fantasies. @watchmefadeintoblack - Tumblr Blog

My earlier appointment with my new psychiatrist went really well, and I see her again in about 3 weeks. I might start looking for a new therapist, too.

#personal #she said she wants to get to know me more #to help me more and stuff you know lol #she seems really nice and listened to me #apparently I had been seeing my other psychiatrist since 2017 🙃#I didn’t have any like ‘expectations’ for today other than I might feel weird because it’s a new person after so long #but I feel it went well

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I see my new psychiatrist today, so hopefully that goes well… and I don’t get hospitalized 😬

#personal #I saw my other psych for like 8 or so years (closer to 9 probably)#So it’ll be weird to see someone new

I really just never feel real anymore

#Personal #nothing has for a while though tbh #And my dreams are just getting worse ://

ymutate

Melanie Ferguson

Euterria, 2025

Hand built stoneware, sgraffito through layered underglaze, hand-rubbed cold wax (archival) finish

14 x 12 x 12 inches

35.6 x 30.5 x 30.5 cm

like I really, really hate this trembling, crippling anxiety & almost paranoia I have

#personal #I know I keep apologizing but I’m so sorry

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watchmefadeintoblack

Sometimes I feel too anxious to be alive

darkpagesworld

wingkink

btw it's so fucking stupid you can be anxious physically in your body even after you've decided mentally you don't care. I'm supposed to be in charge here

littlewickedthings

larissapinupart

vesselforsale

1994 HALLOWEEN MUG | LISTING

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I go in next week to get my cardiac monitoring patch thing, which is sooner than I thought (they squeezed me in); but I still wish I didn’t have to get it first (but I get why 🙃)

#personal #and then after that’s done I can schedule the hysterectomy again 🙃#And hopefully get it done soonish ugh #update probably no one really cares about lol #Realizing how I have barely been on here this year ://

As I was getting ready to leave for my appointment with the anesthesiologist today, I got a call saying not to come in; apparently I need to get the cardiac monitoring patch thing my primary doctor put in done first before the procedure 🙃

And now I fucking wish I hadn’t seen her about it because I really wanted something to happen tomorrow and I finally die. And now I can’t.

#personal #It’s because I got excited about it isn’t it #also my psychiatrist downsized his practice/patients last week #I got a call the day before our appointment 🙃#I see some new person next week 🙃

I do feel kind of bad that I sort of hope today is my last day

#personal #sorry for still being so down

Idk why, but I feel like…. I dunno. Not that something is gonna happen, but if something does, I think I’ll be okay with it.

#personal #about my procedure/surgery next week

When is your surgery? Hopefully not a long recovery time!

It’s next week :)

#personal #ask #getting a hysterectomy hooray #Shouldn’t be too bad #Start of august

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Any way to talk to you besides on tumblr?

Not really. This is really the only kind of social media I have.

#personal #ask

I was thinking of you this morning. Hope you are well.

Unfortunately I am very much not :/

#personal #ask #but thank you #I haven’t really been on tumblr in so long I forgot my usual tags for stuff lol

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