Everything and Nothing

The original tweet summarizes it pretty well. Fanfic tends to be popular among certain types of neurodivergent people (aka people most likely to read excessively as a child, and have burnout as an adult) for the same reasons that we tend to hyperfixate–neurochemical signaling (I hope I’m using that phrase correctly). What I mean is, for people who are really dependent on changes in dopamine/serotonin/neurotransmitter levels, who have low levels or wonky neural reward systems (perhaps the most common types of neurodivergence)…people like us rely on dependable external sources of those neurochemicals. In order to function, we spend a lot of our free time trying to level out our brain chemistry using things that can reliably bring us a steady stream of joyful moments (rewards) without costing too much of the mental effort that is already in short supply. 

significantly: the investment of reading has to be balanced with a steady “return on investment”–and this return has to start fairly quickly. because again, we don’t have a lot of attention/energy to invest on tiring things. we have perpetual “low batteries” in that regard.

that doesn’t mean these stories are “simple,” or that they lack complexity or value–only that the reward has to come in short regular intervals, and it has to have a low “upfront cost.” these stories are only “easy” to read in the sense that the effort we put into them is rewarded in a timely manner. which is why fanfic stories are so perfectly formulated for neurodivergent readers–they are often beautifully written, but skip a lot of the upfront costs (of introducing new characters, of world-building, of getting the audience emotionally connected to the story elements).

the nature of fanfiction is that the reader has a pre-existing relationship with this world and these characters. that–combined with the shorter average length of fics–means that fan fics very quickly start rewarding the reader in a way that traditional fiction struggles to. that’s not a bad thing! and maybe it’s something more traditionally published writers should be paying attention to.

for his second Magnus Chase book, due to the inclusion of the character Alex Fierro who is gender fluid. This was the speech he gave, and it really distills why I love this author and his works so much, and why I will always recommend his works to anyone and everyone.

“Thank you for inviting me here today. As I told the Stonewall Award Committee, this is an honor both humbling and unexpected.

So, what is an old cis straight white male doing up here? Where did I get the nerve to write Alex Fierro, a transgender, gender fluid child of Loki in The Hammer of Thor, and why should I get cookies for that?

These are all fair and valid questions, which I have been asking myself a lot.

I think, to support young LGBTQ readers, the most important thing publishing can do is to publish and promote more stories by LGBTQ authors, authentic experiences by authentic voices. We have to keep pushing for this. The Stonewall committee’s work is a critical part of that effort. I can only accept the Stonewall Award in the sense that I accept a call to action – firstly, to do more myself to read and promote books by LGBTQ authors.

But also, it’s a call to do better in my own writing. As one of my genderqueer readers told me recently, “Hey, thanks for Alex. You didn’t do a terrible job!” I thought: Yes! Not doing a terrible job was my goal!

As important as it is to offer authentic voices and empower authors and role models from within LGBTQ community, it’s is also important that LGBTQ kids see themselves reflected and valued in the larger world of mass media, including my books. I know this because my non-heteronormative readers tell me so. They actively lobby to see characters like themselves in my books. They like the universe I’ve created. They want to be part of it. They deserve that opportunity. It’s important that I, as a mainstream author, say, “I see you. You matter. Your life experience may not be like mine, but it is no less valid and no less real. I will do whatever I can to understand and accurately include you in my stories, in my world. I will not erase you.”

People all over the political spectrum often ask me, “Why can’t you just stay silent on these issues? Just don’t include LGBTQ material and everybody will be happy.” This assumes that silence is the natural neutral position. But silence is not neutral. It’s an active choice. Silence is great when you are listening. Silence is not so great when you are using it to ignore or exclude.

But that’s all macro, ‘big picture’ stuff. Yes, I think the principles are important. Yes, in the abstract, I feel an obligation to write the world as I see it: beautiful because of its variations. Where I can’t draw on personal experience, I listen, I read a lot – in particular I want to credit Beyond Magenta and Gender Outlaws for helping me understand more about the perspective of my character Alex Fierro – and I trust that much of the human experience is universal. You can’t go too far wrong if you use empathy as your lens. But the reason I wrote Alex Fierro, or Nico di Angelo, or any of my characters, is much more personal.

I was a teacher for many years, in public and private school, California and Texas. During those years, I taught all kinds of kids. I want them all to know that I see them. They matter. I write characters to honor my students, and to make up for what I wished I could have done for them in the classroom.

