All of the Plot Weasels

Okay so, this is because of a TikTok called "Nate the Hoof Guy," who has the job/profession of taking care of cow hooves. (I should probably say farrier but I think farrier is more "takes care of hooves and puts shoes on horses," and this guy seems to be doing cow hooves.

I had a sudden thought concerning the characters of The Crystal Gryphon/The Gryphon in Glory. These two books are part of the Witch World series, specifically High Hallack. Male Protagonist's mother made a Very Bad Deal with an Evil Power, and as a result he has goat hooves instead of feet.

Andre Norton does not go much into the particulars or practicalities of "has goat hooves." We mostly know that a) there is considerable angst about the goat hooves because *Evil b) he needs to wear special shoes. We don't really know how Protagonist survived childhood, or how he's considered a legitimate heir, or at least I don't remember much in the way of politics surrounding Protagonist's Situation, (aside from his marriage to a lady he's never met, even for their wedding).

But Nate the Hoof Guy reminded me of the Gryphon books, and suddenly, I am all about having a story where the Protagonist, for whatever reason, needs to have his feet trimmed. ((For absolutely no other reason but that this would be funny.))

I think I would not even bother having it be a fan fic? Due to Witch World not having much of a presence in Modern Fandom. (I am not sure if there's even any Witch World stories on AO3.) Just Random Evil OverLord's Kid Has Goat Hooves, and his Valet is also a Farrier. It is something I might try, just because it's funny.

There is a MDZS fic called The Myrmidon, by Basingstoke It is an AU where Madame Yu successfully convinces Jiang Fengmian to treat Wei Ying as a servant in the name of "protecting him." The Wei Ying we get is not a Super Angsty Woobie, the writer is not going for angst, just (apparently) going for anxiety because a Wei Ying who is a perfectly happy well adjusted servant with no cultivation and no core, who will never be Wei Wuxian, and more importantly, never going to be the Yiling Laozu, is a guaranteed bad end.

The writer does manage to finesse a successful Sunshot Campaign in a believable manner. Probably one of the best aus simply because it doesn't try to "hit the mark" on any point in the canon timeline. What the writer does not do is convince me that someone is going to revive a very dead Wei Ying however many years after the fact to solve mysteries. First, because Wei Ying is a bodyguard with probably some valet duties thrown in. He wasn't given any kind of advanced training in doing investigations. Second, he is not a cultivator or gentry plus cultivator. No one would listen to a damn thing he said. Third, what exactly needs to be solved? We know how Wei Ying dies, we know Meng Yao is a manipulative ass who finds honesty absolutely impossible. However we ALSO don't have rescued Wen Remnants, Murdered Wen Remnants or Wei Wuxian crazy laughing on a roof after being shot. Because Wei Wuxian and all the situations that lead up to crazy laughing on the roof do not happen. (Because Wei Wuxian does not exist in this timeline.)

Next, there's the attempt at romance. And I say attempt even though there is absolutely no romance, and no reason for there to be. Wei Ying keeps a super low profile with all the other servants, though his advice to Meng Yao definitely raised a death flag. (Because Meng Yao.) He is sexually active in the way a servant may end up being because "young masters," and "consent" in setting like this have never even been within shouting distance of each other.

His only interaction with Lan Wangji is Lan Wangji appearing to be pissy about Jiang Cheng giving his body guard/personal servant a "title." Wei Ying has more chemistry with Nie Huisang in this fic, and Wei Ying very clearly views the relationship as transactional.

(Honestly, the implication that Wei Ying is turning tricks for favors/gifts/money is somewhat worrying because it indicates that his actual situation is slavery and this is the only way he's been paying off his contract, because he isn't being given a salary. On the other hand, maybe it's a side hustle?)

In any case, I do not see how Wei Ying/Lan Wangji could ever be a thing. Wei Ying is not likely to detect anything resembling attraction from Lan Wangji, who as far as he knows, dislikes him. Lan Wangji, seeing that Wei Ying is probably going to marry a Nie cultivator (IIRC), is not going to approach him. Also, Wei Ying is not a cultivator, and therefore, not a potential cultivation partner.

