in that familiar habit of yours.

“Eddie don’t.” You whisper softly even though it pains you. “Don’t kiss me.”

He freezes immediately and it’s much more extreme of a reaction than last time, embarrassment rushing over his face as he awkwardly shifts away from you on the blanket to give you some space.

“Yeah okay.” He breathes out in agreement but it’s so clearly forced.

“Wait.” You frown and sit up a little so you can see his face still as he moves away. “Please don’t be mad at me.”

His face softened instantly like the idea crushed him and he also sat up, resting on his elbow and bringing his free hand up to cup your face and lightly caress your cheek.

“Hey.” His singular word was so full of affection that you almost fell on your stomach in relief. “I’m not mad at you. I’m never mad at you but especially not for that.”

“I’m just…” You have the sudden need for him to understand that you’re not meaning to reject him, a bit frantic as you finally sit up on your knees and touch his arm. “Nervous okay? I don’t want to mess things up so we just can’t… can’t kiss.”

He was silent for a long time as he stared at you like he was trying to understand, eventually nodding slowly but looking just a little bit frustrated and disappointed. You knew your reasoning didn’t make much sense and you felt a bit sick knowing he might be longing for something you’re not willing to give.

“This is why I wanted you to hook up with that stupid blind date.” You sigh and it’s a little bit of an over exaggeration because you probably would have cried for a month if he did but the meaning is still there. You didn’t want him waiting around for something you might not ever give him.

“I get it.” He says it slowly like you’re a live wire which you figure you probably seem like one right now, rushed speaking pattern unlike your usual calm demeanor. “But I don’t want her.”

“You want me?” You assume openly for the first time.

“God yes.” He doesn’t hesitate to answer, eyes staring into yours with devastating raw honesty.

You’re not sure if actually hearing him confess it makes you feel better or worse but your stomach lights up with interest anyways.

You both fall silent, you because of the admission and him because he’s clearly shocked you didn’t somehow already know that.

His hand is suddenly on your back and then you’re overly aware of how much skin you’re both showing. You lean closer to him when he starts to rub you in small soothing circles and then you let out a deep sigh.

“Can I ask you something?” You whisper and he nods before you even really finish. “You said you hadn’t had sex with anyone in a year. Is that because…”

You trail off but it’s obvious what you’re implying, especially given the conversation you’re having.

Because of you.

Now he’s finally hesitating and it’s a long anxious pause before he’s nodding his head.

You both don’t speak, don’t even breathe, as his hand slowly trails up from your back to your shoulder. You stare closely at his face as he toys with the strap of your bikini that rest against your warm skin, still slightly heated from the sun.

“Are you going to take it off?” You whisper and it’s clearly all the permission he needs, eyes meeting on yours as he notes the soft nod you give him, before he’s letting his fingers push it off your shoulder softly.

He moves to the other one at the same time he fully sits up so you’re both half kneeling in front of each other, slowly pulling the second strap down and lean in to kiss your collarbone as he does so. You suck in a sharp breath and he falters at that, glancing up at you to double check.

“You can take it off.” You say softly immediately, a little breathy. “You’ve been so patient.”

Clearly that patience had worn out because Eddie is quick to reach behind your back and undo the tie holding your top up, eyes locked on your chest when it falls in your lap.

He stares at you for so long you start to squirm uncomfortably and then he’s gently moving the fabric to the side and shifting closer so he can go back to kissing your skin. Your eyes flutter shut and your hands go to his curls, softly running your fingers through them as he kisses up your neck down to your shoulders.

“You can go lower.” You encourage and you feel him lightly tense like the idea is a little too overwhelming for him.

It’s brief though and he follows the light instruction soon after hearing it, his hands moving to cage both of your ribs in his big palms. He just barely grazes the top of your chest with his lips before you can hear a sharp laugh from Sarah down below.

You’re both hit with the sudden realization of where you are and what you’re doing, your eyes wide with panic and he sits up rigidly.

You hear Alex next and that snaps you out of it, scrambling to grab your top and pull it over your shoulders. Eddie is just as eager to get behind you and help you tie it back up, shivers down your spine when his fingertips touch your skin.

“You two okay?” Alex calls from below and you can’t bring yourself to answer, grateful when Eddie gives a murmur of approval before helping you climb down the ladder and get the blankets back in the van.

You stay quiet until you’re back in the van, tucking your face into his neck and groaning softly as the embarrassment fully hits you.

“That was humiliating.” You whisper once you pick your head back up.

“Yeah a little bit.” He agrees with a soft smile and that only makes you let out another disgruntled noise before resting your head on his shoulder.

The car ride back is mostly pleasant if you can block out the thoughts of somebody having seen you topless but you feel a large amount of relief when the city skyline comes into view. Sarah gets dropped back off at her apartment before the boys find street parking near campus for the van, calling Eddies mom on the pay phone down the road to let her know you’d bring it back tomorrow morning.

You linger around the dorms before opting for heading back to their place with them, ignoring the pleased smile on Eddies face when you catch up with him and wrap your hand in his.

Sleepovers aren’t that rare between the two of you so you can tell right away that he’s acting strange.

He’s taking twice as long as usual in the bathroom and hovering around his dresser like he’s looking for something. You’d changed into one of his shirts and a pair of shorts you’d left there before, the air much more chilled now that the sun is set.

You sit on his bed and frown at him as he stalls climbing in with you.

“Eddie.” You call after ten minutes have passed and he freezes, blinking at you. “Are you acting weird because you saw my tits?”

The question lingers in the air for a few seconds before he’s sighing and facing you fully.

“Okay yeah.” He admits with surprising ease and you continue to frown as he finally comes over to sit next to you. “I’m just thinking about it.”

“My tits?” You specify and now he winces at the vulgar phrasing.

“Not necessarily your… you know. Just the situation in general.” He supplies and you can only stare at the side of his face.

It’s awkward for a handful of seconds before you’re standing up to turn off the lights, leaving you in near darkness outside of the orange hued lamp in the corner of his room.

“Come on, let’s try something.” You say softly as you go and lay down on his bed, facing the wall as you rest on your side. “Get behind me.”

You can almost feel his hesitation but he doesn’t eventually, the position coming naturally to you both as he curves his body around yours. It feels more intimate than normal considering the conversation you were just having but you still reach back to grab his hands and bring them to the front of your chest.

You just hold them for a moment before you’re taking a deep breath and lightly pressing them against the fabric of your tank top.

He tensed behind you and sucked in air sharply through his teeth but it didn’t take him long to relax and follow the instinct to lightly apply some pressure.

“I-it feels good when you squeeze.” You whisper softly, face warming up instantly at how vulgar it sounded. “So don’t be shy.”

That was all he really needed to hear before he started to really touch you, big hands cupping your breast repeatedly as you both laid there and took shaky breaths. You were making soft whimpering sounds which really didn’t help the temperature as it started to climb against.

“Mm feels good Eddie. Is this okay?” You whisper.

“God yes.” He breathed out before pressing a few light kisses to your shoulders, his hands starting to get a little rougher now as he groped your chest eagerly.

“Should we take it off?” You nearly whine.

“Is that what you want?” He asks softly and keeps kissing your skin, moving onto your neck and lingering there as he waits for your reply. You nod immediately and he doesn’t waste any type before shifting your body and pulling the shirt you borrowed over your head, tossing it carelessly onto the floor.

He was back to touching you instantly and you both made a strangled sound at the skin on skin contact, his hands getting rough again as he pulled your breast apart before squeezing them together. His thumbs kept brushing your nipples in a way that made you start to pant and he shifted behind you.

“Fuck I feel you getting hard.” You gasped and he made a nearly growl like sound, pressing his forehead to your shoulder.

His hips moved forward at the words on instinct before he was tensing and moving backwards like he was trying to avoid touching you like that.

“N-no I want you to feel good too. You can rub it against me.” You encouraged and it was mostly selfish, wanting to feel it so bad you could barely think.

He hesitated for a second before he was rocking his hips forward and going back to roughly groping your chest, his breath getting quicker in your ear as low grunts left his mouth.

You felt like you were on fire, stomach twisting in a coil of need as you tried to arch your back and rub yourself back with him as he moved almost feverishly.

The mixture of the two sensations was overstimulating in the best way possible.

“Say something. I love your voice.” You begged and you could barely recognize yourself and the high pitched tone you’d taken on in your pleasure.

“You’re so pretty.” He was quick to murmur it out, kissing your shoulder slowly again. “Fuck I’ve wanted this for so long.”

His hands were going back and forth between squeezing, lightly tugging at your nipples, and getting a bit more bold when he’d rest them on your neck.

You could really feel him now, your tiny shorts riding up so much there was barely any fabric to mute the sensation of him rubbing against you. He was hot and heavy, clearly large in size even if he wasn’t fully hard yet which you figured he was judging by the way he was almost whimpering into your neck.

“It’s so fucking good.” You gasped out and he full out growled now as he picked up the pace, bed rocking. “Oh god yes, keep humping me.”

