Pink Collection Princess

men spending large sums of money on you boils down to two factors:

1. he has the capital to do so

2. he likes you enough to do so

19th Century Classics:

The Adventures of Huckleberry Fin by Mark Twain

Tom Sawyer by Mark Twain

Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen

Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte

Frankenstein by Mary Shelley

A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens

Great Expectations by Charles Dickens

Moby Dick by Herman Melville

Mrs. Dalloway by Virgina Woolf

Dracula by Bram Stoker

War and Peace by Leo Tolstoy

Classics read in (private) school:

The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald

The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger

To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee

Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck

Lord of the Flies by William Golding

Animal Farm by George Orwell

1984 by George Orwell

The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton

Shakespearean Classics:

Hamlet

Romeo and Juliet

A Midsummer Night's Dream

Macbeth

King Lear

Othello

Sonnets 1-154

Classic Biographies/Autobiographies:

The Diary of a Young Girl by Anne Frank

Long Walk to Freedom by Nelson Mandela

Becoming by Michelle Obama

I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings by Maya Angelou

Dreams from my Father by Barack Obama

A Beautiful Mind by Sylvia Nasar

Churchill: A Life by Martin Gilbert

Philosophical Classics:

the Republic by Plato

Meditations by Marcus Aurelius

Leviathan by Thomas Hobbes

The Prince by Machiavelli

Miscellaneous Classics:

The Book Thief by Markus Zusak

Farenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury

The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini

Slaughterhouse-Five by Kurt Vonnegut

The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho

Invisible Man by Ralph Ellson

Beloved by Toni Morrison

The Song of Achilles by Madeleine Miller

One Hundred Years of Solitude by Gabriel Garcia Marquez

Heart of Darkness by Joseph Conrad

Things Fall Apart by Chinua Achebe

All the Light We Cannot See by Anthony Doerr

Lovingly,

“Dress shabbily and they remember the dress; dress impeccably and they remember the woman.”

― Coco Chanel

I remember the first time I put on a Chanel Dress. I was 19 years old and it was my friend’s mother’s; she figured we were the same size and before I knew it, she was pulling up the zipper and spinning me around in front of a mirror telling me how stunning I looked-and I did. I remember how the dress felt hugging me, as if it had been painted on me, and I remember feeling like I was the most elegant creature who ever lived. That day, this former tomboy girl became a woman.

In all seriousness, I was hooked on fashion. I still am. I spend an inordinate amount of time perusing fashion blogs, skimming through fashion magazines, and watching interviews with my favorite fashion insiders. I also spend way too much money on my addiction (let’s call a spade a spade). It’s gotten so bad that I have an entire bedroom dedicated to housing my clothing and it still isn’t enough; I look at that room and realize that people have real problems and as I feel that burning shame creep up my spine, I look at my beautiful vintage Chanel dress and that melts away.

But enough about me being a shopaholic; I’m writing this segment of “Intro to Upper Class Culture” on Fashion Show Etiquette! Why? Because I think if you’ve never been to a fashion show you don’t really know what to expect and I’m sure it seems exciting but also intimidating-it did for me. I am by no means a fashion insider nor do I work in the fashion industry, but some of my friends do and they have been gracious enough to score me a few invites to fashion shows and I wholeheartedly thank them, it’s a dream come true. So, without further ado, here is my guide to Fashion Show Etiquette.

First, like any other invitation, you should respond to an invitation to a fashion show promptly and accurately. If you say you’re attending, you need to attend (unless there’s an emergency, obviously). Having empty seats at a fashion show looks bad and it’s embarrassing for the designer so out of respect for them (and whoever scored you that invite) you need to keep your commitment. Try to arrive on time. Most fashion shows start late (think at least half an hour) but it’s still good to show up on time. If you arrive after the show starts you might lose your spot or not be allowed in.

Second, on the note of invitations: seating is a privilege. Most of the time seats are assigned, at least in my experience. So, if you get an invitation and it doesn’t have seating information on it…your invitation might be standing room. A lot of people get standing room invitations to fashion shows, it’s not uncommon by any means, but yeah, it kind of sucks. Especially at big shows your chances of getting a seat unless you’re a big wig in the industry are slim to none, but I promise standing room is still a great experience and you’ll still be way cooler than any of your friends who didn’t go.

Third, we’re going to go over how to dress.

Wear comfortable shoes, flats are actually a good idea-or your most comfortable heels. Why? If you’re in standing room, that’s self explanatory. Also, pretty much unless you’re Anna Wintour you’re going to be spending a lot of time standing in line. Fashion shows are usually a mess and more than likely you could be standing in line anywhere from ten minutes to over an hour. Then you have to actually get to your seat, and more often than not, that in itself is a mess. So, wear shoes you can actually walk in, and shoes that are comfortable. Or don’t-but don’t whine about your blisters to me.

Don’t be afraid to dress up a little. I’m not saying this is the time to break out your priciest couture, but you don’t have to dress like you’re “too cool to care”. Fashion shows are a “celebration of fashion” and you’re taking part in that, so dress stylish. I know that isn’t really much help, but, and here’s the answer nobody wants to hear: how people dress at different shows varies from designer to designer, and the time of day, etc. You’ll see a huge variety of fashion at fashion shows not just on the catwalk. My best advice I can give is wear something you feel confident in, and don’t be afraid to push the boundaries a little bit.

No hats. Don’t do it. They block people’s views, they’re annoying. Same with big hair-avoid having big crazy hairstyles because you don’t want to block people’s view.

Dress appropriately. Don’t show too much cleavage or have a skirt on where people can see your underwear. Keep it classy. Also, on being appropriate, dress appropriately for the weather. If it’s freezing outside, don’t wear a short dress with thin tights. If you get stuck standing in line outside, you’re going to regret that decision.

Don’t bring a massive bag. For one, it makes you more likely to get stopped by security. Also, it clogs up the aisles and fashion shows are already a mad house, no need to make it worse.

Fourth, if you happen to be dressed super cute and you’re walking into a fashion show, your picture might get taken by a Street Style photographer! These men and women photograph stylish regular people and post their pictures on blogs for real people style inspiration. It’s kind of cool to get photographed by these people, especially because some of these bloggers have huge followings, but if the person does not photograph you right away, don’t stand around. Why? If they don’t stop you right away, they aren’t going to stop you if you keep standing there, and if you’re standing around, you’re getting in people’s way. As stated before, fashion shows are a mad house, don’t make it worse.

Fifth, be polite to the PR people. It’s easy to get frustrated with them when somebody’s in your seat, or if they tell you the show is at capacity and you can’t get in, or you’ve been waiting for over an hour for the show to begin, but know that their jobs are super hectic and stressful and they’re doing their best. Being rude to them is not going to help anything, and it just makes you look bad. So be polite, be patient, be kind. Don’t yell, don’t name-call, etc. Act like you would in a professional environment, even if your feet hurt (that’s why I told you not to wear heels!).

Sixth, we’re going to talk about cell phones. Now normally my advice is always to put your freaking phone away and turn it off, and honestly, unless you’re a person in the industry that’s still my advice here. But you don’t have to, it will not be rude or abnormal for you to be sitting there on your phone. I wouldn’t necessarily recommend sitting there texting people about how exciting it is to be there instead of you know, actually participating in being there, but if you really want to get pictures on your phone or videos or be tweeting and instagramming pictures then that’s fine. You’ll see a lot of people doing that. A note on pictures: make sure your flash is off. There’s flashing going on in the photographer’s pit, but it’s going to look weird when there’s a flash coming from an area there isn’t and it’s just kind of embarrassing, so just check to make sure that’s off. As far as posting on social media, try not to post blurry bad photos. It just doesn’t represent the show well and there’s no need to clog up social media with pictures that don’t show anything about the collection.

Now, I know some people will even answer calls on their phones during shows, but unless it’s a loud show I wouldn’t recommend doing that. Which brings me to my seventh point, which is talking during the show: it really depends on the show. I’ve been at shows where talking is kept to a hush, I’ve been at shows where people carry on normal volume level conversations. Talking used to be a faux pas and isn’t so much now. If you’re going to make a comment on the collection, try to keep it positive because don’t forget: this is somebody’s art and they’ve put a lot of work into making it great so be respectful. Also, this isn’t the time to whine about the show starting late or how hot it is, etc. It’s rude.

To my ninth point: stealing a seat. As a good rule of thumb: don’t do it. Don’t pretend you didn’t know it wasn’t your seat, don’t argue with them. You might get thrown out for doing that and it’s embarrassing. However, if you’re in standing room and see an open seat you can nab that seat. As I stated before: if you don’t arrive on time to a show, you lose your seat and probably won’t be allowed in. Therefore, if the lights are dimming and a seat is open, you can take it. If possible, check with one of the PR people first to make sure it’s ok, but it’s usually fine. If you’re worried about it belonging to some VIP, just know the show doesn’t begin until those people show up so if the lights are dimming, you’re fine.

Tenth, regarding goodie bags: if it’s at your seat, you can take it. Sometimes they have really cool stuff. If there isn’t one at your seat, don’t take one from somebody else’s seat. It’s rude, it’s embarrassing when you get caught and that’s stealing! No goodie bag is worth the embarrassment of security asking you to return it.