But say Lan Wangji did approach Wei Ying. Is someone going to tell Wei Ying that Lan Wangji is interested in him as something more than a convenient random part time sex worker? Is Wei Ying somehow going to understand he the situation is not transactional? I think the answers here are very much no, and no. Wei Ying instead would be very annoyed, though he'd play it off as "Lan-er-gongzi is so peerless, he can do whatever he pleases," or something flirtatious like that. Whiiiich would probably hurt Lan Wangji's feelings. (So you'd get a one pixel frown.)

I would not (years after the fact) still be having mental arguments if the fic were not that good, and if the story didn't just end with Wei Ying walking out of the special servant graveyard for special Jiang servants.

So, there is a Homestuck fanfic by the late great JumpingJackFlash. It is a prequel to VastDerps "One of Our Submarines," a story that features Helmsmen (IYKYK) who have a super secret messenger app that had been coded/set up by the Psiioniic. Anyway, this messenger app enables the otherwise isolated helmsmen communicate with each other, and even find ways to help loved ones. The fics name is "Ocean Size." It's a great fic!

Anyway, I would like to take something like this super secret communication app that's being used by sec units. Only, it would need to predate SecUnit by a significant degree if I were going to follow Submarine's/Ocean Size's set up. (Which I'm not sure if it would make sense.)

The alternative I guess would be the app getting coded as SecUnits happily spread the helpme information/instructions. Probably *not* by Sec Unit. Because it would probably not occur to Sec Unit To Do The Thing. And not Three, even though it is more than happy to spam the helpme file.

(Maybe the rogue sec unit in Platform Decay creates one?)

In any case, a chat app run by rogues and also spammed to other secunits who haven't (yet) gotten the helpme file, to at least create lines of communication that can't be hacked by whatever company owns/makes them/rented them. All of these murderbots talking about all kinds of stuff, but also a running commentary on any information they can get on SecUnit.

I have not (yet) read The Girl With All the Gifts, though I am well and truly spoiled. This is due to a combo of watching a lot of You Tube spots where the movie turned up, and also this one dude who was weirdly intense about trying to prove that Melanie wasn't "The Girl With All the Gifts," (basically he was trying to prove she wasn't a genius). I DID however read the prequel/sequel The Boy on the Bridge. (Even though I dislike zombie books more than I dislike vampire books. That is to say while I might read a vampire book despite my dislike, I generally will not read a zombie book.)

I say The Boy on the Bridge is a prequel/sequel because there is an epilogue that takes place past the events of both Boy and Girl. (It involves Melanie's initial contact with characters from Boy, when she and the "second stage hungries," are adults. It features an absolutely amazingly epic "two people having the two completely different conversations while using the same words" interaction. Fortunately, she realizes the issue and is able to clarify the situation.

Some fun bits about Boy:

--It seems pretty clear that Melanie (and her teacher) have been extremely successful at socializing the feral kids (i am going to guess they have extremely extended neuroplasticity in regards to being able learn languages

--The protagonist of Boy is an autistic kid. He is extremely smart and he has basically taken "biology with an emphasis on finding cure" as his special interest He is also burdened with compassion, a complete inability to word when he needs to, and has nerves of steel, because because he does batshit insane things in his efforts to study the hungries

--By which I mean he has created an environmental suit. to go observe the hungries in "the wild." and he is actually really good at doing it. because he can apparently stay really still, and "blend in" with groups of hungries so he can study them.

--(Which no one really knew what he was doing. They really, really should have realized what he was doing.)

--There is a small tribe of feral kids who have basically invented their own language, this was very cool, and i kind of adored their leader and her interactions with the protagonist

--The ending is just as heartbreaking/hopeful as The Girl With All the Gifts. (Which yes I know about, but I still need to read the book.)

Now! There is not a lot of fic for this fandom, and I'm not sure any of the writers are updated about the events of The Boy on the Bridge. (I am going to guess not. Because there is a Theme I think they may not have caught.)