Eddies movements were beyond frantic, moving a hand down to roughly grip your hips and keep you still so he could really grind himself against you. He swore under his breath and sat up abruptly, ignoring your whine so he could roll you over into your back and get on top of you.

You gasped and spread your legs for him instantly when you registered what he wanted, nodding his head and whimpering loudly when he rocked his hips against you from the new position.

Now you could feel his length right where you needed it most, your core so sensitive already just from the lewd way he was touching your body like it belonged to him. You loved the deep grunts he was making in your ear, foul words under his breath like he couldn’t contain them anymore.

You made a strangled sound and clung to him, arm around the back of his neck as he kept you pinned down with a strong hand on your stomach.

“Harder.” You whined impatiently.

“Fuck baby I’ll cum.” He groaned, shaking his head and kissing your neck so sloppily you got dizzy with the desire to have his mouth on yours.

He still listened to your request and started to really fuck against you, both of you panting and completely lost in the sensations as you chased the high of finally getting to feel eachother like this.

It was like you got thrown off the top of the mountain when you heard the familiar voice right outside the door, both of you stiffening as you tried to make out the words Alex was saying.

He sounded slightly panicked and definitely guilty but he was trying to tell you something about Sarah being in trouble with her dad and desperately needing a ride, asking Eddie if he could please take his moms van to go and get her.

Eddie sighed and flopped down ontop of you, waiting a long few seconds before he shouted out his approval. You listened to Alex walk away but you both already felt the side effects of being interrupted when you were potentially making a mistake.

You kissed the side of his face and he took the sweet cue, rolling off of you and tugging you against your chest while you tried to control your breathing.

“We can’t do anything with them around.” You whisper softly and you only realized after it left your mouth that it sounded like you intended to keep this up. “It’s too risky.”

He didn’t reply for a bit and you figured he had noticed the same thing, only confirmed when he softly hummed in agreement and rubbed your arm supportively.

That turned out to be a nearly impossible rule considering your friends were always around. Sarah had practically moved into the apartment after the disagreement with her dad and you couldn’t exactly give your opinion because it wasn’t necessarily your place either but the small space was getting a little too cramped.

You spent more time at the dorm just to get a little privacy but you missed Eddie too much to keep away for long.

Alex had currently turned the entire place into a full fledged party, no doubt welcoming a dozen noise complaints from the neighbors. You’d needed a break over an hour ago and you just now managed to get yourself away from the crowd, climbing out the window to settle up on the fire escape.

You were never surprised by how easily Eddie found you when you were disappeared so you barely blinked an eye when he was following behind you only a few minutes later.

He had a cigarette dangling from his mouth but he was quick to discard it as soon as he saw you looking.

“Hi.” You said softly once he was sat next to you, resting your head on his shoulder.

“Hi baby.” He whispered back, taking a sip from his nearly empty beer can before gazing out at the city with you.

“Can’t believe you grew up here.” You said in a bit of a daze, truly content to have him by your side like this while you admired the view you’d dreamt of for so long. “Does it get any less beautiful when you see it everyday?”

He was quiet for a bit so you dragged your eyes off the buildings to look at him, meeting his stare and smiling softly.

“Gets prettier every time I see it.” He whispered and you knew right away he wasn’t talking about the city, his gaze darting all over your face like he was committing it to memory.

You had to look away because you were suddenly feeling very emotional over the entire setting, resting your head back on his shoulder so you could avoid seeing his face again.

Eddie warmed you under your skin and it terrified you.

“I’m really going to miss it when summer comes.” Your voice is quiet and he tenses a little bit like he’d forgotten what looms around the corner.

You’d considered staying in the city during the months you didn’t have school, maybe asking Sarah to let you permanently room with her and even debating if you and Eddie were going to be at a place where you could just stay with him without it being weird.

You didn’t think you were, in fact you had decided that it would be almost catastrophic for the two of you to be around each other every single day, sleeping in the same bed and sharing a space like you were something much more than you were.

And you missed your home town underneath the awe of the big city, thinking about it often as you laid in bed and wished for a break from the constant noise pollution and busyness.

“You could stay.” Eddie whispered like he knew what you were thinking and he shifted so you had no choice but to look at him again, your knees touching and his eyes on your face while yours stayed downcast.

“Are you going to be here for me when I come back?” You tried to lighten the topic by ignoring his suggestion, not wanting to outwardly say that wasn’t an option to you.

“Of course I will be.” He answered earnestly despite your attempt at a joke, shifting and rubbing your noses together while his hands moved to squeeze yours. “I’ll pick you up the second you get here.”

“Not going to run off with any city girls?” Your tone was still teasing but you really hoped he would answer this one genuinely.

You were already depriving Eddie and even though it was his decision to not do anything with anybody else, you still felt guilty about your hesitance. Especially knowing you’d be far away and he wouldn’t even get the small relief of feeling you touch him, getting to have you close to him still.

It made you feel sick to think about him with somebody else, somebody more permanent with their feet caught in the concrete streets you couldn’t seem to get used to.

“Just you.” He says back and rubs your knuckles softly, bringing it up to kiss your wrist lightly.

You stare at him for a few long seconds with overwhelming fondness.

“Maybe you could come with me.” You whisper and he freezes.

“Seriously?”

“I don’t know if you’d like it. It’s a really small town and super outdoorsy.” You start to ramble to try and make yourself feel less embarrassed for the offer. It’s clearly not casual at all to try and bring him back to your hometown for the summer, surrounded by your entire family and the friends you grew up with. “I’d just… I would really miss you.”

He blinks at you like he doesn’t believe what you’re saying but the small smile on his face slightly eases your anxiety. He starts to slowly nod in agreement so you squeeze his hands and shift closer.

“You’d have to meet my parents.” You remind him before he can confirm, wanting him to understand the stakes of coming along instead of just impulsively accepting because he’s desperate to be around you. “And my siblings and be stuck in the middle of nowhere.”

“I’d be with you.” He cuts you off and presses a kiss to the corner of your mouth that almost makes you frown, a little overwhelmed by how much you like him.

You keep waiting for him to do something you dislike, to give you a reaction or even a quick glance that lets you believe he’s not this perfect guy. He’s never angry or judgmental, he’s friendly and calm when it’s expected but knows how to have a good time otherwise and you can never stop laughing when you’re around him.

You think of the way Sarah constantly seems to be laughing with Alex, less sharp and intense when they’re together. She loses the bite behind her teasing remarks like he steadies her internally.

It was on your mind now as you took the trip back home for the first time since you left it all those months ago, a nervous bounce of your knee that’s immediately soothed by the familiar hand rubbing over it gently.

Eddie gives you a soft smile when you glance over at him appreciatively and you return it.

You didn’t need to discuss the logic behind him coming with you because you both knew it was happening as soon as you mentioned it. Neither one of you wanted to be without the other for that long of a time and it soothed any insecurity of worry about what he’d be doing in the city while you were gone, although you were certain beneath the mean voice in your head that he would be on his best behavior.

He didn’t owe you any loyalty but he had offered it so consistently that you felt comfortable expecting it.

The three months you spent together in your hometown felt just as magical as that day on the beach had.

Eddie fit in perfectly and despite introducing him as your friend to everybody, you could see the knowing looks being sent your way and you didn’t bother correcting them.

It was a whole new experience to get to see him outside of the city he was born in, the furthest he’d ever been from it both in terms of distance and lifestyle. He’d wake you up in the morning with a soft whisper that he was going fishing with your cousin, come home around dinner time with dirt on his pants and a proud, nearly boyish smile.

You felt a jolt of happiness as you stood side by side with your mom in the kitchen and helped her prepare dinner, your dad talking to Eddie the next room over as they flipped through your childhood photo books.

He came in at one point to give you a soft kiss on the cheek and ask if you needed any help from him before he ran to town for some household items, telling him you were okay and then trying to ignore the fond look your mom was giving you.

It was a new side of your connection, getting to almost roleplay a domestic small town life as you navigated the warm days and his constant presence.

You kept up with your search for something you could dislike about him, expecting it to show itself now that you were together almost all of the time, but you realized pretty quickly that it was pointless.

You’d watch him interact with the older women at the farmers market politely, call Alex weekly from your home phone and update him on the more rural things he’d been learning with genuine interest, and play with your younger siblings endlessly until the sun went down.

It was pretty clear by the end of summer that you were in love with him.

There was still that frustrating limbo you’d put both of you in but you didn’t know how to break out of it yet. You had wished he would just disrespect your old boundaries and make the first move but he was too good of a guy for that, backing up whenever his hands would wander a little too intensely.

He kept them mostly off of you around your family other than a hand around your waist or brief greeting kiss to your cheek but you felt the heat that still lingered when you’d be back in your room each night.

Your parents thankfully hadn’t set any rules about the two of you sharing a bed even though you almost would have preferred that to the torture of having him that close but somehow still so far.

He’d let himself be a bit more bold then, his palms that had gotten rougher over the weeks of outdoor activities would run over your bare stomach as he pushed your shirt up higher.

You’d both stay quiet in the room any time anything happened like you were afraid to speak and scare the other, memories of that night after the beach where he’d touch you constantly on rotation.

