My Mom said No

my favorite thing to do in this christian society is to pretend that i don’t know a SINGLE thing abt christianity. like sometimes people will mention things like going to church with their families or upcoming holidays & i’ll act utterly clueless abt all of it even though i know absolutely everything ever just bc it’s funny to see people fumble to justify + tell me abt things. if i constantly have to explain my religion and practices to ignorant people, y’all are gonna have to do the exact same thing

like one time i asked this girl what christmas was with my blankest possible expression & she looked at me incredulously & slowly said “it’s jesus’s birthday…” and i was like oh that’s cool! who’s jesus? :-) & she froze for a good fifteen seconds. i think i gave her brain damage it was great

longcat is probably dead :(

Awww, long cat’s owner got married.

this is a good post

WHOLESOME UPDATE

physically i'm in july, but mentally i’m still processing february.

I feel like I see this post like five times a day and it’s a different month every single time

You walk out in the pink one, listen to the police, gasp demurely, then say “excuse me for a moment” and come back out in the black one.  Sounds reasonable and completely unsuspicious.

anteaters microwaving their dinner wondering why it’s taking so damn long to heat up

I uh. Had to read the notes to discover that ants are immune to microwaves???? I read this post like eight times trying to figure out what part I wasn’t getting

Scorpio gets in arguments with 6 year olds about the existence of ghosts and is the one arguing in their favour

the unstoppable force vs. immovable object duality of having ADHD that is the inherent embarrassment of having interests and simultaneous urge to express every single thought you’ve ever had on whatever subject you’re currently hyperfixating on at once before it’s lost forever

I still think about when Owl City sang "and I'll kiss you between the ears". What the fuck does that mean. I can't get over it

i wondered this for like a year before I realized the line immediately preceding it was "we'll take a long walk through the cornfield" and it clicked and I haven't been the same since

I am drunk and on my way home walked past this truck that had pictures of fish on it and said ‘meat without feet’ I laughed so hardr

this got more attention than I thought it would

my husband of twenty years: i love you me: he’s just saying that to be nice