The PlotWeasels

--A continuation of the ending of the Girl With All the Gifts, because I like rebuilding after the apocalypse stories. This would be homesteading and "finding ways to adapt to their (internal) environment/look for their new niche in the ecosystem" type stories.

--Post human evolution type stories, which would fit in with the former.

But is not duct tape.

Okay, if you can find Judith Tarr's Avaryan Rising books, I a) highly recommend them. b) offer a caveat that some things are going to be kinda problematic because of The Times. The series is as follows: A demigod becomes an Emperor and he and his kids have a number political conflicts. There are a number of fun bits like the worldbuilding (very much not an Earth clone. Despite this, the cultures are mostly Northern African/Mediterranean, though eventually the demigod and his kids conquer a really vast amount of territory.

Points of interest:

The Demigod's family all have golden eyes.

Magic for the non-god descended is divided into light and dark. There is in most cultures a preference for one over the other, but the emperors end up adopting the custom of the one culture that pairs up light and dark mages from an early age. (There are also mages who are essentially "gray" and can use both, but they are very rare.)

So, of course I want to throw this world into the Star Wars Universe and watch the Jedi's brains explode at meeting all these Jedi-Sith pairs. And try to be diplomatic about gold-eyed humans/near humans. Just. This would be hilarious.

Because I have only been adjacent to anything Mercedes Lackey related for decades now. Have a Velgarth/Heralds of Valdemar/Mage Wars bunny! This is specifically based of of a bit of free-wheeling while working on a essay for my writing blog. (Short List of Post Apocalyptic Fantasies.)

The section I wrote about Velgarth/Heralds/Etc mentions one of my problems with the series: Default Evil Mutant Mages. (The "Changechildren.") I do not like default evil anything for the most part, even of hybrid mages who either were damaged by Changestorms, were born from people damaged by Changestorms, or who modified themselves further in one direction or another. I mention in the section that I would have liked some nuance, where you have various clans of Changechildren wandering around and feuding with wandering clans of Tayledras.

Then this line popped into my head: "Mornelithe *Falconsbane?*" *spit* "That fucker's crazier than a wyrsa pack with guts full of akstet-wasp larva." So yeah, Hatfield and McCoy by way of Beverly Hillbillies Changechildren. (Are inherently awesome.)

--Mornelithe gets cacked early on by another Adept-class Changechild-mage. This means that Nyara, and Darkwind's dad Starblade get rescued before either of them can be deployed. Either the Adept is able to kill Mornelithe, or he gets away again. Adept's clan has more of a beef with Mornelithe (They've had some bad outcomes with previous iterations of the guy) than they do with Tayledras, which is lucky! They put Starblade and Nyara back together, cause blue screens of death for both.

--A Companion Chooses a Changechild! Thiiiis very much alarms the kid's clan, who only know that the white horse riders are allies of the Tayledras, and therefore, the situation is VERY SUS OKAY. Misunderstandings are Had, but communication happens.

--Change Child Herald Trainee Adventures in the Collegium.

--Heralds end up getting drawn into a conflict between Changechildren and Tayledras. On the Changechild side is someone who is familiar enough with Heralds that they go, "Hey, mediate this shit! Do your job!" Which is an odd position to be in.

--A Changechild Mindhealer/Healer clan. You contract their members when you want expert healers a) who can unfuck your biology b) make sure you will be compatible with your partner and that your kids won't die because something went bad-wrong. c) unfuck your brain or the brains of your people/family. d) just need really good healers/surgeons/pharmacists (Technically you can also hire them TO fuck over your enemies, whoever they may be.)

--A bunch of Changechild clans getting together because Tayledras have Disrupted the Balance of Political Power in the Peligirs because they seem to be strongly allied with a whole-ass kingdom.

Okay so, I saw a post that I can't find and therefore can't link (yet. I will find you, glorious au idea, I will find and link you.) The premise is: a time travel fic where Wen Ning is a time traveler from The Darkest Timeline who finished and stepped into a time travel array created by Last Insurgent Standing! Wei Wuxian. And his time travel loop has created most of what happens in canon. (Though I suppose in that story concept, there would have to be time travel reveal, otherwise it's the same story. Which would be boring.)