His hands wouldn’t go past your ribs and you’d try to ignore the disappoint each time he kissed the back of your neck and settled into sleep instead of going further.

It was a rough adjustment to go back to the city but you missed it all the same, especially your friends who greeted you both eagerly at the bus stop once you arrived.

Sarah had made a cute sign with your names combined on it, shaking it and jumping up and down when she saw you coming with your luggage.

She’d demanded that you spend the night with her so you could catch up and you locked eyes with Eddie as she dragged you away, feeling the ache deep in your stomach as you separated for the first time in months.

“You guys didn’t even kiss?” She looked appalled at the revelation, pulling back the brush she’d been using to apply a face mask to your skin. She’d told you that the country air had made you look dry and ignored you when you said you lived in the suburbs. “Are you joking?”

“I don’t know okay?” You groaned and went to hide in your hands before remembering the sticky substance all over your skin and throwing them down into your lap instead.

She gave you that familiar judging look, perfectly tweezed eyebrow raising as she gave you a once over.

“You need to make a move.” She determined by the end of it and you sighed in defeat. “I’m serious.”

“I don’t know if he’ll want it still.” You shake your head and now she scoffs in disbelief.

“Are you stupid?” Her voice is biting but you’ve known her long enough to know it’s from a place of support. “You’re hot, he’s horny and obsessed with you. Obviously he’s going to want it.”

You thought about it non stop after that conversation because you weirdly were able to believe her when she said it like that.

All four of you went out the next night for drinks, celebrating the end of a summer apart and the start of the next school year together.

It was ridiculous how much you had missed Eddie after only a day and a half apart, sliding comfortably against his side as soon as you and Sarah got into the bar. He seemed just as eager to see you, kissing the side of your head a handful of times and bringing both arms around your waist so you couldn’t go anywhere.

“Missed you so much.” He was saying it softly but it was loud enough for your friends to hear, groaning immediately while he flipped them the bird.

“How’d you two only get worse?” Alex teased but you were in too good of a mood to be annoyed, especially since he wasn’t necessarily wrong.

For the first time in a long time, you drank as much as they did. Typically you stayed sober and collected while they had their fun and you were quickly realizing how terrible of an idea it was to be drunk around Eddie.

You were ten times more wanting of his touch, constantly clinging to him and getting uncharacteristically pouty when he would leave to go to the bathroom or get another drink. He didn’t seem to notice how extra affectionate you were being due to his own tipsy state, easily giving you the attention you needed like it was second nature.

You both went to the bar together at one point and it was clear to you right away that it was risky to be without the buffer of your friends.

Your hands were sliding over his ribs and you could barely make out anything he was saying to the bartender, thankfully not the pretty one from all those months ago.

He finished ordering and turned to give you his full attention, your chest pressed together as he lightly kissed your temple.

“You know..” You were speaking before you even realized you were and his eyes locked on yours, a little less glossy than your own but still dazed. “I was thinking about that night in your apartment. The one after the beach.”

It had been months now but you both knew exactly what you were referring to, the unforgettable memory of his hands getting rougher on you and your whiny voice begging him to keep going before you were interrupted.

His eyes were darkening a little at the topic and you kept absentmindedly rubbing him, up his chest and then back down.

“Yeah?” He offered back and you were nodding in confirmation, gaze more hooded when he let out a shaky breath and slid his hands onto your lower back so he could tug you closer.

“It felt so good, didn’t it?” You whispered and he was quick to mumble out an agreement that you didn’t quite hear.

You pulled your lip between your bottom tip with slight nerves, the most you could still feel with this much alcohol running through you and offering up an abundance of liquid courage. He leaned down just enough to press a kiss to the corner of your mouth and your hands tighten where they’d been resting on his biceps.

The bartender was clearing his throat behind you and sliding your finished drinks closer to where you stood but you both ignored him, a small pout forming on your face as you rocked on your tiptoes to hide in Eddies neck for a second.

“You know I want you right?” You mumbled against his warm skin, thinking back on Sarah’s advice.

He tensed a little but held you closer, full on hugging you now as you rested against his shoulder.

“I want you too.” His voice was always so genuine when he was confessing something to you, a little innocent like he just desperately wanted you to know how much he liked you.

The bar area was getting a little too crowded and you felt a tinge of anxiety, sighing and pulling away from him to grab two of the four drinks.

“Let’s go back.” You encouraged and he hesitated before grabbing the remaining glasses and following you back to the booth you’d moved to almost two hours ago.

He set the drinks down before he was sliding into his spot and stretching his arm out like he expected you to sit next to him. You hesitated for a long few seconds, getting an eyebrow raised from Sarah that you took as encouragement.

You scooted along the wood until you were right beside him and then lifted yourself up and onto his lap, sitting sideways on his thigh and holding onto his shoulder so you didn’t sway backwards.

His eyes widened just enough for it to be noticeable but he was easily wrapping his arm around your middle to support you.

“Sorry. Just want to be close to you.” You explained to him and he looked a little choked up, nodding but not saying anything for a while.

You frowned as they all fell back into conversation even though Eddie was mostly just listening to the other two talk amongst themselves, his thumb pushing down the fabric of your jeans just enough to rub your hip.

Ten minutes passed before you were growing impatient again, taking a long sip of your drink before turning your body more and leaning down towards his ear.

“I want to talk more about that night.” You whispered and then pulled back to hold his gaze, his eyes curious and maybe a little bit confused.

Now it was his turn to lean towards you, lips brushing your ear enough to make a shiver run over you. “I think about it all the time.”

“Yeah?” You were desperately latching onto this information. “What about?”

“Just everything about you. The way you looked and the way you sounded when I touched you.” His eyes were leaving your face in favor of going up and down your frame repeatedly.

You shifted on his lap just to get more comfortable as you turned more to face him but his breath hitched, pausing the way he was rubbing your hip to instead hold it tightly and keep you still.

“I loved when you touched me.” You whisper next and he reaches up with his free hand to cup your jaw, tilting your face a little more in his direction so he can rub his nose against yours in that endearing habit of his. “Your hands felt so good.”

It was quiet for a few seconds and you moved in his lap again, not necessarily meaning to but still drunk and wanting so desperately to soothe that ache that was slowly building between your legs the more you spoke and thought back to that night.

“You got so worked up.” Your voice was getting a little whinier now and his breath was speeding up at the sound of it. “Probably would’ve came in your pants if we didn’t get interrupted.”

He nearly growled at that and you smiled, happy he was starting to crack a little bit the more you went on. Eddie was clearly doing his best to keep being respectful but you could tell how much he wanted to kiss you and speed things up.

You kept shifting and rubbing your thighs together and he swore under his breath, eyes going down to your lap. He snaked a hand between your thighs just to grip tightly and try to keep you from moving.

“Sorry.” Your pout was exaggerated. “Not trying to get you riled up.”

“Uh huh.” He kissed his teeth and sent you a playful glare, clearly not believing you considering the way you were acting.

“I wish I wore a skirt tonight.” You added and he let out a sigh at the idea, starting to rub your denim covered thighs instead of just holding them.

You were painfully wanting as he touched you, rubbing your nose along his jaw and closing your eyes to fully enjoy the way he was feeling you up under the table. It probably was overly obvious what you were doing but you couldn’t find it in yourself to care about the others around you.

He helped you move so you were straddling him instead of sitting sideways, an instinctive move you both did without thinking.

His hands kept rubbing you, this time moving up and down your back with one of his palms going under your shirt to feel the bare skin.

Now it was impossible to not shift your hips a little bit on top of him, whining softly and burying your face in his neck.

“I-I’m needy.” You confessed in a near gasp and he groaned.

“I know baby.” His voice was lower than you’d ever heard it and that only spurred you on, closing your eyes and kissing the warm skin you were hiding against as you started to really gently rock ontop of him. It just looked like two drunk people feverishly making out, or at least you hoped so.

You were getting more and more worked up the longer you sat there together, his big hands moving to your hips to help you keep moving.

“Is this okay?” His voice was shaky and you were quick to kiss his jaw lightly in encouragement.

He adjusted himself on the seat, sliding a bit lower to give you a tiny amount of privacy and keep you slightly more covered by the table top. The movement just pressed you closer against him and you tried to muffle your needy whine in his shirt collar.

“Touch me.” You were firm in the request and he didn’t hesitate once he heard the tone you’d taken on.

You sighed in relief when you felt his hands leave your back and hips in favor of grabbing your ass through your jeans, back instinctively arching to give him better access. He massaged it softly just like he’d done with your chest all those months back, tugging you back and forth in his lap to keep building that friction.

“Fuck you’re getting so…” You picked your head up to look down at where you were connected, seeing the clear evidence of his arousal and locking eyes with him so he could tell how much the was driving you crazy.

His face was flushed like he was embarrassed and you noticed how overwhelmed he looked, slowing down and feeling a little guilty for your boldness before you felt him grunt at the lack of movement and furrow his eyebrows.

You hesitated for a few seconds to try and figure out what he wanted and then decided you were sick of guessing.

“You want to rub it against me?” You asked softly, leaning back in to kiss below his ear.

