club penguin house

just ask that person out, the worst thing they can say is an esoteric incantation that topologically inverts your body

"you can jack off you can eat grapes all else banned" is kind of the post of the summer because literally wtf else are you supposed to do once it’s 30°C outside

When his finger comes back smellier

when i was born they rushed all the nurses into the room. called the whole hospital. Here’s the baby that doesn’t cry they said

we love to applaud performative masculinity

I was a stoic

the FDA should bring back quualudes for a limited time offer like the mcrib

hey.. two people were asking about you… so i gave them your address and phone number… their names were Skeletal Warrior and Skeletal Ice Mage

does anyone else see a sports field on a cold night in the texture of the hair

did a bit of driving through the state of georgia today and wound up driving through a small town that i later discovered was called newborn, which is an odd name but doesn’t technically have anything wrong with it, except for the fact that i nearly gave myself whiplash doing a double-take at a building sign advertising NEWBORN TAXIDERMY

Homeboys thinkin theyre Buzz Lightyear when they’re gettin buzzed off of one light beer. -The Executioner