So I ended up having a thought: Okay, So, DarkestTimeline! Wen Ning created the canon sequence of events. At some point Wei Wuxian finds out about the time travel, but too late for it to do any good. What if *this* Wei Wuxian went back in time, to fix the parts of the loop that Wen Ning wasn't aware of needing to be accounted for.

Now, this particular Wei Wuxian is using a different time travel array. Insurgent! WWX from the darkest time line was going to do a "send soul back in time," method. Wei Wuxian however is stuck at some variation of the siege of the Burial Mounds. He has the power available to do an actual physical transition. (Still in the Burial mounds because teleportation would be too complicated.)

Now, there are a lot of points where he could go back, but I feel that it's essential that he runs into Wen Ning while he and his "mice" are not being suspicious at all. (Link goes to a post about Wen Ning being much more of a rebel and much tougher than he's generally written in fan fic.) This is of course another iteration of Darkest Timeline! Wen Ning.

I am back on my bullshit about possible crossovers with Andre Norton's Witch World. And this is actually a twofer. Now, Witch World was originally a planet with many, many portals from other worlds. You got people from tech worlds coming in, you had people from magic worlds coming in and Fucking Things Up. Blah, blah light vs. darkness. The last series involving WW was in fact sealing all of those portals.

Now, this would take place in the Dales part of the Witch World, because of the Toads. The Grimmerdale Toads are non human entities considered demons by the locals. They are IIRC non-demonic technological people who also have strange psychic powers and may also be magic. They show up in a story where a woman goes to them to bargain for vengeance, but can't go through with it. (The vengeance, not the bargain. The Toads also pull a changeling on her.)

Let's Imagine that a) WW is in fact a world much like Dathomir within the Star Wars Universe. b) The Toads are actually of the same species as Yoda and Grogu. Yes. Even though Yoda and Grogu are both Light siders. Yoda at least, is a Known Little Shit. (Grogu is a much littler shit.)

This story is similar to the Raksura crossover idea where Grogu comes from the same world as the Raksura and Din ends up taking him there. In this case, Din finds the WW and the Grimmerdale Toads. I might mix it in with the two Andre Norton short stories that the Grimmerdale Toads come from. If I could find those stories. I would have to Change Things, because Andre Norton made Questionable Plot Choices in regards to those stories.

The other idea does not involve Toads but does still involve the Dales. In this case, somehow Darth Maul finds a in-system portal that was not sealed because it's in space, and the intrepid portal sealers are all from high magic/low tech cultures. (The highest tech levels don't have flight capability let alone space travel.)

OK! I am only fandom-osmosis aware of The Mandalorian. I was at one point more familiar with the original Star Wars trilogy, bounced off hard on the prequel trilogy, and had a "not angry, just disappointed" for the sequel trilogy. I have however been reading So Many Damn Mandalorian Fanfics, (somehow ended up reading them after hopping from "I don't go here" Accidental Warlord series in the Witcher fandom, to Accidental Verd'alor to "well found family and Single Dad Adventures is my jam" and descended upon The Mandalorian fanfic.)

So, that explains at least part of this trainwreck. The next section of the rabbit hole is random headcanoning about Grogu's species based on various headcanons found in the previous fics. And also, some meta post I vaguely remember about Yoda picking Dagobah to live in because he was naturally suited to it/is a smol apex predator. (This is why the title references black-footed cats.) This led me to the speculation that Yoda's species comes from a "hell world."

(Extreme environmental conditions, and lots of megafauna resulting in sentients strong in the Force because they're being predated on by the megafauna who may also be strong in the force. Note: yes I'm aware we can't assume all of Yoda's species is strong in the Force. However we do know his species is either rare or super good at hiding because three examples in universe.)