“Yeah.” He said immediately and squeezed your back pockets again. “Fuck yeah.”

He started to slowly tilt his hips up to move against your soft rocks, trying your best to not be so obvious while also feverishly chasing after that feeling.

It felt so good to finally get him like this, under you and just as wanting as you were. You couldn’t even contain yourself long enough to get to his apartment or even the bathroom, you needed him right now.

He was clearly getting overwhelmed again because his hips would jolt up against you like he couldn’t control it, soft apologies leaving his mouth when you’d gasp or jump at the sudden movements.

Knowing he was just as needy as you was only making you burn hotter.

“Fuck I wanna make you cum.” He almost whimpered it out and that was nearly too much for you, speeding up and letting your lips brush against his for a second before hiding back in his neck as you started to whine louder.

The friction was perfect, building up to the point you could barely even think about anything other than making him feel good with you.

“Hump me more.” You whined, not sure it was even audible considering how hard you were pressing your mouth against his shoulder to keep yourself quiet.

His hands moved from your ass to the back of your thighs to keep you moving even as you got a little too desperate to function, the way you were bouncing growing sloppier now that he was pressing up against you at the same time.

It was getting to be almost too much, your entire body tingling with the need to get off.

You could vaguely hear Alex awkwardly announcing they were going to get a drink from the bar, forgetting they were even there and silently hoping they’d get the hint and not come back for a while.

Everybody else around you was either too drunk or too tired to care about some horny college kids in the corner booth.

“Feel good baby?” He was speaking in a voice you’d never heard from him and that only made you speed up.

“Yes Eddie yes.” You whimpered

One of his hands moved to tangle in your hair, forming a fist in the locks and making you gasp at the light pain that spread across your scalp. You expected him to immediately release it once he heard that noise but he was clearly too buzzed or too caught in the feeling to remember how gentle he normally was with you.

You couldn’t complain, not with the way pleasure instantly followed the stinging sensation.

“Keep going.” You encouraged with soft pants, kissing alongside his neck. “I’m dripping.”

That seemed to really drive him crazy, like the idea that he was making you feel good was better than anything else.

His hand slid up under your shirt, rubbing your back and playing with the clasp of your bra like he was heavily debating taking it off. You’d started to sober up from the drinks but you were beyond drunk on him.

“Uh guys.”

You both froze but you didn’t dare look behind you at Alex’s awkward cough, burying yourself in Eddies neck and hoping he could just teleport you home instead of having to deal with this conversation.

His chest was lifting and falling heavily below you and making your frame move in the process. You knew him well enough to know his face was bright red, only confirmed when you finally slid off his lap and glanced at him with mild embarrassment.

“Yeah. Just friends.” Sarah quipped and you sent her a glare as she smiled and winked at you, clearly internally proud you’d taken her advice and made a move on him.

“Sarah.” Eddie's voice was still low and hoarse, another shiver running over you at how affected he sounded. “We’re just… tipsy.”

It was a weak excuse and a few months ago it would have hurt your feelings but you knew how much he wanted you, drunk or sober. He was clearly just trying to ease the tension and make you feel better about your desperate actions, a soothing hand landing on your thigh.

“We should go.” He said next and this time it was specifically directed at you, facing you finally and squeezing your leg to try to encourage you to agree.

“Yeah.” You were quick to nod and scoot out of the booth, grabbing his hand once he was standing beside you.

You both lingered by the table like you were trying to think of an excuse to give your friends that didn’t make it so obvious.

“Oh my god please just leave already.” Sarah groaned and pressed her forehead against the wood for a brief second to really showcase her exhaustion. “Don’t talk to us until you’ve fucked each other.”

Your face burned again at the comment and Eddie opened his mouth like he was going to try and defend you, stopped short when you tugged his arm and started to move towards the exit.

You walked in silence for most of the way, the night air thankfully cooling off how heated your body still felt especially since you could feel him staring at the side of your face.

Eventually you slowed to a stop under a flickering street lamp, avoiding his concerned eyes when he stopped beside you.

“I’m really sorry about that.” You said softly with clear humiliation. “I don’t know what got into me.”

“Stop it.” He said immediately and he cupped your face, tilting it back so you had to stare up at him. “It’s okay, I get it. We both were drunk and we really like each other.”

You smiled softly at that, how convinced he sounded.

“Yeah? You really like me?” You whispered back and you were half thinking he was going to tease you back about your own feelings.

Instead, he was surging forward to finally kiss you.

It was desperate and full of all the pent up emotions you’d kept for the entire time you’d known each other, all the times you’d nearly connected like this but not quite gotten there.

His mouth moved against yours urgently like he thought he didn’t have much time before you were telling him to stop like you always did so you made sure to eagerly lick into his mouth to make sure he knew just how much you wanted this too.

The heat from the bar came back with a vengeance, one of his hands instinctively going down to grab your ass tightly and tug you closer to him before it was resting on your lower back.

His tongue was rubbing against yours, coating your chin with saliva from how sloppy and needy it was on both ends.

You liked Eddie beyond words but right now you didn’t have time for the big romantic confessions, not making love and taking your time with each other. You figured you could do that for the rest of your lives but right now you needed him to fuck you.

You told him as much between kisses and his eyes darkened, tugging you into one more deep makeout before he was whistling down a cab and nearly pushing you into the back of it.

You kissed like that the entire ride back to his apartment, barely making it out of the doors in your refusal to let go of each other.

Thankfully it seemed like Alex and Sarah had no plans to come home tonight because you barely got inside before your clothes were coming off, falling back on the couch and gasping when he was landing ontop of you.

Your hands were all over him as you undressed, running over his stomach and chest while he eagerly groped at your nipples again and finally took them in his mouth like he’d been so close to doing those months ago.

It was euphoric, feeling him rub against you for only a few minutes before he was getting too impatient and pulling your panties down your legs.

The way you’d been humping each other at the bar was enough to ensure you both were ready to go, your legs easily parting for him so he could line himself up and push deep inside of you.

It felt like more than just sex, it felt like a connection that you’d been waiting for all this time. You felt whole with him like this, filling you up so nicely and giving you that perfect stretch you’d been dreaming of.

You wanted to take a second to really appreciate him, get on your knees and worship his cock so he knew just how much you loved him and the way he was always so gentle with you. But you decided to wait until after he fucked you stupid, his hips already struggling not to move the second he bottomed out.

“Fuck me, fuck me.” You gasped in a pant as you tried to get him to move, soaking up the low grunts he was letting out in your ear as he pressed his forehead to your shoulder and tried his best to not hurt you. “Please Eddie, I want it so bad.”

“Are you sure baby?” His voice was still that cute nervous tone you liked so much, kissing your cheek so gently despite the heat of the situation. You were quick to nod your head and try to adjust yourself to feel him more and he swore lightly. “Fuck okay yeah. I love you so much sweetheart, tell me if it’s too much.”

You wanted to focus on his words and let him know how much you loved him too but you couldn’t pay attention to his sudden confession once he started to really move.

He was fucking you with shocking roughness considering how sweet of a boy he was but you couldn’t have been happier, needing that pace after the year of dancing around each other.

It was perfect, just like every other day you got to experience with him before that and every single one after.

You didn’t forget to make sure he knew just how loved he was by you afterwards when you were holding each other in his bed, soft kisses on his freckled skin as he flushed over your words.

You told him it constantly in the morning after, whispering it when you cooked breakfast together and writing it in each other’s notebooks while you studied in the library.

There was an air of mystery around the fact you’d gotten into college.

Sure, it wasn’t necessarily a prestigious one and the acceptance rate was nearing a full hundred but nobody who had encountered you during your high school career would have planned on seeing you continue your education.

You didn’t like the word stupid but in the nicest way possible, you certainly weren’t the brightest bulb around by any means.

You had a hard time grasping general concepts and studying felt pretty close to what you imagined torture would be like, not to mention your almost complete lack of social skills.

They weren’t inferior in a way that actually mattered or at least mattered in your opinion. You could show up at a house party and know every single name in the building, you were charming and magnetic with your personality and you liked to consider yourself a nice girl.

But you were a bit slow to understand sarcasm and terrible at vague statements.

You’d get a little dazed out look on your face, head slowly tilting like a confused puppy as you blinked your long eyelashes.

Most people were used to you and it was only mildly frustrating to watch as they laughed softly with light pity but mostly amusement, almost like they wanted to pat your hair and comment on how cute you were. You didn’t really recognize the cruel intentions behind the way they’d repeat themselves slower like you needed to be baby talked to even begin to understand, so you’d smile unknowingly and give your best answer.

So you weren’t stupid, it would be mean to call you stupid, but you certainly were not the college type.

It seemed like a majority of your professors agreed with that sentiment, noticeably enough that you’d call your mom three times a week to tearfully ask her to come home. She’d wait patiently through your whining and then tell you that you had to stick it out, college was good for you and she had complete faith that you’d be able to graduate.

You figured she was just saying that to make you both feel better but you didn’t like to argue with her when she used that tone of voice.