My eleventh point, if you see a celebrity, this isn’t really the time to ask for an autograph. It’s not good form and they don’t want to be harassed while trying to enjoy a show. If you want to try to strike up a conversation with them, the best way to do it is something like this: “Hi Miss/Mr. So-and-So, my name is Such-and-Such and I just wanted to tell you I’m a big fan of your work. Your last movie/song/game/whatever was really impressive and I think you’re a wonderful actor/musician/athlete/whatever.” A lot of celebrities are really friendly and might strike up a conversation with you; some will probably just say thank you and leave it at that. Either way, keep your cool, and don’t start snapping their photograph unless you want to fall into the “annoying fangirl” category.

Finally, my last point is concerning applause. This is yet another point of differentiation depending on who you talk to. Some people say it’s ok to shout and whistle and cheer during the show. Some people think nods of approval and a golf clap at the end are plenty enough to suffice. The atmosphere at every show is different, so you’re going to have to use your best judgment. I say err on the side of cautious and then follow the crowd. Some shows are subdued, some are raucous, it really depends. I recommend applauding enthusiastically at the end of the show no matter what because for designers, they really are an important event and a big pain to put on, so encouraging them is always a good thing to do.

And here are some pictures of fashion shows just because!

“Good manners will open doors that the best education cannot.” -Clarence Thomas

I think this is my longest segment so far…

So I’ve gotten a few requests regarding this little series I’ve been doing, and dining etiquette is one that keeps coming up. Before I begin, I want to point out that this is American dining etiquette; every culture has different rules and accepted norms, especially when it comes to dining, so if you are going to be dining outside the US or if you are from outside the US these rules might not necessarily fit your circumstance.

Also, I sort of fell off the bandwagon writing these because of some personal things in my life, and work..and Ramadan. But without further adieu, here is Dining Etiquette.

A note: I’ll be kind of dividing this into two main scenarios, dinner parties and nicer restaurants, but even within those two scenarios there are differences in behavior if it’s a business lunch versus a date, or depending on how well you know the host of the dinner party etc. but this is just an overview.

First, the invitation. Focusing more on dinner parties, if you’re invited to a dinner party it’s fine to say no. You don’t even necessarily have to give a reason, just saying you have a prior engagement is fine. However, once you say yes you’re locked in unless there is some emergency. The season finale of the Bachelor being on is not an emergency. Deciding you’re too tired after work to get dressed and drive somewhere is not an emergency. Why am I stressing this so much? Dinner parties are expensive to throw, especially if the host is using a professional chef, and the price goes up as more people RSVP. They also have saved a seat for you and accounted enough drinks for you, so cancelling at the last minute will basically be saying to your host that you’re fine with them throwing money down the drain. No matter how wealthy your host is, that isn’t cool, and it’s just rude. So, if you say you can attend, you need to attend. This also applies to if you’re attending a group meal or a one-on-one meal, obviously, but I would say it’s especially important for dinner parties.

Second, the arrival. For meals at restaurants, you need to be on time, if not ten minutes before your reservation. If you’re going to be more than fifteen minutes late, it’s considered polite to call ahead and let the restaurant know you’ll be late. For dinner parties, it’s a little different. I personally usually try to arrive about fifteen minutes after the stated time, but I think within thirty minutes is acceptable and an article online agreed so officially, you have a thirty minute arrival from the stated start time to arrive. If you are going to be later than thirty minutes, call your host or hostess and let them know that you aren’t simply bailing on them, and apologize because really you should plan ahead to be there on time. Now, a side note, I wouldn’t necessarily choose to arrive exactly at the set time, and certainly not early. Why? Because your host or hostess will probably still be rushing around to set things up and if you arrive fifteen minutes early, they’re going to be even more stressed by having to entertain you and having to finish making the final preparations for the evening. Don’t put them in that situation. My rule of thumb: fifteen minutes is long enough that they won’t be running around like a chicken with their head cut off, but early enough that they won’t be worried you aren’t coming.

Third, to gift or not to gift? I would say if you’re going to a restaurant, unless it’s a special event like a baby/wedding shower, engagement party or birthday party, no gift is needed. As far as dinner parties go, I’ve run into some debate with a friend. She says bringing a gift is tacky, I say it’s rude to not bring a gift. So, I went to the internet and asked and came to this conclusion: bring a gift if it’s a more casual dinner party, and/or if the host/hostess is a friend. Otherwise, a gift isn’t necessary. I tend to err on the side of bringing a gift when in doubt, but make sure it’s something tasteful. Emily Post had this to say about it:

“Gift possibilities include wine, Champagne, flowers (preferably in a vase), a potted plant, chocolates, specialty food items such as jams and jellies or other condiments, fancy nuts, olives, olive oil or vinegars, or items for the house, such as cocktail napkins, guest soaps and lotions , a picture frame, or a scented candle. A CD or book is also appropriate if you know your host’s taste.”

If you aren’t sure what your host or hostess would like, or if you feel uncomfortable about picking out a gift at all, just don’t do it. It’s not important enough to stress over, but know that your host will probably appreciate any little gift because it’s the thought that counts.

Now, onto the actual meal! I’ll start with a restaurant. If you’re a woman, often times whoever you’re with or the waiter will pull out your chair, so give them the chance to do that. Once seated, the first thing you should do is figure out where to put your stuff.  Putting it on the table is not an option. Also, putting your purse on the back of your chair is also not a good option, and I’ve seen that lead to women’s purses falling over, leaving their belongings scattered on the floor, so logically it really isn’t a great idea either. The best things you can do are put your purse on our lap (this works ok for clutches, but personally I find it annoying) or put it at your feet.  Regarding dinner parties, I know a lot of the ones I’ve thrown or attended have places set aside where you can put your belongings. Really you don’t need to be carrying around your purse at your friend’s home dinner party or not, so set it down in the designated area.

This next paragraph will be a little bit of a rant. Feel free to skip it, the bottom line is do not use your cell phones. Do not pull them out while you are at a restaurant. Do not leave them on the table. Nothing should be on the table except for your dining utensils and food, really. Put your phone on silent, or turn it off, and keep it in your purse for the duration of the meal. The same applies for dinner parties. Do not be on your phone, especially at the table. If there is some sort of emergency going on, you need to let the person you’re with or the host/hostess know ahead of time, and you can politely excuse yourself if need be. If you really feel the need to check your phone, excuse yourself to the restroom, and go check it there. Otherwise, it’s very rude. VERY rude. If you are reading this, and you still pull out your phone while dining with someone, I will personally pop out of a bush, take your phone, and smash it. If you get nothing else out of this, then I want it to be: do not use your cellphone at the table. It’s my biggest pet peeve and universally is very rude, so please, I promise you will survive a couple hours without it. 

Moving on, to the oh so exciting napkins. If you’re at a restaurant, after you’ve situated your belongings and turned your phone off, the first thing you should do is place the napkin in your lap before you eat or drink anything, even a sip of water. If the napkin is fairly small, feel free to completely unfold it, but if it’s larger fold it in half with the crease facing you. If you have to get up, I’ve heard two different things, but I’ll share the one I’ve found to be most common and in my opinion is more polite. When you stand up, fold your napkin (maybe in half, don’t get crazy this isn’t time to practice your origami) and set it on the left side of your plate. Some people say to leave your napkin on your chair, but I don’t really find that to be the common practice and personally I think it’s weird. At the end of the meal, place your napkin to the left side of the plate. Napkins are meant to catch food. Don’t blow your nose with it, and don’t necessarily wipe your entire face with it. It’s meant to dot your lips and fingers and catch food, anything else is kind of gross.

As for a dinner party, follow your host’s lead. When they put their napkin on their lap, you should do the same. This also applies to eating. Once your host has taken the first bite (which should be after everyone is seated) then you’re free to also start eating.

Ok, so one thing I know people sometimes struggle with is the silverware. Instead of a standard spoon, fork, knife, plate and cup, there is a multitude of silverware and dishes at your disposal. To start, there are a few solid rules that will help get you through most situations. Use your utensils from the outside in, and, you eat from the left and drink from the right. The first part is fairly self explanatory: as a general rule, there should be roughly three forks to your left side, and then probably two spoons and a knife to your right. The first fork (from the outside, left) is for salad, the second for dinner and third for dessert. On your right, the first spoon is generally for soup, the second a “teaspoon” and then your knife is for your dinner. The second common rule (eat from the left, drink from the right) means this: if you are confused about which objects are meant for you or the person next to you, apply this rule. Napkins, bread and butter places, etc will be placed on your left. Water goblets and wine glasses will be to your right. I’m going to include some fun infographics at the end of this segment that will help you keep everything straight, but those are the two most useful, easy to remember rules.

I’ve seen some people be confused at dinners regarding the glasses. There is usually a glass called the water goblet, and it’s for, you guessed it, water. Then, there’s usually a wine glass. I’ve seen a lot of infographics floating around about the different wine glasses, but in general, red wine glasses are more stout and white wine glasses are more long and slender. The most slender of all are champagne flutes, which you will probably encounter while fine dining.

Regarding bread and butter: This is something you’ll often see at restaurants depending on what sort of food is being served. It’s common to have this to snack on while eating your salad or waiting for the meal. The proper etiquette for eating bread and butter goes like this: when the bread is passed to you, take off the amount you want, and also be sure to take the amount of butter you want with your knife and leave it on your plate. It’s rude to keep dipping into the shared butter source or asking that the bread be passed to you over and over. Once you have your portion in front of you, it’s best to tear off smaller pieces and butter them as you go.

