me: *catches myself being judgmental* me to me: i did not raise u this way

this is extra fucking funny bc he really is about to do it to somebody and they’re gonna cry

can ppl stop being like “my ovaries!!” whenevr they see a cute guy its not problematic or anything its just weird as fuck

The ides of March is coming up what’s everyone getting me?

i never understood how we’ve reinvented heiroglyphics until now

too many people

shitpostgenerator is going to kill us all

where’s the pic of that guy’s tinder bio where he says something along the lines of “well i’m a fat fuck with a big truck. welcome to the shitshow.”

thanks. this is literally the best tinder bio ever

Maybe only cats can become ghost. That’s why ghosts just knock over stuff and make noises at night.

i can’t stop thinking about that tweet about the guy who tried to stop his cat from pushing his door open and accidentally trained him to push 50lbs instead

Why do women hate innovation?

Direct fucking action.

At the time he wasn’t even a sitting MP he was just an asshole who had said rude things about suffragists.

one time i got a sample from the tea store at the mall and as i walked away the guy said “tea you later” and then his coworker smacked him

Alternatively: I went through periods of depression so frequent and intense that I never considered that I’d actually make it to my 20s so now I’m kinda just making it up as I go

u ever have cravings that are like “you WILL eat a rice krispies treat or there will be consequences. you have 24 hours”