Your female professors would turn their noses up at you as soon as you entered in the morning, a few minutes late and still applying your glittery lip gloss. You’d sit down with a bang curler still in your hair, trying to get the perfect bump by noon, and click your bedazzled pink pen above an empty notebook page.

They didn’t seem to hold any kindness towards your choices in attire but that was one thing you weren’t willing to give up. You’d spend the best years of your young adult life rotting away in a dorm that was a quarter of the size of your bedroom back home but you weren’t going to suddenly change your fashion sense.

The male teachers weren’t any better although they had their own form of judgement.

It was in the soft way they spoke to you, eyes lingering a little too long on the smooth skin of your thighs that your skirt didn’t cover, and how they over explained simple topics like they were getting a sense of achievement from being the one to teach you something.

Your mom used to tell you that being pretty could be a weapon but you’d only ever felt like a target since moving away from home.

There was only one class that you got a bit of comfortability in.

Professor Abbot was not at all like the judgmental and patronizing peers around him, he was your favorite part of coming to campus everyday. There was plenty of mornings you’d wake up with the urge to ditch your classes and go get your nails done or have a nice lunch with your friends but you hated missing Abbots class.

His voice was always so low and smooth, never changing pitch with the students he might consider more academically challenged or seeming frustrated with the overachievers. He remained as calm and collected as always, never cracking a smile through his lectures or attempting to joke around while you were taking notes.

He was a professional at its finest and you couldn’t help but appreciate how much he didn’t seem to have an opinion on you.

His eyes would go right past you when he was checking attendance in the morning, never lingering or scanning down your figure lustfully. He didn’t try and gently touch your fingertips when he passed back papers and there was no awkward tutoring offer that felt like an innuendo.

You liked Jack Abbot because he was a good professor who seemed to let you and your bright outfits bleed easily into the rest of the class.

It was a fun change to get to be invisible.

-

Jack felt like you were suffocating him.

He’d always known something was deeply wrong inside of his mind but he’d spend the first five decades of his life suppressing it.

It was a little bit concerning when he kept getting older but his taste in women did not, porn tabs with raunchy titles hidden deep in his private browsers and his gaze wandering in the wrong direction at the grocery store.

Jack did what he was supposed to do and married a woman his age, somebody calm and pretty enough for him to enjoy spending time with.

His wife was a beautiful woman in all definition of the word, independent and funny when she needed to be. But Jack always wanted something different.

He would listen to his colleagues or friends speak about their families, praising the never ending beauty of their wives and their admiration for the way life was changing the features they’d fallen in love with, and feel nothing but annoyance.

There was a large part of him that figured they were all just bullshitting eachother, too afraid to say what they really thought and desired in fear of judgement, but he certainly wasn’t going to be the one who tested that theory.

Years passed after he’d gotten married and he figured he was doing better with his peculiar interest. He’d stopped watching porn of young college girls after his wife fell asleep and he didn’t picture her as somebody smaller, tighter or even prettier when they had detached vanilla sex.

He’d shut his mind off and go through the motions but he wasn’t letting his fantasies keep bleeding over into his real life commitments.

And then you walked in.

Jack had, shockingly, never found himself actually attracted to a student before. It was a lot different than in his mind, actually being at work and putting names and faces to the taboo concept of wanting to fuck a younger woman.

He wasn’t a porn addict by any means and he knew he wasn’t a pervert, or atleast he had really hoped he wasn’t.

You were almost the exact image he had been picturing in his head for the last twenty years whenever he needed to get himself worked up. The type of style and bubbly nature he would secretly wish upon his wife, the smile and dazed expression that haunted him late at night when he was trying his best not to circle back to those videos he still had bookmarked.

Jack figured the universe had sent you to truly test him once and for all.

He had never cheated on his wife and barely even gazed in another’s direction but now you were almost all he could think about.

You always sat in the front row, eyes a little too eager for somebody the other professors constantly criticized in the lounge. He knew what they thought about you and his own opinions weren’t too far off.

Scandalous. Whiny. Dumb.

Jack actually agreed with all these labels but he would place them in a much different way. He had no negative connotations to associate with you and your tendency to be a bit… slower.

He liked it when he could tell you weren’t quite understanding what he was saying to the class, eyebrows furrowing and hands clenching around your pen like you were contemplating asking him to repeat himself but didn’t want to face the embarrassment.

There was a genuine effort that went into pretending he didn’t notice you in any special way, avoiding looking at you unless you were too focused on a conversation with your friends or fixing your hair to notice his sharp gaze locked on your frame.

He’d take the thought of you home with him and he fell right back into those bad habits he’d worked so hard to suppress in recent years, meaningless sex with his wife followed by him watching deplorable videos in the bathroom with his fist wrapped tight around his aching length.

He let himself think about you the most then, wondering if you’d even know what to do with a cock like his or if you’d be just as stupid in that area too.

Jack figured a girl like you was used to attention, especially from perverts like he apparently was, so he offered you none of it.

-

You were going a bit crazy lately in that overly bratty way your mom hated so much, and she loved to remind you just how much it bothered her.

At first you had really enjoyed how normal you felt in Professor Abbots class but the appeal quickly wore off. You figured it probably wasn’t normal to get so attached to a college teacher but you just really liked his teaching style and for the first time in your entire life you were putting actual effort into your studies.

You didn’t care if you failed every single class but you wanted to do well in his.

And you weren’t doing terribly but he was completely void of any feedback when you messed up or praise when you got a good grade. You just wanted something from him, anything at all.

Even a smiley face in the corner of your papers or an email about how consistent your attendance was. Maybe you’d even be content with him telling you where you needed to improve, giving you some pointers or a simple thumbs up.

You didn’t understand and it wasn’t something you were accustomed to.

People looked at you, men especially.

But apparently not Jack Abbot.

You started to find him in between classes so you could catch his attention easier, asking him softly to remind you when your essay was due or getting a light correction on which pages you were meant to be reading that weekend.

He’d give you a glance then, sitting behind his desk with a flat expression and empty eyes as he briefly gave you whatever answer you were seeking. Then he’d look back down at the papers scattered in front of him and completely miss the way your lips downturned into a disappointed frown.

Once you’d asked him for an extension, hoping he’d ask you why you needed it and give you a chance to have a real conversation with him.

He had simply nodded and told you that you could have another week.

You’d been terribly upset about it, teary eyed as you stomped back to your dorm and called your mother to complain. She told you to stop thinking about it, scolded you for even caring about one specific professor when your grades were so poor and then sighed apologetically when you started to cry.

The next morning, you’d gone straight to his room despite the fact your schedule didn’t put you in one of his lectures until the afternoon. You’d braced yourself at the door to prepare the light speech you had rehearsed the night before, wanting to demand he give you some type of feedback that would help your academic performance (mature phrasing courtesy of your mother’s revisions).

You were stopped by the voice of another student, one of the pretty girls who often complimented your outfit choices with a bit of a judging sneer.

“Please professor, you don’t understand how hard I’ve been working on this project.” Her voice was beyond desperate and your eyebrows furrowed as you shifted so you were standing back in the hallway, back pressed against the wall as you listened. “I really only need one more night to finish it. My mother’s been ill and I’m the only one who can take care of her.”

You thought she was being a little ridiculous in her begging considering how nice Abbot was whenever you had asked him for an extension, barely blinking an eye before accepting and not even demanding an explanation.

“I told you no exceptions.” His voice came out harsher than it was during lectures and you stiffened a little at the small rejected noise she had made in response. “If you desire special treatment then I suggest you transfer classes sooner than later.”

Her footsteps got closer, speeding up as she rounded the corner you were pressed against and wiped at her teary cheeks.

You waited a few extra seconds before you were going inside, any plans you had to confront him thrown out the door. He sent you a slightly irritated look when you came in, no doubt bothered by the second interruption in such a short span of time.

“You didn’t give her the extension?” You asked curiously before you could stop yourself, stopping a few feet short of his desk and blinking at him in confusion.

“She doesn’t need it.” He sighed and shook his head, still staring down at his papers as he took off his glasses and set them down on the dark wood.

He finally brought his gaze back to you and you felt a little embarrassed by the frown on your face, far too childish for the setting you were both in but you were bothered by his answer and the implications.

“I don’t need it either.” You said in a less confident voice than you meant to, making it even more clear that you were upset.

There were a few tense seconds of silence before he was scoffing and rubbing his temples, actually managing a slightly amused look unlike anything you’d ever seen on his typically stoic face.

“You do.”

It was obvious what he meant, even to somebody as slow to catch on as you were, because you’d heard it for your entire life. You needed the extension because you simply weren’t as smart as she was, the special treatment wasn’t because he liked you or thought you were a good student but rather the fact he assumed you needed extra help.

You stood there stiffly for a few seconds before you were following the footsteps of your peer and stomping out of the classroom, although for much different reasons.

You turned in your essay that night at two in the morning, ignoring the extra week he had given you to finish.

-

Jack didn’t know it was possible to get this hard over an essay.

He was lying in bed when the email came in, blankly staring at his ceiling and listening to the sound of his wife snoring that felt closer to nails in a blender. His phone screen had illuminated his face for only a few seconds, just long enough to read your name in the submission tab, before he was getting up and leaving the room.