The food. Ok, so you’ve made it to the actual dinner portion and you’re ready to dig in. There are rules for that too! First, you should wait for everyone to have their food in front of them. It’s rude to start eating while others are still waiting on their food. Second, there are specific ways to hold your utensils. I tend to use my utensils in a more “European” fashion (because I am European by birth) but I can tell you that in the US while eating, and more specifically while cutting meat, that Americans cut with their right hand (assuming they’re right handed) while holding their fork with their left hand, then they place their knife at the top of their plate, and switch hands. Cut one bite at a time, at most two. As far as how to hold various utensils, there are a million and one youtube videos out there. I don’t really stress out about it too much. Unless I’m having dinner with the Queen or Emily Post I don’t stress about the tiny details.

There is also an entire language with knives and forks. I’m going to include an infographic (yayyyy for infographics) at the end rather than explain them, because visuals will help you so much more, but just know that there is an unspoken language regarding utensils. I think the infographic I’ve found disagrees with this, but I know this is the commonly accepted etiquette in the US for when to signal you’re done eating: “To signal that your are done with the course, rest your fork, tines up, and knife blade in, with the handles resting at five o'clock and tips pointing to ten o'clock on your plate (4:20).”

As far as the actual food goes, you need to at least attempt to eat what’s being served. Even if it looks horrible, you need to choke down a couple bites. The only excuse for not eating something is a food allergy, and I mean a real food allergy, not your I’m-trying-to-lose-weight-so-I’m-cutting-out-gluten food “allergy”. Somebody slaved away to make your meal, you need to at least eat a few bites. If you have dietary restrictions, you need to make them known far in advance-probably when you accept the invitation. The host or hostess will try to make arrangements for food you will actually eat. Depending on where you are in the world, there are rules about cleaning your plate versus leaving food on your plate. In the US, the rules aren’t so strict. Do your best to eat most of the food on your plate, but no licking it clean or spooning the sauce into your mouth. That’s disgusting.

Wait Staff. This applies to upscale dinner parties and restaurants. Do not ever shout for your waiter. Attempt to make eye contact with them, and once you have done that you may slightly raise your right hand and slightly raise your index finger to signal that you need them. Be nice to the wait staff, smile, make eye contact, always say please and thank you. Being a waiter or waitress sucks enough, don’t make it worse.

Payment. So you’ve made it through the meal (this is for restaurants only) but what about the bill? If you’re on a date, it’s customary for the man to buy the meal. If you’re in a large group, generally the person who invited the group is supposed to pay. It’s considered particularly polite if they give the restaurant their credit card information even before the meal begins. And when in doubt, tip well. It’s good karma.

Instead of vocab like I normally I do, I’m going to just add in other tips that didn’t really fit in a specific section.

Don’t slurp your soup

If somebody has something in their teeth, the best protocol is to make eye contact with them and subtly touch your finger to your own teeth. They should get the hint.

Don’t drink too much and get drunk, especially if you’re with certain company

Don’t chew with your mouth open, don’t talk with a full mouth

The no elbows rule only applies while you’re actually eating; if it’s between courses and you’re just talking, feel free to rest the elbows on the table

Don’t reach over people, ask for it to be passed your way. Side note: if you want to share food with someone, don’t pass your entire plate, but put some on your bread plate and pass that instead

Eat quietly. Don’t chew loudly. Don’t scrape your utensils together.

Sit up straight, and don’t lean over to eat your food, bring it to you with your utensils

Hold your wine glass by the stem

If you need to leave the table, just say “Excuse me, I’ll be right back”. You don’t need to say you’re going to use the restroom, or that you’re checking the football score, or dealing with a family emergency. Less is more.

These are all of the basics I could really think of. There is so much information out there about meal etiquette and there are people out there who are sticklers for following every single rule, but most people are pretty reasonable and as long as you follow the basic rules, you’ll get by just fine. For the sake of being polite, most people aren’t going to point out if you happen to hold your fork with a finger in the wrong place. I’ve taken a few etiquette classes and found them to be really helpful, but there are so many videos and articles online that honestly you could pretty much teach yourself how to fit in meal etiquette wise.

If you liked this article, feel free to check out my other segments in the Intro to Upper Class Culture tag. Also, if you have any requests for future segments, send them to my ask box. 

P.S, below are the handy dandy info graphics. I like them, they’re pretty useful and easy to understand. 

Alright, this is actually something I really enjoy. I think it’s good exercise, it works your brain, it’s competitive and exhilarating and find it very odd that it is such a snob sport. There are certainly public tennis courts to use, and the equipment is very simple and can be very cheap, so it seems like it would appeal to the masses, but alas, it remains the snob sport that it is.

History: Tennis can trace its origins back to 12th century northern France. The first known tennis player was Louis X of France. We know he was a tennis player because one day, after a particularly exhausting round of tennis, Louis drank an enormous amount of chilled wine and subsequently caught pneumonia (or was poisoned) and then died. So, due to accounts of his death, he survives as history’s first tennis player.

After that, Tennis became a sport of royalty. Henry VIII was a huge fan and had indoor tennis courts in his castle. The version of tennis they played is known today as “real tennis” or “royal tennis” and is different than the form most people are more familiar with which is technically called “lawn tennis” or just simply, tennis. “Lawn tennis” was developed by Harry Gem and his friend Augurio Perera, two British men, and soon after popularized greatly by Major Wingfield, a British army officer. Within roughly 30 years Wimbledon, the US Open, French Open and Australian Open were established and today remain the four most prestigious events in tennis. Together they are known as the Major or the Slams.

Basics: I could really write an entire book on how to play tennis, but that’s not what these posts are aimed at doing, so I’m going to give you the basics. Teams are either played 1 vs 1 or 2 vs  2 on a rectangular court with a net in the middle. Each player is armed with a stringed racquet that has equal weight distribution and a flat netted surface. Each side rallies the ball back and forth to each other with a maximum of one bounce on their side before they must rally the ball back over the net to the other side; if they fail to complete this, the other side gets a point. A game of tennis starts a score of 0 or “love”. Essentially one side has to score 4 times, but the points are 15, then 30, then 40 and finally game point. Why is it done this way? Well “love” comes from the French word  “l'oeuf” which means egg, which is what a 0 is shaped like. Then, for the rest, they used a clock face to keep score, using the 4 quadrants, which would be 15, 30, 45 and then finally 60 would be the winning point, however, they use 40. They use 40, allegedly, because the idea of a deuce was involved. A player cannot win by just one point. If both players are sitting at 40 then the “clock” moves up by 10, to 50, and only if they score again, to 60. So, the 40 is supposed to represent a ticking time clock-or something. However, if a player fails to score twice in a row, the “clock” moves back to 40, another deuce. I probably didn’t explain that very well, so bottom line: you have to win by more than one point, and you have to score 4 times (unless a deuce occurs). Now, just because you win one game doesn’t make you the winner. All you have won is a single game. The goal is to win a match. So, the first person to win 6 games wins what’s called the set. Matches, which is the whole shebang, are usually played the best of 3 or best of 5 sets. And that pretty much covers the basics of tennis.

Vocabulary: For today’s vocabulary, I’m going to provide a link again. I already explained a lot of things that included the vocabulary I think is most important to know, but there are other words you might want to know so here’s the link: http://tinyurl.com/owlv2hv

How to Dress to Play: So, here are some keywords I want you to keep in mind when picking an outfit for tennis: comfortable, classy, sporty, preppy. I’m going to include pictures again for some ideas again, but just keep those words in mind. Ladies, you don’t have to wear a skirt, generally. If you know where you’re going, call ahead and ask about a dress code, but most of the time skirts are not required. They are, however, tradition, and they look nice. You can wear them pretty short but just keep in mind you want to be careful not to flash anyone your undergarments. They sell skirts for tennis at many athletic stores, so when in doubt, buy one of those. For all of your clothes, try to buy clothes made of synthetic fibers for comfort and breathability. Anything that’s 100% cotton is going to make you sweat like a pig, so avoid those clothes, even if they look cute. Also, special note on shoes, a lot of places require you to wear shoes that won’t damage the court. I cannot stress enough that knowing the dress code ahead of time will really help you avoid any faux pas!

Etiquette: We’ll start with etiquette while playing. First, before you start playing, most people warm up. This is the time for easy rallying. Don’t be that person acting like it’s game time before you even begin. Second, during the game, be respectful of your partner, and don’t celebrate points. It’s show-offy and one point is pretty insignificant in the scheme of a match. As far as keeping track of the score, you should announce it clearly and loudly after each point the set score should be announced at the start of each game. Make you sure you’re both on the same page about the current score! And on that note, make sure you’re also on the same page about calls. If you aren’t sure, then the ball is in. If it was on their side of the court, you can’t call it. Trust that your partner is honest, and if you don’t, then you shouldn’t be playing with them anyway. Another note, make sure to keep extra balls nearby, nobody wants to stand around waiting for someone to find a ball. The pace of the game needs to be kept pretty quick, otherwise a match is going to take a ridiculous amount of time. Always maintain sportsmanlike conduct, and keep things light and fun!

Now for the etiquette while spectating. Like golf, tennis is a more refined sport to watch. This isn’t the time to heckle the other players or start chants. Between points, it is important spectators remain silent. If you have to talk, keep it to a whisper. Also, refrain from moving, as this will be distracting to the players. If you need to get food or use the restroom or leave for any reason, wait until the ball is dead or between sets. It’s perfectly natural to clap and cheer for point or set wins, but don’t get too rowdy and remember that tennis is fairly fast paced, so when the game is resumed it’s time to be silent again. These aren’t usually rowdy events, and especially if you’re with someone you’re trying to impress, don’t get crazy. On the note of sound, keep your phones either turned all the way off or on silent. Sitting there texting is rude, but if you absolutely have to, make sure your phone makes no noise. As far as fashion goes, smart casual is the designated look. Bottom line, keep it classy, don’t distract the players, and be on your best behavior while still having fun!

