Crazy Heart

October is tomorrow..... if any vampires wanna..... y'know, hit me up? I'm willing to getting married immediately. Contact me by randomly pinning me up against a wall in a library and draining all of my blood.

My favorite catholic lore is that anyone can make holy water in a pinch but the church puts dumb restrictions on us like ‘do this only if someone needs their last rites’ like I WILL bless this McDonald’s sprite and I WILL enjoy the crispiness of our lord and savior

hey i think that guy is a goose!!

*an unexpected crunch while eating* huh. must be the cyanide capsule I keep in my tooth in case the Soviets start asking questions.

what a way to go

yeah i understand women. they all want daggers and swords. it’s quite simple really

me: grabs face cleanser at a store the bottle: with this cleanser, you will erase literal decades from your body…you will look exactly as you did in 1987 regardless of year you were born……this formula was invented by a woman who was burned alive during the salem witch trials for having skin too supple and hydrated to occur naturally……we use seaweed found on the sides of sunken japanese fishing boats mixed with holy water blessed by a priest from guernica………these ingredients interact with your skin at a cellular level…..for too long your mitochondria have been filthy and now those days are OVER……it’s time to Nourish Them….experience the clean revolution

I love Lilo And Stitch bc even though it makes me sad David just goes and blames what he thinks is a normal dog for making things worse for Nani and Lilo and it’s constantly funny to me