i’m going to be really honest with you guys i think the tendency to read the absolute worst possible intentions into every action you don’t agree with is getting too automatic and it’s eating you from the inside out

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@peripecias-i
i’m going to be really honest with you guys i think the tendency to read the absolute worst possible intentions into every action you don’t agree with is getting too automatic and it’s eating you from the inside out

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I think ultimately I yearn to be someone's first choice. Platonic or romantic, doesn't matter. I've never had that. I'm not sure I've ever even been anyone's second or third choice.
I just want someone to look at me and want me around so unreservedly and enthusiastically that it's me they'd choose to hold in their arms at the end of the world.
on canon dynamics versus fanon interpretation
"knightingale is a canon slowburn and i think occtis and thimble are siblings coded!"
"julien is like occtis' older brother. needlemancy is the canon slowburn friends to lovers!"
i am personally not a fan of how some people appear to have drawn the conclusion that people should consider any of these pairings as "canon" when, from my perspective, fans are reading into their own personal interpretation of a dynamic that they want to see while simultaneously ignoring the dynamics these characters canonically have with other characters, namely ones that the actors themselves have pointed out. people should be more open to the idea that others have different (valid!) perspectives. (also what happened to shipping what you want despite it not being canon?)
i used to be interested in the occtien/knightingale dynamic in the beginning, but some fans quickly started shoehorning Thaisha into the role of Julien & Occtis' mom when Aabria was EXPLICITLY against that interpretation of her character considering she ships Julien & Thaisha, and Julien & Thaisha have also explicitly expressed their attraction towards one another. their relationship being conveniently ignored for the sake of a specific yaoi dynamic gave me the misogynoir ick and turned me away from the pairing. let's disregard the Davinlloy potential by forcing Thaisha into the role of a mammy once again!
i still see the potential in occtis and julien for what it is - but nothing they have done so far has indicated to me that either of them are attracted to the other.
same with thimble and occtis' interactions - their care for each other could be read in a platonic/familial way. thimble and occtis are very close to one another and have been friends for a while, constantly wanting to be by each other's side through their hardships, and that could turn into something more if either of them lean into it. i personally like the dynamic because i'm a big fan of the classic friends-to-lovers, but also i'm a fan of whatever relationship thimble & occtis develop even if it's not romantic
the only thing Alex has said in regards to the potential of relationships has been:
1.) occtis is not interested in a relationship at the moment 2.) occtis had a childhood crush on thimble 3.) jokes about kocctis
when occtigan/kocctis is put on the table - most of the foundation of the pairing comes from Robbie & Alex saying that they might romance each other, and there's only been a resurgence because kattigan has expressed attraction towards occtis in episode 31.
Okay so I was going back over the CR4 transcripts and I'm gonna beat a dead horse to a fine paste and talk about the part of Stone-Faced where Bolaire talks about Thjazi. Because I think it's very interesting and also not completely honest.
To be clear, I'm not saying that because I dislike Bolaire, or purely because it was a Nat 20 vs Nat 1. I'm saying that because what he says is actually countered later, but in a way that I'm thinking Bolaire was doing a "true from my perspective, not necessarily objectively true" sort of thing. I think he was framing it explicitly in such a way that Hal would take his side and not question why Thjazi would respond so negatively to him. But with the coming episodes, we the audience get an idea about why he'd react so negatively.
For the record, here's that speech from Stone-Faced.
(sighs) One week after I met your brother at your home, Thimble arrived at the museum with a letter. (sighs) Your brother had discovered things about me that could get me, I'd say put away, but that sounds like I'd done something. He knew things about me that were, if put out into the open would've made my life if not difficult, unbearable. He told me I had to work for him, and he forced me to start stealing from this library for him, for other people. He told me if I told you any of this, that would be the end of me. I have tried so hard to never lie to you. Any lie I've ever told you is because your brother forced me to. I thought finally I would be free. I thought finally I could just know that my contract was over, know that there was someone who would let me go so that I could start cleaning up this fucking mess that your brother put me in. He has compromised every level of my life that I was very happy with and just treated me with more disdain than I can possibly express. And it has broken my heart that I've had to sit here and think about that in front of you for so long. (sighs) Your brother was a very complicated man. Many people I've heard have said many things about him. But he could also be very cruel and hateful. He was not kind to me to the bitter end, and I did not deserve it. Any sins that I have would pale in comparison to the things that I have done for him or the things I have seen him do. I thought Thimble, I thought maybe since she had been kind and worked very hard to make sure I never had to be in his presence. Used to say that she-- I would give her gifts and in return she would, as a Thimble should, keep me from coming into contact with a prick. (chuckles) So he's dead and there is something wrong out there. You know there's something wrong. There is a shadow.
