and oh, how we, the common, must cry!

Sleeping like shit is soooo cool because the next day you get to feel like you have a disease

hold on i have to do everything

I love jaywalking with another pedestrian lol we’re unionized

It's spring now which means the kids in my city have started drawing hopscotches on the sidewalk and as a rule I do every hopscotch I see because 1. Use it or lose it (ability to scotch) and 2. If a child got down on the hardscrabble streets of Boston Massachusetts to draw a scotch the least I can do is use it, but in doing the hopscotches, I've learned that about 50% of them are the typical 8-10 step scotch and the other 50% are. Somewhat avant-garde. And of course I'm not vetting the entire scotch before I start it so sometimes it's like haha 8 steps woo! Childlike whimsy! And sometimes they're 20 steps or 30 or they've got a section with three squares instead of two where you have to do a little Charleston to step on all three, or, memorably, FORTY one foot squares. A full BLOCK of jumping on one foot but I'm no quitter so once I've started Jigsaw Junior's fuckin hopscotch gauntlet I'm there til the end just a daily pot smoker in her thirties jumping kasa-obake style through an affluent suburb while some little proto-kennedy watches from his bedroom window rubbing his sadistic little third grade hands together and cackling. It's amazing. I love spring.

i jusr invented a new disease everyone come & get it

[Image ID: screenshot of an email inbox showing an email with the subject "Are You Coming?". The preview of the email says "Let's Learn How to Enrich the Fruit Bat" /end ID]

many women are excited to get old and weird, but i have great news that it's fully possible to become weird now, before you get old. just imagine the heights of weirdness you will be able to reach in fifty years if you get started now. that's what I think

Yeah i dont think i can take any more madness/pain

ID: A GIF of Bad Bunny at the Grammys, wearing a black and white suit. Everyone in the background is standing to clap except for him, who, as the camera zooms in on him, closes his eyes, tilting his head to the side against his hand, pinching his nose. /end ID]

having 40 minutes to leave the house is fked because 40 minutes is basically 30 minutes and 30 minutes is basically 20 minutes and 20 minutes is basically fifteen seconds. but 50 minutes? 50 minutes is an hour, and an hour? ooobh thats plany off time

as it gets warmer let's all remember the two most beautiful accessories a girl can have this summer are hairy legs and a bunch of bruises from bangin around