welcome to plaid wearers' anonymous

When I was younger I was very right-wing. I mean…very right-wing. I won’t go into detail, because I’m very deeply ashamed of it, but whatever you’re imagining, it’s probably at least that bad. I’ve taken out a lot of pain on others; I’ve acted in ignorance and waved hate like a flag; I’ve said and did things that hurt a lot of people.

There are artefacts of my past selves online – some of which I’ve locked down and keep around to remind me of my past sins, some of which I’ve scrubbed out, some of which are out of my grasp. If I were ever to become famous, people could find shit on me that would turn your stomach.

But that’s not me anymore. I’ve learned so much in the last ten years. I’ve become more open to seeing things through others’ eyes, and reforged my anger to turn on those who harm others rather than on those who simply want to exist. I’ve learned patience and compassion. I’ve learned how to recognise my privileges and listen to others’ perspectives. I’ve learned to stand up for others, how to hear, how to help, how to correct myself. And I learned some startling shit about myself along the way – with all due irony, some of the things I used to lash out at others for are intrinsic parts of myself.

You wouldn’t know what I am now from what I was then. You wouldn’t know what I was then from what I am now.

It distresses me deeply to think of someone dredging up my dark, awful past and treating me as though that furiously hateful person is still me. It distresses me to see others dredging up the past for anyone who has made efforts to become a better person, out of some sick obsession with proving they’re “problematic.”

The obsession with finding shit in someone’s past and then claiming that a questionable or even sordid past negates all possibility of a good present needs to become extinct. Gold-star activism and purity culture are bullshit and we need to collectively reject the fuck out of them.

We really need to start asking where this purity bullshit came from. I’m not  Christian and was not raised Christian but there has been a lot evidence that much of gold star activism and purity culture originated in of evangelical youth movements and then infiltrated progressive left-wing and center-left politics when those youth left their churches but failed to leave behind the black-n-white puritanical “you’re going to hell if you stray one inch from the righteous path” style of thinking they were taught.

I distinctly remember some conversations I had in the late 00s and very early 2010s with long time social justice activists who were baffled and disturbed by the new crop of youth activists who were practicing something that was decidedly NOT social justice despite stealing that phrase from us.

In the decade and a half that has passed since then, all of this gold-star activism and purity culture has done exactly what I predicted back then: empowered the far-right while sowing division everywhere.

It was taken by a biologist that studies birds so it seems like he knows what he’s doing. For the most part. Here’s his caption:

1. Boromir’s death 2. The lighting of the beacons 3. Theoden’s speech at Pelennor Fields

Moments when you do speak during a watchthrough of Lord of the Rings

Rolling and exposing belly- attacks you when touched Does not mean: Give belly rubs! - haha I tricked you!  Actually means: I’m playful! If you reach for my belly I’ll grab your arm and bite it because I think we’re playfighting! 

Lazily exposing belly - still attacks when touched Does not mean: tricked you again! Actually means: I’m showing you my belly because I trust you. Please don’t break that trust by invading my personal space. I might accept a belly rub if I’m not ticklish and I know you well. Snapping at you while being pet Does not mean: I suddenly decided I dislike you! Actually means: You’re petting me in a way that gives me too much restless energy. Please focus on petting my head and shoulders instead of stroking the full length of my back next time.

Staring and blinking slowly Does not mean: I’m smug and think I am smarter than you. Actually means: I like you! But I don’t need to get up in your face to show it.  I can just sit over here and blow kisses at you to show you I am glad you are around!

Yes, the legends are true. Cats headbutt you to show their trust and affection. They also do it to show “hey look I see you as family.” Lions do it with members of their pride to say the same. It’s not just because they want food.

Cats nibbling is indeed literally cats grooming you. It’s what mom cats do to their kittens. If a cat is gently biting and/or licking you, they’re now your mom.

Meowing can simply be for the mere fact they want to say hello, want to play or be pet. Again, not just for food.

They barely meow at other cats (except for kittens, they meow at mom cat), mostly just humans. There are exceptions but overall, meowing is almost always for us.

Cats squinting/slow blinking is indeed basically the equivalent of us smiling and/or kissing.

Cats, like humans, prefer to get things without having to work for it- which isn’t very common within other animals.

Cat massages or making biscuits is because they happy! Kneading is another way of saying “hey I like this moment here I enjoy you and my life.”

Cats recognize us by smell, sound, taste, and touch. They recognize us after years as their long term memory is extremely good. This is why abused or neglected cats are so easily scared or hard to connect with. If your scent changes over the years or just in the day, your voice will them it’s really you. Also, they will only remember you if you had impact on their life. If you just existed in the same house, they obviously won’t care.

And yes, they know our patterns in the day. You notice it when it’s beneficial to them (feeding time!). They will often wait for you to come home as well.

To remember: cats think we are interesting as hell. They watch us do everything because we’re fascinating!!!

notice how when you’re unfamiliar but nonthreatening, they might loaf facing you and sorta halfway watch you. you’re not fully trusted, but you’re ok by them.

when you’re familiar and liked, they’ll often sit near you facing the same way. imitation of poses is a weird little way cats show solidarity. they do it to each other too. check out these bff’s:

they are doing this on purpose. it’s a buddy thing. so if you’re watching tv and a cat sits next to you and pretends to watch tv too, they are basically calling you bro and declaring friendship.

and if they really love and trust you, they’ll turn their back on you and go to sleep. they’ll sleep facing a wall in your presence, or lounge where they can’t see the room. this isn’t a snub, folks, this is true kitty love. they’re saying, “i feel safe when you’re around. i know nothing’s going to sneak up on me, because you’re here. i feel so safe i can stick my head under a pillow and snore with my butt pointed at you.”

I consider any pets in a house just as much a resident to be respected as the humans because I am the guest and bitch THEY LIVE THERE.

So, because I taught pre k. And consider most pet animals to just be Adult Human Logic Impaired Thumbless Toddler Equivalents… I TALK to them like my students…

*MEOW* yes? What is it? *MEEEEEEOOOOOOOW* I don’t understand that tone can you show me?

And i follow them.

And I know a lot of “cat people” who DON’T speak cat, but they appreciate their animal. So I just give them the fun fact of what something means when they comment on a behavior they think is cute or weird they encourage simply because it is cute and they were told it was not harmful.

And my FAVORITE is when big quiet men who spoil their cats learn that their fluffy baby walking in to sit next to them playing a game, and keeping eyes on the door their human is not paying attention to is their cat’s way of saying “I got eyes on the door bro. You good to keep playing.”

Cats are small.

This seems really obvious. Duh, of course they’re small. But what I mean is: cats as a species are and always have been small, fragile predators. 

Dogs are not that small. Like yes we have small dog breeds, but they came from something that was not a Small Solo Predator. And while domestic cats are social animals to an extent, they don’t hut cooperatively and they’re very small. 

From a cat-hindbrain perspective, the world is full of huge, terrifying things that are about to kill it, and humans are part of that group of “huge, terrifying thing”. 

When you re-arrange all your cat-expectations around the idea “this is a SMALL creature which means it is AT RISK ALL THE TIME”, they make perfect sense. Of course 90% of their Affection Signs are just basically “I am relaxed around you.” Of course they’re anxious and overstimulated. Of course they’re wary of anything new.