So what is Bolaire communicating here? That without warning or reason, Thjazi used Bolaire's nature as a Panto Mask against him to force him to do terrible things. That Thjazi was cruel to Bolaire for no reason. That he "compromised every level" of Bolaire's life. That he did things so terrible that it Horrified the Horror.
Now. These things can be true. They can also be true from Bolaire's perspective, but not necessarily objectively true.
"I'd say put away, but that sounds like I'd done something". Bolaire has "done something". He has committed incredible acts of violence and murder. He has killed Falconers, killed and chopped up criminals, he literally has to wear other people and trap them in a mind prison so that he can live his own life (granted he doesn't have to do the mind prison but it seems he defaults to this). Even Taliesin, above table, acknowledges that this is the kind of artifact Percy of Vox Machina would put in a metal box and chuck into the sea. Bolaire is, put simply, dangerous. Incredibly dangerous. It is entirely disingenuous of him to suggest he hasn't done something to warrant being put away. He absolutely has.
But maybe not from his perspective. From his perspective, well, they were criminals! They were obstacles to his freedom and he surely can't be blamed for doing whatever it took to be free, can he?
"He has compromised every level of my life that I was very happy with" This is so vague and ambiguous as to be meaningless but it's worth noting that at the beginning of this session, the cold open was Bolaire being peeled off of a severely decayed body and taking over someone else immediately afterwards. So I'm inclined to believe a common theory that Thjazi insisted he remain on one body rather than go around bodysnatching other people. Which I imagine was very uncomfortable and made Bolaire unhappy, but wasn't exactly unwarranted or needlessly cruel from Thjazi's perspective, or indeed from most people's perspectives.
"He was not kind to me to the bitter end and I did not deserve it" Again, I think this is just a "My truth is that I didn't deserve it". It doesn't necessarily follow that he objectively deserved Thjazi's kindness or neutrality, which is what's implied here.
"Any sins that I have would pale in comparison to the things that I have done for him or the things I have seen him do." That is, again, definitely something I think is colored by Bolaire's own alien perception of what he considers right and wrong. What does Bolaire, a being who has gone through what? Three or four bodies in barely a week consider a "sin"? You can view that in one of two ways I think: That Thjazi did such monstrous things that he Horrified the Horror, or that Bolaire has such Blue and Orange Morality that he considers chopping up dead bodies to be an average Tuesday but something like telling a baldfaced lie to be horrendous.
I say that because Bolaire does, in fact, bring up Thjazi being a liar a lot. Thjazi was a trickster, a scoundrel, a thief and liar. And the last one seems to be what Bolaire gnaws at the most: He calls Thjazi deeply manipulative, a deceitful person, he straight up tells Thimble Thjazi was only pretending to tell her everything while lying to everyone else. I genuinely wonder if Thjazi's capacity for lying is something Bolaire finds so deeply distasteful that that rings as a greater "sin" than Bolaire living "honestly" as himself.
Combined with all this is the objective fact that we have absolutely no reason to believe Thjazi was aware that Bolaire isn't actively malevolent. Antiheroes and heroes alike work with evil artifacts for the greater good all the time; Vox Machina is a great example with the Sword of Kas.
From the outside looking in:
Thjazi meets Bolaire at Hal's place. Learns that Bolaire is a sentient artifact that has killed people, including fellow revolutionaries, and who wears people. He has absolutely zero idea why Bolaire is hanging around his brother. He has absolutely zero idea what Bolaire is doing. He only has history to fall back on: Bolaire kills people. Bolaire wears people. Bolaire is getting awfully chummy with Hal and seems entirely too interested in the theater.
He doesn't speak directly with Bolaire because he has no idea if Bolaire can put the mask on Thjazi himself. Better safe than sorry. He sends Thimble because she's too small to be forcibly masked and can get away swiftly if needed.
He does what he can to keep Hal out of it, in deference to Hal's request from years earlier, and blackmails Bolaire into not telling Hal anything. He presumably makes not wearing another body a requirement for Bolaire, which makes sense in the context of dealing with a malevolent artifact: You try to limit the damage they can do outside of your control.
We know that Bolaire is a PC. We know he's got a rich inner life and the capacity for benevolence and can be trusted. Thjazi, on the other hand, almost certainly did not. And had no reason to take that chance when Bolaire was hyperfocusing on his brother, of all people.
I don't know. I just. I read that speech again and it got me thinking about how it could be technically true but not entirely accurate, which feels very par for the course for Bolaire. It can be His Truth without necessarily being The Truth.
This was supposed to be a little fun doodle before bed. I was supposed to go to sleep 4 hours ago. I LEARNED DAVINCI RESOLVE FOR THIS!!!!
(I fear Thaisha is a fucking badass and this scene has me in a chokehold. Aabria knocked it out of the park with this one.)
I might do some edits at some point but I am simply ✨too tired✨ to care. I hope this sparks joy in some of the Critters and may the Light shine on you☀️
Bonus of the individual frames:

