Bubble Beam

you would think, like, "oh, we've already thought of all the metaphorical ways we can say penis/vagina. we've already come up with the full list of nicknames. we have exhausted the list of innuendos. there is nothing else new to be said about this" and then you'll open a random explicit fic and make the most improbable linguistic discovery of all time

would you like to share with the class 🤔

saw the term "gummy walls" last night and had to sit alone with god for a minute

would you like to unshare with the class

This is painfully American

when we say "it is functionally impossible to parody Americans in a way that will actually insult them" this is the sort of thing you're up against. is your sick burn funnier than corporation burger clown sing national anthem baseball game? no?? of course it isn't.

Theyre called draculas because they drank u. La

Did anyone else hear just one single angelic note

the angelic note is playing at your dashboards resonant frequency. shaking its miserable posts apart

this sculpture is from 2011 by artist sara swink

cats have been bothering humans since at least 2011

Last time this came around I showed my three year old and he said "He's little like me!" and stared for a whole minute (v. Long in toddler time).

americans be like dude learning to drive isnt that bad but they dont know youre in ireland sharing a lane with a horse who is a bad person. And the horse and the instructor are friends and he keeps dapping the horse up through the window. And the horse called you a bitch under his breath so quiet the driving instructor is trying to convince you that you must have misheard him but you didnt. and theres a roundabout coming up and the horse didnt indicate

I can no longer remember the title of the book it’s from, but here’s a quote that has remained trapped in my head for the last 8 years: “Driving in Ireland is dangerous because the roads are full of old farmers who’ve led good lives and are fairly sure they’ll get into heaven.”

horses cant scratch themselves but humans cant go fast. we support this legandary partnership

agnostic horse: we just dont know where scratch posts come from

would you still love me if i was a small iridescent freshwater fish

it’s weird that there is an entire subtype and class of male actor (even well regarded, celebrated, prolific) who is basically unattainable to women because you literally can not be a woman actor without having that anchored at least somewhat in physical attractiveness. Like, there really isn’t room for the female equivalent of Willem Dafoe or Jack Nicholson or whatever.

[ID: A screenshot of a tweet that reads: "You have to eat a filling warm dinner. You have to sleep soundly, tucked in and cozy. You have to take your medicine. You have to keep your body strong. So you can write porn." /end ID]