There was no need for the usual porn videos of young girls with your hair color being taken from behind, absolutely no effort being put into making up a fantasy or trying to picture what you’d look like with his cum all over your pretty pouty lips.

All Jack needed was the words in front of him, awkwardly spaced paragraphs and typos between sentences that didn’t flow in the way a college students should.

His perfect stupid girl had wanted his attention so bad that you stayed up late into the night just to send him a below average essay.

There was a deep satisfaction that came along with the picture of you sitting behind your desk with tired eyes and the hope that you could impress him somehow. Jack almost felt bad for you and then immediately came to the thought.

He let his fond pity bleed through a little after he got himself together enough to pull out his laptop, sitting in his home office with his reading glasses perched on his nose as he typed up a response.

Your grade wasn’t the best, he knew you’d get that cute disappointed look you always did when you were below passing, but he’d left something in the feedback section for the first time since you had joined his class.

Jack closed his laptop screen halfway, just enough for the light to fade to black and give his eyes a rest. He rubbed a hand over his stubble and sighed deeply, trying not to think about what he’d gotten himself into.

-

Clearly you didn’t need the extra time.

You were positive you’d read it probably three dozen times as you walked across campus to get to your first lecture, still thinking about it while you sat through the earlier classes you couldn’t care less about if you tried.

It wasn’t much, it wasn’t even necessarily positive, but he had actually said something about your work.

He even almost seemed to possibly be joking around with you, maybe lightly teasing about how upset you had gotten the day before.

You didn’t really care what the context was or how poor your actual grade had been because all that mattered was that he had seen your effort and directly acknowledged it with more than a percentage logged onto a computer system.

You had felt a surge of confidence after you saw it, utilizing it in the best way you knew how by applying a little extra perfume in the morning and clicking your way to class in your favorite pair of kitten heels.

Jack wasn’t behind his desk when you got into the room, a handful of minutes early but not enough that it should be as empty as it was.

Your eyebrows furrowed in soft confusion, faltering in the entrance as you glanced at the clock on the wall to double check you hadn’t somehow mixed up the times.

Slower footsteps behind you made you shift out of the way, shoulders sagging in slight relief when Jack passed by you casually. He didn’t even send a look your way but you followed him deeper into the classroom, stopping in front of his desk and clearing your throat.

“Is class cancelled professor?” Your sweet voice caught his attention finally, stopping his movements to look at you.

You wondered if you imagined the way his eyes lingered around your mouth for a second or two.

“For those who got an eighty percent or higher on the most recent exam.” He answered back easily, watching as you started to form that familiar pout.

You both knew exactly why you were upset, the seventy nine you’d received being burned into your mind. You didn’t mind when you saw it, both because you had been so excited about his comment and because it was actually a very good grade by your standards, but now you felt embarrassed.

Nobody else had gotten below an eighty. Nobody else was supposed to come to class today.

“You’ll only teach me sir?” You shifted in place and watched as his jaw tensed a little, thinking he was just growing irritated you were still standing there interrupting his preparation.

There was a moment where he didn’t say anything at all and you felt the ridiculous urge to call your mother and cry but you tried your best to swallow the tightness in your throat.

“That’s pointless I suppose.” He eventually sighed like you were overly inconveniencing him by showing up to a class you had no idea wasn’t going to be happening. “You can have it off as well.”

You wanted to argue with him just for the sake of it, tell him that you were still willing to learn from him even if you were the only one but you knew it wasn’t realistic for him to only teach one student. The silent acknowledgment that it was especially ridiculous if that student was you only making it sting that much more.

Any confidence you had gained from his comment on your essay was eviscerated now and you could do nothing but take a deep breath and leave the room.

-

He figured he must be getting sicker by the day because you never looked more beautiful than when you were about to cry.

It was a new addiction of his and he made sure to utilize it whenever he could.

Which was often considering just how easy you were to get to that state, always so vulnerable with your emotions and unable to hide the tears that would build up whenever he would scold you or dismiss you entirely.

Jack would do it almost daily now that he knew how gorgeous of a sight it was, the slight wobble of your lower lip and the way your chest heaved when you tried to take an unsuccessful calming breath.

He was almost desperate to see you really breakdown, longing to watch you fully cry now that he’d gotten a taste of it.

You got the closest to that exact scenario a few weeks after the issue with the essay, coming in twenty minutes late with a flush to your skin and your eyes slightly panicked. You were never late to his classes despite your tardiness in all other aspects of life so it was completely out of the ordinary for you.

You’d begun to explain yourself when you saw the frustrated look on his face but he’d sharply held up a hand to stop you from speaking, pointing at an empty chair in the third row silently that you immediately scrambled for.

Jack then launched into a rant about how one late student can shift the dedication and focus of an entire class, not saying your name or looking in your direction but letting it be very obvious that you were exactly who he was referring to.

It was erotic to watch you grow more and more embarrassed as he spoke, attempting to shrink down deep in your chair to avoid the looks your classmates were sending you. He had to stop himself when your eyes started to water because he could feel his pants tightening around the zipper, moving to stand behind his desk as casually as he could manage.

He was a very sick man and he didn’t necessarily see the point of denying it much longer.

The process of breaking you down didn’t take very long considering you were clinging on to his every word and endlessly seeking his approval despite the fact he never once offered it. You’d take all of his criticisms like negative attention was better than none at all and he’d touch himself under his desk after you scurried out of the room with your head hanging low.

There was a part of him that had hoped he’d be able to hold out longer than just a few weeks but apparently he was also a weak man because he didn’t last very long at all.

You had come into class a few minutes early as always but with a few noticeable differences.

Your skirts were already bordering on a dangerous length but they were still relatively appropriate for a school setting. Nothing like the one you were currently wearing, flashes of the lacy fabric you were sporting underneath showing when you bent down to grab a dropped lipgloss tube.

Jack had frozen at the sight of it, too irritated to even be aroused by the brief glimpse of your panties he was a first row viewer to.

He didn’t think you were doing it intentionally judging by the way you were continuously tugging it down by the hem as you adjusted in your seat, face a little embarrassed when you caught a classmate looking for too long.

Maybe you’d gotten the wrong size or accidentally put on your roommates clothes instead. Or maybe you were just too stupid to realize half your ass was hanging out from the bottom of it.

Whatever the reasoning behind it was, he felt a low simmer of anger sitting in his stomach as he pushed through the lesson.

You’d gotten up to leave after the lesson but he had stopped you with a call of your name, voice rough and firm. You froze up immediately and turned to look at him with those big nervous eyes of yours.

“See me before you go.” He said it simply, only watching you long enough to see the way your shoulders deflated.

You lingered around your spot until the rest of the class cleared out before hesitating and slowly approaching his desk, fiddling with your fingers and constantly shifting in place while you waited for him to say something.

“Do you think it’s fair that your classmates pay to attend a class full of distractions?” He started slowly, not letting his tone change at all to avoid tipping you off on how furious he was.

You looked like a kicked puppy as you took a few steps closer and started to shake your head in denial, still tugging at your skirt to try and cover yourself more.

“I-I’m so sorry sir. I accidentally shrunk it in the wash and didn’t realize until I left my dorm.” You were already looking like you might start to cry if he went any heavier with the scolding.

Jack felt the anger turn into a different type of heat at the desperation in your voice, the look on your face as you rubbed your legs together uncomfortably. He felt fond of your reasoning despite how clueless it was to make such a mistake at your grown age, but it was okay because you were his stupid girl after all.

“You shouldn’t be apologizing to me.” He interrupted you flatly and your lips pursed in upset. “You should apologize to every boy in this class today who had to suffer through your choice of attire.”

-

You couldn’t speak, unable to get any words out that could possibly make this situation better.

You were a spoiled girl, well behaved even when you were a little bratty, and you had never once been scolded like this in your entire life. You felt beyond embarrassed and you knew it was showing throughout your entire body, throat tight and lumpy like you were choking back on a sob.

The classroom hung in a painful silence as you genuinely considered running out of the room and dropping his class all together.

Your mom would just have to understand your reasoning, the devastation that came along with disappointing Professor Abbot.

“Get on your knees.”

His voice was low and smooth like he was simply telling you to close the door on your way out. Your body stiffened in confusion as you stared at him, trying to understand what he wanted and why he was making a request like that.

“My knees?” You sounded a little choked and he raised an eyebrow at the question. “Sir I don’t… I don’t understand.”

“You wanted to apologize didn’t you?” His eyes sharpened into a light glare and you felt another wave of anxiety, not wanting him to be any more upset with you than he already was. You nodded your head eagerly after a moment and he sighed, taking off his glasses and pushing his chair away from his desk just enough to leave a space below him. “Then get on your knees.”

You frowned softly, still not really understanding why this would make the situation better for either of you, before slowly walking to the other side of his desk. Your heels clicked softly and then stopped once you were close to him, the closest you’d ever been.

You gave him one more expectant look that he met with one of boredom and low patience before pointing down at the floor.