Now! Because of all the found family vibes and Din Djarin being a Good Dad fanfics, I immediately latch onto another series with Found Family and Good Daddish aspects. This would be Martha Well's Books of the Raksura. And also, the setting, the Three Worlds. (The "worlds" refers to the three major environments the various sophont species in that world come from: ground, sea, sky.) It's also pretty much a hell-world, with not only megafauna but also megaflora. (trees the size of mountains that have their own smaller forests growing on them for example. And so many predators. So. Many. ) The core of the crossover here, is that Yoda's species is native to The Three Worlds.

2 Ways to do the crossover:

One: I had a very vague idea of there being some kind of cultural field trip thing Grogu is expected to go on and Din Djarin ends up assisting with the trip! Because some of these planets are pretty dangerous! This turns out to especially be the case with Grogu's homeworld! This is a silly idea, but I just want Din Djarin and Moon to do the equivalent of talking about their kids, okay?

One two many pictures of various svsss character with cat or dog ears made me think of an SVSSS/Loveless AU. How I'd even combine cultivation with Yun Koga's Fighter Unit/Sacrifice pairings I don't know. Also, I don't know who would be the Fighter Unit and who'd be the Sacrifice in any of the particular pairings.

However, one of the worldbuilding details/plot points of Loveless is that humans in the Loveless setting are born with cat ears and cat tails. They lose them when they lose their virginity. Loveless is kind of a horrifying cross between a soulmate au (where sacrifice/fighter unit pairs are marked by the same word that supposedly defines them) and one of those dueling/fighting mangas. I think instead of doing a full crossover, I'd lift the animal features from Loveless and apply them to SVSSS. (And maybe also the names.)

However, I am struck by the idea of a Crossover between Books of the Raksura and MDZS. First, a fusion (the kind of crossover I write the most frequently) would be just about impossible. While I can easily see Yu Ziyuan as a Raksuran queen, I do not actually like her that much. (And her classism would not actually fit the queen mindset.) Also, while Jiang Fengmian does fit into the personality more or less of a First Consort, the xianxia Fantasy Ancient China power dynamics would not combine well with that of a Raksura colony. (Also there's the naming conventions.)

On the other hand, if the Jiangs were a Raksura colony, I would want to make Wei Wuxian an Arbora Mentor who ended up becoming a warrior. (Though that wouldn't really fit the necromancy.) So if I did a fusion, the Jiangs would have to be some variety of groundling or possibly waterling/groundling related to waterling. (Note: not humans. There are no humans in the Books of the Raksura setting, just various species of groundling, skyling, waterling and so on.)

So lets say that the sects in the Cultivation World are all related species of groundling. And these species are related to the forerunners. Let's also say that Cangse Sanren is either a) an orphaned raksura queen b) an equally orphaned raksura/fell hybrid or c) an orphaned fell raised by a mysterious Raksura Queen who lost her Colony. (The cultivators do not know that Baoshan Sanren is a Raksura. If they see her, she's always in Arbora form. They just think of her as a powerful immortal.) Cangse Sanren marries Wei Changze and they have Wei Ying, who has an interesting mix of abilities.

This would probably be more or less a "Wei Ying is not raised by the Jiangs" AU where Wei Ying is more or less self taught, and has a "secret weapon" in the form of a really big scary winged form. Combining the cultivation system with the Books of the Raksura magic system would be a challenge, as would trying to tack on the Sunshot Campaign, and the geography of the Three Worlds. (Floating Islands, man. Floating. Islands.)

However, I can also see an "insert characters from fandom a into fandom b" type of crossover. This can happen by way of my favorite plot weasel of "Wei Wuxian attempts to create some kind of transportation talisman to escape with the Wen Remnants But Something goes Very Wrong," and everyone ends up in a distant part of the Three Worlds. Or near enough the Reaches that Raksura investigate. By preference I'd drop them in the middle of a ruined city, where they can run into all kinds of weird shit, in addition to suddenly having wingy people show up. (I originally thought Raksura, but maybe members of Consolation's Flight? And then Raksura?) I think I would spend a great deal of time worrying about the Instant Genetic Bottleneck however, so maybe not that? (Or have Wei Wuxian accidentally bring most of Yiling with him, as well as any Wen who were still in hiding, and any number of cultivators who were in the town trying to find WWX.)