Doctor - Send Help!

He was a doc of few words, but was reported to be a good teacher if you wanted to learn, so I was expecting to be hunched over the whole surgery but also glad to be learning and cheerfully willing to tolerate the resulting back pain

Instead, he looked up across the table, looked back at anesthesia, and said, "Raise the table for Dr. Hedgehogwnt, please"

He then looked at the RN circulator and said, "Please bring me a stool"

Then he looked up at me again, looked back at the RN circulator, and said, "Actually, bring two"

Surgeon: no I'm fine thanks

Also the surgeon:

1. "Five second rule!" while scrubbed, after dropping a sterile scalpel on the floor (no they did NOT pick it up again but I swear everyone's buttholes puckered)

2. (spoken during the closing of a particularly long and difficult case) "Nurse - my tunes." :heavy metal starts blasting:

3. Gently to a fretful patient, pre-anaesthesia: "It's going to be okay. I promise, I've dealt with worse." As soon as the patient is unconscious: "This is literally the worst thing I've ever seen."

4. [okay this one was a med student] "Wowwww, that's so gross!!" Reg: "Please remember that [patient] is awake for this procedure." Student to patient: "Oh my god. I am so sorry, that was really unprofessional - " Patient, cheerfully, also engrossed with what's happening inside them on the screen: "Nah - it's, like, super gross, right?"

6. Elderly surgeon to the anaesthetist who is gossipping with their reg: "I need you to pretend you're in church." [weirdest way to ask people to be quiet, but whatevs]

Anaethetist's new reg with big, horrified eyes: "You mean we should start praying???"

7. Panicking rad tech: "Uhhhh my machine broke. I need to jump on this part and kick it, but I am not paid enough if I break it. Can you - "

Surgeon, casual as: "Yeah, sure."

:violently beats up the C-arm until it starts pumping out those sweet, sweet x-rays:

8. ODP to theatre assistant: "Saw the new tasche earlier. Suits you."

Theatre assistant: "Thanks! it grew on me :)"

9. Surgeon using the electrocauter, leaning over the incision and inhaling deeply: mmmmm, that smell always gets me hungry. I'm having barbeque tonight.

Spinal surgeon: hey, that scoli's getting bad. want me to fix it for ya?

Me: I mean. There's a pretty long wait list

Spinal surgeon: yeah but I could do it tonight

Me: that would be very illegal, Jeff

We meet at the start of each day to talk through our cases and check any concerns. This is called the surgical huddle - or 'the hug'.

Patient in anaesthesia: last minute check but... you do know about [x important medical issue] right???

Anaesthetist, cheerfully: Oh don't worry. Me and the team talked about that earlier when we were hugging!