Your knees hit the cold marble a little too harshly and you bit your lip to stop from wincing in pain, not wanting to mess this up and give him anymore reasons to scold you.

There was that need building again, the overwhelming want to impress him and show him you could follow instructions. You wanted to be a good student, you wanted to be his favorite, and if that meant kneeling before him and apologizing then you’d do it.

Jack watched you for a long few seconds once you were on the floor, scanning over your hesitant face and the way you shifted in place like the embarrassment was making you physically itch.

“Come here sweetheart.” His voice was softer now and you really wanted to cry at the sound of it, so unlike the usual tone he took with you and the other students.

It was enough to make you entirely forget any hesitance, shuffling closer as you dragged your knees across the floor and ended up directly between his legs. You had to crane your head back to even look at him, eyes lashes fluttering as you waited for him to tell you what to do next.

“Now tell me how sorry you are.” He instructed and your face got warm, worsening when his hand was shifting off his arm rest to brush some of your hair out of your face.

“I’m so sorry sir.” You whispered, so thrown off by the entire exchange that you couldn’t even think of anything else to say.

“For what?”

You fell silent again, almost unable to remember what had led to you being on your knees in front of him. His face was starting to harden again the longer it took you to answer and a shaky breath left you in a small panic that he would go back to being upset.

“You’re sorry for being a whore.” He finally said simply and now you felt like the air had been smacked out of your lungs, head tilting in confusion before you were starting to shake it as a denial. The word felt extra harsh falling from his mouth, typically so professional and dignified. “Say it.”

His tone was back to being sharp and there was no room for argument now unless you wanted to severely disappoint him all over again. You couldn’t stomach the thought so you wiped at your watery eyes and looked down between his thighs to avoid seeing his face as you echoed his words back to him.

“I’m so sorry for being a whore sir.” You said quietly, voice weak and unstable.

It was silent again and you hoped you had done enough to even slightly placate him, not daring to look up and check his reaction. You didn’t necessarily need to considering his hand was touching you again although a lot less kindly, gripping your chin and forcing you to stare up at him.

His touch was harsher than anything you were used to, shifting forward to wrap around your neck with a light amount of pressure as your eyes widened.

“Again. And look at me this time.” He was practically hissing through his teeth and you felt the tears falling before you could stop them, so wrecked that you had made him this frustrated with your stupid mistake.

“I’m sorry for being a whore sir, I’m so sorry.” You were fully crying now and his eyes darkened in response, staring down at you and parting his lips like he needed the extra assistance to take deep breaths.

You waited for further instructions eagerly, feeling a little lost when he was letting you go and pushing his chair back away from you so you could comfortably stand up without bumping him.

“You’re dismissed.”

You wanted to argue, staying on your knees for nearly a full minute after it was no longer necessary. You didn’t feel like you had made it up to him yet and that was settling in your stomach like a disease but he had already gone back to shifting through his papers and you knew he had no more time left to offer you and your ridiculous situation.

You made a small pained noise as you got off the floor, knees sore and stiff. You spared him one last longing glance before you were speed walking out of the room.

-

Jack had, for some reason, figured it would be harder to break you despite how obvious it was that you were the perfect candidate for his sick desires.

You were desperate to satisfy and clearly lacking any attention other than lustful, dumb enough to blindly listen to him without asking too many questions and a big enough whore by nature to want to please him.

It started out small, he needed to make sure you weren’t going to run crying to your mommy the first time he stuck his dick inside of you.

But you were more perfect than he could ever imagine.

He found out it was easier to take advantage of you when you were already in hysterics which was okay with him considering how beautiful you were when you cried. It made him harden almost instantly to watch as you gasped for air and tried your best to apologize to him for whatever imaginary issue he had made up just to scold you.

He would spend a few minutes degrading you, getting you so upset you were willing to do absolutely anything to stop the bad feelings, and then abruptly switch over to comfort.

The shift was so jarring the first few times that you would get this cute dazed out look on your face, blinking at him behind those wet eyelashes like you thought he had become an entirely different person.

A few extra petnames and a soft touch to your arm would snap you out of it and you’d practically press yourself against him to try and soothe the damage he’d done a few seconds prior.

It was addicting, especially when he actually began to train you the way he wanted.

He hadn’t fucked you yet, you understood enough to know you weren’t supposed to be doing that with somebody his age and especially not your teacher. He could still see the fear in your eyes whenever you thought about it and he couldn’t risk you telling anybody about your after hours feedback sessions.

Jack did other things though to hold himself over until he could actually have you.

The first time was still one of his favorites to get himself off to late at night, reminiscing on the way he had bent you over his desk and pulled your soaked panties down to your ankles.

You’d been crying even when he pressed against you, wiggling your hips on the aching tent in his pants and sobbing into your forearm when he thrust against you. You liked it, he knew you did considering you were so wet it was starting to coat your thighs, but you were so confused by how good it felt and could only whine and sob while he humped you roughly.

Jack also liked to fill your throat, a guilty pleasure he almost couldn’t go a day without anymore.

You seemed a lot more relaxed when it came to that, almost eagerly getting on your knees whenever he got that look in his eyes.

“Fuck bunny there we go.” He’d tangle his hands in your hair, wedding ring catching some of the strands, and fuck himself deep into your throat while you gagged and squirmed below him. You’d look up at him with watery eyes and spit running down your neck, the praise that came along with this specific act making it your favorite. “You’re taking me so deep baby. You like being a cock slut sweetheart? Does this make you feel good?”

You would try to nod the best you could, choking on his length and the way he’d speed up whenever you tried to slow down and take a breath. He could almost close his eyes and let himself pretend he was actually getting to fuck you.

The first time, he had came all over your face and then listened to you sob afterwards.

His sweet sensitive girl was always such a crybaby.

You’d told him that you wanted to taste him in your throat so he forced you back down onto your knees and fucked your sore throat all over again so he could give you what you had asked so nicely for.

He was obsessed with you.

He’d lay in bed at home and think about the taste of your sweet untouched cunt, the way you squirmed and whimpered when he took you out to his car and sucked your clit into his mouth until you were soaking his stubble. You got more shy with that, clenching your thighs and trying to get him to something else but eventually letting him get between your legs and lick into your hole until you were humping his face.

Jack barely even spoke to his wife and he didn’t need to use his old porn websites because he had dozens of videos of you in various positions.

You were his favorite hobby and the only thing that scratched that deep perverted itch he was finally beginning to explore.

-

You hadn’t meant for your other classes to become so irrelevant but you felt like you barely had time to focus on anything other than your lessons with Jack.

He’d told you to stop calling him professor, sticking to his name or the title of sir when you were alone together, but you had a hard time breaking the habit.

You respected him so much and you knew his ways of teaching weren’t conventional, he knew it too clearly considering how often he reminded you that you couldn’t tell anymore, but you felt like you were really prospering after your time with him.

He would go on and on about what a smart girl you were becoming, help you with your studies even if it meant that you had to sit in his lap and try to focus through his fingers being deep in your cunt.

You’d started to thrive with his praise and guidance and when he started to tell you that you should drop your other classes so you could focus more on his, you were quick to listen.

Your body started to crave him just as much as your mind did, both his approval and the feeling of him touching you. You’d never been a very sexual girl growing up despite knowing how you looked and having a general idea of what boys wanted to do to you.

Your mom had told you before that the best way to handle sexuality was to ignore it so you did. You didn’t kiss any boys under the bleachers or touch yourself late at night when you got that unfamiliar heat between your legs.

Jack was the first person to ever touch you and now it was almost your bodies natural instinct. You’d start to get wet and uncomfortable under your skirt the second you heard his voice and you would almost crave the taste of him in your throat when you had to go a few days without it.

It started to bleed into your life outside of school and now you had a lot more free time considering your neglect of any other responsibilities.

You’d miss him when you laid in your dorm, a pout on your face and tears filling your eyes as you thought about the occasionally gentle way he’d touch you.

Jack didn’t talk to you about his life at home but you saw his ring, felt it against your warm skin, and you occasionally would get a glance of the wedding photo he kept on his desk before he’d slam it face down to keep you focused.

He’d tense up whenever you asked about his wife, kissing his jaw softly and requesting he tells you that you’re atleast prettier than her if nothing else. There was a handful of times he had directly punished you for your prying, a sharp hand across your thighs or your mouth when you got particularly pushy.

It had been months of him touching you in his classroom, kissing you in the back of his car while you panted for more contact and praising you in a way that felt hypnotic.

You couldn’t stomach it one night for some reason and you ended up making the mistake of calling him. He’d given you his number for emergencies only alongside strict rules about when and how you were allowed to contact him but you didn’t think it was fair. You were always accessible to him whenever he needed you and you just wanted him so bad you could barely think.

You didn’t mean anything by it despite knowing it was wrong, you just wanted to hear his voice before you went to sleep.

It rang a handful of times and you could almost picture him at home, excusing himself out of the room and already disappointed that you had even broken one of the conditions but you couldn’t find it in yourself to care.

You automatically smiled when you heard the ringing stop, happy he had answered you at all even though it slightly faded when you heard the sharp breath he sucked in.

