everyone get fatter NOW!!!

Me when im in an area

impregnate the vending machine with quarter for beuatiful baby soda

Standing outside the club w no ID dressed as benoit blanc and asking women if they could help me solve the mystery of where my hug is at

come get your man before he accepts my fertility rune

hello mutual before you gossip or vaguepost please send me a 2 page dossier in the dms. thanks. much appreciated.

"there's no platonic explanation for this" some of y'all need better friends

"there's no platonic explanation for this" some of y'all need to be better friends

could really go for 200mg right now. of anything.

*introducing myself to the guards who caught me* seized to meet you

"going offline" is wholly sanctimonious. if you're not generating an rss feed, you're injuring your soul. your friends need to read your posts.

i don’t get ppl who are fine w period pussy. smelling like wet parking lot pennies

it’s so funny when people online act like women reading trashy romance novels is like. a new phenomenon and a sign of the downfall of society bc this has never been a thing before. this has been an extremely popular genre of book for ages. the only difference now is that they’re written by women who wanted to fuck kylo ren. which i guess is annoying. out of every man in star wars like be so serious. they had harrison ford in those movies