Now, I want to take a minute to explain why tennis is considered a snob sport, and why I’m including it in this list. When tennis was first invented and really until fairly recently, there were no public courts or places to play tennis. Courts were privately owned by wealthy families for their own personal use. It was considered a leisurely sport of the British upper class and it’s steeped in tradition and etiquette. I’m only able to scratch the surface with these articles, but honestly there’s so much more to tennis than I could ever put into a tumblr post. I don’t know anyone who comes from money that doesn’t at least occasionally play tennis. People often use it as a leisure time to exercise as well as discuss things like business, much like golf! So, as someone looking to move up in the world, it’s good for you to know and learn these sports so you can participate in them as well. It’s a great way to make connections, network, and break through that glass ceiling.

If you’re anything like me, the first thing you think of when you hear the word “golf” is Tiger Woods, which leads to thoughts Elin Nordegren chasing him down the driveway with a golf club, and if that doesn’t make you smile then I don’t know what will.

Real golf is less thrilling. However, it’s one of the most iconic upper class sports and so it’s fitting that I include it in my series.

History: Much like the white patriarchy it often represents, golf has been around a long time. Golf as we know it was first played in Scotland during the 15th century. It may have taken inspiration from the Roman game paganica which used a leather ball and bent stick. In 1457 the game was promptly banned by James II and then his grandson, James IV,gave his grandfather the symbolic middle finger by becoming a golfer himself and lifting the ban in 1502. The holes were decreased from 22 to 18 at St. Andrews University and became a popular sport in Scotland. Golf was brought to America first in 1888 to Yonkers, New York and the first 18 hole course was built in Illinois in 1892. Americans have been hooked on the sport ever since.

The Basic Game: If I had to sum up golf in one sentence it would be this: get the ball in the hole in as few strokes as possible. There are 18 holes on a normal course and each hole has its challenges. There are terrain problems, sand traps, water features, etc. These things are all meant to make getting the ball in the hole harder. Every hole has a par: the number of strokes it should take a skilled golfer to get the ball in the hole. The average hole has a par of 4, meaning it should take you 4 strokes to get from the tee to having the ball in the hole. The sum total of the pars of all 18 holes in a course is the course’s par. Most courses have par-72 (18 x 4). Your score can be easily found (without the complication of a handicap and whatnot) by taking the number of purposeful strokes you took (this includes whiffs, which is missing the ball altogether) and then subtracting the par. For example, if you took 88 strokes during the game, and the par was 72, your score would be 16.

The clubs: There are four basic types of clubs that are used to move the ball from tee to hole. The first group is the woods: they’re used to send the ball a great distance. One specific type of wood that is used to send the ball the furthest (up to 300+ yards) is the driver. After that come the irons: they’re used when the ball is within 200 yards of the hole. Then there are the wedges: they’re used to make the ball fly up into the air and onto a putting surface or get a ball out of a hazard. They’re more for special situations. Finally, the clubs most used are the putters: it is means to roll the ball over the green into the hole. These shots are precision based and can easily make or break your score.

Alright, now that you know the basics of the game, I’m going to assume you aren’t reading this because you really want to become an awesome golfer (in which case, this is not the tutorial for you), but because you need to be able to get through a round or talk about it as if you somewhat care about it. So, we’ll move on to golf course etiquette.

Etqiquette: First, be respectful of other groups and of the people in your group. Don’t rush other people, and don’t be so slow that you hold up the entire group for a ridiculous amount of time. Be quiet when people are lining up their shots, and be silent when they’re putting. Second, be patient because golf can take hours (I’ve played games that took five or six hours) and it’s easy to get frustrated, but be on your best behavior. Golf is a gentleman’s sport and it isn’t a place to curse or act anything less than classy. Third, be mindful of your surroundings. Keep your golf cart away from where anyone might be playing, don’t stand in between someone’s ball and the hole or get in their way at all, try to fill in any divots you see, don’t litter the ground with tees and watch out for flying balls. Fourth, turn off your phone. It’s considered rude and bad manners to have your cell phone on during a round of golf, and even more rude to be texting. Unplug, it’s good for you. Finally, dress nice. This is not the time to be a slouch. Golf is a classy event, and there is a certain way to dress. I’m including pictures of some “ideal” golf attire for men and women. Many golf courses are part of country clubs and even if they aren’t a private club, they’re generally nice places. Look the part.

Ace: A hole in one

Albatross: Three strokes under par

Eagle: Two strokes under par

Birdie: One stroke under par

Par: The amount of strokes it should take an experienced golfer to make it into the hole

Bogey: One stroke over par

Double Bogey: Two strokes over par

Triple Bogey: Three strokes over par

Caddie: A person paid to carry a player’s clubs and bags; may also give advice

Approach: A shot hit toward the green

These are a few terms you might need to know, there are hundreds of golf terms. I found this website to be pretty helpful as far as vocabulary went (link: http://tinyurl.com/pnluyec )

So, I want to address why I often recommend learning golf, especially if you’re looking to move up in the world. First, it’s a sport of the 1% so it’s a way to relate to them. Second, for SBs, it’s a male dominated sport and so it provides an easy way to meet men. Third, and this is the most crucial, it’s a sport that’s relaxing and allows a lot of talking. This is why golf is often used as a mediator for business proposals and political wheeling and dealing. It’s a cultural thing and if you can learn to play it and become part of it, it can help you tremendously whether it be in corporate culture or finding yourself a SD.

I took lessons a while back. I’m not very good nor do I play a lot, but I do play occasionally. Like anything, you’ll get better with practice. I definitely recommend private lessons if you can afford it though. It doesn’t have to be with a pro or anything to help you get where you need to be skill level wise.

It can be a fun game. It definitely isn’t my favorite but it can be a good stress reliever. So, now that you have some knowledge, go out there and get swinging.

Ahh, equestrianism. It’s a topic I reluctantly know more about than I ever cared to because my boyfriend is obsessed with horses. He owns seven of them now: two Thoroughbreds, two Arabians, one Andalusian, one Appaloosa, and one Quarter Horse. They’re all fairly versatile breeds and pretty popular breeds, often used in equestrian sports. If you’re like me you’ll probably think “A horse is a horse, does it matter?” and the answer is that it matters greatly as horses come in varying sizes, shapes and have different talents specific to their breed.

Although horses have been used in everything from plowing fields to herding cattle (and still are!) I include equestrianism in “Upper Class Culture” because horses are a very expensive investment. I asked D how much it would cost at the very minimum to take care of a horse per year and he estimated at the very least three or four thousand dollars. I asked him how much he spent per horse every year and he laughed and declined to comment, but when I asked if it was more than ten thousand he laughed and said, “A lot more”. I did a little research online and found some sources saying 15K was a decent chunk of change to spend on a horse, so I’ll assume D is spending more since spendthrift isn’t one of his many good qualities. Let’s estimate he spends 20K/year on each horse. That’s $140,000 per year on a hobby. When is the last time you dropped over a hundred grand on a hobby?

So, now that we’ve established how grossly expensive this is, it’s time to learn what people do with these walking money pits! I’m going to focus on a few different activities you can do with horses that are particularly “upper crust” and there are a lot more but as it is this is going to be a pretty lengthy post. The horse industry in the US alone is a $102 billion+ industry so there’s just a lot of facets, and if I don’t cover one you’re interested in message me and maybe I’ll do a “Equestrian Sports Part 2”.

Horse Racing

The one that’s on everyone’s mind right now! For the first time in 36 years we have a Triple Crown winner, American Pharoah, the beautiful thoroughbred who beat the odds and won it all. Horse racing is a massive industry, mainly because of the gambling that goes along with it, and is probably America’s favorite equestrian sport. There are thousands upon thousands of horse races across the US per year but they vary from very seedy to very classy, and I’ll assume if you’re reading this you’re going to the latter.

Horse racing is pretty straight forward. The gates open and horses, ridden by a jockey, run for a certain distance. Races are generally limited to one different breed of horse (or a couple types) because otherwise there would be unfair advantages between breeds. The most common types of race horses are Thoroughbreds, Arabians and Quarter Horses. The Triple Crown, a set of three races that begins with the Kentucky Derby, then goes to the Preakness and finally Belmont Stakes, is for Thoroughbred horses.

Now, if you’re attending a big fancy horse racing event such as a leg of the Triple Crown, you’re free to dress up like you’d imagine people do. Colorful Lilly Pulitzer sundresses and over the top hats are completely acceptable. For men, tailored suits, bow ties and flower lapels are always classic. If you’re with someone who is upper class, generally you won’t be sitting in the stands but will be seated somewhere more comfortable, so although everyone will be cheering at the end of the race, don’t get too rowdy lest you scare the bourgeois.

Polo

Nothing says preppy quite like Polo. It evokes images of men on horseback, bright grassy fields, and, if you’re like me, Ralph Lauren. Polo originated in Persia and was brought to India where it was eventually taught to British military officers and brought back to the UK and via the UK much of the rest of the world. It’s most popular today in Argentina, the US and the UK. Polo is played on horseback with a small, solid plastic ball on the ground that is hit by riders armed with wooden mallets who try to shoot the ball into (weirdly large) goals. There are four players on each team (3 in arena). The riders ride “Polo Ponies” who are frequently rotated out and look absurdly small to be carrying full grown adults. It’s more fun to watch than you’d assume, and actually really fun and a little bit scary to play (10/10 would recommend).