“I knew you were fucking stupid but this is a new level.” His voice was so harsh that your chest tightened, grip tight on your phone at the insult. “What are you thinking calling me while I’m at home?”

You didn’t have the ability to say anything, completely stuck on the word he’d spat out like you disgusted him.

You’d been called stupid enough times in your life for it lose its effect but it still stung. Jack himself often said it, gently whispering how he’d help you get smarter and learn how to properly navigate things. It didn’t feel as bad as a label if it meant you got to spend more time with him trying to teach you.

“I’m sorry Jackie.” Your sadness was obvious in your tone, rolling onto your side and curling into a ball as you stared at your dorm wall. “I just missed you.”

-

Jack couldn’t tell if he was more irritated or turned on.

He’d been in the worst possible situation for you to call, his wife under him for the first time in a handful of years. It wasn’t at all good and he was practically counting down the seconds until it was over but he didn’t need her growing suspicious about where he was getting his real pleasure from.

It seemed like it had been pointless considering the speed he’d gotten out of bed when he saw your name on his phone screen. He should’ve changed the contact to something less obvious but he hadn’t expected you to break the rules, you were normally such a good girl for him.

She’d stiffened and called after him as she covered her chest, asking him what was wrong and where he was going.

Jack knew right away that it wasn’t an emergency, had come to know you like the back of his hand and figured out that you were simply being disobedient before he even picked up the call.

Your soft sad voice had slightly disarmed the rush of anger he felt.

He liked the way you looked when you cried but only when he was the one who got to fix it afterwards, not while knowing you were most likely alone in your dorm and already feeling needy for his attention.

Despite the twisted way he was going about breaking you down and getting you attached to him, Jack did care about you. It was more for him than a pretty young girl he was trying to fuck, he was sure he could find somebody a lot less controversial if he just wanted to explore that urge.

He had to really collect himself and his annoyance so he didn’t upset you, sighing and rubbing the bridge of his nose as he sat down on the edge of the bath tub.

“I know you miss me bunny but you can’t call here.” His voice had softened and he could hear you audibly whimper at the sound of it, his cock stirring slightly in his sweatpants. “I thought you were being a good girl for me lately.”

“I am a good girl.” You sounded a little out of breath and he closed his eyes and tried to picture you saying that in a different scenario that was less annoying, on your knees preferably. “Can’t I just see you?”

It was quiet for a few seconds and he slightly shocked himself as he actually considered your request. Jack knew it was beyond stupid to try and leave his house and his wife in bed, already confused and suspicious about his late night phone call, just to go sneak off and see you on campus.

But he longed for it just as much as you did.

“Jackie?” You whispered when he didn’t reply and he could hear you moving around on your bed. “Will you come see me Jackie? I want to feel you.”

“Bunny.” His voice was harsher now, losing patience and needing to take a few deep breaths.

“I’ll let you fuck me.” You ignored his warning and kept going, tone getting needier and now he was hit with the realization that you were starting to sound a little fucked out. “You can finally put your cock in me.”

“If you’re touching yourself then you’ll never get my cock again.” He spits the words out, hissing them as quiet as he can possibly be while also making sure you understand just how serious he is.

He hears you whimper and then all the rustling of your blankets stop, confirming that he was right in his assumption. Now any hesitance is gone from his body, morals being set on the back burner as he walks past his bedroom doorway in favor of heading downstairs and grabbing his truck keys off the hook.

He hangs up on you as soon as the ignition starts, listening to the soft relieved giggle you send through the speaker for a few brief seconds before he’s needing silence to focus on getting to you as quick as possible.

-

You’re giddy when you open your door for him.

Your roommates thankfully at her boyfriend’s place for the weekend which is part of the reason you had been missing Jack so bad. Half because you were lonely there by yourself but also because you were achingly jealous that she got to go over to her partners place so simply while you weren’t even allowed to call Jack.

He looks the most casual you’d ever seen him, button up shirt and slacks replaced with sweatpants and a hoodie that he has pulled up to attempt to cover his identity even a little bit.

There’s really no point considering it’s a weekend and it’s far too late for anybody to be wandering around and accidentally running into their professor standing in the hallways.

Still, you’re quick to softly grab his arm and pull him inside.

He kisses you deeply as soon as the door closes which slightly surprises you but you try not to let it show, not wanting him to suddenly remember what you are to each other and stop.

It’s the sweetest act he’d ever done with you, a sensual greeting kiss with his big hands rubbing the small of your back under your tank top.

You kissed often, especially once he realized how much you liked it, but it was always over the line of filthy. It was a lot of spit and tongue, licking into his mouth more than you were actually kissing and whining desperately as he touched you throughout it.

This wasn’t at all like that and you felt a little dizzy at the realization it almost seemed romantic.

You pushed the hood off so you could run your fingers through his hair and you were grateful he was letting you touch him, another rare feature of your times together.

Jack liked to be in control when you were having your lessons, he liked you on your knees or sitting on your hands so you couldn’t touch him even if you wanted to. He would smack your mouth or press his thumb into the side of your throat when you’d get too greedy and try to grab onto him anyways.

Now he was letting you rub through his hair and then down over his shoulders, clinging to him as you kissed each other desperately.

“You needed me baby?” He said against your mouth when you finally calmed down and you nodded eagerly. “Wanted some cock so bad you were willing to break my rules?”

“I’m sorry Jackie.” You frowned softly and leaned back so you could properly see his face, searching it for any obvious signs of disappointment or anger. He was simply looking at you fondly which made you feel a little bit better, especially considering the heat in his eyes. “I got so needy by myself.”

He kissed his teeth in light disapproval but pressed his lips to yours again as he lifted you up enough to bring you towards your bed. You made a small surprised sound but easily rested against his firm chest as he moved you effortlessly.

“My sweet slutty girl. You just saw me a few hours ago bunny, you’re that insatiable?” His voice was that low rasp you liked so much and you could only stare up at him with wide eyes as he laid you down gently on your back, head propped up on one of your fluffy pink pillows. “My tongue in that pretty cunt wasn’t enough for you?”

You frowned at the question, knowing both answers were technically wrong. You could agree and get scolded for implying the way he ate you out in his truck a few hours ago was unsatisfactory or you could confirm just how needy and slutty you were when it came to him.

Luckily you didn’t need to answer considering he was kissing you again, deep and sloppy in that way you liked so much. You were eager to return it even when he was pulling your sleep shorts down your legs and rubbing you over your panties.

“Gonna let me fuck you?” He said lowly against your mouth as he felt the wetness coating your underwear, eyes darker when you whined and nodded your head quickly.

“Yes sir yes, you can fuck me.” You whimpered when his thumb was circling your clit a bit too harshly, that rare gentleness he had came in with already fading. “Please fuck me.”

-

Jack wasn’t soft with you and he didn’t take his time.

Simply because he didn’t need to be.

He’d spent the entire school year working on molding you into this exact being, his desperate bunny girl that would do anything he needed. He probably didn’t have to go as hard as he did with breaking you down but he was risking his career, his marriage and his entire life.

So it was only fair that you gave up yours in exchange.

He was sure you’d agree if he presented it to you like that. You would probably drop to your knees and choke on him just as a thank you, blinking up at him from the floor with those teary eyes of yours.

He needed to be positive that when he finally had you, he’d never lose you. Jack couldn’t let you have the option of leaving and especially not if there was any small likelihood that you’d tell somebody about your relationship

Now he was certain that you weren’t going anywhere and it only was partially due to the way he was currently forcing himself inside of you, listening to you cry and beg him to slow down like you weren’t so wet around him you were coating the cute pink blankets beneath you.

You didn’t want him to stop, you just wanted it softer. You wanted him to kiss you and tell you what a pretty girl you were being for him but Jack figured you had the rest of your lives for him to take care of you.

For now he just wanted to pin you down and fuck your virginity out of existence.

He had fantasies, of course he did he was only human, and most of them were dark and perverted but he had never actually fucked anything the way he was fucking you. He was a married vanilla man who had an odd fixation on some strange porn but this was a whole new side of himself that he didn’t recognize.

“Jackie.” You were calling his name repeatedly, soft and pained little whimpers that only made him get impossibly harder inside of you.

He had you on your stomach, his thumbs pressing down into the small of your back and surely leaving bruises.

“Be quiet and take it baby.” He could only grunt in response, not able to stand the sound of your whiny voice paired with how tight you were around him. He should have known fucking a virgin would wreck him, enlighten him to a new world he wouldn’t want to ever leave. “Fuck I could be inside you forever.”

That made you whine even louder, arching your back and attempting to either squirm away from him or rub yourself against the bedding.

“You like the thought of that bunny? You just want my cock inside you all the time?”

“Y-yes Jackie yes.” You were fully sobbing by now and barely able to speak, he wasn’t sure you were even processing what he was asking you and figured instead that you just kept mindlessly agreeing to try and appease him.

Jack realized pretty quickly after finishing deep inside you, cleaning you up with his tongue and listening to you whimper and ask him for more only half an hour after, that this was what the rest of his life was going to look like.