Twilight AU where Edward is the one with bad control
Edward has always hated what he’s become. He hates that he needs to kill to survive. He hates that he wants human blood so desperately. He hates that he’s a parasite.
No matter how much he hates what he is he still can’t control himself. Too often his body reacts to what it craves before his mind can even process that he doesn’t want to kill. He doesn’t want to hurt people.
Even though he was the first that Carlisle changed, even though he’s been around and a vegetarian longer than Esme and Rosalie and Emmett, he still slips the most.
Maybe he hadn’t slipped that long before they moved to Forks. The Family waited just long enough for his eyes to return to gold before sending him back to school. Edward was the first child and the golden child so of course he could handle being around so many people, right?
Carlisle and Esme are always in denial. They love Edward too much not to trust that next time will be different.
When Bella arrives Edward almost slips again. He blood smells sweeter than most and Edward can still remember how his last victim tasted. He can still remember the relief from the burn in his throat that animals can only sooth, not eliminate.
When Edward slips he can hear every thought of his victims as they die. He hates it. He hates himself because of what he’s stolen. He can’t do anything to stop it.
Bella’s mind is silent. It’s the first time he’s ever met someone who’s mind is silent.
At first he thinks it would be so much easier to kill her and drain her. She could get rid of the burn and he wouldn’t need to hear her desperation as he kills her. Then he remembers how much he doesn’t want that. How it would disappoint Carlisle and Esme–his whole family. It would be so soon after his last slip.
He decides to talk to Bella. Alice says it’s easier to think of the high schoolers as people. What better way to do this than to get to know them on a more personal level?
It doesn’t take long for him to fall in love, but even when he wants nothing more than to cherish Bella, he’s still a constant risk to her.
When Bella’s 18th birthday comes around he’s the one who attacks. It breaks him.
When Edward leaves it’s to protect Bella from himself. How could he face her again? How could he face his family when not even the one he loves more than life itself is safe from his poor control?
