whose line is it anyway?

cats’ instinct to smack the shit out of anything and everything is honestly one of their best traits

This video is so top notch, it has so many good things in it: the squinty eyes, the background music, the smack, the fall

They ended up getting married so safe to say she doesn’t regret it

FUCKING GOOD FOR THEM!!! 😭

really makes u think…

makes me think he could just walk around the pipes and goombas but loves the thrill of the kill

I just heard my mom tell my brother, “when you die, you will go outside and garden until your father says you’re done” and it took me a second to realize that my brother was playing a videogame and this was not a theological discussion.

Purgatory

here’s a hot take: giftwrap is dumb, 95% of the time you can just hand someone the thing and accomplish the same task. Society has conditioned us to love wrapping shit up for no reason, probably by gift wrap industry people.

Counterpoint: monkey instinct says uncovering secret bounty from colorful shell good as fuck

My mattress is strapped to eight roombas and I leave all my doors open at night so the roombas can go where they want to. I wake up where they want me to be. I trust their decisions.

my favorite thing about the spanish harry potter translation is that instead of calling voldemort “the dark lord,” they call him señor tenebroso, which basically means “mr. spooky”

“that’s just the way the world works” it literally doesn’t have to be but okay

if anyone ever tells you “humans are just selfish / life is cruel / that’s just how the world is, get over it” be critical of them bc there’s a 75% chance they’re just using that as an excuse for their own shitty behavior so that they don’t have to put an effort into being better, kinder people

Academic text writer, cracking open Thesaurus: ha ha ha, try and get through THIS unreadable pile of boiling hot nonsense, fuckers

not only am I funny but I have nice titties too