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My idea of what Primus Tachonis looks like in my head. Heavily influenced by Peter Cushing. Had a great time playing around with the outfits :D
It's kind of hilarious how many Ls House Tachonis (and Primus specifically) have taken just because Julien is himself. Primus pissed off the exact kind of reckless but driven person that would swear revenge against the sorcerer that ripped his father's skull out of his head and mean it and fully throw himself into it, but also didn't have enough regard for him to kill him at the Palazzo Davinos even though he fully could have. Result: Two of his sons are dead, killed by specifically Julien because he has decided that House Tachonis shall join House Davinos. They also very much don't have the soul of Thjazi Fang despite giving him the scar because Julien is the kind of asshole who would spit on a corpse at a wake, evoking the exact kind of magic that is known to circumvent the scar. Result: Julien Davinos, to his own dismay, saved the soul of his hated enemy.
Primus is already livid at the fact that not killing Julien resulted in him being able to sneak into Obramus Manor and kill Koral, so he's surely going to be thrilled to learn that the same man is the reason he doesn't have Thjazi Fang is because that same man was a disrespectful asshole to the dead.
not very articulate yet but thoughts are being thought about bolaire's behaviour in the last half hour of the episode
The problem with Brennan DMing is that he is constantly creating NPCs that I fall in love with so fucking fast
And he has no shame killing them off to further the story

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i cant believe teor bestowed the lion head of misfortune on wicander halovar
Vecna: I want to defy death so I will rise to godhood to do so!
Leylas Kryn balancing a Beacon on her perfectly manicured nail using graviturgy while sitting on her throne: what like its hard?
Robbie Daymond via Twitter: “On a magical Thursday night exactly FIVE years ago (wut?), I made my debut on @criticalrole and my life was inexorably changed for the better. The experience would forever enrich my life in a way that I could never have imagined. Love them. Love you. What a dream. What a joy. 💙🖤”
A spark that can't be dimmed
obligatory fav characters sketches

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