Event Dress: Dress nicely, but don’t look too fancy. A nice sundress, trousers and a good blouse, something flowy, light and summery is all good. Keep it classy, preppy is always a good option. And for all that is good and decent in this world do not come dressed as stereotypically western or British-no top hats or cowgirl boots. No. A word about heels: don’t wear stilettos. Wear wedges. Why? You’ve all seen “Pretty Woman”, don’t feign naivety with me. During the halftime and at the end of the game, it’s tradition for the public to be called onto the field to help fill in the holes left by the horse hooves. If you’re in stilettos you’re going to make walking in the grass harder on yourself, one, and two, make the grass even worse, and three, not be able to participate in the fun part of the game for the spectators. Also, no big crazy hats. I saw some American women do this on a British reality show and cringed. Don’t be those women. Keep things simple and classy, fashion wise.

I’m going to limit this post to those two things because I think those are the most important to touch on. If you’re ever being brought to another equestrian event (dressage, eventing, show jumping, etc.) then you can never go wrong with a nice tight pair of jeans, riding boots and a good cashmere sweater. If you get invited to go riding with someone, do take the opportunity because it’s a lot of fun and less scary the more you do it. Horses are wonderful, very loving and intelligent animals so it’s easy to see how people get roped into pouring their hard earned cash into them.

A little vocab and then we’ll almost be done

Foal: A baby horse

Filly: A female baby horse

Colt: A male baby horse

Suckling: A baby horse still nursing

Mare: A female adult horse

Stallion: A male adult horse that isn’t castrated

Alright so one thing I did when I started sugaring is I tried to become more “cultured” and “sophisticated”. I took some art classes, I read, I watched, I lived and breathed in culture. I see and hear POTs talk about how much they love various upper-crust cultural things all the time so I’m going to start writing mini lessons on various elements of high class culture, because honestly they aren’t as intimidating as you think! 

So tonight’s lesson will be: The Opera! I thought I would absolutely hate opera when I was forced to attend a showing of it for a class in college, but I ended up loving it. Why? Because the opera is melodramatic and at times ridiculous and it makes no apologies for that. It is an art form intended to be over the top and as an Eastern European woman I can appreciate gaudiness when I see it.

A brief history: The first opera, Dafne, was written in 1597, during the Renaissance, in Italy. Its writer, Jacopo Peri, was a humanist, which is very significant to the rest of opera’s story. If you don’t know what a humanist is, I’ll break it down for you. Before the renaissance, during the “dark ages”, little worth was placed onto the individual, life centered around God and if God made you into a peasant, you were supposed to stay that way. Then, humanism (which was inspired by Greek and Roman philosophy) took hold. Humanism places worth on the individual and an individual’s autonomy: now people are worth something, even if they are born a lowly peasant, and, they can change their fate. To us this sounds obvious but back then it was pretty cutting edge stuff (they call it the dark ages for a reason). You’ll find a lot of the stories behind great operas reflect humanist ideals! (As a matter of fact, one entire genre of opera, a verisimo, is defined as: a realistic style of opera that depicts the seamy underbelly of life.)  

Why is this important? Although, like many art forms, opera began as entertainment in the court, it quickly morphed into an art form for the upper middle class and, eventually, the working class. Yes, that’s right, snooty white glove opera was the art form that championed the middle class. And, like Shakespeare’s plays just before them, they were often very funny, and quite vulgar. As a matter of fact, operas were banned in Germany for a while because of their vulgarity (as if we didn’t already think Germans were wound a little too tight).

Now, assuming you’ve gotten over your preconceived hatred of the opera (good for you, try something new!) you might be a little nervous about actually attending your first opera. Lucky for you, there isn’t really too much etiquette behind it! 

First, there is the dress code. You don’t have to dress that nice to go to the opera. You can! If you want to wear a ball gown and a fur coat and diamonds go for it. More than likely there will be other people there doing that, especially if it’s opening night. My friend told me that her grandmother took her to the opera every year and they dressed to the nines and it was her favorite part about going. You do you girl. But if you want to be more low key, that’s ok too. I would say don’t wear anything you wouldn’t wear to church or a nice brunch; keep it decently classy, no yoga pants. 

Second, what do you do during the show? Make no noise. Seriously. Zero noise. Why? The singers use no amplification, and it’s amazing how much sound they produce. But, if someone makes a noise (whether it’s with a cellphone, you rummaging in your purse for chap stick or your fancy little binoculars or whatever) it’s super distracting for everyone within earshot and can drown out the amazing performance. So sit back, and relax. And don’t. Make. A sound.

Third, when is it ok to make noise? Before, during intermission and after, lol. And also when clapping! When should you clap? you might be wondering. Generally, when everyone else is clapping, at the very beginning when the conductor is on stage, at the end of an act and at the end. And when you’re clapping it’s appropriate to yell “bravo” when celebrating a man, “brava” for a woman and “bravi” for a group. 

Alright, a little opera vocab for you and then we’re almost done. 

aria: An emotion-expressing song in an opera; the big number.

bel canto: A style of sweet singing, taught to singers even today, that emphasizes breath control, a beautiful tone, and great flexibility in dynamics

cadenza: A moment near the end of an aria for the singer alone, with lots of fast, high, difficult notes, designed for showing off. (bonus tip: use this to sound fancy, it’ll impress your date)

libretto: The script of an opera.

opera buffa: Funny opera, especially from the 18th century.

opera seria: Formal, serious opera, especially from the 18th century.

prima donna: The singer who plays the heroine, the main female character in an opera; or anyone who believes that the world revolves around her.

recitative: (“ress-it-uh-TEEV”): Speech-singing, in which the singer semi-chants the words, imitating the free rhythms of speech.

Singspiel: (“SING-shpeel”): A German opera with spoken dialogue (instead of recitative) between arias.

Tips On How to Make the Opera More Enjoyable: 

1) Read the plot of the play beforehand. Read it fairly thoroughly, not just a two sentence summary. I promise it will make it more enjoyable if you know what’s going on.

2) In the US a lot of opera houses provide translations on some sort of screen behind the singers (since most of us don’t happen to speak German/Italian/French etc.). But if they don’t it’s ok. I know the idea of sitting through a series of odd sounding dialogues in a language you don’t understand may sound frustrating (welcome to my first year in America!) but it really isn’t that bad. Enjoy the sound of the opera, don’t worry about the dialogue. The music is what is infinitely more important. 

3) Appreciate the other elements of the opera! Whether it’s the lighting, the set, the costumes, the acting, there is so much going on in the opera! Opera, fun fact, literally translates into “work” because it takes so much work to put on an opera (that very last part might be a joke from my opera singer friend, but it might be true).

4) Appreciate how much effort goes into opera singing! It is AMAZING. It is the olympics of breath control. It’s athletic and beautiful and artistic and takes so much practice and work you can’t even imagine. My friend has been singing opera for 17 years and still considers himself an amateur. They project their voices without any amplification and use every single inch of their body to make that much noise and if you don’t find that impressive then I dare you to go try opera singing and come back to me.

Anyway, that’s all I really have! So whether it’s for a date, or a class, or just because you want to try something new that’s outside your comfort zone, hopefully this post will leave you a little more educate on the opera and make you want to experience it for yourself! 

Before I started sugaring I did research upon research. I had to prepare myself and I find it very dangerous and plain stupid if a SB doesn’t do her research and jumps right into it. You need to decide if it is truly right for you. 

So in order to understanding sugaring you must understand the men and WHY there is a demand for SBs. To understand that you need to understand the appeal of sex and all aspects of the sex industry. 

So I researched stripping, porn, paid companions, trophy wives, sugar dating, high end prostitution, low end prostitution, male sex-workers, the rich and elite businessmen, stock markets, and modeling.

Here is a list of the top resources I used:

Netflix

These were free streaming videos online and if you don’t have a Netflix account you can sign up for a month free and that should give you enough research time.

Whores Glory (higher to low end prostitution)

After Porn Ends

The Price of Pleasure

{strange}sex (great to understand those with fetish)

Nated Ambition: An R-Rated Look

Sleeping Beauty

Student Services (feel like a lot of college girls can relate)

The Great Happiness Space (a good look at understanding what drives Sugar Mommas/male workers)

The Science of Sex Appeal (top favorite)

Girl Model

Park Avenue: Money, Power and the American Dream

The One Percent (understanding the drive of SDs)

YouTube

I won’t post all the links here because there are so many but type in “sugar dating” and it will take you right to SBs on Tyra, Dr. Phil, site reviews, 20/20, Dateline, etc.

Blogs

I will be doing a Recommended Blogs post soon but here is links to a few more besides tumblr blogs:

sugarsugar blog

The Sugar Diaries

Blog of Sugar Daddy

Trophy Wife Blog

Books

The Price: My Rise and Fall as New York’s #1 Escort

Secret Diary of a Call Girl

Confessions of a Working Girl

Confessions of a Stripper

The Girlfriend Experience

The Sugar Baby Lifestyle: the Intelligent Woman’s Guide to Sugar Daddy Dating

Apps

The Carrot Dating app is now out (like WYP-What’s Your Price)

There are also apps to track your location and you can sign into check points so you can be safe if meeting a POT. Always tell a friend where you are at!

Hope that helps some! Happy Researching! 

