How do u feel about girls trying to sell sugaring as a valid way to break into hypergamy? I feel like men will never take them seriously, and any āfiancĆ©sā they gain from it are not the type of men worth it either
Iām kidding. But in all seriousness, I wholeheartedly disagree with them. And the framing is off before we even get to the sugaring part.
Letās start with my area of expertise: New England (and Iād assume other tight knit wealthy communities) old money. You don't break into old money. You're in or you're not. There's a small loophole if you grew up adjacent to it, same schools, same summers, same friend groups, but even that takes a lot of strategy and a little luck. Now are some of these guys entertaining sex workers on business trips and whatnot? Sure. Are they bringing these girls to Easter? Absolutely not. That would be the single most shameful thing they could do to their family name. Old money and sugaring arenāt in conflict, theyāre in different categories entirely, and the sugar baby was out of the running before she was even born.
Now your big metropolitan cities like New York and LA are different. New money is the norm so sure, a girl could sugar her way into an arrangement that pays very well. But an arrangement is not a relationship. Yes, there's less of an archive tracking who you brought where, but still, most men will want a woman with no sexual controversy attached to her. Gorgeous, but not widely had. They want a girl who makes them look better in a room. If it's known how the relationship came about, there's very little fruit in bringing her around.
I think the fundamental issue with this whole āsugaring pitchā is that it depends on an asset that depreciates pretty quickly. Sugaring pays for youth. Not charm, not competence, not the ability to hold a room. Youth. Which means every year you spend in it, your leverage drops. Meanwhile the girl who took the boring analyst job has a network, a title, and a reason to be at the same dinner party youāre trying to get invited to. Sheās not more virtuous. She just picked the asset that appreciates. And nobody frames it as "this is a job I'm doing for money," which would be an honest thing to say. It's always framed as a pipeline. Step one arrangement, step two boyfriend, step three ring. Except step two has no mechanism. Nobody can explain how it actually happens, only that it did, once, to a girl on the internet.
Like you said, even the men who would go for it are not the prize. A man who converts a paid arrangement into a proposal is not a man who was moved by love. He's a man who found the transaction convenient enough to make permanent. That's not a fiancƩ. That's a renewed contract. You have not escaped the dynamic. You've signed a longer version of it, and now you're doing it without the ability to leave.
What actually works is unsexy. Work or attend school at an establishment that can give viable connections. Live where wealthier people live. Be pleasant and incredibly well spoken and easy to invite. Get into rooms on your own merit so that when you meet the one, thereās nothing to disclose, manage, or get ahead of.
So no, sugaring is not valid strategy. It's a job, occasionally a lucrative one, and I'm not moralizing about how people make their money. But it doesn't come with the exit you're being sold, and pretending otherwise is how girls end up 35 with a Birkin and no plan.