I think about my former student Adrian (a pseudonym), back in the 90s in San Francisco. Adrian used the pronouns he and him, so I will call him that, but I suspect Adrian might have had more freedom and more options as to how he self-identified in school were he growing up today. His peers, his teachers, his family all understood that Adrian was female, despite his birth designation. Since kindergarten, he had self-selected to be among the girls – socially, athletically, academically. He was one of our girls. And although he got support and acceptance at the school, I don’t know that I helped him as much as I could, or that I tried to understand his needs and his journey. At that time in my life, I didn’t have the experience, the vocabulary, or frankly the emotional capacity to have that conversation. When we broke into social skills groups, for instance, boys apart from girls, he came into my group with the boys, I think because he felt it was required, but I feel like I missed the opportunity to sit with him and ask him what he wanted. And to assure him it was okay, whichever choice he made. I learned more from Adrian than I taught him. Twenty years later, Alex Fierro is for Adrian.

I think about Jane (pseudonym), another one of my students who was a straight cis-female with two fantastic moms. Again, for LGBTQ families, San Francisco was a pretty good place to live in the 90s, but as we know, prejudice has no geographical border. You cannot build a wall high enough to keep it out. I know Jane got flack about her family. I did what I could to support her, but I don’t think I did enough. I remember the day Jane’s drama class was happening in my classroom. The teacher was new – our first African American male teacher, which we were all really excited about – and this was only his third week. I was sitting at my desk, grading papers, while the teacher did a free association exercise. One of his examples was ‘fruit – gay.’ I think he did it because he thought it would be funny to middle schoolers. After the class, I asked to see the teacher one on one. I asked him to be aware of what he was saying and how that might be hurtful. I know. Me, a white guy, lecturing this Black teacher about hurtful words. He got defensive and quit, because he said he could not promise to not use that language again. At the time, I felt like I needed to do something, to stand up especially for Jane and her family. But did I make things better handling it as I did? I think I missed an opportunity to open a dialogue about how different people experience hurtful labels. Emmie and Josephine and their daughter Georgina, the family I introduce in The Dark Prophecy, are for Jane.

I think about Amy, and Mark, and Nicholas … All former students who have come out as gay since I taught them in middle school. All have gone on to have successful careers and happy families. When I taught them, I knew they were different. Their struggles were greater, their perspectives more divergent than some of my other students. I tried to provide a safe space for them, to model respect, but in retrospect I don’t think I supported them as well as I could have, or reached out as much as they might have needed. I was too busy preparing lessons on Shakespeare or adjectives, and not focusing enough on my students’ emotional health. Adjectives were a lot easier for me to reconcile than feelings. Would they have felt comfortable coming out earlier than college or high school if they had found more support in middle school? Would they have wanted to? I don’t know. But I don’t think they felt it was a safe option, which leaves me thinking that I did not do enough for them at that critical middle school time. I do not want any kid to feel alone, invisible, misunderstood. Nico di Angelo is for Amy, and Mark and Nicholas.

I am trying to do more. Percy Jackson started as a way to empower kids, in particular my son, who had learning differences. As my platform grew, I felt obliged to use it to empower all kids who are struggling through middle school for whatever reason. I don’t always do enough. I don’t always get it right. Good intentions are wonderful things, but at the end of a manuscript, the text has to stand on its own. What I meant ceases to matter. Kids just see what I wrote. But I have to keep trying. My kids are counting on me.

So thank you, above all, to my former students who taught me. Alex Fierro is for you.

So I’ve been re-reading PJO/HoO as well as more fanfiction of the series. I then went on Tumblr and went through my ships’ tags.

I noticed that people don’t like when you ship a canon gay character with that of the opposite sex (EX: Reyna/Nico). However they say nothing when it comes to shipping canon straight character with another character of the same sex (EX: Percy/Jason). I hope anyone who agrees with this (you know who you are) understands the hypocrisy in that belief.