1. Change your Mindset

You don’t have to be a cutthroat scandalous woman in order to be a genuine gold digger.

Most of the true gold diggers I know are the nicest, sweetest, most charismatic women you would ever want to meet.

In the Slums and Ghettos, the poorest of the poor are doing things to their neighbor you wouldn’t do to a stray dog. So when people say things like „people with money are evil, corrupt, cold and heartless“ you know thats only BS the broke people say to make themselves feel better and justify their lack of ambition to make something better out of their lives

Don’t be a people pleaser, especially when the people you are trying to please aren’t doing anything for you or looking for your best interest.

„Success is a great deodorant. It takes away all your past smells.“ Once you’re up in a mansion or on an exclusive Island, would you really still care what people would say about you? That’s the point.

Don’t be apologetic because guys out there will not be apologetic for trying to have sex with you once they find out you’re an easy target or sucker for love. 

They will not be apologetic for taking advantage of your fragile state. They will not be apologetic for using you and moving on

2. Change Your Environment

When women are broke together, they get into all kinds of immoral activity. They get high and casually sleep with all kinds of guys. But all of a sudden, when one person tries to break out of the mold and do something different and better themselves away from the pack these friends start preaching morality.

Women who escaped their poverty circles always had to stay low key with their game in order to avoid the negative backlash

It is lonely at the top but it is jam-packed at the bottom. Remember its better to be envied than pitied.

Gold diggers do not have pity-parties. Misery loves company, but gold diggers will have none of that. 

A true gold digger has nothing to complain about because she’s getting hers. 

You are going to be the one on vacation, you are going to be the one traveling the world, you are going to be the one living the lavish life yourself. You won’t have time to talk about somebody else living that lifestyle.

In many cases, poor people procreate with other poor people, therefore they never break the cycle of poverty that goes on for generation after generation.

Rich people know how to nurture and breed family bloodlines of wealth like thoroughbred horses. 

This is how they stayed rich for generation after generation after generation. They understood the concept of assets on assets. Try to become an asset. 

Go to upscale places, hang out around upscale people in upscale places. If you can place yourself there physically, you will get there mentally and ultimately financially.

Just get into the dating scene with rich guys to be around that wealthy vibe, to learn from them, and to make contacts through them. 

You’ll learn how to deal with rich guys and you’ll learn how to be an asset when that one Prince Charming does come into your life and you want to have that long-lasting relationship.

3. Get in the right energy

Think about success all the time. Think about being a winner all the time.

If you don’t have that winning mentality, you’re not going to appreciate what you get, simply because you don’t appreciate what you have.

It is very important to speak highly of people. It is very important to have a positive outlook about life, about everything.

You don’t want to project a negative aura. When people see that, they loose interest in you.

You want to at least appear to be as positive as possible.  A woman who has a good vibe and good energy is infectious and people want to be around her.

Successful men conduct business in large part by being charismatic and impressing others. Often they want a woman who’s the same way.

When your target is trying to enlighten you on something, you want to show that you appreciate and respect him. You don’t want to play dumb, but being ditzy in a subtle way works countless times.

4. Commit To The Game

The way to learn the lifestyle is to re-invent and rebuild yourself from scratch. 

You’ve got to get rid of the old, meek you and transform into a brand new gold digging seductress.

Women who live out their entire lives in safe situations, only dreaming one life „on the other side“. Some of them try to explore the other side in secret. But this tends to be half-assed 

You get in what you put out of a situation. I you put half-assed energy into the game, you’re going to get half-assed results

You have to like what you do. You have to be addicted to the thrill of the hustle.

GD Game:

The biggest mistake women make when they’re dealing with POTS is that they try to deal with all these guys the same way. That’s like playing lottery when it comes to dating.

Every target is a custom job. You have to be a chameleon with your game.

You’ll have to be able to adapt to the game that the guy is using towards you. 

A good gold digger knows how to adapt to any man and any surrounding 

when you date, do not think that your only job is to look pretty. If that’s the only asset you’re bringing to the table, at some point in time you’re going to be replaced. 

Being a pretty woman with a lot of game to back up your looks will get you in the door and keep you in the game. 

A lot of rich guys assume that most women out there who try to step to them are selfish. You have to prove otherwise. 

But if you can come across as a selfless humanitarian, or as someone who cares about the environment and what goes on in the world, your target will respect that. It will lower his defenses.

GD Looks:

If you want to live in a castle, you have to look like a princess. 

You can’t have a low budget look trying to get wealthy men. You really have to invest in yourself. 

When your targets see that you invest in yourself and take care of yourself, they’re going to want to continue the process as well. 

If he’s financially disciplined, he wants a woman who’s at the very least physically disciplined.

White clothes give off the illusion of wealth and success even if you are not rich. wear as many white outfits as you can. 

Wealthy men do notice a a woman shoes and look at the style of shoe a woman is wearing. 

When wealthy men see that you have nice shoes, it tells them that you take time out to take care of your feet. 

The subconscious correlation men will make is that you’re going to take that same care and dedication with other parts of your body and by extension, with other people.

More than that, shoes and feet are an aphrodisiac to men. When they see women in heels, they zone in on the way they walk, and how graceful their stride is. 

the best way to walk in high-heeled shoes without them hurting your feet is to walk one foot in front of the other. That will help alleviate the pain and it will give you a graceful, sophisticated look. That will help you look more thorough in the game.

Best Places to start GD:

Excellent places where you can meet rich men is are upscale hair salons, high end shoe stores , expensive restaurants and golf

You can have the whole damsel-in-distress thing going on, and wealthy men will be glad to show you and teach you how to play golf. They love helping a little lady learn the ropes of the game. This is also a great opportunity for a conversation starter as well. If you want to be a good gold digger, definitely take up golf. 

Happy hour at an upscale hotel is another great place to meet wealthy men. Every city has at least one or two upscale hotels. There are cities with several upscale hotels. You can go there during happy hour, either alone or with a friend, just to wind down and have a drink. 

The hotel bar is a great place to rub elbows with the upper crust in your neighborhood or city. 

In many of these places you won’t even have to strike up the conversation yourself. Just by positioning yourself in these locations, many guys will simply step to you. 

It’s really about timing and positioning yourself strategically in the right locations. 

Just getting to a spot and being in the right place at the right time is about eighty percent of the game. The rest should fall into place. 

In order to participate at an exotic car event, one has to have serious money to have a car to get into one of these races. For wealthy men, it’s like a hobby to them. Women don’t generally know about this. This is a great little secret of the gold digging game.

How to spot a rich man

One thing you want to look at are a man’s hand. If you see a man with a manicure that means that he likes to present himself in a certain way. 

Look at those fingernails. When you see a guy with nice hands that shows that he’s not doing manual labor. Most millionaires just don’t do manual labor. They have other guys doing the grunt work

Avoid guys who are too flashy. Most guys who dress in gaudy outfits and trying to display money, are not really rich.

Wealthy men dress clean and they’re well groomed, but the don’t wear loud colors and don’t display over the top jewelry.

The casually dressed guy sitting at the bar could be an undercover millionaire. There are targets who purposely dress down and drive an average looking car to hide their wealth.

Follow them around town and see where they hang out. They might be driving that bucket to the yacht club. They might spread their wealth in several different banks and investment houses.

Fake Watch? The second hand of a genuine Rolex watch does not tick. In most watches, the second hand will tick. The Rolex hand floats, it never ticks

Things to be aware of:

Protect your reputation. For a Gold Digger, being labeled a slut is career ending! 

When you just meet a guy, and he wants to immediately take you on a vacation within the first few days of knowing you, that should send you a red flag.

He knows that once you’re away from what’s familiar to you, you’re going to be a little more vulnerable. 

You don’t want to have sex too soon because the minute you do, you don’t have anything left to bargain with. You don’t want to put yourself out there like that. 

When you go on vacation with a target immediately after meeting him, you have to dust off the old school, “It’s that time of the month” line 

You do not want to flat-out reject your target because that will leave a negative vibe. You want to be able to do it in such a way that your target will come back wanting you more. 

Remember: As a true to the game gold digger, you’ve got to be subtle in the way you do things. 

Let’s say a target wants you to spend the night with him at his home. You never want to say, “Hell no, I’d never do that.” You never want to diss the gentleman. You want to play it real cool. 

For example, you can say something like, “I have to respectfully decline.” 

The reason why you don’t want to blatantly reject targets is because a lot of these guys think with their egos. As a gold digger, you want to cater to and stroke their egos. You want to make them feel manly. 

Don’t think with your own ego, because these guys will sit up and tell you that you’re the best thing since sliced bread, only to tell you the next day, “I’m done with you. I’ve got a new girlfriend.” 

Part of the sugar daddy game is they’ll offer to get you a nice house, they’ll offer to get you a car, or something else of prime importance. Sugar daddies make it all seem like you have them wrapped around your finger. 

Unfortunately, the opposite is true: They’re getting you wrapped around their fingers. That’s the trick a lot of women don’t know about. Once you get into that house, once you get into that car, you’re under their command. 

A true to the game gold digger is always in control of the game. You let him think that he’s in control, but you always run the show as a true gold digger 

Don’t ever let a target manipulate or pressure you into any situation. No matter how much money they give you, never let a target use money to control you.

Always Come Across As Being Unattainable

You want your target to pursue you. You want to have your target earn you. You want your target to court you. The reason is a simple one: People value what they work for. 

if you go to a restaurant and the food is a hundred dollars a plate, psychologically you’re going to think that the food is better because it’s more high-priced. 

