top ten beings from the magnus archives i want to date
1. Helen Distortion- i love her so fuckign much id let her top me i want her to be my wife enough said
2. Michael Distortion- I love fuckhands mcmike,,,,, i love his voice and his laugh i would die for him
3. Jane Prentiss- i want to be infested by the hive!!! i want the worms. i have so much love and who better to share it with than worms. also jane’s hot
4. Gerry Keay- gender envy. need i say more? goth, likes arson, did i mention the gender part? perfect.
5. Tim Stoker- he’s hot. he's SO hot. also he’s funny and i imagine he has a really dopey adorable smile, you know? and i miss him.
6. Oliver Banks- ONE OF THE ONLY CANONICALLY HOT MEN IN THE WHOLE PODCAST. he is funny and cool and reminds me of kravitz adventurezone. i suppose that should earn him a higher ranking than six but i must leave my past self something
7. Nikola Orsinov- i hear your concern. “Isn’t it a mannequin?” “Isn’t it creepy and weird?” “Didn’t it kidnap Tim’s brother, who is above it on this list?” yes, yes, and unfortunately also yes but I’m willing to let bygones be bygones
8. Agnes Montague- girl hot, I’m lov, what else could be required
9. Jared Hopworth- he could give me so many bones oh my god i’d be unstoppable
10. Annabelle Cane- admittedly I am very, very afraid of spiders and do not like them at all but we all have to make sacrifices in life for the things we love and also dlkajlkghsaldkfj girl hot