A few months ago, I said on this blog that in my head PJO is an anime with a badass opening credits. I meant it quite literally, like I can actually picture this OP in my head, with all the shonen tropes like Percy walking around pretty backgrounds, cool fighting scenes with lots of camera movements and huge statues of the Gods standing ominously in the background, Nico standing in the rain till Reyna and Hazel and Jason come for him and a ray of sunshine breaks throught the clouds and light hits his hopeful face, GIMME ALL THE TROPES hahaha. Doing the whole opening would be impossible for a single person but I really wanted to try one big “shonen” group shot, so here you are !!! This actually took me AGES, I’m not kidding, the folder for this on my computer is named “batshit crazy ” for a reason, it may not look like it if you don’t know animation but a really huge amount of work went into this. I think it’s actually the biggest thing I ever did for a fandom. I can’t say how many hours I spent on it since I didn’t count, but let’s say I started this in September and spent a lot of week ends and most of my Christmas holidays on it, and I just finished it this week. I had a lot of fun though !!! And I learned a lot too, this was my first time trying to animate japanimation style, with not many in-betweens and ultra dynamic poses. So yeah, I hope you guys will like it !

I want to thank fimyuan and bisexualjason for keeping me motivated with their lovely comments through the project, even when I was complaining about my own decisions to animate friggin’ skeletons, hahaha. Another big thank you to my friend Wekake who went through the animation frame by frame and spotted all the little compositing mistakes that remained ;p

Holly: Hey! About the arabian-nights fanart, I was thinking~ Me: Holly no- Holly: what about the same setting, but a MadaTobi with Harem!Tobirama? Me: … like an undercover assassin ? Holly: I was more on the line of “we have to avoid a political marriage”, but, hey, why not both? Me: Oh no. Holly: *leave some drabble lying around* Me: Stop.

And here we are, so this is totally your ( @redhothollyberries) fault. And those drawing are for her <3

So Hashirama and Tobirama are the sons of a very important noble family. Hashirama is the favoured heir, while Tobirama prefers books to people. Against their wishes, Butsuma arranges a marriage for Tobirama with an older woman Tobirama despises - a hateful, sadistic person. Hashirama and he desperately try to find a way out of this marriage, but they find none without causing political repercussions that would hurt Tobirama. Or better, they find only one: for Tobirama to join Hashirama’s harem. By becoming one of Hashirama’s possessions, he becomes untouchable, and Butsuma can’t do anything. (Then, thankfully, he dies and the power passes to Hashirama.)

“They will think I am taking advantage of you,” Hashirama says, his brows furrowed. Tobirama smirks. “Of course they will think you’re fucking me - that’s kind of the point of having a harem.” His expression softens, and he takes Hashirama’s hand in his. “Hey, it doesn’t matter to me what they say. Let them talk - the more they gossip, the farther they will be from the truth.” “And what is the truth, Tobirama? That I shackled my brother to me and made him a whore?” Hashirama’s voice is full of frustration and helpless anger. They haven’t found any other solution, and short of escaping in exile, this is all they can do to save Tobirama’s freedom - by taking it away. “The truth is that you’re protecting me,” Tobirama says, smoothing down the blue silk of his trousers - his new garb, from now on. “You know it, I know it. Damn, Mito knows it, as does Touka. We know the truth - and to me, that is enough.” Hashirama hugs him, and for once Tobirama doesn’t squirm out of it as he usually does, but hugs him back. “Nothing will change between us, brother. You’ll protect me in the light, and I’ll protect you in the shadows.”

Actually, Tobirama’s life doesn’t change much, apart from the collar around his neck. His days are still filled with books and plotting - he’s the spymaster pulling the threads of everything hidden to protect his brother’s rule. He spends a lot of time with his brother, of course, and everyone think he’s Hashirama’s favourite concubine after his wife Mito. (He isn’t) There is little he wouldn’t do to help his brother, and soon discovers that his harem boy status gives him an advantage: people want what they can’t have, and if before Tobirama was mostly ignored, now he notices people lusting for him. And since thanks to the spies he controls he’s long since known that people are most vulnerable during sex, he finds a new way to get the intel he needs from the nobles who come to Hashirama’s court: he plays the concubine. Tobirama is eminently practical and doesn’t much care for the means he uses to achieve his goals - even if he is very careful not to flaunt his sexual exploits with Hashirama, whom he knows would only worry for him (but he’s fine, and he really doesn’t want to have that conversation). Then Uchiha Madara happens. Tobirama knows Hashirama and Madara are plotting to overthrow the sultan to stop the war from raging, but he doesn’t trust Madara not to stab his brother in the back - so he goes about drawing secrets from the Uchiha his usual way: with sex.

I’m happy for someone to adopt this. On second thought, someone please adopt this. Notes under the read more.

in which kakashi is a badass cop, obito is an environmentally-friendly reformed terrorist, and ‘can you pick up groceries’ is always a fight

iruka is just

why is this my life