You want to come across as being unattainable, like you’re not quite ready for a serious relationship. 

You have to be courted into a relationship, slowly, gradually. Your time is such where you seem a little too busy to spend with your target. You always want to keep your target chasing.

He has to know that you are a high maintenance young lady. If you come across as low budget, he’s going to treat you like you’re low budget. 

Wealthy guys are going to test you. Some of these targets are going to try to play you like you’re beneath them. 

You have to step up to the plate and let them know that you’re high maintenance and that they’ll have to continue to treat you like you’re high maintenance

No matter how smoothly and subtly you work it, you want to be stern and still get your point across.

Discipline

When you have a sense of discipline, you will be able to control your actions and not let your actions control you. 

You’ve got to be very disciplined when it comes to dealing with your targets, because they’re going to try to impress you, they’re going to wine and dine you. They’re also going to test you and see how weak you are, they’re going to try to see what moves and motivates you, they’re working really hard to see your Achilles’ heel. 

You’re going to have to stand strong and not be swayed by any of the wealth you see before you. You can’t be thrown off your game by any sexual chemistry you and your target may both have. 

wealthy men like the challenge. If you can show that you can go toe to toe with the best of them without breaking down or giving in, the payoff will be worth it.

Be Unpredictable

“familiarity breeds contempt.” When people get too used to you, they almost develop a certain level of disdain. 

you do want to be unpredictable. You change your patterns every now and then. 

This could be as simple as switching hobbies. You can rearrange your daily routine. You can change your look. It could be something as subtle as that. 

If you’re used to going to the mall everyday, at the same time of day, think about heading for the gym instead. 

There are all kinds of little things you can do to switch up the pace and throw your target off-guard. That way, he won’t be able to simply put you in a box. 

When they think they know you, turn left and go the other way. You always want to keep them on their toes. 

It’s like putting together a puzzle. When you’re working a puzzle, you’re intrigued by that puzzle because you’re trying to figure it out. Once you put the puzzle together, you’re not intrigued anymore. You have it figured out.

As a gold digger, you want to keep adding pieces to the puzzle so your target will never fully figure you out. 

Change your demeanor and attitude. One day, act totally happy-go-lucky. The next day, you have a dead-serious look on your face.

So you want to get into high society. I can give you a guideline as to how you can do that. 

I was born in high society, in India. I know how these systems work. Even across cultures, they’re quite similar. I know some German, Asian, American high society people. Certain things are very similar across continents. 

You can permanently secure your position by two ways: marriage, or by becoming somebody. 

In Indian high society, there’s two kinds of people: those who have lineage, and those who are rich. 

Those who have lineage are those (mostly bankrupt) Maharajas, artists, singers, musicians, poets for generations - it’s an art form or royalty handed down to their children. They have ✨culture, a legacy✨ that can only be obtained by birth. They want to mingle with the business rich so that they get access to the opportunities they need for their livelihoods. 

The business rich can be new or old money. It doesn’t matter. Their businesses are family businesses. They have money, but may lack class. Don’t be mistaken that only new money can be “tacky” - I know plenty of influential, old money families who are equally classless and tacky. 

They want to mingle with the lineage crowd because they need that ✨culture✨ to be seen as someone. They want to be associated with them, to improve their reputations. By connecting to the artistic and musical world, it shows that they have class and persona. 

Both groups, as you see, need each other. You may ask - can’t there be families where there’s both?

Yes there can. But that is not common. 

Let’s say you take the route of dating someone who is of high society, and are hoping to convert that into marriage. I’ll be very honest with you - you have to seriously stand out for Asian and Middle Eastern high society families to accept you if you lack both lineage and money. 

You need to have a strong educational background - you need to go to a great college or masters, or whatever - otherwise this is really not going to happen. This is requirement number 1. If you don’t have this, don’t even bother reading the rest. 

And in Asian and ME families, remember one thing. Marriages are between families, NOT individuals. You have to impress the family, the family’s friends, their maids and barbers and god knows who else. 

And here are Cherry’s insider tips, just for you, to fit right in. If you fit in comfortably, it makes your life and everyone else’s life easier. 

Extrovert tendencies 

don’t be intimidated by people, don’t be shy or awkward 

It’s better to mix in being a combination of “social + slightly bored” like “it’s nice to meet you, but I wouldn’t die to be here.” 

Be open without jumping around like a Disney kid. Being “overexcited” or jumpy, smiling and laughing at just about everything comes across as weird in some cultures, IF that’s not how you genuinely are. That might work in the US, but not everywhere else. 

If I had to very simply define an extrovert - approach new people with ease, learn the art of small talk and be a good listener. 

Confident 

have a sense of self: career, hobbies, likes or dislikes, experiences

Be a multi faceted person. Do things that YOU like. If you like reading Japanese literature and collecting quartz, great! That’s your thing! 

Good communication skills

articulate, small talk abilities, good listener, curious, engaging

be able to tell little stories about yourself without giving everything away 

Well dressed 

do an image consultation for your colours, understand your body shape type and find a style that works for you

Create a capsule wardrobe that is timeless 

Remember - modesty is ALWAYS the best idea for any event. 

Posture - stand up straight, be able to walk in heels, sit without slouching

if you don’t know how to walk in heels, learn to. Practice it. 

Sit up straight, do some yoga or something for good posture 

Maintenance- good skin, hair, fit body, skin, nails, teeth; good hygiene; smell good 

hygiene comes first. Shower regularly, wash your hair as often as needed. 

Put on perfume. 

Find a make up style that works for you. Again, this takes practice. It took me years to figure out what kind of eyeliner works on my eyes and that bronzer doesn’t suit me at all. Crazy make up, unnatural hair colours, visible tattoos or piercings will not sit well in these societies. 

Etiquette 

dining etiquette- learn how to eat properly. This is not just for white culture but for other cultures as well. Understand broadly how popular cultures etiquettes work - Japanese eating etiquettes, European fork and knife etiquette, Korean drinking etiquette, Indian and Middle Eastern etiquette, etc. 

giving appropriate gifts to the host - bottle of wine or flowers 

Learn thank you etiquette- shoot a text message to the host thanking them for the event 

Intelligence

Show that you have some sort of a personality. 

Stay updated with current affairs

know your line of work and the relevant people (top companies, CEOs, etc), trends happening in your industry 

Be open to learning new things  

Put together

have a routine, show some form of discipline. 

This can be done by committing to something long term, such as healthy habits - exercise, reading, waking up early. 

Keep a watch on what you say 

people, especially women, who come across as bratty are seen as a big no no and can come across as exhausting and blood sucking. Zip it. 

Don’t talk about your failures, vulnerabilities, mistakes or mishaps. That’s confidential. 

Don’t complain or be snotty or a potty mouth. 

Do not put other people down in front of people who are not your absolute close friends. 

Poise (this is for your mental health and wellbeing)

Don’t be over eager. Being overly friendly can be seen as submissiveness. 

You’re overly friendly with someone because you want to be accepted by them. Acceptance only happens when you’re familiar with one another. When you become too familiar, it becomes a breeding ground for disrespect. Boundaries get crossed easily. 

Body language

practice practice and practice. 

Video yourself and have a fake conversation with someone. Or maybe FaceTime a friend and record yourself and see how you react to things. 

I used to watch those “try not to laugh/ get angry/ cry” videos to maintain a strong facial expression at all times. Not everyone deserves to see you vulnerable. 

Social media 

Take. Shit. Down. 

Go private if you don’t make money of social media. You’re perceived as more mysterious if you’re a private account. 

Remember, even if you’re private, it doesn’t mean that your pictures aren’t being shared. Someone’s taken a screenshot at some point for SURE or shown your account to someone else. Don’t give anyone anything to talk about. 

Don’t upload every second of every day. 

Don’t upload anything questionable- your break ups, your new boyfriend, girls nights, clubbing, your latest shopping spree etc etc. Keep things halal. Think of it this way - if your boss were to see those photos, how would you feel?

Overexposing yourself on social media comes across as desperate for attention. Limit that.

Here is what I learned from a speech coach.

warm up:

start this exercise by taking a deep breath and saying “aaaaah” - try to extend this to 30 seconds. Now if it doesn’t go till 30, that’s fine. Aim to work your way to that. If you can work it up to 30, go for 45/60 seconds. Do this 5 times.

next. Download an app called Metronome beats. It’s basically what singers/ musicians use for beats.

Settings: keep beats/bar as 1,

clicks/beats as 1

start at 90. It will start with a click sound and continue “beeping.”

Match your words to the beep. One beep = one word. Now slowly, increase the beat by 5 till you reach 110. Increase it at your own pace but try to spend at least 20 seconds on each number (90 for 20 seconds; 95 for 20; 100 for 20….) That’s when you stop.

either start by reading something out loud and matching the beat, or select a topic and speak freely.

do this every single day. This will help with your breath, if you’re speaking on a topic it will help you think better and improve over time. The best way to further complement this exercise is to improve your vocabulary. Try to learn 1-3 new words a day and incorporate it in your vocabulary.

In an age where Bachelor's degrees are as impressive as high school diplomas, and even a Master's does not guarantee an interview, what is it that employers are looking for?

The answer is - experience.

Experience is your most valuable asset when you are applying for a highly contested role.

Consider, if every candidate who applies for a position is required to have a 2.1 or higher how are employers meant to distinguish one 2.1 business graduate from another?

Experience not only shows you have a clear understanding of the industry you are entering, it shows that other organisations in your industry have seen enough potential in you to offer you a position, albeit temporarily.

The issue is the job market is more competitive than ever. Many people struggle to secure internships at top firms and that is because nowadays you need some level of work experience to even secure an internship, especially at top firms.

So, what do you do when you have no experience and the odds of you securing an internship are slim?

Unpaid/volunteer work. It is the best way to gain all the skills and experience you need to help your application stand out.

Volunteering as a committee member for a social enterprise or society shows a level of tenacity and initiative that is appealing to employers.

Unpaid internships or work experience in your industry can also award you with connections and the commercial awareness to help solidify yourself as a stellar candidate.

Unfortunately, many people don't have the means to take on long periods of unpaid employment.

This is where your communication skills come into play. Working customer service, retail, cleaning jobs etc all come with transferable skills which, when clearly communicated, can make up for a lack in industry experience, especially when you are still a student.

Another thing to note is that you don't always need to look for experience in your desired career. If you are an aspiring a solicitor, you can also get experience as a paralegal. If you are an aspiring journalist, you can gain experience as a copywriter.

As long as you can get some sort of experience in your desired field, you can still develop an understanding of your industry and the necessary skills that you need to demonstrate to recruiters.

General Tips

1. At the end of the day, making your experience work for you is the key. Companies will tell you in their job descriptions and person descriptions what your position will involve and what skills they require from you. Find a way to make the experience you have fit what they are asking for. Use their words against them - make it clear that you are what they want.

2. When applying for internships, traineeships and work experience, make it clear what your learning needs are. How can this company and position support you in bolstering your career and why should they care about your career progression?

Medical school personal statements are all kind of similar when you get right down to it, what makes you stand out is what you learned from it. You’re trying to show them that even though all 500 people whose personal statements they’ve looked through that day have had the same experiences, you’re the one who loves the idea of being a doctor so much, you went home and reflected/ did extra reading/ used the experiences to do something MORE than everyone else did.

Paragraph 1- Why do you want to study medicine? Personal experiences? Interest in science and helping people? You read Atul Gawande’s latest book? It doesn’t matter if it sounds cliche, this is basically just a lead in to the personal statement. Also for the love of all that is holy do not make a typo in your intro paragraph. They have to cut people out somehow and if you’re not even going to bother spellchecking your FIRST PARAGRAPH then it just makes it easy to cut you.

My own personal advice would be to stay away from quotes, especially of the inspirational kind -_- It’s just a bit lame. But I mean, if you REALLY are DYING to use one… then who am I to stop you? It’s just a personal preference. Just as seeing ‘The Man Who Mistook His Wife For A Hat’ mentioned is a personal grievance I have when I’m checking personal statements. 

Paragraphs 2 and 3 are interchangeable. I would say the Academic paragraph first if you’re applying to more Traditional courses and Work Experience first if you’re applying to more PBL courses, or courses that have Clinical Experience built in from the Pre-Clinical years. 

Either way, you’re telling a story. Either “I did this work experience and it made me love the work doctors do, but I realise it is very academically rigorous and hello- hi- I have the brains too, please take me.” or “Hi there, I love science so much that I’m doing all this extra academic stuff just because it’s interesting but you know what? I also actually want to use my kick-ass scientific genius to help humanity. So I did some work experience and discovered that you know who else likes to use their kick-ass scientific genius to help humanity? DOCTORS! So yeah, please take me.”

Paragraph 2/3- Academic. I personally did talk about my A-Level subjects, and how I personally felt either that they were teaching me things that would be useful as a doctor (the ability to recognise patterns and adapt them to fit specific scenarios- as in maths), to just things I found interesting and hence did extra reading/ research in (multiple sclerosis in biology- I mentioned that I’d read papers about the latest research at the time which suggested it might be a disease of lipid metabolism and then that I was so interested I decided to look into the work that Pathologists do and how this enlightened me to just how much VARIETY there is in the fields of medicine)

Paragraph 3/2- Work Experience. So this flowed on from my mentioning the Pathology lab work I did. The danger in this paragraph is making it sound like a list. I’ve checked hundreds of personal statements over the years and this happens time and time again. Nobody cares where you did it, or who you did your work experience with or even how long you did it for. They care what you saw while you were there, and what you learned from what you saw. Talk about a particular patient that stood out to you and really made you feel the realities and impacts of working with patients, talk about qualities you saw in the doctors which inspired you, talk about the day to day work the doctors do with other healthcare professionals and how the teamwork and communication skills required made you realise it’s not all about the academics, but about becoming the type of person we all want our doctors to be. 

I understand though, kids, work experience in hospitals/ in GP practices can be a pain and a half to get. If you can wrangle any at all. Especially if you don’t know anyone who is a doctor and can maybe sidestep a few regulatory blockades for you. 

In that case, flip the switch. Instead of talking about what you saw and hence what qualities you learned doctors need, say that you realise it isn’t all about academics and that you know doctors need to develop certain personal qualities… and then talk about what you’ve done to develop those. Jobs, volunteering, working with vulnerable people (the elderly, children, people with disabilities) travelling, working within your religious community, student council positions etc.. I wouldn’t talk about hobbies and interests, work experience is all about how you interact with people- colleagues and the general public- in a slightly more professional setting, and the skills developed as a result. 

This leads smoothly onto

Paragraph 4- Extracurriculars. I think there are three reasons this is important: 

1- Medicine requires a lot of multitasking. Can you handle doing 10 things at the same time while still having 50 other things that need to be done though you’ve cleverly prioritised them as less important than the first 10? 

2- Medicine is a long course that can at times be unbearably stressful. How are you going to relax? They don’t want you to burn out in the first term. What do you enjoy doing? Have you become a well-rounded person who actually wants to do medicine for life and so knows they need to maintain a life outside of just studying?

3- If the university takes you, they want to know you’re going to enjoy, appreciate and give back to the university community. Will you be continuing any sports? Any volunteering? Fundraising? Creative pursuits? 

It’s also a brilliant way to shoehorn in a load of “Qualities of a Doctor” you couldn’t mention in your work experience paragraph and how you’ve been developing and working on these traits in your own time, while still having fun.

Again, make sure you’re not just listing things like “I did this because I know doctors have to be that, I also did this and that because doctors also have to be those.” Talk with some passion about your interests and hobbies. This is a paragraph where you can really give them a glimpse of your personality and the kind of person you are, and will be if you are given a place at their university. 

I’m sure you’re great. Prove it!

Paragraph 5- One last thing you love about the idea of being a doctor and hence why you’d love the opportunity to study it at university. Your conclusion doesn’t need to be particularly deep or interesting. But what’s one thing you really look forward to about being a doctor in the long-term? Why do you really want to study medicine? For me, it was (and still is) the constant, lifetime challenge and thrill of learning more every single day- and then being able to use this to help others. 

Tell them what it is for you. 

——————————————

Side note: this post is more aimed at people who already know which subject they want to study

It’s getting to that time of year when people start preparing to apply to university, and begin the difficult process of choosing which universities to apply to. 

For most courses, you can apply to 5 universities. For others such as Medicine, you can only apply to 4 universities for that subject, and you can use your 5th option for a different (but similar) course. You don’t have to use this 5th option though. I used it and applied for Medical Sciences as a back-up, and it ended up being pretty useless as I didn’t use it as my insurance (if you don’t know what a firm and an insurance are, there’s a good explanation here).

It seems like a pretty insurmountable task at first, but if you break it down it becomes much easier. I started by getting a list of all the unis that offer Medicine - this is a really good search engine to use - and I made a long list by crossing off the universities that I immediately knew I didn’t want to go to e.g. the Scotland universities because they were too far away from home.

Then I made a short list by considering these factors:

Location – some people relish the chance to move far away from their parents, but for me I knew the maximum distance I’d want to be from home was about a 4 hour car journey

Type of university – it’s important to consider which style you’d prefer out of campus, city, and collegiate. At first I thought I’d like city, but I ended up preferring campus

Course structure – to me, this was probably the most important factor, especially for Medicine where there are quite different course types between unis. There’s traditional, like Oxbridge which usually splits pre-clinical and clinical years; integrated, which is often systems-based and mixes science teaching with placements and the clinical applications throughout the course; and PBL or CBL which, alongside teaching and placements, involve more independent study and group work

Open Days

The next thing I did was go to lots of open days. I think that visiting the university and the city is really important when deciding whether you can see yourself living and studying there for 3+ years. There’s just a feeling you get about a place that you can’t predict, no matter how much research you do beforehand. In my case, I was pretty certain I was going to apply to Cardiff and Southampton, but I couldn’t see myself there when I visited. On the other hand, I wasn’t sure I would apply to Exeter until I went, and then I loved it.

Open days can be pretty overwhelming as there’s so much going on, so it’s useful to do a bit of planning beforehand. You can book a ticket and a place at specific events in advance, which I definitely recommend. You usually get sent some maps and a timetable of events a few weeks before, so you can decide what to do during the day to get the most out of it. I found that these were the most useful things to do:

Go to the subject talk for the course you want to study (they usually explain in more detail about their course and what makes it unique, and there is often a Q&A session)

Visit accommodation (I usually went to at least 2 accommodations to compare different price ranges)

Talk to students! I can’t stress this enough – they are the most valuable resource to give you an honest opinion

Take all the leaflets/flyers that are relevant (and all the free wristbands and pencils aha)

Spend some time in the city, maybe for lunch, so it’s not all about the university

After going to open days, it’s just a matter of narrowing down your short list to the 4-5 universities that you’re happy to put on your UCAS form.